We need to talk shop: What are our plans to DESTROY Christmas this year?

[bluestateguy]

Soon it will be time for the War on Christmas. We need to prepare and coordinate our strategy this year to destroy Christmas and make America an atheist paradise.

[POAS]

1. Define torture as

forcing little screaming brats to sit on Santa'a lap and pose for pictures.

Not sure who is being tortured though. Santa, the elves, the parents or the kids?

[sarge43]

40. OK, about those lines of brats waiting to make a deal with Santa

We could walk down the line and whisper in each kid's ear, "You really want to sit in his lap? He's one of those dirty old men, you know."

Yes nasty, but if Smirky can ignore the Geneva Conventions, so can we.

[zanne]

117. OK; Let's clear this up.

Santa; Corporate Christmas
Baby Jesus; Religious Christmas

Which one are we supposed to destroy? I'm confused.

[liberaldemocrat7]

131. For good christmas items look here

http://www.cafepress.com/revolution09

http://www.zazzle.com/maximus7

We have over 200 different product designs.

T shirts, mugs, round magnets, Stolen election christmas tree ornament, tote bags, bumper stickers, etc.

[jazzjunkysue]

45. Nope. It's tolerating your brother in law as he declares * a great man.

The torture is guaranteed, every year.

If you want to have a war on that, you'll need a daggar and a silver bullet in Christmas's heart.

Otherwise, it will repeat itself yet another year.

[focusfan]

116. Don`t spend money on Xmas

Scrooge is my hero,my wife even calls me scrooge.I wear the name proudly.

[Missy M]

I plan never to say Merry Christmas.....

only Happy Holidays. That should pretty much destroy Christmas.

[jazzjunkysue]

46. YOUR. SO. COLD.

(spelling typo intentional)

:smile:

[NewJeffCT]

121. That's true

The holiday of Christmas is hanging on by a thread as it is... hardly popular at all. Just a concerted effort to say "happy holidays" should be enough to wipe it out forever.

[stepnw1f]

2. 2006... x marks the spot

repeat... x marks the spot.

[boolean]

3. Watch out!

The freeptards might link to this as if it were serious!

[badgerpup]

20. GTMA!

I looked at that a second time and thought :wow:
"OMFG...this is going to turn up on O'Lielly or Glenn Beck as SERIES!11 And their audience is gonna take it as series!11"

:rofl: :eyes: :dunce:

[VolcanoJen]

67. Actually, I hope they do.

That would be pretty damned funny. :-)

[formernaderite]

69. to be honest I'm pretty tired of xmas

and was half way hoping this was a serious thread....oh well, us atheists still have festivus.

[Warpy]

4. Hit 'em in the wallet

Sicne my close relatives are all gone, my list is short. I'll be making gifts for my friends and baking for the neighborhood.

Corporate Christmas is going to have to get by without me.

[Generic Other]

5. We are going to torture the fat man

until he tells us where Osama is.

[TechBear_Seattle]

39. I think "rendering" is the appropriate term.

:rofl:

[vademocrat]

84. I think that's "reindeering"

B-)

[ariellyn]

6. Ah it's that time of the year again....I LOVE destroying XMAS

:silly:

[soup]

42. .

cackle, cackle, cackle! (pre-emptive cackles leftover from Halloween) :evilgrin:

[elehhhhna]

71. Do the birds depicted on the headstone represent a secret code?

Yes.

Cheney shot Santa.

[Mika]

80. YES!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[zanne]

118. You're going to hell for sure.

That would make a perfect Christmas card. Where did you get it?

[Hugin]

7. Seasons Greetings everybody!

HO! HO! HO!

[cali]

32. How about changing that to "Reasons Greetings"

in celebration of the secular nature of the holiday. That ought to drive them bonkers.



(I love this thread, and I triple dare any of the right wing TV or radio pundits, to suggest that it's serious)

[AnneD]

78. Or my fav all season greeting...

'Have an ass day'...if said fast enough it is indistinguishable from the customary greeting :evilgrin:

[AnnieBW]

63. Happy Winter Solstice!

Or Yule, if you're so inclined. :D

Personally, I'm going to hitch my dog up to a big sled, sneak into all of their houses on Christmas Eve, steal all of their Christmas gear, put it in the sled, then haul it up to the top of Mount Crumpet. :D

[Hugin]

119. Wonderful plan!

*snap* Why didn't the Grinch think of that!

Seriously tho... I hope you have a beautiful glorious fall and wonderful winter filled
with love and joy!

[Buns_of_Fire]

125. Don't forget to stop and pee in the Who Pudding

...and while you're there anyway, give cute li'l Cindy Lou Who a noogie. I'm series (those scenes were cut from the final version). ;-)

[StraightDope]

8. Well, personally...

I'm going to celebrate Hanukkah this year. I'm not Jewish, but I prefer religious celebrations that are founded on the traditions of non-Christianity.

[Kali]

24. ah but much of x-mas is just a rip-off of pagan celebrations.

[StraightDope]

30. True...

But just the same, Christians have perverted the celebration of the winter solstice such that I'm allergic to it now. Even if it IS 3 days too late.

[TechBear_Seattle]

41. "Christmas Time Is Pagan", lyrics

Christmas Time Is Pagan
To the tune of Gloria in Excelsius Deo
Public domain

Christmas time is here again,
Decorations everywhere.
Christmas carols ringing out,
Gentle pagans, we don't care.

CHORUS:
Glorious!
Christmas time is pagan!
Glorious!
Christmas time is pagan!

Modern folks all celebrate
What they learned in Sunday School.
In December, they don't know
They are celebrating Yule!

CHORUS

Let them have their Christmas trees,
Decked in red and green and blue.
We rejoice at every one!
Christmas trees are pagan, too.

CHORUS

Bowls of bubbly Christmas cheer,
Fill your cup and quench your thirst.
They think the tradition's theirs.
Wassail bowls were pagan, first.

CHORUS

Every door and window bears
Wreaths of holly, wreaths of pine.
Circles represent the Sun.
Every wreath is yours and mine.

CHORUS

Christmas lights on Christmas trees,
Candle flames burn higher and higher,
Let us cheer along, my friends,
As they light their Yuletide fire.

CHORUS

There's a possibility
That this song is yours and mine
'Cause the tune was known to all
Back in A.D. one-two-nine.

CHORUS

[manic expression]

85. Happy Diwali! n/t

[elehhhhna]

72. plus several days of presents vs. one.

[rockymountaindem]

107. Happy Hanukkah!

[NewJeffCT]

9. well, for married DUers...

we should plan to dump our spouses so we can shack up with multiple same sex partners. Then, we can lure straight teens into our decadent lifestyle just in time for the holidays... oops, Christmas.

[skipos]

10. .

[Kali]

26. good one!

[jazzjunkysue]

48. "Happy Holiday" = Nazi Appeaser.

[mike_c]

11. dammit-- I HATE the way the war on christmas starts earlier and earlier...

...every year! The WOC should not resume until AFTER THANKSGIVING!

[Howardx]

14. haha

good one

[kellenburger]

37. exactly !

"...every year! The WOC should not resume until AFTER THANKSGIVING!"

I haven't even got my satan... er I mean Halloween decoration up yet!

[jazzjunkysue]

50. We could start a smear campaign against Santa at the parade!

I saw santa at an adult bookstore.

Santa never really delivers those presents: He gets his elves to do it.

Santa made Rudolph his favorite because Rudolph and he were doing it when Mrs. Santa was out having her nails done.

[AnneD]

79. Don't you just hate dragging all that stuff out..

of the closet. And oy the endless shopping. At least the price of babies has gone down. All this unemployment was good for something. Bobbing for babies is alway a big hit at my house. I have a new recipe for caramel organs I can't wait to try. I know it is better if you have carmel hearts-but it so hard to find GOP with hearts these days-but organs are a good substitute.:evilgrin:

[Downtown Hound]

73. NO! NO! NO!

We must plan ahead if we are to have success this year. It seems that no matter how hard we try, we are continually thwarted in our Satanic plans to destroy Christmas by the fearless efforts of Bill O'Reilly, Jerry Falwell, and that Godlike figure George W. Bush. O'Reilly has demonstrated time and again how his take no guff, throw the crumb bums out on the street type of culture combat has consistently mangled our evil plans!

We would have been successful in destroying Christmas if it wasn't for those DAMN SNOOPING KIDS! The earlier we plan this time the better!

[NewJeffCT]

12. On Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving)

We should all go into the Express lane (12 items or less) with 13 items, and then pay in pennies. If we don't have enough pennies, then we have to write a check for the difference.

By the time we've counted everything out, there will be 100+ angry people behind each of us in line.

[ariellyn]

22. Jeff--you slay me

:rofl:

[NewJeffCT]

31. just make sure

you buy 13 cheap items.

(one of my pet peeves is that whenever I'm in a hurry & buy like 1 or 2 items, I inevitably get behind a person in the express lane that has 13-14 items, then asks if they can pay by check despite the big "CASH ONLY" sign... or, an older couple that buys 25 items and they split it into 2 orders of 12 and 13 items)

[Initech]

64. On that day, I always stay home.

Hell, I dont go anywhere NEAR a mall or a store. People waking up at 6:00 in the morning to stand in a 3+ hour line only to be knocked down by other people competing for a bunch of stupid shit? Not my idea of fun.

[bumblebee1]

110. I hear you, EOOO. n/t

[Horse with no Name]

13. We could always start the rumor

that ALL of the mall Santas are pedophiles...oh wait.:hide:

[johnnypneumatic]

15. smear campaign: Santa is gay and wants to marry an elf

evangelicals denounce bright red suits and flamboyant lifestyle
look how fat he is, what a gluttonous pig!

[TechBear_Seattle]

49. "Jolly Old St. Nicholas"

Jolly Old St. Nicholas, alternative version

Jolly old St. Nicholas,
Lean your ear this way.
You don't want a single soul
To hear what I will say.
I have got some Polaroids,
Now you dirty man,
Tell me what you'll bring to me
Tell me if you can.

One shows you and Mrs. Claus
With a bunch of toys.
And I don't mean the stuff you bring
To little girls and boys.
Then there's the picture showing you
with Vixen in the shed
And one with you and Rudolph. Wow!
His nose is shining red!

(Remainder of song not appropriate for these boards.)

So jolly old St. Nicholas
(Though "saint" is clearly wrong)
I hope that you've been thinking while
I finished up my song.
I have got some Polaroids,
Now you dirty man,
Tell me what you'll bring to me
Tell me if you can.

[ThomWV]

16. Our continued support of actavist Judges and other terrorists should do it

[Solly Mack]

17. Torture it to death. It's the American way

[katsy]

83. You mean like going in the dead of night to those nativity statues on...

people's lawns and waterboarding a plastic nativity figure of virgin (snicker) mary?

Or putting a hood on the plastic figure of jesus with electric wires running to his genitals?

Or putting joseph in "stress" positions?

Or rigging up the wise men with suicide bomber jackets?

Yeah I like that... that'll work.

[Solly Mack]

87. You've a wicked sense of humor. I like that :)

[badgerpup]

18. You're right! No time like the present to panic early and avoid the rush..

...or o'lielly...
:spank:
Lessee...
Happy Holiday cards...check.
Holiday gift list...check
Holiday 'cheer'...check

Now all I need are people to piss off, since most of my crowd are either pagans, wiccans, or people secure enough in their various flavors of Christianity that they don't need to try to shove it down everyone else's throat.
Means twice as many parties, too... :toast::party: :grouphug:

[lapfog_1]

19. Oh hell yeah, it's time to get jolly on their asses - n/t

[Jade Fox]

21. I saw Christmas lights (!!!) on someone's house last night.....

Reporting for duty, Sir!! Just show me where to shoot.

My usual War-on-Christmas tactic is that I don't buy anything for anyone for Christmas. (That I'm poor helps a lot).

[Hubert Flottz]

23. I'm too skeerd to go shopping...afraid of Hair Jells and Buzz Bombs

Too skeerd to spend a dime or to use the plastic. Too skeerd to decorate the house so that an offshore drone might home in!

[msongs]

25. Demand that christians follow the teachings of Jesus. That will kill

christmas for eternity.

Msongs
www.msongs.com/political-shirts.htm

[UTUSN]

27. Can't start too early!!!1 Already heard the first Xmas sale ad!!1 n/t

[BurtWorm]

28. Taking back the Senate and House.

That ought to spoil their Thanksgiving and New Year's too.

[Wise Child]

58. Three weeks before Thanksgiving,

Could they possibly try to start The War on Christmas early?

Make it look like they are trying to get a jump on the issue before the "anti-Christmas warriors" do.

[Marr]

29. Operation Krush Kringle awaits the green light, sir.

We've been practicing day and night.

[CarbonDate]

113. Dude, that's Lobo!

We all know how that one turned out.

[Marr]

128. Haha- yeah- I love that issue. :D

[135th]

33. HA! I knew it!

I'm actually a freeper troll hired by the RNC/oil industry to infiltrate this website! This is evidencd by my low post count and poor spelling. I was wating to find conclusive proof that liberals were out to destroy Christmas, and you have played right into my hands. I hope you all like seeing "Liberals team up with Hugo Chavez to defeat Santa" headlines on Fox News in about an hour.

[TlalocW]

36. OMG THIS IS HUGH!!!!!1!

You punked us!

TlalocW

[TlalocW]

34. I take a three-pronged approach

I buy my Xmas gifts from individuals on eBay. This stops money from getting to the big retailers, whose practice is to say Merry Christmas. So republicans will view decreased sales at these retailers as an attack on Xmas.

Because I get my shopping done early, whenever I'm out and about, I'll stop at a Toys R Us and look at all the cars in the parking lot. If a high enough number of them have Bush bumper stickers, I'll walk into the front and yell out, "I FINISHED MY SHOPPING THE FIRST WEEK OF NOVEMBER, SUCKAS! YEAH! KISS IT!" and walk out again.

Not only do I wish people Happy Holidays, I do it in Spanish. Every time I do this, Bill O'Reilly loses double the hit points he normally does from just Happy Holidays, and he cries.

TlalocW

[Hugin]

120. BUENAS FIESTAS!

BRILLIANT! Uh, I mean... Brillante!

:thumbsup:

[Taverner]

35. I'm gonna make the baby Jesus cry...

By peeking at my presents the week before...

[TallahasseeGrannie]

38. Okay, I've got it

We can put out the rumor that Tickle Me Elmo II is gay AND has ecoli.

[Berry Cool]

47. My small idea: to counteract Bill O'Reilly's Christmas tree ornaments

that he sells on the Faux News Web site with "The O'Reilly Factor" and "Fox News" on them (no, I am NOT kidding), I will propose to Keith Olbermann that he sell HIS own Christmas ornaments on the MSNBC Web site.

After all, what would YOU rather have? This:



Or THIS?

[TallahasseeGrannie]

115. Personally,

neither. I mean Keith is cute and a good guy, but not on my Christmas tree!

But it's a good idea!

[BigMcLargehuge]

43. step 1: Declare plans to annex Valentines Day

step 2: create hostile "incident" at Thanksgiving.

Step 3: Move in and occupy Channukah (for its own good). Install Kwanza as provisional puppet government.

Step 4: Resign from League of Holidays when called to account by delegates.

Step 5: Surprise Attack Santa's Village by air on Dec 24th. Show forged letter "The Elfnaka Memorial" as proof of Claus' plans to take over hemisphere. Implicate "Hermes" in plot to draw in Halloween and Groundhog Day as part of Tripartypite Pact. Intercepted communiques found in doll teeth.

Step 6: Cancel New Year's Eve celebration and declare 2006 as "year without end", Jan 1 becomes Dec 32, and calendar continues forward in linear fashion. Promise that calendar will be restored to normal following successful annexation of Valentines Day, and part of St. Patricks Day.

[jazzjunkysue]

52. Send out pre-emtive attack wolves on unsuspecting easter bunnies

Those bunnies hate our freedom.

[jazzjunkysue]

44. Someone said this to my face once. With a straight face. I laughed at him

I told him I'm as librul as they come and I love christmas. I told him to go find a real problem and then a real solution to it, and do it himself.

Some people are such lemmings.

[Arugula Latte]

53. That was good. You threw him off track.

He probably walked away thinking you actually did love X-mas and weren't hell bent on destroying it. Bwa ha ha! Good work, comrade! :thumbsup:

[jazzjunkysue]

56. It's amazing how stupid some people want to be, to justify their anger.

He's a big child going around resenting everything, and O'Leiilly and Flush are happy to supply him.

Life's too damn short.

[The Straight Story]

51. Reveal photos of Condi with santa, being his hoe hoe hoe

And one of Osama dressed as santa, bringing a gift to his bitch bush.

[No Exit]

130. SING IT, KIDS! "I saw Condi kissing Santa Claus, underneath the

mistletoe!"

We will then release videos of Ahmadinejad lookalike singing, "All I want for Christmas is my two nuke bombs, my two nuke bombs, my two nuke bombs..."

[Ezlivin]

54. Do you have an exit plan? What about elf insurgents?

If you don't have an exit plan we'll have to fight this war every year!

[rock]

55. Give gifts

It's the most anti-Chistian thing you can do!

[Arugula Latte]

57. I'm going to steal their roast beast and stuff their trees ...

up the chimbley.

[treestar]

59. LOL, K & R

Let's get the librul media to emphasize the Grinch this year.

And get those environmentalists wackos to insist no one cut down any trees!

:rofl:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

60. Leave Da Elvz anna Magi to me.

Fuggedabowdit.

:eyes:

[No Exit]

132. The Magi's new gifts:

Instead of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, this year it's Worthless Paper Currency, depleted uranium, and... SULPHUR!

[BuyingThyme]

61. I'm sneakin' in and shaving Santa's beard.

[Generic Other]

62. Here's the man who can help us destroy Christmas - - - - - - > PIC

[Nimrod2005]

65. I am telling my daughter that Jesus is pretend , just like Santa!

Her school keep teaching her about Jesus...etc. Time to link Jesus to Santa!

She is 4.

[nebenaube]

103. thank you!

I've been really wondering how to protect mine!

[VolcanoJen]

66. I'm going to get a job at a daycare...

... and I'm going to tell all the kids that Santa is make-believe and that their parents are lying to them about Jesus.

}(

God, I hope this thread ends up on Bill O'Reilly. :P

[Telly Savalas]

68. Refer to Jesus Christ as the "Prince of Peace"

Linking him with the philosophy of appeasement will embolden the terrorists!

[Lex]

70. This is one of the funniest damn threads ever

You all have me :rofl:

[populistdriven]

74. I plan to buy all my christmas presents at Citgo

:rofl:

[Jo March]

81. .

:spray:

[Vinca]

75. Let's lobby to shorten the name of the holiday to Mas.

Take Christ right out of Christmas, I say, even if is his birthday. "A Merry Mas to all and to all a good night.":rofl:

[Porcupine]

105. Ask: "You will be attending Mass on Christ's Mass? Right?"

Watch the Rethuglicans turn several shades of green and red.

[AnneD]

76. Boy...do I have plans....

I don't intend to shop for presents. Maybe they can use that as an excuse to lay off more folks. I intend to send gifts to a Moslem country-cause I hate my freedom. Of course I will send it to soldiers 'cause I don't support them either. And I'll donate some platelets cause I hate the time off I have-damn teacher's union spoiled a perfectly good work week. I'll donate more money this year than I did last year to our school food drive so I can feel all smug and elitist, 'cause the only thing I hate more than poor parents are poor kids. I hope I can torture as many people as I can-it makes for a miserable holiday for all.

[Zhade]

77. Remind people that the holiday was co-opted from pagans?

I'm a lazy xmas-destroyer. :P

[babylonsister]

82. Can't we just cancel it altogether? nt

[LeftyMom]

86. I'll have my second annual Christmas bake-off and porn swap nt

[RobertSeattle]

88. Xmas is a smokescreen - the real target is St Patrick's Day

:evilgrin:

[SammyWinstonJack]

89. I plan to ignore it, just like I do every year.

:shrug:

[Generic Other]

90. It really sucks to plan to destroy Christmas before Halloween

We've barely started undermining Christianity with masks and candy!

:rofl:

[achtung_circus]

91. With song

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

[scarletwoman]

94. Oh man!

:rofl:

[WillyT]

92. I Plan To Put A Lump Of Bill O'Reilly In Everybody's Stockings !!!

God... I think I just grossed myself out.

:wow:

[libnnc]

97. ewww...you said "lump" and "O'Reilly" in the same sentence...

Thanks, I just ate...

:puke:

[Marnieworld]

93. Step One: Mail "Happy Holiday" cards en masse to Bill O'Reilly eom

:evilgrin:

[Mika]

95. Here's how. Swift AND final!

[Beelzebud]

96. Wait... WTF happened to the WAR ON THANKSGIVING?

[chat_noir]

98. Santa will be tortured!

[beam me up scottie]

106. LOL! LOL! LOL!

Where did you get that?

:rofl:

[progressoid]

99. Paintballing nativity scenes.

[RebelOne]

100. I could care less. I'm an athetist, but

I use greetings "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Xmas." Neither of them have a religious context to me.

[Nikki Stone 1]

101. We can RUIN "A Christmas Carol" and "It's a Wonderful Life" by...

pointing out that they are both scathing critiques of untrammeled capitalism.

"GEORGE: Just a minute –– just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no business man. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anybody else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was . . .

Why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy? He didn't save enough money to send Harry to school, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter.

And what's wrong with that? Why . . . Here, you're all businessmen here. Doesn't it make them better citizens? Doesn't it make them better customers? You . . you said . . . What'd you say just a minute ago? . . . They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait! Wait for what?
Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they're
so old and broken-down that they . . .

Do you know how long it takes a working man to save five
thousand dollars? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble
you're talking about . . . they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human
beings to him, but to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're
cattle. Well, in my book he died a much richer man than you'll ever be!

http://corky.net/scripts/itsAWonderfulLife.html

Globalism is making us all into one big Pottersville.

[ddeclue]

102. Can we hire the Grinch?

I hear he was pretty good at waging war on Christman in Hooville...

;-)

Doug D.
Orlando FL

[boobooday]

124. I heard he was expensive

So who said this, was it the Grinch, talking to Max, or Rove talking to Bush?

"So here's your motivation: you're a freak with a red nose and nobody likes you . . . "

[Porcupine]

104. Santa chats up little girls on the internets......it's soooo true!!!

and then he makes plans to meet them at their houses after their parents are asleep.

Santa's a pervert!! Arrest him!!!

[Jim Lane]

108. "Make America an atheist paradise"?

I thought we switched over to being in league with al-Qaeda, so we're supposed to be helping to establish an Islamic theocracy.

Oh, wait, that's what we're doing in Iraq.

[upi402]

109. tooth fairy in basement, leave presents in phone booth

:evilgrin:

[NMMNG]

111. I'll greet people with "Happy Kwanzukkah"

When they ask "What about Christmas?" I'll look at them like they just said something perverted and walk away. :evilgrin:

[Warren DeMontague]

112. Three Words: "Sulphur Farts Elmo" nt

[IDemo]

126. LOL! Mental image of three year olds wailing for one of these!

[CarbonDate]

114. This will take several steps, but we must begin now.

1.) Call Lobo. He will fuck Santa up, opening the door for a new bearded patriarch up at the North Pole.



2.) Bust Saddam Hussein out of prison. Slip him in Santa's place. Nobody will be the wiser.



3.) Introduce his new assistant, Ted Kaczynski. Together they'll put together a lethal combination of chemical and biological weapons in the form of package bombs.



4.) Bring out the Grinch! The Grinch deftly busted into people's houses in the past. On the big night, let him head out and deliver Saddam's and Kaczynski's Christmas Specials.



As the families of America lay dying in pools of their own vomit and urine, nobody will ever want to celebrate Christmas again. We win.

(Obligatory disclaimer for DHS: It's a fucking joke, okay?)

[NewJeffCT]

122. OK FOLKS - the war has started early this year

I went to the local mall last night here in terrorist-appeasing Connecticut and saw decorated evergreen trees, snow globes, snow men, and a lot of winter solstice holiday paraphenalia. WTF? It's September people. It's over 3 months until we get to winter solstice. We haven't even had our first frackin' frost yet and we're already into winter decorations? Did we skip Halloween & Autumn altogether?

[Nikki Stone 1]

133. Christmas 3 months early: It's a Christian plot to destroy Halloween!

No Spiderman costume for you, this year, Jeff.

:evilgrin:

[liberalpress]

123. No need to do that...

I stole Christmas last year. I have it in boxes in my garage, and it's going to stay there until republicans rememeber the spirit of Christmas and start behaving properly.

[sarge43]

127. Why We Fight - Mission Statement

Christmas is an awfulness that compares favorably with the great London plague and fire of 1665-66. No one escapes the feelings of mortal dejection, inadequacy, frustration, loneliness, guilt and pity. No one escapes feeling used by society, by religion, by friends and relatives, by the utterly artificial responsibilities of extending false greetings, sending banal cards, reciprocating unsolicited gifts, going to dull parties, putting up with acquaintances and family one avoids all the rest of the year ... in short, of being brutalized by a 'holiday' that has lost virtually all of its original meanings and has become a merchandising ploy for color tv set manufacturers and ravagers of the woodlands.

"No Offense Intended, But Fuck Xmas!", The Harlan Ellison Hornbook

[No Exit]

129. Al Quaeda Second-In-Command revealed to be Santa al-Claus

It has also been revealed that al-Claus engaged in homosexual relations with Osama bin Laden, after they were "married" by a renegade imam.

Omigod! I can feel my marriage weakening! Must...destroy...all...images...of...Santa al-Claus...

[mopinko]

134. i stopped making cookies

i used to make a big ole bunch of christmas cookies every year. but last year i quit. gonna stay quit this year. now if i could just convince my atheist kids that sacrifices are necessary for their future, maybe i could get out of buying presents.

[earth mom]

135. ROFLMAO! This is my favorite DU thread!

:rofl:

My suggestion is to Boycott Christmas altogether. NO tree, NO lights, NO cookies, NO fancy dinner, NO travel, NO company, NO poinsettas, NO xmas cards, NO xmas music, NO It's a Wonderful Life, NO A Christmas Carol, NO presents, NO goodwill, and NO Santa, Reindeer, or Elves! ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOTHING!

Except...what is my kid gonna say about that?! :yoiks:

[tridim]

136. I only want to destroy Bill-O's Xmas

And at all possible disrupt his traditional "Ho, Ho, Ho" falafel/loofah/hooker foursome that some say he celebrates every Christmas eve.

[gauguin57]

137. Hey, if Santa Claus can conquer the Martians, I have no problem w/ the man

You go, Santy! Happy friggin' holidays, everyone!

[Jcrowley]

138. Let me see if I've got this straight

A virgin mother gives birth to a baby who will save us all, if only we'll receive, and the father is this all-knowing bearded guy who is everywhere all at once who lives somewhere in the sky though we never really get a good look at him, well unless you look within which seems odd as "up there" by definition can't be "in here." As a sidebar this Big Guy In The Sky is quite an authoritarian who is always looking upon us so as we behave properly.

Well anyway believing all that we are suppose to celebrate this baby savior's birthday by putting up a pine tree with lights on it whilst we await another visit from another bearded guy who will, yes you guessed it, descend upon us from the sky, riding in a toy-laden sleigh which is drawn by flying reindeer. Now this overweight but jolly toy distributor lives in one of the coldest places on Earth yet maintains what must be the most enormous toy shop on Earth that is staffed by elves. Now the toys are to be distributed to all the good children, again it seems bearded guys in the sky are interested in behavior modification, as the heavy-set fella slides down the chimney snacks on the milk and cookies left by all good people puts gifts under the tree climbs back on the roof where the reindeer await and flies off to the next house. Sounds a little iffy to me.

Having said all that I loved decorating the tree with my mom.

[Warren DeMontague]

139. Actually, I've got a better one: "Torture Me Elmo"

Brought to you by the Bush Administration.