Must-Read Explanation of Republican Sex --->>>

[Stephanie]

This is a brilliant KOS diary by Hunter, an absolute must-read! A Republican Congressman attempts to explain Republican sex to his young son, after the son hears this on the news:


GOP Rep. Christopher Shays said that what happened at Abu Ghraib "wasn't torture"; it was merely a "sex ring." Today's Stamford Advocate reports that Shays made the comment during a debate Wednesday night with Dem challenger Diane Farrell. Here's what Shays told the audience: "Now I've seen what happened in Abu Ghraib, and Abu Ghraib was not torture. It was outrageous, outrageous involvement of National Guard troops from who were involved in a sex ring and they took pictures of soldiers who were naked."

-- TPM Cafe
http://www.tpmcafe.com/blog/electioncentral/2006/oct/13/ct_04_shays_says_abu_ghraib_wasnt_torture_just_a_sex_ring




Below is an excerpt from the diary - you must read the rest! Here the Republican explains the facts of life to his ten year old son:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/10/13/182818/62

A Very Special Episode In Washington
by Hunter
Fri Oct 13, 2006 at 03:28:18 PM PDT

<snip>

I sat my son down on the bed, and sat next to him. "Well, Timmy, that's quite a question. But you're old enough now for a straight answer."

I paused, here. OK, I told myself in a mental voice so loud that I was half afraid it would set off car alarms on the street below -- here goes.

"Timmy, sometimes... when two people love each other very much..."

Aaaagh. Ten words in, and it already sounds like an afterschool special.

"...when two people love each other very much, they... do things. To each other. As an act of love, um, to show that they care about each other."

Timmy sat at attention, waiting for more.

"You see, sex is something that people do when they want to be close to each other. I don't need to tell you, Timmy, that it is a dark and scary world out there, full of evil people. Some of them want to tax you, Timmy, or tell you what you can and can't do with your money. There are brown people out there, Timmy, that don't even speak English, and they've been migrating up through South America, breeding with other people to make sortof hybrid brown people, and they've reached the U.S. now, in places like Texas and California--"

Timmy looked exasperated. "Dad, you're giving the brown people speech again. And besides, I think you're getting them confused with killer bees."

"Right -- um, sorry. OK, I was telling you about sex... you see, sex is an act of sharing."

"But what is it? How do you do it?"

"Yes. Um, OK... OK, let me start over. Let me give some examples. You see, Timmy, when two people care about each other very much, they will do things to each other, for pleasure, and that's what we call 'sex'".

Timmy was listening, now.

"For example, if you cared about someone very much, one thing you could do is take a chemical light, break it, and shove it up their ass."

There was a long, uncomfortable pause. Timmy was staring into space, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Or, say, a broomstick, or a billy club. It doesn't have to be a lightstick, it could be pretty much anything that would fit up the ass."

"Like... a loofa?" Timmy asked.

"Well, yes, though that's pretty pedestrian. I'm more talking about things that hurt. It's the hurting that says you care."

He absorbed this, and I continued.

"Or, for example, you could strip them naked, then set dogs on them. In some circles, that's called "doggie style". The goal is to get the dogs to bite your partner repeatedly, enough to cause a lot of blood loss, but not enough to actually kill them. Here, I have a picture."



<much, much more at link: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/10/13/182818/62 >

[Hepburn]

1. Well...

...I know of a necon male Bush supporter that is into that stuff with the women he dates. Soooooo....the DK article might have been meant as satire, but it sure rings a bit true about one neocon asshole I know of!

:puke:

[Stephanie]

2. All of the references in the story come straight from the news

It's a compilation of Republican sex scandals, all true.

[Hepburn]

3. Yep...

...unfortunately, those examples are true ~~ and taken from the Abu G prison horror stories. My comment about satire was as to the Dad using these as examples of "loving" sexual conduct in male-female relationships. But...considering the sickos in the Repuke Party ~~ to some of them, that is how they see what love is. :puke:

[Stephanie]

4. here's a little more

the story is illustrated with photos, btw

I realized that perhaps I had started off with a bit too much, and was blowing it. Thinking fast, I decided on another approach.

"My point, Timmy, is that there are a lot of ways to have sex. Some of them are a bit more, well, hardcore than others, but as long as somebody involved is getting seriously hurt, it still counts as sex."

He nodded.

"OK, let's see. Here's an example I was just reading about, from a book by a great American patriot. Let's say your partner is very young -- like your age. One thing you might do, just to be sexy, is lock her in a cage with a live bear, and have the bear repeatedly rape and sodomize her until she becomes so inured to it that sex loses all meaning for her."

"Really."

"Absolutely, if she's young enough. That'd be quite a turn-on, right Timmy?"

He looked unconvinced, but nodded again. "I guess."

"Sure it would be. Good, Timmy, I think you're starting to get it."

"You mean, you can have sex with animals too?"

"Absolutely. One of my colleagues, a great man in his own right, said it perfectly when he said that down where he comes from, every boy's first girlfriend is a mule."

[twilight_sailing]

5. It really is funny,

but then again, it's sort of horrifying because the examples given are all true. You don't know whether to laugh or puke!

Well done. Excellent writing.

[Stephanie]

6. it must be miserable to be a republican

it must just kill all the joy in life

[tomreedtoon]

7. I thought "Republican sex" was an oxymoron.

I have tried to put myself in the mindset of a woman, a gay man, a REALLY DESPERATE woman or gay man, or even...well, no need to get graphic. But I could never associate Republicans with sex, ever.

So how do they reproduce?

That's what they want to import a bunch of slaves from Mexico for!

Or maybe it's outsourcing. (Do Republicans make a bunch of flights to India, where both surgery and reproduction occur at bargain rates?)