***DUzy Awards for week ending June 8, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jun-08-07 05:32 PM
Original message

Edited on Fri Jun-08-07 05:53 PM by JeffR

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring great goofiness, gargantuan giggles and giddy gallimaufry from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The al-dente DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to undeterred, babylonsister, wryter2000, Buzz Clik, Kurovski, idgiehkt, tjwash, fooj, krispos42, SaveOurDemocracy, ih8thegop, Greyskye, eridani, AZDemDist6 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

*** RIP, Dale 'Monkeyman' Peters ***

This should have appeared last week:

On a thread by undeterred:

      Is there anything your employer doesn't have the right to know about you?
:shrug:

response #7 by Omphaloskepsis:

      depends..
If I drive a forklift in a busy whorehouse they should know if I hit the bottle on my lunch break.

If I like to hump people of the same gender.. None of their fucking business.

Shades of gray. And all that.

response #10 by undeterred:

      they use forklifts in whorehouses?

response #17 by Demeter:

      Obesity is THE National Epidemic!

response #22 by fiziwig:

      Number of freckles on my winky-dink. (nt)

response #27 by Balbus:

      Everybody already knows that.

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1007419

On a thread by MilesColtrane:

      Poppy breaks down slobbering again.
... There was a story on the ABC Evening News that showed the dedication of the new Billy Graham library in N. Carolina.
Jimma Carter, Bubba, and Poppy were all on hand to fete Jesus' Right Hand Pompadoured Man.

We were treated to about 7 seconds of video of Carter's and Clinton's speeches.

Then they showed GHB Bush start to speak and he just started blubbering uncontrollably.

Whatever meds he's on ain't working.

It must be tough, knowing that you were the most powerful man in the world at one point.
Now the inevitable gaping maw of the grave is approaching as the years go by and your legacy will be for one thing, and one thing only: The Worst President in the History of the United States was spawned from your loins...

response #2 by cynatnite:

      The man is just getting old...I think that's a lot of it...
plus everyone's so mean to his boy.

response #5 by Kurovski:

      Now you've made me feel guilty.
I hereby promise to be 4% less mean to his l'il one.

response #7 by cynatnite:

      I'm holding you to that...
you can't call him any names for the next five minutes. :rofl:

Good luck.

response #9 by Kurovski:

      Just calibrating the time here...
hold on...

response #10 by Kurovski:

      George Bush...
is a sour-pickle-peckered mother fucker.

Now prove me wrong.

response #3 by Bluebear:

      La Petite Quartet of DU plays "My Heart Cries For You"
:nopity:
:nopity:
:nopity:
:nopity:

response #44 by Sentinel Chicken:

      Crying?!! There's no crying in world domination.
:nopity:

Many other riotous responses and some priceless visuals:

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1022803

On a thread by Herman Munster:

      The 60-storey house for just one family
"... India's richest man, Mukesh Ambani, is planning a palace in the heart of Mumbai with helipad, health club, hanging gardens and six floors of car parking..."

response #2 by Gabi Hayes:

      didn't he buy it from Edwards' barber?

response #5 by bluerum:

      Isn't Edwards barber Clintons barber too? eom

response #11 by Gabi Hayes:

      Kerry's, too. And she's....
French!

response #22 by KamaAina:

      No, silly. He bought it from the Edwards themselves.
after he promised to change out all the lightbulbs to compact fluorescents.

:sarcasm: :sarcasm: :sarcasm:

response #25 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Jerk stole my idea.

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1022803

On a thread by AnOhioan:

      Connecticut Senate Leader Arrested
"HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) -- A legislative leader was arrested Friday on charges that he tried to have a businessman at the center of a federal racketeering probe arrange to rough up someone the senator believed was abusing a relative..."

response #1 by xchrom:

      a republican. -- that says it all.

response #8 by jollyreaper2112:

      correct
If it was a Dem he would have asked the thug to send a strongly worded letter with non-binding benchmarks.

LBN, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2867223

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

Faith playing larger role in 2008 race

response #10 by otohara:

Rudy "I considered becoming a priest"
but then I got horny and married my cousin.

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, a Catholic who says he gave serious consideration as a young man to becoming a priest, is fending off critics who say he should be denied the sacrament of communion because he supports abortion rights.

GDP, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3294750

On a thread by Quixote1818:

      Thompson: "A lazy son of gun who would say at two in the afternoon, 'I'm done.'
"'The consensus seemed to be that he didn't like to work real hard, but was good to have on your team,' said a Senate Republican aide.

A veteran lobbyist said: 'He was viewed as a lazy son of gun who would say at two in the afternoon, 'I'm done.' Can you name one major piece of legislation he authored? I can't...'"

response #1 by Kutjara:

      Following in the proud tradition of...
Ronnie "Naptime" Reagan and George W. "Nintendo Time" Bush. Another workshy Republican. How very shocking.

response #6 by TahitiNut:

      Well, there're Tennesee Walking Horses and there're
... Tennesee Lazy Asses, I guess. :silly:

response #13 by Lastlaughin08:

      Maybe he could start his naps at 7am
and not screw up the rest of the world like Bush does.

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1024149

OP by MN Against Bush::

Freeper Science 101: Billions of Years of Climate Cycles on a 6,000 Year Old Earth
Hello fellow Freepers, my name is Hugh and I am a graduate of No Chyld Leafed Behind. Today I am going to edukate you so you can debate the librul morans who need to get a brane.

You see these liberals claim that we have all evolved from apes, but us Freepers have consistently proved them wrong. The liberals may have evolved, but Darwin never had to explain us because we were hiding away from the heathens in the scientific community. Recently however we sent two great scientists to prove once and for all that we have not evolved.

As soon as the scientific community saw these men many people who previously believed in evolution started to have second thoughts, as these men provided them with undeniable proof that they had not evolved at all since the time they were riding on dinosaurs.

Of course they can't ride their dinosaurs anymore, because the liberals who hate our freedom are hiding the existence of dinosaurs today and forcing us conservatives to hide our pet dinosaurs in our garages. As our extremely credible source Conservapedia tells us:

* Creationists cite a number of reasons to believe that dinosaurs have existed until relatively recent times, and perhaps still survive.

* There have been a number of claimed sightings of dinosaur-like creatures.

We have proof that humans coexisted with dinosaurs but the liberals refuse to acknowledge this proof, even as we broadcast images of dinosaurs and humans coexisting on television sets across America. Here is one picture taken by a scientist named Hannah Barbarra that proves that dinosaurs and humans did once live together peacefully:

But the liberals are unwilling to accept the truth behind this image, but fortunately we have a person named Michael Crichton to give us an even more compelling lesson in science. Crichton has been bringing important issues to the public's attention for a long time. He not only showed us that dinosaurs do still exist in Jurassic Park, but he also gave us a great glimpse of what a Republican convention looks like in the climax of Congo. Lately however he has moved away from dinosaurs and Republican conventions to take on another issue, global warming.

Crichton knows that the climate of our 6,000 year old Earth has been going through climate cycles for billions of years. Crichton also knows that all the scientific evidence that points to the reality of global warming is all fake, instead he gives a more credible theory as to what is happening:

A nefarious liberal organization reminiscent of the Natural Resources Defense Council is about to hold an international conference on global warming. At the same time, they're also masterminding the calving of an enormous Antarctic iceberg, a series of lightning-triggered Arizona flash floods and a tidal wave aimed right for the Cirque du Soleil tents on Santa Monica Beach. (A killer Caribbean hurricane is also threatened, but called off at the last minute. It's obvious a thriller's in trouble when the most cinematic thing about it is the way most of a vestigial subplot is left on the cutting-room floor.)

That's right, the scientists are wrong it is not the climate which causes extreme weather conditions, it is liberals. The liberals are planning to send hurricanes and tidal waves after you so you will think that global warming is real. It is all a huge conspiracy, and the giant machines that are in the liberals possession are about to be used to start a flood in the Arizona desert. This is good credible science, and I am sure that one day the giant weather machine that the Natural Resources Defense Council owns will be exposed for all to see.

To wrap things up, us Freepers must go out and convince the public that while climate change may have been happening for billions of years on our 6,000 year old planet, it is not happening now. No, now it is the weather machine we have to worry about. We must destroy the weather machine and liberate the dinosaurs!

GOD BLESS AMURICA!!!!!!

Click the link & savor the perfectly chosen visuals.

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1024401

On a thread by ncteechur:

The media (Tweety) should shut up about Hillary not reading
the NIE reports. * didn't read them either.

response #1 by MannyGoldstein:

Clinton: No Worse Than Bush!
That'll make a super campaign slogan.

GDP, June 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3295904

OP title by proud2Blib:

Asshole injured while riding bull
"ACTOR Stephen Baldwin, nursing a broken shoulder and rib from a reality-TV rodeo accident, said on Friday the bull that threw him to the ground in four seconds was more fierce than he had expected..."

The Lounge (moved from GD), June 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6570602

OP by Cant trust em:

      Is there a Republican Underground?
I'm curious to see what the other side has to say. And what forums do they have on this site? We have stuff like environment, labor, poverty. I bet that they have wealth creation, illegal wars, how to kick poor people.

response #1 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      There Are Quite A Few Of Them. Reagan For One, Ummmm, Who Else....

response #3 by Heaven and Earth:

      No, no, they merged the "kicking poor people" forum with

the "destroying natural habitats" forum to create the "how to make helpless things suffer without anyone noticing or caring" forum.

response #4 by DBoon:

      It's called "Hell"
It is a very hot place. Smells like burning sulphur.

response #8 by CJCRANE:

      Republican Underground
is Cheney in his bunker.

GD, June 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1025487

OP by Philosoraptor:

      How about a Museum of Stupidity?
Last week the wacky creationists opened another museum to prove creationism and disprove evolution or 'Darwinism', so I think we should invest multiple millions to create the Museum of Human Stupidity, dedicated to all things stupid and the amazing power of stupidity.

Stupidity makes the world go round, and it certainly permeates all phases of modern life. The museum would have wings devoted to stupid inventions, like exercise equipment that's never used, stupid t.v. shows, of which there are uncountable millions, stupid celebrities, also in endless supply, and stupid beliefs.

Of course our stupid president would have his own wing, with tons of stupid bush quotes, and the stupid neo con political ideas wing. The average American could take interactive tests to see exactly how stupid they are in comparison with the vast herds of lack wits that roam the plains.

The hall of stupid fads would be very popular, and the stupid art and music wing too. Stupid architecture, stupid sports, stupid science and stupid psychology would also be featured, every stupid thing you could think of would be displayed and studied by the stupid masses in one easy to find stupid location, say, Washington, D.C.

I could spend long hours in the stupid slogans wing, reading phrases like, 'We have to fight them over there so they don't follow us home and we have to fight them here', or, 'We must continue the senseless slaughter to honor those who've died already', or, 'They hate us for our freedoms', etc.

The idea of a Museum of Stupidity might seem at first stupid to some, but then they are building a multi million dollar g.w. bush library, and what could possibly be stupider than that? Maybe the g.w. bush library IS the Museum of Stupidity!

response #4 by SaveElmer:

      It's called RNC Headquarters...nt

response #7 by sfexpat2000:

      We already have an executive branch. n/t

GD, June 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1026764

On a combined thread by whopis01 & spotbird:

      Report: Feds arrest 4 in alleged JFK airport plot

response #90 by Lerkfish:

      but...but...I thought we were fighting them over there so they wouldn't come here....
:sarcasm:

response #91 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      Prediction:
Four guys will spend a few years in jail. Ultimately, this case will fall apart like a cheap suit in the spin cycle. They will be convicted on some bullshit, face-saving, much-reduced charges, like conspiracy to commit mopery.

LBN, June 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2867780

On a thread by babsbunny:

Moqtada al-Sadr: The man America has in its sights

response #1 by Bitwit1234:

If he walked on stilts and changed his name
to bin laden, this administration wouldn't bother him.

GDP, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3297476

On a thread by derby378:

      Sam Donaldson: George W. Bush "is not an evil man" - WTF?!?

response #4 by Mendocino:

      Is this a Colbert question?
Colbert-b**h: evil or most evil?
Donaldson-not evil
Colbert-ah, so he's most evil?

response #7 by derby378:

      Cokie Roberts talks like she should be hosting GET UP, FRESNO instead
She sounds like her brains have been sucked out of her right ear.

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1032128

OP by wyldwolf:

More startling Hillary revelations from Bernstein: People suspected an affair with Vince Foster!
Noooo! Really? We sure haven't heard THAT before! Oh, and people thought universal healthcare was just a crazy idea!

Wonder what page the lesbian implication rears it's head?...

response #10 by Buzz Clik:

I heard a rumor that Marilyn Monroe was boinking JFK. Say it isn't so!

GDP, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3297427

On a thread by Herman Munster:

Hillary's other Man (Bernstein gossips about Hillary's relationship with Vince Foster in book)

response #4 by SheWhoMustBeObeyed:

Another book about the Clenis
Oh sure, Bernstein tries to make it sound like he's writing about the Clagina.

But like so many of his media buddies, he just can't stop thinking about the Clenis.

That's why this book won't hurt Senator Clinton. In the end, it's really not about her, but him.

I'll give Carl one benefit of the doubt: maybe he's just trying to figure out how to cheat on his wife without the costly divorce.

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1031375

OP by kiki:

      "Scientists don't know why a compass points north."
Heard this little gem from some vile "Christian" charlatan on Genesis, one of those wacky cable channels dedicated to churning out bigotry and taking sanctimoinous chumps for every penny they've got. It was offered without any qualification, explanation or evidence.

Yes my friends, the evil homo-lesbo-communo-islamo-judaeo-liberal conspiracy of "magnetic north" is as false as evolution, carbon dating and the idea that the earth revolves around the sun.

The real reason a compass points north, apparently, is that God's thone is situated at the north end of heaven. Or space. Or something.

response #4 by peekaloo:

      Gee whiz, everybody knows about Santa's magnetic pole!!!!
It's why we celebrate his B-Day every year! :dunce:

response #9 by antifaschits:

      luckily Mrs. Santa has an opposite charge
otherwise, how would they have had all those elves?

response #12 by peekaloo:

      Blasphemer! Those elves are snowflake babies!
:crazy:

response #15 by Aviation Pro:

      Haysus Marimba....
...it's as if they think everything happens by magic. Well, this is what happens when you substitute several addictions during one's formative high school years (drugs, alcohol) for the big addiction (religion). (I'm not even going to waste my bandwidth on polarity, lines of flux, magnetic variation and dip or the molten iron core of the earth...oops, I just did).

response #47 by EstimatedProphet:

      Oh yeah? Well, scientists don't know why things fall down either!
Or why leaves are green! Or why there's seasons, or why ice floats, or...

Wait, yes they do.

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1031550

On a thread by brentspeak:

Blatant hit piece on Democrats from the AP
"By ANDREW TAYLOR, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - After promising unprecedented openness regarding Congress' pork barrel practices, House Democrats are moving in the opposite direction as they draw up spending bills for the upcoming budget year..."

response #3 by Lobster Martini:

From the same writer on April 17
First paragraph: “Under pressure from GOP conservatives, the chairman of the Senate Appropriations Committee announced new rules Tuesday to overhaul the way lawmakers send taxpayer dollars to their districts and states.”

GOP conservatives oppose pork! They are saving your tax dollars!

Second paragraph: “The move by Appropriations Chairman Robert Byrd, D-W.Va., came as conservatives including Sens. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., and Tom Coburn, R-Okla., increased the pressure to change the much-criticized, often secretive way in which "earmarks" are inserted into appropriations legislation.”

Conservative Republicans want openness and accountability! Bully for them!

Paragraphs 3-11: “Blah, blah, blah…”

Paragraph 12: “Earmarks blossomed under GOP control of Congress, much to the dismay of conservative stalwarts.”

What? Please don’t tell me that fiscally responsible conservative Republicans only grew a spine when Democrats took control of the Oscar Mayer wieners! That would be so disheartening! Thank god it was buried in the 12th paragraph, giving me time to balance my chakra energies.

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1031458

OP by cboy4:

      Please for the love of Christ stop playing God
Bless America during the 7th inning stretch at baseball games.

Just play Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Why does this continue almost six years after 9/11?

What's next, communion!?!?

The national anthem IS ENOUGH.

response #6 by krispos42:

      What's next? The Lord's Supper...
I'll bring tater-tot hotdish...

response #12 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      If *HE's* blessing us, we better pray he stops because he's wrecking the country.
Either that, or all the pleas for his blessing are being put on the "Fuggedaboudit" shelf.

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1037594

On a thread by Kadie:

      Right-wing publishers worry about future
"The conservative works on display at BookExpo America, which ended Sunday, could be seen as a tribute to the diversity of right-wing publishing and the movement in general. But, publishers say, they’re really a sign of an industry, and of a political movement, wondering what to do next..."

response #1 by mitchum:

      Why are they pussyfooting around this?
They're really concerned because so much of their right wing market is illiterate

response #8 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      "There just isn't a market out there...
For easily debunked screeds full of lies and misinformation."

Tomorrow on Quotes We'd Really Like To See...

:D

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1035701

OP by Seen the light:

      Name better potential moderators than Wolf Blitzer
I'll start....

Everyone. <_<

Oops, I guess I just ended my own thread...

response #16 by tularetom:

      Kent Brockman and Ron Burgandy
Oops - forgot one - ted baxter.

response #19 by annabanana:

      Marcel Marceau

response #67 by Kurovski:

      Carrot Top.

response #68 by Kurovski:

      A yeast infection.

response #69 by Kurovski:

      Torquemada

response #70 by Kurovski:

      Charo

response #86 by hatrack:

      My right shoe. The mouse pad on the desk in front of me.
Senor Wences.

A cute, furry kitten.

A ball of yarn.

The General from the Dukes of Hazzard.

A petri dish full of paramecia.

Tons of other great ideas offered:

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1035918

On a thread by still_one:

      What are the right wingers saying about cheney's new grandchild? /nt

response #2 by TahitiNut:

      Another virgin birth?
:eyes:

response #3 by Clark2008:

      Well, her name IS Mary.
:evilgrin:

response #7 by stellanoir:

      Unquestionably immaculate
from who else's loins would the "prince of peace" spring forth?

response #4 by 48percenter:

      WHO'S YOUR DADDY???
:rofl:

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1033065

On a thread by kpete:

      "We Need More Attacks On American Soil-So People Can Appreciate BUSH"-Says: Ark. GOP Head
"In his first interview as the chairman of the Arkansas Republican Party, Dennis Milligan told a reporter that America needs to be attacked by terrorists so that people will appreciate the work that President Bush has done to protect the country..."

response #15 by progressoid:

      Umm, Whaaaaat the fuck?
Lessee if I understand this. We need to be attacked here in the States to prove that Bush's strategy of fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here is keeping us safe here?

Oh hell, maybe I'll get a lobotomy and then it will make sense.

response #117 by mhatrw:

      If only we could have a 9/11 every year! Can we, Poppy? Can we?

GD, June 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1036574

OP by Wetzelbill:

Counting Bayhs or Liebermans will help you insomniacs go to sleep......
Nothing will bore you like those two. They put counting sheep to shame. The mere mention of Evan Bayh's name is like Valerian root on steroids, why I be....

:boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring: :boring:

The Lounge, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6575471

On a thread by whopis01:

      I'm the world's only true democrat, says Putin
"Russia's President Vladimir Putin has described himself as the world's only 'pure' democrat and attacked the United States and Europe, which have criticized him, for falling short of their own ideals..."

response #8 by Psephos:

      And I am Marie of Romania n/t

response #9 by whopis01:

      Perhaps it is just a misunderstanding of the phrase "One Person, One Vote"
Maybe he didn't realize that meant that every person should have an equal vote and just thought it meant that a Democracy had only one person who got to vote....

response #16 by Book Lover:

      Oh my goodness, that's just ... beautiful
A lovely, glinting-in-the-sunlight, pure lie. No obfuscation like our politicians: Putin just lies in a simple, clear declarative sentence. It would have taken Bush several mangled passages before coming out with the same idea.

LBN, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2869466

OP by Telly Savalas:

What kind of a dumbfuck candidate accepts 15 free minutes of national airtime?
Obama, Edwards, and Clinton should be ashamed.

An elliptical comment about another GD thread.

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1044656

OP by DS1:

      I got matcom pregnant
He's leaving his Mrs., then we're going to propose in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

After that I'm kicking him down the steps.

It's for the child's own good, you ever try to keep kitty litter in a diaper? I have, and it's not easy :grr:

response #14 by SOteric:

      Will you be letting him breastfeed at the Olive Garden?

response #15 by matcom:

      let? Let?? LET???!111
bitch PLEASE! :eyes:

response #16 by SOteric:

      Dude,
if you're gonna be calling me that, you'd better be naked and pulling my hair.

The Lounge, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6577416

OP by DesertRat:

Breaking News on MSNBC: Paris in Jail: Day 1
She has no cellmate. She had bread, cereal and juice for her first meal. The MSNBC anchor's response was "Carbs, carbs, sugar, sugar. I don't think that's right." :banghead:

response #6 by flyarm:

ahhh sheeeeetttttt..do we have to put up with the 24/7 news of this for the next 23 days??????
day one..paris cries entering jail

day two..paris cries in jail

day three ..paris is crying harder today...

day four...paris doesn't like the food..

day five ..paris had to take a nasty shower in the jail

day six..paris's mom is crying

days seven...paris can't drink the coffee it stinks

day eight........well you get the picture..........

ahhhhhhhhh American msm..the heights of which we have fallen!!

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1039882

On a thread by babylonsister:

Rove hires new deputy.
"Karl Rove has hired a deputy, the new White House political director Jonathan Felts, to replace Sara Taylor.

'He’s one of the political geniuses of our time,' Felts said of Rove. 'It’s neat to see how his mind works...'"

response #2 by atreides1:

That was fast
Just got hired and already he's on his knees with his mouth open!!!!!! ;)

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1040079

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Calling Himself ‘The Whitest Man In America,’ Fox’s Gibson Defends ‘Ooga Booga Fever’
"Last week, during a discussion of the 'TB Man story,' Fox News anchor John Gibson declared that tuberculosis usually effects someone 'from the third world' or who contracted 'ooga booga fever' in 'some godforsaken hellhole'..."

response #2 by LoZoccolo:

      I think he's got ooga booga teeth, personally.
His haircut could be described as an "oogaboogadour".

response #6 by 11 Bravo:

      Gibson, shut up and go gnaw down another sapling ...
you beaver-toothed jackass.

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1039910

On a thread by BuyingThyme:

      Paula Zahn to Bill Richardson: Do you still pray every day?

response #6 by Catch22Dem:

      Do you masturbate every day Paula?
Because both acts ought to be personal acts and not discussed as a matter of viability as a candidate.

response #8 by PCIntern:

      "Yes, I pray every day that your
knish will fall off"

response #25 by AnnieBW:

      No, actually I sacrifice a goat and read its entrails.
You got a problem with that, Paula?

response #31 by marmar:

      Paula Zahn has two brain cells....
and they're at war with each other. :dunce:

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1043675

On a thread by sabra:

Mary Matalin signs on as an "unpaid adviser" to Fred Thompson

response #2 by Buzz Clik:

She'll be worth every penny of her salary.

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1041467

On a thread by kitty1:

Bush Opens Europe Trip on Jarring Note
"Already complaining of being encircled by NATO's expansion, Putin said putting missile defenses on Russia's doorstep would ignite a new arms race. He threatened to retarget Russia's missiles toward Europe..."

response #8 by AlinPA:

Remember when Bush** looked into Putin's eyes and saw his heart and
Putin looked into Bush**'s ear and saw the other side of the room.

LBN, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2869951

OP by ck4829:

RNC hires voodoo witch doctor to try and reanimate corpse of Ronald Reagan
Comments one anonymous official: "We don't have any real candidates, but we think the twenty second amendment doesn't apply to zombies who served two terms in their previous lives." He continued, "Better not tell the religious right about this, or they'll flip, but then again, they haven't even noticed our sacrifices made to Mammon with the blood of Iraqi children, so they might not even notice."

response #4 by jgraz:

Who needs a witch doctor?
They way they treat ol' Ronnie, you'd think he'd just walk out of his tomb on the third day.

GD, June 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1044769

On a locked thread by somebody:

      bye from a true blue
shucks i tried, but i found banned my request that folks get a high school level understanding of biology (the lab meat question)

the site says not inflammatory -- is that inflammatory? to understand that what you put in your mouth ... and some people eat it all up -- requires disposal... alright defecation? and that some rather small portion spoiled (and overfed) elements of the 6.x b. people in the world expect toilet paper on demand?

that's inflammatory!

we want the folks (i want the donkeys) of the 3rd world to see it maybe for a moment as we do? that's inflammatory?

so i resign

good luck with your site

good luck with your peace campaigns

good luck with your up to the minute reporting on the worst of the worst lost in the miasma

i'll miss many of you

we -- these donkeys, dogs, cats, and selfless workers -- will indeed miss you, but breaking this chain is a good thing, we have more important things to do

now go burn some manure!

response #4 by The Straight Story:

      What the hell are you smoking, and what are you washing it down with?
Wait...maybe I don't want to know :)

response #19 by librechik:

      bye and next time remember to take your Mellaril.

response #29 by BuyingThyme:

      I'm guessing it was a communication problem.

response #32 by Kerrytravelers:

      Dude, whatever you're on, when you dry out, you gotta come back and read your own posts!
They're hysterically nonsensical! :rofl:

response #33 by La_Fourmi_Rouge:

      Fer shur!!1!!1
the lab meat thing yeah i know its kinda unkool. and if it's inflamattory then u no its inflmmattory right? but you cant put it in you mouth cuz thats not. So if u r undrfed its not defcatory so use bark instead.

DU is flammatory is not or you get busted! I'm gonna follow u ok? goodbye hellow sumwhere else and so on...

S kina sad but bye good feelings and my dog two, and his chain ya no? but my monkey thought post 52 was gud.

response #53 by Buzz Clik:

      I'm going to miss {redacted}
He/she/it has been posting here for what seems like hours, and now ... gone.

Damn you, senseless censors!

response #55 by alittlelark:

      I'll have some of what you're smoking!!!!
....I'll save it for the weekend - go watch Pirates of the Carribean or play Laser Tag.... SWEEEEET!!! :smoke: :crazy: :silly:

response #70 by Ellen Forradalom:

      Sounds more like little squares of blotter paper
with little cartoon Brownbacks, Huckabees and Tancredos printed on them.

response #87 by hatrack:

      Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
Toodles.

response #88 by Oeditpus Rex:

      I'm posting only to prove I was here
It's the kinda thing you wanna tell your grandkids, y'know?

response #84 by nam78_two:

      It is always 420 somewhere.nt

response #90 by WilliamPitt:

      Especially in Pennsylvania, apparently.

In keeping with the Academy's firm policy of not linking to locked threads - aw, hell, here ya go:

GD, June 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1050959

OP by burythehatchet:

Message to Myth Romney: You could raise 250,000,000,000
and you wouldn't have a chance. You have got to be the newest and most improvinest Republican DOOFUS to fall off the turnip truck in a loooong while. Holy shit man! You suck ASS.

response #4 by tjwash:

He's about as wooden and personality challenged as a ceramic frog in a coma
nt

GD, June 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1049910

On a thread by thatsrightimirish:

Did Rudy say what I thought he said?
That we need to train our military to nation build?...

response #2 by Olney Blue:

We're building nations over there, so we don't have to build them over here.

GDP, June 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3303027

OP by EstimatedProphet:

I quit! I want to be a Republican!
I'm fed up with not being superrich! I'm going to be a Republican now! They have the best of everything!

Republicans always have money. When they run out, they just steal some more.

Republicans never have to worry about the law, because the law never applies to them.

Republicans have a never-ending gang of shock troops in freepers, who are so stupid they will willingly beat their own heads against a brick wall until they die, just by telling them that it will keep Clinton from coming and having sex with their wives.

Republicans can walk down the street in almost any city and shoot people in the head for fun, and get away with it because they're Republican. All they have to do is say to the police "Hey, I'm a Republican!" and the police will go get a red carpet to roll out in font of them and provide them free bullets.

Republicans get everything, and the worst thing is, THEY GRIPE 24 HOURS A DAY ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THEY HAVE IT!

GD, June 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1048761

On a thread by Eugene:

      Bush declares cold war over (AP)

response #8 by MookieWilson:

      Whew! I'm glad that's over! Now what? nt

response #9 by gratuitous:

      Quiet, I'm listening to Milli Vanilli
Man, those guys could sing. Whatever happened to them, I wonder?

GDP, June 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3302238

On a thread by 133724:

      Paris Hilton "Crying" Behind Bars
"(CBS) A teary-eyed Paris Hilton received two visitors in jail yesterday, her lawyer and a shrink, the New York Post reported Wednesday... Sources told the Post that Hilton was spared from a body cavity search upon her arrival at Lynwood."

response #1 by RedStateShame:

      What is she doing in jail? Didn't they get Wolfowitz's letter?

response #24 by muriel_volestrangler:

      spared from a body cavity search because ...
all the cavities have already been seen on the internet.

response #50 by Wetzelbill:

      I was tossed in the Unabomber's former cell for one night and...
then the next day went to court handcuffed to some big child abuser dude who told me I had "cute feet" so yeah, jail isn't the most pleasant thing in the world. That's sort of the idea. And I never ever have been back either. Knock on wood. :)

on edit:

My feet are pretty cute though. I can't blame him for that one.

The Lounge (moved from GD), June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6582832

On a thread by Harvey Korman:

I just passed Harold Ford crossing Lexington Avenue.

response #5 by jgraz:

Let me guess...he was stuck in the middle of the road
Just slightly to the right of the center line...

GD, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1056282

OP by bklyncowgirl:

Cowgirl's totally frivolous Republican debate roundup.
Most improved debater: John McCain
Straight talk Johnny seemed to actually come alive in the second half of the debate as he defended his position on immigration. Loved the "Muchas Gracias" remark to Tancredo. Runner Up: Rudy Giuliani

Most Consistently Good Debater: Ron Paul
Libertarian Ron Paul has stuck to his guns as the odd man out. He's sharp and insistent on telling these guys things that they don't want to hear. Runner Up: Mike Huckabee

Most Consistently Bad Debater: Tommy Thompson
Maybe he and Bill Richardson could split the cost on a debate and television coach. Both very experienced guys who can't seem to get the job done on TV. Runner Up: Duncan Hunter--boring--but I do like his Sam Neill imitation with the eyebrows.

Most Likely to Set Off Armageddon: Rudy Giuliani
"America's Mayor" looked like he's salivating over the chance of dropping a few nukes on Iran. Sort of like ordering squeegee guys and hot dog vendors off the streets of New York City only much more fun. Runner up: Everyone except Ron Paul.

Miss Congeniality: Mitt Romney
"John McCain is my friend..." Aw how sweet. Runner up: Mike Huckabee

Best Hair: Mitt Romney.
No runner up--Mittens is in a class by himself. I suggest a hair stylist run-off for charity between him and John Edwards. Wonder how much Manly Mitt pays for a haircut?

Worst Hair: Tommy Thompson. Runner up, Tom Tancredo. Something about Republicans named Tom....

Crazy Uncle Award: Tom Tancredo.
Waxing eloquent about how Mexicans will force us all to speak Spanish or something like that puts him in a category all his own.

Best Back peddle: Mike Huckabee and Sam Brownback
Watching them squirm as they tried to explain how their position on evolution does not make them scientific illiterates without offending people who believe that God created the world in 6 days around 6,000 BC was priceless.

Best Moment of the Debate:
Rudy Giuliani trying to explain his position on abortion while lightning strikes nearby causing his microphone to repeatedly go bzzzzzzzzzzt. Maybe God was trying to tell you something, Rudy.

GD, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1052411

On a thread by draft_mario_cuomo:

What HRC has to fear from the two new books: a perception of incompetence (Newsweek)

response #3 by IADEMO2004:

Incompetence is a bad thing for a president?
Where were these mofos in 2000 and 2004?

GDP, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3304762

OP by The Night Owl:

      If you were to design an antimonument to the Bush administration, what would it be or look like?
Brainstorm ideas for an antimonument dedicated to the Bush administration.

response #1 by enid602:

      finger
Perhaps an enormous extended middle finger.

response #2 by rhiannon55:

      A giant oil barrel

response #5 by Crisco:

      Topped With a Pretzel

GD, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1054473

On a thread by Perky:

      Keyes may jump in to to GOP race
"PHILADELPHIA, June 5 /Christian Newswire/ -- An organization calling itself "We Need Alan Keyes for President" has launched a website to press the former Reagan administration diplomat to enter the field of Republican presidential contenders..."

response #2 by Mz Pip:

      Oh PLEASE run!
Increasing the number of batshit insane Republicans running for President will only add to the entertainment value.

:popcorn:

response #5 by Sentinel Chicken:

      He's got a better chance of becoming the next KKK Grand Dragon.
:popcorn:

response #19 by IMModerate:

      Yes, the time is right!
Alan Keyes adds a touch of class to anyone he runs against.

:popcorn:

response #21 by hatrack:

      Yes! We need to move beyond corporate shills, B-actors & blow-dried fools.
These are trying times, and the 2008 election cycle demands a GOP candidate who is TOTALLY FUCKING INSANE.

GD, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1054311

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

Gore hits Chicago to chants of 'Run, Al, Run'

response #1 by DavidD:

Al Gore vs. Alan Keyes!
My dream election.

GDP, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3304272

On a thread by Eugene:

      Rice Bashed Over Staff Gaps, Low Morale

response #2 by sfexpat2000:

      Well, at least she hasn't shot anyone yet. n/t

response #13 by Javaman:

      I guess her idea of Kooky shirt friday idea fell flat.
:rofl:

LBN, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2870925

On a thread by Kadie:

Larry Flynt says he's already been deluged by more than 200 leads (80% of them on Republicans)

response #62 by Dr.Phool:

If he gets any Dems,
Please have photos of Joe Liebermoron and Bill Nelson in a foursome with a pony and the DC Madam.

GD, June 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1058310

On a thread by BOSSHOG:

"Eddie Haskell" is 64 years old today
In case anyone has a desire to feel old. Surely someone out there is thinking, who's Eddie Haskell?

response #4 by americanstranger:

My, that's a lovely dress you're wearing, Bosshog.
:)

(Yep, makes me feel really, really old.)

The Lounge, June 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6586907

On a thread by maddezmom:

      U.S. VP Cheney to have routine heart checkup

response #2 by ladym55:

      How can one have a checkup for something one does not have?

response #9 by Xipe Totec:

      Meanwhile, the proctology report is in
Cheney is still a perfect asshole.

response #41 by gratuitous:

      Does Cheney actually have to go in?
Or does he just have that teeny clump of cells messengered over while he quaffs unicorn blood?

LBN, June 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2872618

On a thread by deadmessengers:

The latest from my looney-toons rightwing co-worker
His latest outburst: "I can't wait for that fat fuck Ted Kennedy to keel over. I think when he does croak I'll bring my daughter to see his grave, and explain to her why Daddy's taking a leak on it."

Any comment I might make about this would be entirely superfluous.

response #1 by jgraz:

See here's where I'd get fired
"So exactly how many times HAVE you shown your daughter your penis?"

GD, June 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1063266

OP by jmowreader:

Top Ten Reasons letting Paris out of jail early is a Good Thing
10. If you thought a SANE Paris would be a handful for the guards to deal with, one having a nervous breakdown would be far worse.

9. Paris' release frees up a bed for someone who really needs it, like a meth dealer or a Bush appointee.

8. No chance now for Paris to sue the LA Municipal Jail over broken nose suffered in prison brawl.

7. There are better uses for scarce tax revenues than feeding and sheltering a billionaire heiress for 45 days.

6. Hearts breaking in the publishing industry as contract for "My Struggle Behind Bars" book has to be torn up.

5. Does Paris Hilton REALLY need to know how to make Pruno?

4. Performance rider for "LA County Jail Show Chorus featuring Paris Hilton" World Tour contains really bizarre requirements like "promoter must provide transportation between concert venue and local prison for entire cast."

3. If Shrub's still at large, I see no reason why Paris shouldn't be also.

2. Paris' backup band won't fit in a standard jailhouse shower room, and she can't sing without them.

And the number-one reason...

1. No "Paris In The Pokey: Day 38" teaser on Faux!

GD, June 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1063328

On a thread by Thankfully_in_Britain:

'Problem break-ups' of online couples
"The marriages of couples who meet on the internet are posing a problem for the courts when they go wrong, a senior judge said yesterday.

Lord Justice Thorpe made the comment as he ruled for a 35-year-old mother who wants to go back to her home town in the United States with her two daughters after a 'brief and stormy' marriage to a British man she met online..."

response #1 by jgraz:

Wow, I never have problems with my internet relationships
As soon as my credit card's approved, it's all good.

GD, June 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1067437

OP by BuyingThyme:

      How would you feel about changing NORTH to down and SOUTH to up?
It makes more sense, doesn't it?

I mean, why should a magnetic arrow always point up, when stuff generally falls down anyways?

Does anybody know what the net effect would be on the climate?

response #2 by Cyrano:

      That wouldn't make sense.
Everyone knows that a ship sailing South goes faster than a ship sailing North because it's going downhill. Just look at a globe if you don't believe me.

response #5 by Greyskye:

      Only in the Northern hemisphere!
That's why we don't have kangaroos. That uphill sea voyage just takes too darn long!

:rofl:

response #3 by Bornaginhooligan:

      This is why Republicans always win elections.
The general public reads this stuff and sees how stupid the liberals are.

If we did that then we'd have hot snow, and leaves would fall up, and thunder would come before lightning, and the Holy Spirit would digivolve back into Jesus and then everything would be fucked up.

Sheesh, I can't believe you people come up with this stuff.

More. Much more:

GD, June 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1062643

OP by King Coal:

      Paris Hilton does not belong in jail!
Let her stay out. That girl could not stand jail. For her, it would be cruel and unusual punishment.
The sheriff did the right thing.

response #6 by H2O Man:

      Two things
that you may not be aware of:

{1} They attempted to give Paris a hot dog & beans for lunch.

{2} Paris felt sad.

Surely her name belongs on the short list with Nelson Mandela.

response #26 by mainegreen:

      Well played! Inflammatory statement followed by thread abandonment!
A+!

response #47 by King Coal:

      Thanks dude!
Or dudette, whichever the case may be.

GD, June 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1068311

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Bush taken ill with stomach bug at G8 summit

response #1 by 48percenter:

      Maybe Vlad slipped him a Polonium 210 mickey at dinner?

response #10 by radfringe:

      Just asking: when he has to make a mad dash to the bathroom
is it referred to as "THE SURGE"?

response #35 by IanDB1:

      Bill Frist watched the videotape of Bush at last year's G8 and has declared him healthy. n/t

response #75 by KansDem:

      Bullshit! "Some people say" Bush was poisoned! It's terrorism pure and simple.
Since this happened in Germany, we need to invade France now!!!

response #79 by maddezmom:

      Don't forget about Poland
:D

response #84 by ih8thegop:

      Do NOT let him near the Japanese Prime Minister!! (nt)

LBN, June 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2873491

On a thread by Hardhead:

      "Tort reform" zealot Robert Bork sues for $1,000,000 after slipping and falling
"Judge Robert Bork, one of the fathers of the modern judicial conservative movement whose nomination to the Supreme Court was rejected by the Senate, is seeking $1,000,000 in compensatory damages, plus punitive damages, after he slipped and fell at the Yale Club of New York City...

Judge Bork has been a leading advocate of restricting plaintiffs' ability to recover through tort law..."

response #2 by Tom Joad:

      Nothing in his head worth more than $18.42

response #7 by Jim__:

      C'mon. He wants to restrict your right to sue.
Not his.

GD, June 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1070813

OP by Bucky:

Notice how this Peter Pace firing happened just in time to distract us from Paris Hilton?
Obviously the powers that be saw that people were starting to ask important but embarrassing questions about the state of justice in this country. They had to distract the sheeple with some fluff peice about musical chairs over at the Pentagon before the people started to demand real justice for Paris.

Damn that MSM!!

GD, June 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1071316