Two days ago, I started taking care of my parents nearly full time....

[WTF cubed]

Full time.

Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer two weeks ago. They went in and got it all. Two nights later, she had congestive heart failure. They "cathed" her and all turned out well.

Dad. 76, has turned into a basket case.
I'm happy I can spend the time with them that I need to, but it makes me worry so much about those without good insurance and the means to live without an income.

MM was so right in his "Sicko" that it really rings true to me today.

God help us all under the current administration and mindset of "I've got mine, so fuck you."

Peace.

[madokie]

1. I commend you

Welcome to DU

[WTF cubed]

7. thanks, I've been here for quite some time.

Peace. It's a tough time for me at the moment.

[Faygo Kid]

2. AARP has some good resources for family caregivers. Here's the link.

Worth checking out some of the info and resources here. Best wishes to you.
http://www.aarp.org/families/
And especially here:
http://www.aarp.org/families/caregiving/

[LWolf]

3. I would like a big enough house

to house all my extended family, if and when necessary. There's not many of us. Me, my mother, my two sons, my grandson. It seems more natural to live together and support each other than to try to maintain separation, or send our elderly or infirm to official facilities for care.

I expect I've got another decade, at most, and then will move my mom in with me. I'd like to have at least one son here, too, so that the extra care for an elder doesn't fall on just one person. Love and care, spread among more, is better.

Right now I have son, grandson, and son's SO living at my place. I prefer living alone, to be honest, but we respect each other's space and it helps us both financially to pool resources.

[Warpy]

21. My parents did NOT want to live with me

Their independence was very important to them.

[Raven]

4. Prayers for you and your folks...and some advice.

I'm sure others here will tell you the same thing. What you are doing is very stressful. You must take care of yourself too or you will be no good to your parents. Try to get some respite. There are agencies that will provide you with a break even for a few hours. Ask friends and relatives if you can for a few hours coverage so that you can have some time for you.

One thing I noticed when I was with my folks was that time slowed down. Everything took longer, they did things at a much slower pace that I was used to. It's an adjustment.

You are doing a wonderful thing and a very difficult thing but you will never regret it.

[WTF cubed]

9. 'God, tell me about it... Once I found out Mom was going home...

I went to my house and drank three gin and tonics and I really am not known as a drinker.

If I make it through this... Hell, I'll run for congress. :)

[OzarkDem]

12. Good for you

Hang in there and if it helps, post here for friendship and sympathy.

[aquart]

13. My mom just went thru three years of it with my uncle

and his senile wife. Then he died and my aunt went into a care facility.

I can't even begin to describe the level of exhaustion after the funeral. We're still not recovered and it was in February.

You have to find time for yourself. Find some way to get out, get time off, like any other worker would be required to have. You won't get that much, but try.

And anytime you need to vent, which should be often, we will listen. Welcome to DU.

[WTF cubed]

26. Thanks, Aquart. I think that's exactly what I'm doing.

I have spent two weeks hanging around the local hospital and things have been slapping me in my face regarding healthcare.

We are lucky, but there are so many that are not. If we didn't have cash, she would have died. and we do have insurance but they wanted cash up front for the colonoscopy that found her tumor.

[Mz Pip]

18. It is stressful

My mom lived with us the last 7 years of her life. During this time my sons went through middle school/high school. I believe the term the counselor I saw gave it was "sandwiched." I was hell of stressed out as I had a full time job I hated, too.

But you're doing the right thing. I can't imagine what it must be like for the elderly who have no family who are willing to take some time and help them out. It must be very sad and depressing.

Make the time to do things you enjoy.

Good luck. Your parents are lucky to have you. :-)

Mz Pip
:dem:

[lpbk2713]

5. Welcome to DU. I wish the circumstances surrounding your arrival were better.

I wish you strength and endurance for the road ahead of you and I hope your parents fare as well as possible.

And you're right about the privileged few in the BushCo Regime. Did you see the recent Condi Rice thread?

[grasswire]

6. take care of yourself, too

You have a big load right now. Be sure to use all the resources available, and pursue your own interests too.

Out of curiosity, did your mom have symptoms? What happened?

[WTF cubed]

25. It hit out of the blue... She thought she was having an appendicitis attack.

They had just driven 500 miles to go to her husband's 60th high school reunion in KCMO.

I was taking care of their dogs at home and knew nothing until they got home and said they had been in the hospital there and had promised to only come home for a colonoscopy. That's when they found a large tumor that was not benign. They went in the next day and removed several feet of her colon and surrounding lymph nodes as well as her gall bladder.

Thene she had her heart attack.

I'm headed over there now to fix dinner. Low sodium & fat. We're going vegan. :)

[TahitiNut]

8. Welcome to our $257 billion "industry."

:-( In my 5th year of ADL caregiver for my mother. (Hangin' in there.)

I just love the difference between 'value' and income.

[tularetom]

14. Welcome to DU -take some time out to post here

Sounds like you're gonna be busy. You've taken on a big responsibility. An occasional break could be what you'll need.

Whoops - meant to reply to OP.

[Cleita]

10. You are a wonderful child to look after your parents. Think of

the elderly who don't have anyone to look after them. I too was a caregiver for my husband, an unpaid one, like you probably are. I wonder if the neo-cons realize how much people like you actually save the government in elderly care. Yet, you are willing to do so because you have the help of Medicare and Social Security covering your parents that and ease the burden. What if you had to pay for all of that too? Yet, there are those in power who are trying to do just that end all entitlement programs and shift the burden to the families of the elderly.

Welcome to DU and I hope that all works out well for you and your family.

[bonito]

11. K&R n/t

[jillan]

15. There are alot of agencies that will help

even if you don't have insurance.


There are nursing agencies, medical equipment companies...
Alot of resources.

Been in your shoes. There is nothing more rewarding than helping someone you love
during these times.

[EFerrari]

16. Welcome, WTF and strength to you.

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

17. My family is going through something similar...sigh

My Dad has MS (for the past 30 yrs) and almost died 3 weeks ago from a severe infection. A little over a week ago, my Mother, who cannot speak and is progressing somewhat poorly, was diagnosed with ALS. My Brother (age 25) is taking care of them, save for when he's at work during the day. I'm doing long-distance care, as in calling and emailing Drs and the MDA. It's taking quite a toll on all of us. x(

:hug:

[WTF cubed]

31. I'm so sorry.;.

I hope nothing but the best for you and yours. That sounds like a terrible situation to live through.

[Warpy]

19. Been there, done that

and I agree. My parents had the means to afford help at home 3 mornings a week, so I wasn't needed until my mother became incontinent and completely bedridden at the very end. I quit my RN job, threw my cats, my computer, and most of my summer clothing into my truck and drove from NM to Florida to take up temporary residence.

I was lucky that my dad was able to enjoy a bachelor existence for 2 1/2 years after she went until it was his time, too. I knew he was failing toward the end, but I wanted him to keep his independence as long as he could.

I don't know what I'd have done had they not been well off except give up my own life completely and moved in there permanently 4 years ago. Even that would have been preferable to the situation many of my friends face, trying to cope long distance because they're still raising children.

If one thing about Medicare needs to be changed, it's their attitude toward home care. Home care is much more economical than nursing home care, but Medicare favors the latter. It puts too many families into a terrible situation, forcing the well spouse to consider divorce to protect half the assets from the needs of the ill spouse.

It is a horrible system and is overdue for change.

[bonito]

20. Every caregiver needs this

http://www.nfcacares.org/ Go there and sign up for their news letter there is NOTHING out there if you don't have financial resources and feel that you are the one that is keeping your loved one alive, I'm in that position and have been for years but the NFCA has a news letter that comes out a couple time a year and its soooo special to me, it gives me "validation" a term and concept I learned from a DU member here, I actually hide it because it reflects just about everything I'm going through I don't want others to know about, I read it a bit at a time because I just get overwhelmed looking in.
I highly recommend this every to everyone who finds themselves a caregiver, and yes it is by choice.

[Lars39]

23. Do you know if there a DU forum for caregivers?

Or a forum already being used that way? If not, it'd be great if there were.
Looks like there's a lot of us in this role.

[bonito]

27. Only problem with this

I for one would not want my wife to see what I'm going through even though I choose to do what I do.
It's not easy, above and beyond doesn't come close.
I don't look for just rewards after this life, the matter is I am life, and for that I will support Life at any cost.

[Lars39]

30. I didn't think of that.

:hug:

[Nite Owl]

22. My mom had colon cancer

unfortunately it was late when it was diagnosed. She had just moved back to NY to live with us shortly before she was diagnosed. It was very difficult without doubt but this time we had was in a way a gift. It was a time to spend many hours talking together and being able to give back something to her.

I hope that your parents do well.
This administration, conservatism, is really pro suffering!

Welcome to DU WTF cubed!

[CTyankee]

24. My mother wouldn't leave Texas to come and live with me in CT so I

and her very best friend talked to her about Assisted Living. She had no chronic illness but was 90 and getting frail. My brother who lived with her had had a stroke and was in a nursing home. Her friend, my daughter and I got her situated in a lovely AL facility. They were able to get her meds to her regularly and help her with her shower. Her weight had slipped down dangerously when she was alone, but in AL she really thrived. I was going down to see her every 3 months and was in charge of all of her finances. When my brother died unexpectedly mother just gave up. She had a fall and was never the same after. She died peacefully and gently and I was able to be with her for her passage. She was 94.

I wish you the best in this part of your life. It is important to do what you can do, but do take care of yourself. Good luck, dear. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[WTF cubed]

29. Thank you so much and my heart goes out to you... Thank you all

that have answered this post.

Yes, these are hard times at the moment but they are a part of life which is a terminal disease. So many answers to this post from others that have gone through similar circumstances have given me so much great food for thought.

Thank you... And thank you DU for giving me this forum to vent a little.

Peace to you all.

[bigwillq]

28. Wishing the best of luck to you

and your family. :hug:

[brentspeak]

32. Prayers for you and your parents