This is my weekly newspaper column for this week. MODS: I wrote this column and have reprint permissions. It is also available online at (you can leave a comment there if you like):
http://cumberlink.com/articles/2006/11/16/editorial/rich_lewis/lewis89.txtFinding the (whatever) of the year
By Rich Lewis, November 16, 2006
The Sentinel, Carlisle, Pa.
Some of the most popular awards and titles we bestow every year are pretty ridiculous.
The Oscars, for example. How can you possible say that a movie was “best” when the choices are so completely different as to defy comparison?
Still, we all love this kind of thing, and one of the most prominent of the species is now on the table for its annual moment of attention.
Next month, Time magazine will select its “Person of the Year,” which MarketWatch media guru Jon Friedman calls “by far the most prestigious and widely discussed year-end prize.”
Well, I’m not sure what its competition is, but let’s go with that assessment anyway.
The award was started in 1927 and, until 1999, was known as “Man of the Year,” although a couple of women had won it along the way.
According to Time, “The Person of the Year is the person or persons who most affected the news and our lives, for good or for ill, and embodied what was important about the year.”
Right away we have a problem here, because all the key words are a little fuzzy.
I mean, Britney Spears certainly “affected the news,” but the people who changed my ZIP code affected my life a whole lot more than she did, and they were in the news, since I read about it in The Sentinel.
So am I supposed to pick the person who scored the highest on both scales combined?
And what “news” are we talking about? We all watch and read different news now. Certainly my news is going to be different than yours if I read Army Times and watch Fox News — and you read High Times and watch Al-Jazeera.
Such conundrums aside, Time itself has helpfully posted on its Web site a list of “candidates” for the 2006 award and asks you to vote for one (www.time.com/time/personoftheyear/2006/walkup). Interestingly, the list is sponsored by Chrysler — the founder of which, Walter Chrysler, was “Man of the Year” in 1928.
I don’t know if the winner has to come from this list or if they could pick someone else, but here are the choices:
1) George W. Bush. Boring. He’s already won it twice (2000, 2004). In fact, only three presidents — Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover and Gerald Ford — have failed to win the award at least once since it started. Which says a lot about those three.
But vote for Bush if you must — and don’t be deterred if you don’t like him, or actually think he’s evil. After all, Adolf Hitler (1938), Nikita Khrushchev (1957) and Ayatollah Khomeini (1979) are all past winners.
2) Kim Jong Il. Yikes, talk about evil. We should probably wait until he actually gets one of his nuclear bombs to work. Believe me, that’ll “affect” the news and your life.
3) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. You know, the president of Iran. Again, I suspect you’ll have more and better reasons to vote for him next year. His nukes are much more likely to work than Kim’s.
4) Nancy Pelosi. What? Why? Most of the country didn’t know her name until last week, and even now some of you are probably wondering why a professional golfer is on the list. She’s not a golfer. She’s the Speaker of the House-in-waiting — and will be the first woman to hold the job. That’s historic — but it hasn’t happened yet.
5) Condoleezza Rice. I haven’t seen her name in the news for so long that there must be a surplus of unused “Z’s” in newsrooms across the country. A quick start, but a long, slow fade.
6) Al Gore. He’s been warming up lately! Little joke there. But seriously, he’s less stiff (and more plump), but Al isn’t back yet. But watch out next year when the presidential sweepstakes “heat up.”
7) Hugo Chavez. He’s the guy who went to the U.N. and called our president “the devil.” Sorry, but one good insight doesn’t make you Person of the Year. Though it sort of boosts George Bush’s candidacy. Being president and the Prince of Darkness certainly gives you a leg up when it comes to “affecting” news and lives.
8) The YouTube Guys. Very intriguing choice. The posting and watching of short videos on the Internet became a bit of a national obsession this year — with YouTube in the lead. Then, of course, YouTube got bought by Google, which started erasing hundreds of thousands of videos from the site in the face of lawsuits over copyright violations. So maybe the nominee should be “Corporate Media,” which always wins anyway.
The other problem is that “The YouTube Guys” is not a person. Certainly, this is not a disqualification. Previous non-person winners have included American Women (1975), The Computer (1982) Earth (1988) and The American Soldier (2003). But Time Managing Editor Richard Stengel said this week that, “I personally like it when a person is Person of the Year.”
But if the list above represents the best “persons” available, I think Stengel should yield.
And he should yield to the obvious — the “person” who has affected the news, affected all our lives, beyond all others.
It’s “The Terrorists.” Hands down.
Of course, that would be dicey.
I am not sure that Time wants to publish a cover that announces in bold print: “The Terrorists Win.”
Just wouldn’t look right.
Rich Lewis’ e-mail address is: rlcolumn@comcast.net
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