I was molested by a camp counselor, and I'm not an alcoholic pedophile...

[eeyore]

Foley's "excuse" is total bullshit and a complete copout. Whatever rehap joint he is in should be taking him to task for trying to deflect responsibility for his actions. What utter shite!

I was molested by a camp counselor when I was in 3rd grade, and I'm here to tell you it didn't turn me into a pedophilic sexual predator with a complete lack of a moral compass. I have a healthy sex life, have been happily married for 10 years, and live quite a productive and pleasant life.

I'm not saying that pedophilia is not damaging, because of course it is to some/most. But the notion that being molested by an authority figure as a child has caused him to become the disgrace that he is? I really don't think anyone is going to buy that line at all. It's pure and simple a sympathy ploy, and at this point don't think there are many people out there who are at all open to giving him any sympathy.

Nice try, buddy!
:puke:

[MadMaddie]

1. I am glad that you have recovered from the Trauma....

and you are living a happy and productive life......

I think that Foley used his power to do what he did....and the Repug power structure allowed him to do it....He and Rove are searching for an excuse that will get the neocons on board....don't think it is working..

[eeyore]

10. Thanks!

Really I wasn't traumatized at all. I realized from moment one that I was dealing with someone who was not quite right, and the only thing that ever really upset me was that he threatened to send me home if I told anyone. I really liked the camp, so I never told any adults until another kid came forward and "outed" me. My parents were far more upset than I was. For whatever reason I was a really resilient kid in that situation. The cops made me a Junior Deputy when I went to the station, and I thought that was pretty cool!

[msongs]

2. but you're probably NOT a republican : - ) nt

[eeyore]

13. I was born into a VERY Republican family...

Somehow I was also born with values that are completely opposite of the Republican party. Just goes to show that you really can't pick your kid's personality!

[Jack from Charlotte]

29. In that case you have every right to become a.....

pedophile and alcoholic if you so choose.

(I'd put a smiley face here indicating.... just kidding if I knew how.)

[Erika]

3. Foley and the GOP don't have a clue

Good for you!

[NMDemDist2]

4. exactly! and a 9 year old (3rd grade) is a lot more helpless than the

13-15 he claimed.

:hug: sorry for your pain, and the fact a sleaze ball is trivializing the experience of real children hurt by predators

[eeyore]

11. Thanks...

I agree that he is cheapening the actual gravity of what he did by trying to make that excuse. I don't think it's going to play out well for him, however. Prison will not treat him well at all.

[rurallib]

5. And I by a priest but like you not affected like Foley

Did have an alcohol problem but so far have beat it. And it was due to my parents example nothing else.
Foley must have special genes.

[eeyore]

12. Special genes!

I bet he has fantasies about those pages wearing "special jeans"! x(

[Redstone]

6. And this is the party of "PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY???" How come nobody

is throwing THAT back in their faces?

According to them, people should tak PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY when they get sick of lose their job and have to declare backruptcy.

People should take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY when some fucking greedy coporate pigs gut their pensions.

People should take PERSONAL RESPONSIBLIITY when their son or daughter or husband comes home maimed from Iraq.

There's more, but I'm too close to vomiting as it is.

I'm recommending your post for Greatest page.

Redstone

[eeyore]

9. Wow! Nail on the head, Redstone....

You see things so clearly, sometimes I think you should have a Lewis Black style commentator spot on regular network news. Now THAT I would tune in to see!

:toast:

[undergroundpanther]

19. Thou

SHALT NOT BE A BYSTANDER,AN ENABLER ..FOR a PERPRETRATOR...

We all need to take responsibility and respect each other's BOUNDARIES. We need to be clear about what is TOLERABLE and INTOLERABLE behaviors from each other..WE cannot not tolerate abusers,molesters rapists,torturers,bullies..whether they are abusing you,loved ones,strangers,the environment, the legal system,the market, or the power of our government..These people must be contained because they will not contain themselves for they lack the moral compass to be safe existing around US.

Child molesters are INTOLERABLE because they do not respect social boundaries that enable human beings to co exist safely...pedophiles cause too much damage to us all when they violate the boundaries of expected social conduct,and destroy children's bodies and trust.

We have to put boundaries around those psychopaths who refuse to respect OUR social and personal boundaries.

[JohnnyLib2]

7. Thanks for speaking up about your experience.

These distinctions need to be made, and people can "get it" with stories like yours. I agree; this line of bull isn't selling.

Recommended.

[Glorfindel]

8. Thank you! I have recommended your post

and I admire your courage.

[cboy4]

14. It's important courageous people like you speak out.....thank you

for doing so, and I'm sorry you were victimized.

[Pachamama]

15. I know many Gay's who were never molested and never have molested anyone

either! It makes me absolutely sick how the GOP is trying to link homosexuality and molestation/pedophilia. It's the old "I victimized, because I'm a victim too"


:puke:

[grace0418]

16. I've been drunk a few times in my life and yet it never

caused me to send explicit text messages to underage boys. He's got a million excuses and none of them excuse a goddamn thing. He's just another worthless, hypocritical, POS Republican that is only sorry he got caught.

[CoffeeCat]

17. Glad you're doing well eeyore...

Hey eeyore--thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you
as a child. As you mentioned, you do sound very resilient. I'm glad that you were
able to move on and lead a full and productive life.

You make a good point, that being molested doesn't automatically mean that you will
abuse others. Additionally, someone's past molestation shouldn't' be used as a ploy
to excuse away crimes against children. Nor should someone expect that their victim
status excuses them of responsibility or accountability.

If that is what Foley is doing--then he really is pathetic. He's not acting like someone
who is suffering as a result of his molestation--he's acting like a perpetrator--attempting to manipulate, control and emotionally blackmail those around him. Cuz that's what pedophiles do.

Again eeyore--glad to see that you're doing well and living a terrific life. :)

[eeyore]

33. Thanks!

I think it's unfortunate that in our society there seems to be a real trend towards excusing one's bad adult behavior on childhood events. Of course what happens as a child has an effect on how one behaves as an adult, but the lack of personal responsibility with Americans on both sides of the polical fence really astonishes me.

I agree that Foley is trying to emotionally blackmail the public with his "bombshell". Everybody has a back story, and I would say that most people I know feel like there was something hurtful in their past that effects their relationships today. It's impossible to grow up without getting hurt - that's just the way it is.

[undergroundpanther]

18. I was molested too

And I don't do shit like Foley or the Amish School psychopath..

Abuse is not the cause of pedophilia..Many people are abused as kids and never molest kids as adults.

The problem is psychopathy,A child as young as two can exhibit signs of having NO CONSCIENCE.Sometimes if intervention happens early enough the kid can be taught how to have a moral compass.Not always tho.

If a kid with no conscience is abused he will grow up to abuse people for sure.

If a kid with no conscience is NOT abused he will grow up to abuse people for sure.
http://www.syntheory.com/psychopathy/psycho.html
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/official_culture.htm

So, What about someone abused who's NOT a person with such a screwed up psychopathic type personality that gets molested or abused in childhood?
Yes, they may be angry,they might be emotional,lash out, get in trouble,be behind in the"success " department,not get along,not fit in,they may be very defensive,they might use the'broad brush' they might cry alot,isolate,push people away,mistrust everyone sometimes,but they care too.. Adult targets of childhood trauma often feel suicidal and some kill themselves,BUT they WON'T go molest an innocent child,and give that child the kind of trauma they feel and suffer through every day themselves..because they HAVE A CONSCIENCE..

I am tired of all these people I see on here who assume facing child abuse, creates molesters,in adulthood as if trauma scars create assholes. That is just stupid.There is NO guaranteed outcome from childhood abuse that automatically leads an adult to do molestation. that is a victim /survivor blaming assumption that HURTS the people already hurting and that is well, just sickening in it's assuming ignorance of a theory that is still popular but so untrue, that is being disproved by this thread..

[OffWithTheirHeads]

20. Yeah, well, I don't talk about it much but I was molested

by a number of people. I find it amusing that, at 56, I have never talked to anybody about this but am now sharing it on the internet for all to see.

I have mixed feelings about this. First of all, most of it felt good (the part no one wants to talk about), secondly, I was way too young to understand what the fuck was going on ( I was 11 to 14. I think that because our society has put so much emphasis on how bad this is, I feel a certain rage at the people who subjected me to this. On the other hand, I look at what conditions much of the rest of the world lives in, Bosnia, Dar fur, Baghdad, etc. that I consider myself Lucky to have suffered so little. I woke up today, I had shelter from the elements, I was reasonably sure of receiving 2000 calories of food and I didn't find my name in the obits. Not too bad from my perspective.

I have grown up to be a fairly sharp contributer to society, I make a good living, I support my family well, I don't molest children and I drink myself to sleep every night. Well, fuck, no bodies perfect.

[undergroundpanther]

21. Hey

Took guts to say what you said..

And you know,it was NEVER was your Fault.
Unlike you when it happened to me I was injured. It was very traumatic.
But I am glad you recovered as well as you did. I dunno if I will ever be as secure and whatnot as you are. Maybe someday?

I guessthe way it happened to me, shapes the way I draw my boundaries on this issue in very clear terms that for some people bothers them...Some people don't like seeing someone else have clear firm boundaries and defend it.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

24. I totally understand, but you have to start living your own life.

I worked on a Dale Carnige course for the union Sheet Metal Workers apprenticeship program. For five years, the Vietnamese people stayed in their own group and everybody else stayed in theirs. We asked them all to give a speech about what they were most proud of. The white guys talked about things like pitching at a softball game with a bad wrist. The Vietnamese guys talked about being generals in the vietnamese army, escaping from caves, being subjected to "re-education camps", surviving with no economy, getting on boats to come here, being attacked by pirates, etc, etc. By the end of that class, there was NO division in the class structure. Everyone had come to respect the Vietnamese for the horrors they had been through.

We all go through shit! It is all relative. Move on and do the best you can to make sure no one else has to go through this. Really, that's all you can do.
Bud

[lostnfound]

22. and you've grown up wise enough

to consider yourself 'Lucky'.

There is so much suffering in the world.

But gee, take care of your health (says she who drank too much brandy last Thursday), you never know what might challenge you in old age to become "your finest hour"..to be a late blooming painter, novelist, leisure-sailor, or simply a mentor to a future rocket scientist or humanitarian. Never know what you might miss out on.

Stay lucky! :)

[OffWithTheirHeads]

23. True . I have had people come to me years after I have interacted

with them and they told me how much I influnced them. I was not even aware that I was trying to have an effect on them. I was just being me. "You don't realise what the ripples of your existance will have on the planet, but everything you do has an effect." Me.

[eeyore]

27. I'm very much like you...

I knew at the time that the guy was just plain creepy, and I actually made fun of him to my friends afterwards. It never really occurred to my 3rd grade mind that I had done anything wrong, and I knew that what he had done was wrong. What I didn't understand was that I needed to tell an adult so that he wouldn't touch any other kids. He was caught after another kid after me turned him in.

Like you I feel incredibly lucky. It didn't really affect me that much, and if anything it opened my eyes about what is proper and impoper interaction between kids and adults. I kind of knew already, but no one had ever told me anything about personal space (this was the late 70s).

I do feel like my life could have taken a terrible turn at that point, but for whatever reason it never caused me any pain or shame. I just took it as an experience and learned from it. I could have become a complete basket case with sexual dysfunction later in life, but I didn't. I don't know why, but that's just the way it turned out.

Thanks for sharing your story. When people say that it's brave of me to talk about it, that always seems odd to me. I never did anything wrong, so I'm not sure why I should be ashamed of it or afraid to talk about it. Some jackass touched me improperly as a kid, nothing more, nothing less. I was the victim of this guy's sickness, and I refuse to be ashamed of that.

[NashVegas]

31. the part no one wants to talk about

That's incredibly brave of you, tmfun.

It takes amazing strength to own that, especially in the face of a society that's busy telling you what you're supposed to feel.

[CoffeeCat]

35. Thanks for sharing with us...

I think it took a lot of courage for your to post about what happened to you--especially if you've never talked to anyone about it before.

You survived, you are here and you're making significant contributions in the world. I was molested too, and I sometimes wonder if the trauma made me stronger and gave me insight that I otherwise would not have. Three years in therapy can teach you loads of things.

Also, about it "feeling good". Any sexual contact feels good. Our bodies are designed to automatically respond to stimulation. The problem with adults who sexually abuse children, is that the abuser uses the child's automatic responses against them--to confuse them into silence. Like you, I remained silent for many years. My perps manipulated me into thinking that I wanted the sexual abuse, and that I liked it. That's what perps do. It's how they keep the abuse secret and escape accountability.

Like you said, you didn't understand what happening. The perp did though. The perp understood--from an adult's point of view--the psychological, physical and emotional ramifications of sex. A child does not. It was the responsibility of the adult to obey the law and not molest you. It doesn't matter if it felt good. It's illegal and it's wrong--and it was not your fault at all. No matter how it felt.

I hope it is ok to say these things. I know you don't need "wisdom" from me, but I sensed that you may have some conflicting feelings about the abuse "feeling good". So don't blame yourself, because you physiologically responded. If someone shoved chocolate cake down your throat while screaming at you--your taste buds would respond and you would physiologically react to the cake. It would taste good. That doesn't mean you want chocolate cake forced down your throat; or that someone has the right to shove cake in your mouth.

Also, drinking yourself to sleep every night...that's not good. :) hope you're ok! From one fellow survivor to another--I applaud you for breaking the silence and for living such a grand life. You sound like a very inspiring person and a free spirit.

Again, thanks for sharing. :)

[NMMNG]

25. Indeed

I had many awful things happen to me in my childhood and teenage years, but I don't rape/molest people, beat them or torture them. I don't steal from them, burn their houses down or gun them down in the streets. In short, I don't harm other people.

People need to start taking responsibility for themselves and their actions.

[eeyore]

28. Glad you're doing well, Buffy!

:toast:

[NMMNG]

36. Likewise

I'm glad you came through your personal "hell" without continuing the cycle of violence. :pals:

[and-justice-for-all]

26. L I A R!!!

[noonwitch]

30. Most survivors don't become perps, but all perps were once victims

Foley is just looking for excuses. If it really did happen to him as a kid, it's certainly part of why he ended up the way he did, but it is just one part of it. It may be why the compulsion is there, but it's not an excuse for acting on that compulsion.

Some kids who are abused do end up abusing others, and that shouldn't ever be discounted by whoever treats the offender therapeutically. but Foley is seriously just looking for excuses-it was the alcohol, it was the priest who molested him-he needs to say it is his fault, and that the house leadership enabled him.

[wicket]

32. As a fellow survivor...

...thank-you :hug:

[Ganja Ninja]

34. I've been drunk lots of times and never molested any kids. n/t