You need a vacation, so I am declaring myself pResident. An open letter to George Bush

[Bjorn Against]

Dear George,

It seems you have been having a tough time on the job the last couple years, and I have decided that you deserve a break. It is hard work being pResident, and you need to go clear some brush on the ranch for a while. I will in fill in for you as pResident while you are gone.

Now don't worry about the fact that I am not elected, you have already proved that doesn't matter. All you have to do is put in a good word to the Supreme Court for me and we will be good to go. We don't have to worry about any of that democracy crap while these guys are on the bench.

And you don't have to worry about a thing George, I will continue all of your policies while you are away. I can guarantee that by the time you come back everyone will know that you really meant what you said and you will regain your popularity again.

How am I going to do this you might ask? Well, I am going to have you live under your own policies.

That is right George, I am going to tap your phone without a warrant. I know you are a big supporter of warantless wiretapping so I am sure you will welcome my tap on your phone. Like your administration has always told us, if we haven't done anything wrong we don't have anything to worry about right?

Aside from the wiretap I will also put you on a no fly list for purely political reasons just as you have done to many anti-war activists. You will be OK with that step though, because you understand we are at war and that sometimes the pResident needs to stand up and protect the American people even if it inconveniences some.

And don't worry George, I will make one exception to that no fly rule and I will allow you to get on a flight to Iraq. I know you are getting up there in age, but I understand you were too busy snorting coke in your younger years and you weren't able to make it to Vietnam even though you really wanted to go. I am going to give you another chance to show your patriotism though by allowing you to go to Iraq. I am going to let you show America that you mean it when you tell us how well our troops are treated. I am going to let you ride in the same Humvees the troops ride in so you can prove the armor really is safe. Don't worry George if you get injured you will get treated at the premier facility your administration has overseen, Walter Reed Medical Center. You will be back on the field in no time, and looking like a hero to the American people as you march out from Walter Reed and onto the front lines with your machine gun again. I will even let you wear your cod piece just like you did when you declared Mission Accomplished, when people see that bulge they will know that you are a real man defending America from the evildoers and they will love you.

So now you can go George, spend a couple weeks clearing brush on your ranch while I listen to your phone calls and prevent you from flying anywhere. After you have that couple weeks off you will be well rested to go fight the evil-doers. I will watch over things here, as our new decider I will ensure you are treated exactly the same as you have treated the American people. Considering how well you tell us everything is going under your administration I am sure you will enjoy your time off when you can finally realize just what it feels like to be an American living under your policies.

Enjoy your time off.

Sincerely,
Your new pResident