"Secret Moscow Diaries of Tom DeLay" or "Tommy Does Moscow..."

[KoKo]

:D...thanks to Jane Hamsher at Firedoglake for the link to the Moscow Exiles for this hysterical read!

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Mr. DeLay Goes to Moscow
Excerpts from the secret "DeLay Diaries"
By Mark Ames


Day 4

I don't wake up until nightfall. We have a fine dinner at a restaurant called "Mario's." Local embassy rep joins us. I'm at the table with IMF reps, World Bank rep, someone from Exxon, says he knows me from Houston. ...

We leave Mario's and head to an American-style bar in the center of town. It's called the "Hungry Duck." I like that name. The club is full of promising pro-American youths who are resisting old Communist ways. Several freedom-loving young Russian girls are dancing on the bar top. The IMF rep and World Bank rep hoist me up. Turns out these girls are guides. O sweet Jesus! They strip their tops off and strip my top off. Great music, song called "Alice" which I love. Just as they're undoing their short skirts, IMF rep says to me, "You know Tom, Russia really needs to keep the aid money flowing. Otherwise democracy and Christian values are in danger."

I tell him to get the fuck away from my guides or I'll strangle him with his own shoelaces. "And I won't make it a slow death either, you sleazy fucking prick," I tell him.

Vodka, whiskey, liquor...One guide falls off the bar top and cuts her lip. We go into a booth near the back, where awful things happened. Left club at 7am.


Day 5......continued at....

http://www.exile.ru/2005-April-22/feature_story.html

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. This is disgusting!! What a slime DeLay is.

Here are my favorite exerpts:

...We check into our hotel at the Radisson. Everyone speaks English, which is good because it means I can yell at them and they'll understand. Went the whole car ride without yelling at anyone. Kinda painful, like holding in a piss after drinking a case of beer. Tried it out on the bellboy. Yelled at him why the TV wasn't already turned on to CNN. Told him I'd have him fired. He really apologized a lot. Good kid. I gave him a tip, a Hershey's bar, then called my aide Edwin and had the kid fired. Brought lots of Hershey's bars and sticks of gum with me to Moscow. These poor people, it pains me to think what 70 years of communism did to them.

...Jack , Edwin and me went into the hotel lobby and drink Coca-Colas. There were some shady characters in there. Jack struck up conversation with a man from Cheechnchong, apparently it's a resort somewhere. Never heard of Cheechnchong, but the man was Mexican looking. Hope he doesn't promote drug use. Jack said the man might want to talk business. He was very interested in promoting democracy and free markets, though I do not think he has been saved by our Lord. He didn't have a business card but he did leave a charitable contribution with Jack in a paper bag. Nice fellow. I'll have to see what those people in Cheechnchong need.

...Evening. Marina and Alex pick us up at the hotel and take us to very fancy restaurant, Maxim's. We talk about US-Russia relations and agree that it's a good thing we're friends now. Then in walks in this very heavy guy, he's the Prime Minister of Russia. His name is Victor Chairman or something like that. He likes to tell jokes. So do I. He tells me a joke about a CIA officer in the Soviet Union who gets caught cuz he's black. That's a good one! I tell him a joke about a farmer's daughter. He laughs. I ask him if he has accepted Jesus into his heart. Victor says he has, that he always was a devout Christian. He asks me how much my watch is worth. He gives me the Bulgari watch off his wrist as a gift. He doesn't know what it's worth, poor fellow, but I take it because it promotes friendship between peoples.

[malaise]

2. Hysterically funny

I love the god business in the middle of whoring.:rofl: :rofl:

[Giant Robot]

3. oh bless you for posting this!!!

This is hysterical! But on a serious note, what is he really saying when he keeps shouting "sopeezda" "sapeezda" etc at everyone? Really curiosu at that.

[KoKo]

4. It is Satire....so read it accordingly...but it's a Great Read for FUNNY!!

:rofl: