"CUE OSAMA!! CUE ROVE SPEECH! CUE....UH... CUE..."

[baby_mouse]

"Let's MOVE, people. What have we got left? Faggots?"

"Gay marriage is a negatory, sir. That faggot cowpoke flick bust it."

"Dead babies?"

"No change, but no traction. We're gonna need something with more forward thrust."

"Schiavo!"

"We LOST that one, sir, I suspect that if we kick that one up we'll just look like losers."

"Oh my fuggin GOD!" Scrabble scrabble. "Wiretapping."

Blank stare...

"Not really, sir. There's not really a way we can make that stick, there are too many angles to spin it."

"WIRETAPPING IS THE WAY, PEOPLE! TRRRRRSSSTS ON EVERY STREET CORNER, IN EVERY PHONE BOX!"

"Uh, boss, the terrorist issue is no longer publically simple. If we make it wiretapping we're going to have to stop talking in symbols and use rationalisation and our base will get confused and feel dumb. Also, they'll think we're trying to use logic. They hate that shit."

"Okay. Okay. The SUN."

"Uh, sorry sir?"

"Turn it off! Turn it black or something! Nobody's gonna forget that!"

"...uh...boss..."

"There is no way on this good God's earth that I am giving in to those bastard liberals. Do you hear me? NO WAY IN HELL. I'll turn the sun black first. NUKE IT. TURN THE SUN INTO BLACK GLASS."

"...uh..."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Did someone drop you on the head when you were a kid? I told you to make the sun black."

"Boss, we can't turn the sun black. It's too big. Also, it's hotter than a nuke. The nukes won't make any difference."

Ominous silence.

"Um, sir, I think what he was trying to say was-"

"I think I know what he said. You. Are you American?"

"Uh, yeah, boss."

"You understand that losing is against the American Way?"

"... boss..."

"I don't wanna hear it, boy. When I tell you I want my sun black I don't want no commie liberal pinko faggot obstructionist loser slack-assed shitbird traitor whining bullshit, I expect to take my coffee on the lawn in the dark by 1200 hours. TODAY, people. Do you have a problem comprehending my position?"

"...uh, sir..."

"You're fired. You."

"Yessir!"

"Make my sun black."

"YES, SIR!"

"That's my Government. Go to it, boy. Make me proud."

"YES, SIR!"

"... uh, boss?"

"Why are you still here?"

[orwell]

1. Funny...

...and unfortunately, probably true.

[phoebe]

2. Schiavo will rear its ugly head again now her husband remarried

n/t

[sui generis]

4. it's not too late, there's still a chance she might wake up

:evilgrin:

[obreaslan]

5. I really shouldn't be laughing at that....

:dilemma:

[phoebe]

8. LOL..

n/t

[benburch]

3. You could build a structure in space...

in geosynchronous orbit 368 km in diameter to block the sun from that single point beneath it at the equator.

[baby_mouse]

6. Obstructionism! nt

[EFerrari]

7. If someone carried out that order, three people

would have to brief him. And in one syllable words.