The Forgotten Child Abuse - Fundamentalist Parents of Gay Teenagers

[ruggerson]

Much has been made of child abuse in this nation and the country is much more attuned to and wary of this evil than we were twenty or thirty years ago.

But what about one form of abuse that goes unchecked and unabated in modern day America?

The abuse of young gay teenagers, ages 13-18, who are emotionally tortured by their parents, often on "religious" grounds, and frequently locked away into hellish "reparative" therapy houses in an abusive attempt to somehow "change" these kids and try to force them to "become" straight.

Where is the outrage for these kids who are literally prisoners of demonic, abusive parenting?

Where are the laws to prevent this kind of abuse?

Who is looking out for these kids?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

1. Many are thrown out of the house for being gay

When I was working in a program for street kids, ages 16-21, about a third had been disowned for being gay.

[David Zephyr]

3. It's true because that's what happened to me at 17.

Tossed out. Good Christians. I know all about this first hand.

[Maraya1969]

11. OK get a conscientious lawyer to sue your parents for abuse. There

HAS to be some around. Especially gay lawyers!

[Pushed To The Left]

6. Isn't that child abandonment?

How can that be legal? Those parents need to be behind bars where they belong.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

7. Yeah, but a lot of parents do it anyway, and not only to gay kids

They also do it just because they don't want to deal with teenagers.

[David Zephyr]

2. Excellent subject matter. Here's somethings along the same line.

http://www.hrc.org/Content/ContentGroups/Publications1/Finally_Free/FinallyFREE.pdf

http://www.hrc.org/Content/ContentGroups/News_Releases/19981/AMERICAN_PSYCHIATRIC_ASSOCIATION_BOLSTERS_CONDEMNATION_OF_REPARATIVE_THERAPY__TO_CHANGE__GAYS.htm

[MountainLaurel]

4. Good links

:hi:

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. I tried to R the thread but it lied and said I'd one it already, so just

add one to the count total there. :hi:

It't a very good question but I would like to expand it to include not just gay kids but all kids who are being spiritually abused on religious grounds. I have seen a lot of kids gay and straight absolutely screwed uo by their fundy nujob parents. x(

[Mythsaje]

8. Oh, yeah...

for listening to rock music, for playing D&D, for reading fantasy, for being interested in the martial arts (anti-God, don't you know?) and for assorted other things. Being gay can be traumatic enough in itself, the last thing these kids need is to be abandoned or treated like crap by the very people who should be giving them the support they need.

[Cronus Protagonist]

9. Now now, less of this Christian bashing here

...if one is to believe the other threads on the topic from today. And I don't see a long line of Christians posting in this thread supporting the victims and condemning the perpetrators. Why do they want to be treated well, but won't treat others as well as they want for themselves?

Educate a Freeper Today!
Buttons, Stickers and Fridge Magnets made in America for brainy people
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[ruggerson]

12. That's exactly what I want to know

We see a number of people constantly bemoaning so called "anti-religious" or "anti-Christian" sentiment amongst Democrats or progressives.

Well, where the hell are these same people when gay kids are being virtually tortured because of hate filled fundamentalism?

Where are they? What the hell are they doing to protect these kids from these monsters?

[readmoreoften]

14. You have to live with the consequences of your beliefs...

To me, whenever a fundamentalist democrat starts complaining about a gay person criticizing fundamentalist religion, it's proof point that the person doesn't give a good goddamn about gay people and refuses to educate themselves on GLBT issues. I'm reading a book now called The End of Faith by Sam Harris, and while I have to say, I disagree with many of the possible logical extensions in his book, it is a *scathing indictment* on the notion of the 'religious moderate' who doesn't want to be held accountable for the totality of the beliefs espoused in the books they believe sacred. This sentiment that we can't challenge a person's beliefs is absurd. Beliefs are not 'sacred', they are your worldview and the basic for all behavior. Who the hell do people think they are acting as if they are ***beyond criticism***?

I have decent parents and being queer was a non-stop trauma during my teen years in the 80s. I know many people who suffer their whole lives because of the physical and emotional abuse of their religiously motivated homophobic parents.

[knitter4democracy]

24. I hadn't seen it yet, that's why.

I'm a Christian, and I even went to an evangelical Christian college. What happened to my gay and lesbian friends there was disgusting and infuriating. I'm no longer with that church, as it was too bigoted for me, but I didn't turn my back on my faith.

I will never, ever, ever understand anyone who thinks that the "Christian" thing to do is to hurt someone for any reason. Obviously, they haven't read the Gospels or know much about our faith at all. I do everything I can to reach the evangelicals, taking them on in phone banking for Kerry and Dean, even. I wish I could do more.

[Cronus Protagonist]

32. I do wish there were more of you in the ranks

I know only one other Christian worthy of the title "Christian". The rest of the Christians that I know are apologists and take no action at all.

Educate a Freeper Today!
Buttons, Stickers and Fridge Magnets made in America for brainy people
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[knitter4democracy]

37. They should speak up, but they're scared.

There's an amazing amount of peer pressure in those churches, with everyone watching everyone else. Too many are scared to rock the boat or even appear to be a problem, as they'll be the ones attacked, most likely, and not the parents abusing their God-given children. It takes guts to be a Christian, but many take an easier path, as I have done from time to time and regretted afterwards.

No one should hurt a child for being themselves. Sometimes it's just a phase, but sometimes it's real (whatever it is that upsets the parents). I would never, ever disown a child of mine, no matter what. They're my blessings, even though I could strangle them at least once a week, and it's my job to love them and raise them to be loving people.

[Maraya1969]

10. I never thought of laws! Gay bashing is a hate crime so parents

bashing their children should be crime.

Someone start a lawsuit. That is what is needed. A good lawyer to sue parents or a social worker to speak out on the abuse. Even a teacher speaking out will expose this.

Hell, a social worker giving lectures to his/her employees could start the movement. There are so many ways to start this. A teacher can inform students in a classroom while speaking of hate crimes.

It needs to be said. I will do my part and spread the word to people in my community. I've already written letters to Dobson and his ilk............maybe they can be sued for promoting violence.

Call me an optimist. I'll gladly to take the title. Big change starts at the local level.

[ruggerson]

13. Here is one of the major child abusers in the country:

http://www.loveinaction.org/default2.aspx?pid=57

[knitter4democracy]

29. He spoke at our college!

You wouldn't believe the anger and hostility to him, though. I never knew so many people at our college were against gay-bashing and didn't believe in the deprogramming our college promoted and used. I ran into student after student who was furious that anyone would believe that someone could be "cured" of being gay, and it was an eye-opening moment that so many of us weren't homophobes. Apparently, they'd just been quiet about it while I had not.

His wife has that Stepford smile, and she was the scary one, I thought, but that was just my opinion.

[NMMNG]

15. But they are doing it out of love

And under Constitutionally protected freedom of religion. Who are we to interfere with their deeply held beliefs, blah blah blah.

Stupid BS.

[theHandpuppet]

16. I encourage EVERYONE here to visit this link

http://www.thepointfoundation.org/

My partner is an avid supporter of this wonderful organization and it deserves our support!

[FreedomAngel82]

17. I agree

Abuse is abuse and should be looked at. I remember reading a story here on DU about a kid in Memphis who parents forced him to one of these "retraining" camps. And I remember CNN did a study on this last year and I remember during this they told this one place in Memphis who did this DID NOT have the authority to do so (psychology and all that). :mad: It pisses me off. This Christian is always disgusted with these people. Especially those like James Dobson.

[LostinVA]

23. And parents can legally do this -- even send the kids out of the country

I don't understand this. Children are US citizens and have the same rights as their parents, yet their parents are legally allowed to treat them like chattel and do almost anything they want with them -- short of physical abuse. Seriously, why? Why can't a kid say no, I'm gay, I do not want to go to this place to be "unprogrammed," Your Honor. I'm a good kid, and this is against my civil rights.

But, they can't. They have no RIGHT to, just because they haven't reached that magic number 18 yet;. It makes nos ense to me...

[Solomon]

18. My nephew went through (and is still going through) this experience.

Had to leave the house and all.

[bleedingheart]

19. You know what is really sad....the fact that there is so much

child abuse at all...

I think that gay kids in abusive households fall into the same protections as straight kids who are being abused....it is ignored unless it is physical.

There are straight kids whose crazy parents abuse them emotionally because they aren't smart enough, athletic enough....same as the gay kids who aren't "straight enough"....it is all because the parent has a very specific world view of how their child is supposed to turn out.

I recall a guy in college who was literally experiencing a mental breakdown before my very eyes because he wasn't able to pass engineering school and he was so shamed by his parents that he just didn't know if he could ever go home again....it is really scary to think parents can induce that kind of fear...

The problem is that the system is stressed and the only kids who can get help are those who have the physical wounds to prove they are abused...and that is just awful....

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. I think people need to reread the article "Jesusland" that was posted

here last year:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/articles/04/12/07_jesusland.html

I bookmarked this and force myself to read it again and again...



I was raised Christian (Catholic)...and yes Cronus Protagonist, I support the victims. It is ridiculous for you or any other poster in this thread to make the assumption that I would be "okay" with this based on my religious beliefs. In fact, it's downright offensive. I think we all...on both sides, need to put our broad brushes away.

Thank You. Read the article if you missed it the first time. My heart breaks everytime I think of Robbie, a victim of his religious upbringing, and the misguided beliefs of others. As the mother of a young son, the best I can do is reinforce to my son that there is nothing he could say, do or be that would turn me against him. I hope that support will be enough. But, it goes beyond parenting and into society itself.

[knitter4democracy]

27. I've always said that

Jesus wouldn't use a Samaritan for the Parable of the Good Samaritan today but instead a married homosexual couple with kids. Whenever I said that at our college, it made people leave the room, they were so uncomfortable. Of course, most of them really believe that you can be "made" gay, that God doesn't let people be born that way, and they're really scared that, somehow, they'll be made to change their sexuality. Don't ask me why they believe that against all evidence--they never could explain it to me.

[meegbear]

28. WOW!

I never read that. Damn.

[Coexist]

30. that gave me chills.

[theHandpuppet]

35. I found this passage particularly moving

"If Jesus is with us, I think he stands beside the black man who faces the lynch mob, the midwife who is brought before the church for being a witch, the bewildered and naked prisoner cowering against his cell wall in Abu Ghraib, the transgender teenager who has decided to dress as herself, no matter what her parents or the kids at school do or say. Jesus stands with all of us, but He especially knows what it's like to be innocent, to be violated and murdered for telling the truth, to face a violent mob and be alone."

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. Kick for the morning crowd

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. Would you like to write an article about this? DU is a wealth of

resources, maybe you can ask others here to give examples of spiritual abuse they went through due to their sexual orientation. I would be happy to post it on the Liberal Christians Network here: http://www.hostdiva.com/liberalchristians/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=109&Itemid=31&limit=1&limitstart=3
All articles posted to the Network are listed ahead of the offsite articles you currently see indexed on the page.

I also know of some other messageboards where there are gay Christians posting if you would like to invite them to participate as well.

:hug:

[ruggerson]

33. Thanks, i will definitely check out the liberal christian site

and try to come up with some thoughts for an article.

I would actually like to suggest some kind of grassroots activism; maybe conferring with some lawyers and see if there aren't statewide referenda that can be drawn up which would pass constitutional muster - or contact friendly legislators and see if they would be willing to draft bills to protect these kids.

[GreenPartyVoter]

36. I am not a lawyer but I bet it will be tricky trying to word it in such a

way that someone can step in for these kids. We would have to be able to make a case that religious freedom ends when damage begins, but that is very subjective. :( Some of the JW kids I have known felt they were abused because they couldn't have birthday parties. Still. I think something should certainly be done.

No rush on the article writing. I am still learning how to run the website and have nowhere to store the articles yet anyway. Just remember where I am and how to find me. :hi:

[knitter4democracy]

25. There is outrage, trust me.

You might not see it here, but it's in the churches, as I've seen those parents ostracized at church and forced to leave if they wouldn't change their behavior. It may not happen often, but it does happen.

What's worse is when those parents make their kids go to "Christian" colleges. The college I went to had horrible rules for gay and lesbian students, and many felt like they were forced to go along with it, not being able to transfer enough credits or afford going it alone. I only had one lesbian friend who graduated from there--the others left after all the harrassment, hazing, and abuse. The only reason she made it was that she came out at the beginning of her last semester and had a couple of profs help her get through.

I did everything I could to help my friends, as did several others. It branded us, too, but what did we care? It's evil to hurt someone else, and they did so much evil to my friends. I was so glad to get out of that hellish place.

The problem seems to be that we have a million things to fight for and only so many fighters with so much energy. If my health were better, I would do more. The fact that the dispicable "marriage" amendment passed in my state makes my blood boil--we all had no idea it would pass, as many of our numbers showed it failing. I have talked with everyone I can, and what I'd really like to do is do some talks in the evangelical churches, but they wouldn't let me in. *sigh*

[H2O Man]

26. Good question.

I think that there is a growing number of young people, ages 13-18, who live in homes that are unhealthy and harmful to them. The situation that you address is clearly part of that larger population. There is a need to have more group homes where young people in "high-risk for damage" can live. The present system, at least in New York State, is inadequate; as a general rule, a kid has to act out in a problemati way either at home, in school, or in the community to receive a high level of services. Hence, young people who are simply the victim of ill behavior are not as likely to get the help they need.

In my opinion, our society needs to undergo that radical change in values that King spoke of in that Riverside Church in April of 1967. Two of the most important groups of people in need to social justice are indeed young people and gay people. And, as you correctly point out, young gay people are often double-victimized by our sick society.

[Nightflurry]

31. A personal story

I grew up in an extreme fundy family. The type whose only problem with Falwell and company is that they're not extreme enough. Whose only beef with Dubya is is that he's not a TOTAL dictator. I'm 19 and gay and it's been a really annoying existance.

I naturally accepted the brainwashing as a kid. Was a total 'kill the fags' fundy. Of course.. then I realized that I was just NOT attracted to girls. Was really hard for me, juggling the lifelong cult beliefs and my undeniable biological functions.

It came to a climax when I was 15-17. I decided to reject my biology and please god instead, so I went to all sorts of fundy events and preached louder and harder, trying to have god take the gay away. I couldn't accept it was me. In my mind Satan had somehow made me this way and I had to overcome it with faith or else god would throw me in hell.

Eventually I tried killing myself because of the conflict; I figured maybe god wanted me dead and that I'd just help him out. Thankfully I was as incompetant at suicide as the GOP is with the economy. The 18 months after that I had a total nervous breakdown. My parents shuffled me from shrink to shrink (Mostly 'Christian counselors) trying to figure out what was wrong. I dropped out of school at 16 because I was a total basketcase. Was an absolute hellish time, but in the end I came out a totally changed person. I rejected the religious mindset that caused such destruction, and the cult mentality that furthured it. I examined every part of my life and almost every part I forced changes in.

Then I turned 18, and a few months later my parents confronted me. They said they knew I was gay, and that they couldn't have that in 'This house of the lord'. At first they only banned all my friends from the property(Whether those friends be gay or straight) except my former fundy friends.. who I never asked over. That lasted a month, then I got forced out myself. I had nowhere to go, but I had a car and a few hundred dollars, and believe it or not I hooked up with someone from another message board I frequented. I didn't really like the idea, but he was my age, had an apartment, was willing to give me a bed to sleep in, and lived 2.5 hours away. (He turned out to be a-ok, luckily) I was there a few months before I moved back in with the parents. I didn't want to, but I couldn't get a job in Kalamazoo, and I led my parents to believe I 'reformed' and they've believed so ever since..

I hate this damn house and these damn Christians. I hate religion in general becuase I know what it does to people. You think I'm the only case of this bullshit? This happens every day to people all over the world at the hands of religion. I don't give two flying shits that 'Well that's not ALL Christians'. I know its wrong to be so resentful, but I can't help it. Fortunatly I'll at least TALK to some Christians now. Sadly, I live in fear every day in this house of being found out. I always look for a magic bullet to get out of here, but I don't have the money, I have a low paying job and full time college, and I can never seem to find a better job. So I'm stuck here for now, playing straight. It could always be worse though, and I'm thankful I'm still in once piece.

To the point.. was I abused? I'd say so, but I don't blame my parents. As HORRIBLE as they were to me, they really believed they were doing the right thing. They were absolutily 150% convinced they were being good people. No.. I consider myself abused by the religious nonsense that causes such behaviour.

(And now I'll get flamed by all the Christians here)

[dsc]

34. These are very sad cases all the way around

I remember watching a Dateline or 20/20 about a mother who literally drove her son to suicide by playing religious music and hounding him repeatedly to change. She honestly loved the kid but felt he would go to Hell if she didn't save him. It was heartbreaking all the way around. They are often motivated by love but twist it so badly it is impossible to recognize when they are done.