Missed it on original broadcast, but found
this one delightful:
New Rule: We may never know what the World Trade Center meant to our enemies, but our inability to build anything on the site in six years symbolizes our national head-up-the-ass. You know, it took two years to build the Eiffel Tower. In the 1880s. By hand. By French guys, while screwing their mistresses. Of course we can't rebuild Iraq. We can't get shit done in Soho!
And while we're on the subject, New Rule: Crazy people who still think the government brought down the Twin Towers in a controlled explosion have to stop pretending that I'm the one who's being naïve. How big a lunatic do you have to be to watch two giant airliners packed with jet fuel slam into buildings on live TV, igniting a massive inferno that burned for two hours, and then think, well, if you believe that was the cause… Stop asking me to raise this ridiculous topic on the show and start asking your doctor if Paxil is right for you.
New Rule: Stop bitching that Apple cut the price of the iPhone. Early adopters always pay a premium. "Early adopters" being a business term meaning "dipshits who stand in line for six hours... for a freaking phone. It's not a price cut. It's a repeal on the "Nerd Tax." If you didn't have to be the first on your block to have the latest gizmo, you'd now have an extra $200 to spend on your imaginary girlfriend.
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