New Bill Would Defend Marriage From Sharks

[madmusic]

Senators 'Taking A Stand' Against Ancient Killer

September 19, 2006 | Issue 42•38

WASHINGTON DC—Senator Bill Frist (R–TN) introduced a controversial new bill Tuesday that would severely limit the ability of sharks to "mutilate the institution of marriage until it is completely unrecognizable."

"For too long, we've stood by as our most sacred institution has been thrashed, bit by bit, by these amoral predators," said Frist at a press conference, standing in front of a detailed diagram of a great white shark. "Marriage is a union between one man and one woman, and no shark should come between them with its powerful jaws and massive dorsal fin."
Enlarge ImageNew Bill R

Sen. Bill Frist (R–TN) decries sharks' "ferocious impact" on marriage.

Bill S-691, also known as The Protection Of Marital Extremities Act, was co-sponsored by Mel Martinez (R–FL), who said that, as a devoted husband, he would not want his own 25-year marriage to be split to pieces by a shark, and hinted that opponents of the bill were in fact aiding the fish in their "murderous ways."

It gets better: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52984

[GOPBasher]

1. Hilarious.

Man I love the Onion.

[Nikki Stone 1]

2. The title alone made it worth it!

:)

[ncrainbowgrrl]

3. ROFL- I love this line... nice double meaning!

"It's simply a matter of faith," Frist added. "And I have absolute faith that, if we do nothing, we'll see many more families torn apart."

[madmusic]

5. And this one:

"But we say it's time for those of us with backbone to stand up for what we believe in—before that backbone is torn violently from our torsos by these soulless, underwater killers."

[neuvocat]

4. That's nothing.

New 'Anti-Abortion Pill' Kills Mother, Leaves Fetus Alive

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/48199