"Destined For Destiny", unauthorized B*sh Autobiography!

[npincus]

http://weeklyradioaddress.com/DforD.htm

has anybody read the book or heard the audio CD? I ordered it yesterday... the authors were on AAR (Franken) yesterday and it sounded hilarious.




Free from all the filters, handlers, and facts . . .

I tell the untold story of my inspirational life. You will struggle with me in my strugglesome youth. During the Vietnam War, you will be right there at my side as I face down the terrible enemy of my sinful partying. Together, we will meet and fall head over heels for the love of my life -- Jesus. And through me you will become a beloved, terror-fighting hero in the greatest hour of my presidency, September 11, 2001.

I embarked upon this important and historical work against the advice of my advisors. Come what may, I wanted you to hear my story from me, in my own talking.


God bless,

George W. Bush



{On edit: found these excerpts)


On Barbara Bush:

"Apart from my mother, George H. W. Bush is the finest man I ever knew. My father met my mother at a debutante party when she was 30. He was immediately enchanted by her horse-like beauty, her forceful nature, and her immense stature."


On his stint in the Texas Air National Guard's "Champagne Unit":

"This celebrating was an important part of the war effort. If we did not let loose the steam in the bar with fellow airmen, the pressure might be too much in the simulator the next day. Our pretend bombs might miss their imaginary targets, which would spell disaster for the make-believe ground troops. And the countless enemy guerillas, who only existed in our fantasies, would overrun the villages of Alabama and terrorize the made-up local folks -- many of whom I had come to know as family."


On meeting Laura Bush:

"I was blessed with the good fortune of meeting a wonderful small-town Texas woman who had a dazed and clueless stare reminiscent of a goat that had been struck between the eyes with a tire iron -- a halting kind of beauty which every man desires in a woman."

"During our first dance, Laura looked at me with her empty red eyes, and reminded me of my promises to her. She whispered tenderly into my ear, 'I will eat your soul.' I smiled at her and said, 'You are my clown-faced zombie, now and forever.' And our covenant of love was sealed."


On his first presidential campaign:

"But the most powerful weapon in my campaign arsenal was a catchy and effective slogan. However, there was some disagreement as to what that slogan should be. Karl fought hard for 'conservative.' Jesus vied for 'compassionate.' The Easter Bunny insisted that I focus on 'colored eggs.' This last idea was seen as out of touch with my priorities, and the rabbit was soon asked to leave the campaign."


On the morning of September 11, 2001:

"I flipped through the book to see if there were any amusing drawings of this outrageous animal, and just as I was getting to the resolution of an important plot point, an aide leaned in to me and said, 'Sir, America is under attack,' sadly interrupting my reading. I reprimanded that aide and refused to speak to him or anyone for several minutes, preferring to sit there an stew. What happened to the goat at the end? We may never know."

[BOSSHOG]

1. Incredibly difficult to do satire of that knucklehead

[npincus]

5. I ordered the audio CD...

"B*sh" is narrating... it sounded on AAR like an extended SNL skit... one of the ones with the B*sh imitaor, I forget his name.

I wouldn't bother reading it, but listening will be really funny, I think. The faux B*sh reading his "autobiography" sounds like a nitwit with the faux-folksy Texas twang, just like you-know-who.

[iconoclastic cat]

2. How exactly can an AUTObiography be unauthorized? nt

[Lautremont]

3. When it's not written by the autobiographee, but by The Onion.

[iconoclastic cat]

9. Oh, bloody hell.

[donco6]

4. I thought the title was real at first.

I thought, "What dumbass thought of that?" Then I see it's parody. Ha!

[npincus]

6. The authors were dong a "reading" on AAR

and it cracked me up as do the SNL skits of B*sh... that's why I ordered the audio version.

[Mad_Dem_X]

7. OMG, I may have to get this

Too funny!

[npincus]

8. excerpts added- see OP

[redqueen]

10. Hah.

Nice! :D

[npincus]

11. "Apart from my mother, George H. W. Bush is the finest man I ever knew"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: