Teen Girls Report Abusive Boyfriends Try To Get Them Pregnant

[ThomCat]

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070920173421.htm

Wow. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. Guys try to get girls pregnant as a way of dominating and controlling them. :(

...................

Seven years ago, Elizabeth Miller was a volunteer physician in a community-based clinic in Boston, Mass., which offered confidential services to teens.

She is still haunted by the memory of a 15-year old girl who asked her for a pregnancy test. It was negative, but two weeks later the girl was treated for a severe head injury in a nearby emergency room. The girl's boyfriend had pushed her down a flight of stairs.

"I assumed all she needed was to be educated about her contraceptive options," Miller recalled. "Later, I wondered what I had missed. Could I have asked a question that would have identified that she was in an abusive relationship?"

That nagging question inspired Miller, now a pediatrician with UC Davis Children's Hospital, to dedicate her career to trying to understand the unique characteristics of adolescent partner violence.

[jaysunb]

1. African women are familiar with this tactic...

impregnating these women is considered part of the conquest long past the initial siege.
Same thing, different slant.....:evilfrown:

[Katherine Brengle]

2. Sigh. Indeed, it's just another control mechanism in abusive relationships.

Now I have to go look for the inevitable response(s) about how women love to trick men into getting them pregnant...

[shain from kane]

3. I'm calling bullshit on this one. Never knew a teenage guy that tried to get a teenage girl pregnant

for any reason. Always an accident.

[WildEyedLiberal]

4. Your friends probably weren't abusers

Abusers use any means available to them to gain control over another person - coercing unprotected sex in the hopes of conceiving a child - and thus tying the girl to the abuser for the rest of her life - seems like a pretty simple and effective method of physical and emotional control to me.

[ThomCat]

5. I used to know guys who bragged about getting girls pregnant.

In every case, they were guys who then walked away.

Some guys get girls pregnant as a way of proving that they're getting laid regularly and can get a girl pregnant. It's a macho thing, and I only found it among guys who were very concerned about always being "a real guy."

Though, that said, I don't think they were abusive. Assholes, and not even good boyfriends, but I hope not abusive.

[havocmom]

11. Have known serveral like that myself, observing daughter's old school chums

One lad was proud of his nick-name "The Impregnantor" Three pregnancies started by 19.

One young man had fathered three children by age 16.... muy macho. :eyes: He was a scrawny-ass kid with no sense of self or any confidence in anything but jumping girls. Not physically abusive as far as I knew, but a real mental abuser. He liked hurting girls' in their heads and hearts.

Know of several others via volunteer work. Sad cases. All the guys WERE control freaks and all were really pretty insecure.

We need to raise our children and not just age them. We also need better mental health care without stigma so people would be more inclined to get the help they need to live life better, raise their kids better, guide families better. This shit of just transferring problems to someone less powerful, be that a spouse or offspring, just has to stop.

[Turbineguy]

24. I worked with a guy

who was rather proud of the fact that he had fathered 27 children with different women. He had never given anything for support. His name was Adonis.

[raccoon]

42. Now I could give serious consideration to a mandatory vasectomy for somebody like that! nt

[Bucky]

8. 1- It's not always TEEN boys abusing teen girls; 2- abusers are less social, victims reclusive

There's lots of reasons why your personal experience does not reflect this particular social problem. Besides people in abusive relationships tending to be more socially withdrawn and the fact that a large number of teen pregnant girls are not getting pregnant with teen boys, another possibility to think about is that maybe some of hte young pregnant couples you know about do have some abuse in their lives, but just aren't publicizing this to the world. Part of the abuse involves the shame of allowing it to happen.

[Trillo]

56. Are you claiming that 'introverts' tend to be abusers?

"2- abusers are less social" and "people in abusive relationships tending to be more socially withdrawn"

It's possible I'm misunderstanding your words. It is well known that introverts are less social, so if you're claiming there's an increased incident of abuse by introverts, I'd love to see the studies, and precise statistical breakdown, that support this contention versus, or contrasted against, extroverts.

It wouldn't surprise me at all if introverts are somewhat more likely to be victims of abuse.

[Beaverhausen]

15. Why assume the boyfriend is also a teenager?

Lots of the minor 'girls' I know have boyfriends 5/10 years older than themselves.

[Mend]

18. as Freud said, "there are no mistakes"....maybe you mean no teenage boy

wants to take responsibility for marrying and/or supporting a wife and child.

[BlooInBloo]

21. Me either. But under 25 boys aren't known for their intellects, so it could well happen.

[etherealtruth]

28. Allow me to introduce you to the father of my oldest child ...

Granted he wasn't a teenager ... I was. His intention was to impregnate me and "force" me into marrying him ... it didn't work.

Perhaps an important fact is that my oldest child is now 25. I'm glad you don't know people like this ... just because you don't know someone that engages in this type of behavior doesn't mean they don't exist!

[AuntPatsy]

35. No bullshit, I have heard some young men say exactly that...

[bobbolink]

6. I see this as part and parcel of our increasingly sociopathic society.

We've come to the point that the more pain you can inflict, the more heroic you are.

Just look at a lot of the badgering replies right here on DU.

Inflict pain.

It makes you ever so powerful.

It's rampant, and takes many forms.

When will we all say "Enough"???

[Fresh_Start]

7. happens inside broken marriages as well

she OR HE can try to start a pregnancy to prevent the breakup.

[ThomCat]

9. This article isn't talking about getting pregnant to preserve a relationship.

It's talking about inflicting pregnancy as a form of control and abuse.

IMO, two entirely different things. Two entirely different motivations.

[Fresh_Start]

16. its talking about using pregnancy to trap a woman in

an abusive relationship. It happens inside marriages as well.

A woman without child who is ready to go for divorce will absolutely reassess whether she can divorce after she discovers she's pregnant. I'm not suggesting that she was stripped and tied to the bedposts, but an accidental on purpose pregnancy is a strong disincentive to divorce.

[ChickMagic]

22. That is so true

My abusive ex tried to get me pregnant. I cried the entire time. Fortunately for me, it didn't work. He told me no birth control because he had decided, as head of the household, to leave it in God's hands. I shudder when I remember that.

[Arkansas Granny]

25. Good for you that he's now an ex.

[ChickMagic]

26. It was a hard row to hoe

but I never looked back. I had to endure cancer treatments when I was with that asshole, and he told me that if I got sick again, I'd have to die because he wasn't going to lose his house. He tried to smother me in my sleep a couple of times because he didn't like the "sounds" I made. he was a Christian, by gawd, so I was supposed to be his helpmate. The day we married was the day he fired his maid.

Now I'm married to the bestest guy in the world. :loveya:

[orpupilofnature57]

10. A Misogynist move since the garden of Eden.

[ThomCat]

13. I certainly don't doubt that,

but I'm surprised with myself. I would never have imagined this as part of abusive behavior. In all my years of volunteer work, I've seen a hell of a lot.

I guess there's even more hell out there than I've seen.

[brentspeak]

12. Advice: Pick your boyfriends more carefully.

[ThomCat]

14. That's easy to say.

But most boyfriends don't show their manipulative and abusive sides until after they're in the relationship. In fact, one of the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is a slow, gradual change that cuts the one person off from friends and sources of support.

It's easy to be condescending and blame these girls for not choosing more carefully. Wouldn't it be nice if the world was that simple?

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

39. I think fuckwit is a bit strong.

I have known plenty of woman who picked one bad abusive boyfriend after another. It must be a psychosis or something simply because they really went out of their way to avoid normal guys. At some point a person has to take responsibility for the people they choose to associate with.


Anyone can have a bad relationship (of either sex) but there are people that clearly follow a self destructive pattern.

edit spelling

[raccoon]

43. "We are comfortable with the familiar, even if it is painful."

A friend who was a counselor told me that.

THese women are used to asshole abusive men. Probably starting with daddy and stepdaddy.

That's why they keep picking them. They need counseling to get out of this pattern.

Of course, some people get out of this pattern without counseling, and good for them.

[Katherine Brengle]

46. There are a lot of factors in a person's life that can cause this kind of decision making - it's

still the abuser's fault for abusing.

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

47. Not to start anything....

But I have always found it curious that we decide woman can't help it (being in an abusive relationship) and bear no responsibility for staying while the men are in complete control of their actions (being the abuser) and have 100% responsibility.

Sociopaths aside I think both parties are responsible and both parties need counseling to break bad patterns formed most often in childhood (These are not mutually exclusive.

[ThomCat]

49. That is total B.S.

If it was just a bad relationship, then sure, both people would be equally responsible.

But once one person starts abusing the other, one person is 100% responsible for being the abuser.

[Tian Zhuangzhuang]

53. Yes but the argument given is always.

It's not the womans fault she was raised to accept abuse. We are not talking about a one-off bad relationship here we are talking about a pattern of seeking out abuse.

I accept that a mental condition may make that person incapable of making sensible decisions for herself.

Yet when someone (man or woman) is consistently abusive (a behavior often as self destructive as seeking out abuse) we never look to their mental condition or childhood traumas to excuse them. They are always 100% responsible.

Doesn't it Infantize woman to say they are not responsible for their own behavior?

And if not why don't we infantize men the same way?


The sad reality is that the abusers would be out of business without acquiescing enabling partners.

They are both broken people.

[ThomCat]

54. Nobody seeks out abuse.

People seek out people they think they can relate to. People seek out someone who fits the norms that they know and grew up with. And they seek out someone who they think will love and understand them. Often they are wrong. But nobody says, "I want a boyfriend who will beat me."

No relationship is perfect, and almost all couples argue and fight. So there the only clear line in an abusive relationship is the abuse itself. Once someone chooses to commit abuse, the abuser is the one that crossed the line and the abuser is the one responsible for crossing that line.

The abuser chose to be violent, and there is no way around that. If you hit someone, or humiliate someone, or threaten someone, then you are totally responsible for your behavior. That kind of behavior is not an accident, and it's not a mistake.

I am not infantilizing anyone. I find it appauling that you are creating excuses for why women are guilty of the abuse that is inflicted upon them. I think it is disgusting that you are making excuses for abusers.

I think you are belittling women by claiming they're not smart enough to simply walk away. You're treating abusive situations as if they are so simple that only a fool or an idiot would stay. You're treating abusive situations as if htey are so simple that women CAN simply walk away. The implication is that women are fools and idiots.

Check your own assumptions.

[gollygee]

55. Her behavior isn't a problem

Her acceptance of the behavior of someone else is the problem.

The behavior that is bad is abuse. Abuse is the fault of the abuser. Abusers seek out people who will accept abuse.

[gollygee]

32. Men and women, girls and boys, behave differently when they're courting

then when they're comfortable in a relationship. You don't know 100% what will happen. There are usually signs but they're sometimes hard to see.

It isn't their fault they get abused.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

50. opinion: dumbass comments are more easily made than understanding complex issues.

[connecticut yankee]

17. Why do the girls stay with them?

Are they that desperate to have a man?

[ThomCat]

19. Have you ever been bullied?

I remember back in Junior High, the worst bullies would isolate people. Once people knew you were being bullied nobody would talk to you anymore. If they talked to you or got involved they would only get some of that abuse too.

Abusive relationships are like that too, only worse. Once an abuser has alientated you from your friends, eliminated any space you had to step away and get some perspective, creating the sense that it's somehow your fault, and/or made you dependent upon them in any way then it becomes much more difficult than just walking away.

[Ilsa]

20. Once they have a baby, the father may decide to exercise his parental

rights, even if she doesn't want to be around him. She can't get rid of him unless she can prove he is abusive. So she will probably have contact with him until the child is grown. Her other choice is abortion, and not all girls believe it is the right thing to do. Adoption cannot happen unless the man gives up his parental rights.

[NashVegas]

27. Messed Up Families - #1 Cause, IMO

Miller's study is based on interviews with 61 girls from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds with a known history of intimate partner violence living in the poorest neighborhoods in Boston.

Low-income, impoverished families, even when they aren't headed by a single parent, have so much to think about just to keep food on the table, roofs over their heads, etc., etc, that taking the time to instill self-respect, and showing their kids what *good* love is about, it isn't in the cards. As a product of such a family, my experience was that my custodial parent didn't have any idea that it should be.

[Katherine Brengle]

31. See my post #30.

[gollygee]

33. There are a thousand reasons why they might stay

If women get killed, it's usually right when they're leaving a relationship. This is a real threat and a reasonable fear.

If they grew up in an abusive family it might be all they know.

The abuse usually starts small and escalates so you don't always see what you're in until you're trapped in some way, for instance pregnant with no means of supporting yourself and a child (see OP).

And the list could go on for a long time if you have any imagination at all.

Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

[Trillo]

57. I'm glad you brought this up, or, Ain't Darwin's evolution Grand?

"If they grew up in an abusive family it might be all they know."

Domineering and abusive boyfriends who become dads are certainly a dysfunctional model for their child to learn from.

It seems that nature favors the most aggressive and mean as an evolutionary survival strategy, perhaps both from DNA, as well as learned behavior, standpoints.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

51. are you joking?

[connecticut yankee]

58. Absolutely not!

[Scout]

60. why do the men abuse them?

that is the question to be asked, and then

why does society accept the abusive behavior of men and then blame women for it?

[verse18]

23. I was working with a 16yo who was in an abusive relationship

Her boyfriend was a neighborhood thug and she had gotten pregnant by him. She had to be on bed rest prior to the birth because he was abusing her so badly that her blood pressure had gone up and the stress was putting the baby at risk. I began working with her a few weeks after they lost their baby. The baby only lived for 5 days due to some genetic disorder and the day the baby died, her boyfriend assaulted her in the hospital and had to be taken out by security. She told me that her boyfriend told her she HAD to stay because she had gotten pregnant by him.

She eventually dropped out of therapy, but was still with this guy. The last I heard she was pregnant again even after the doctor told both her and her parents that she and her boyfriend should never have children together because it was likely that any child they had would die as well.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

29. "she HAD to stay because she had gotten pregnant by him."

Oy vey, that is just so awful. :cry:

But why should we be surprised? That's what patriarchal "family values" are all about: Keep her barefoot and pregnant and trapped with her master. :grr:

[MountainLaurel]

34. Sounds about right

That article took me back to high school, where I spent three years waiting for a good friend's boyfriend, and the father of her child, to make good on his threats to kill her.

[bliss_eternal]

36. omg...

...:scared:

[MountainLaurel]

37. Yep.

It was the standard dating violence story: girl from a troubled background (father dead, mother with issues, poor) meets handsome, older guy. I think after her father's death, she was looking for a strong male in her life who could provide the security her mother didn't. He starts by cutting her off from her friends and making comments about what she wore and how much makeup she had on. The comments turned into commands, and the isolation turned into prohibiting her from speaking to friends on the phone. (We first got scared when he burned all of her middle school notes from her best friend, mementos she kept in a shoebox under the bed.) Then, she got pregnant. The baby became his bargaining chip: "Do this, or I'll hurt the baby." Or, "If you call the police, I'll take the baby and you'll never see her again." Not that doing what he said kept him from hurting the baby. Or that the police would be any help: The time she did call the police, with bruises in the shape of handprints around her throat, the local constabulary told her that she had made her bed by getting pregnant at 15 and now she had to lie in it. Her told her what to wear (no pants, and little makeup). I remember writing "Hello (insert friend's name here)" on her notebook during class one day, and her panicking because he might see it and think it was from a guy.

It ended when he tried to kidnap her and the baby and run her mother over with the car when she tried to stop him. The county sheriff's office was involved instead of the town cops, and he was charged with several felonies. In exchange for the charges being dropped, he agreed to sign away custody of their daughter to my friend and swear that he'd never contact her again.

[bliss_eternal]

38. Wow.

He sounds psychotic. You must have been terrified for your friend, and her baby.
I'm sorry that you both went through that. It's so scary to have a friend going through that.

I hope that he's stayed away from her, per his custody agreement (and for the charges to be dropped). Her child is better off without that sort of influence in their lives. :hug:

[ThomCat]

41. What kind of world do we live in when

it's the whim of the officer whether she gets help or not. :(

I hope she and her daughter have much better lives now. Do you still know them?

[MountainLaurel]

52. Not really

I left my hometown for college (moving all of 30 miles away) and then moved farther away after I graduated. I think I ran into her once at Wal-Mart (yes, yes, I know) a few years ago, and it looked like things were not all that great: Bleach blond hair, needing her mother to take her to work.

[AZBlue]

40. It's also a status symbol and proof of your "manhood" in some areas.

Around here, that's a big thing - the more babies you've fathered, the "cooler" you are.

[Odin2005]

44. My question: WTF was she doing staying with such an asshole of a boyfriend?

Why didn't she just dump the asshole?

[ThomCat]

45. There are a whole lot of posts above

about the reasons why someone sometimes stays in an abusive relationship. It is rarely by choice.

[LynneSin]

48. Thank goodness for the "Abstinence-Only" education from the Bush gang - we know that works...

:sarcasm:

[Iris]

59. or, thank god for over the counter emergency contraception.

No girl should be without them.