Laugh Break! Things are getting way too tense in GD

[Coexist]

I actually posted this a few days ago, with no responses - sorry for the dupe, but its brilliant satire is still Tupperware fresh. Take a minute - Enjoy the read.

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/082606.asp

PRESIDENT'S REMARKS TO EVANGELICAL PHARMACISTS ASSOCIATION LAMENTING FDA APPROVAL OF "PLAN B" SLUT VITAMINS

Remarks by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Please be seated. What a pleasure it is to be here today with all you Evangelical Pharmacists! I think it's so awesome the example you folks set for America's youngsters: that it's possible to think evolution is bunk, and that virgin births and invisible flying people are real, yet still make your living suckling at the meaty teat of 2000 years of scientific progress. (Thumbs up.)

(Applause.)

<snip>
Now as we all know, this pill is not the abortion pill. The abortion pill is RU-486. This here "Plan B" is just an extra-strength birth control pill, which if taken within several hours after doing the nasty, keeps a fella's swimmers from drilling deep enough into a hoochie to make a full-fledged womb booger. Yes, you heard me right: Plan B will actually prevent millions of abortions – which is exactly why it must be stopped! Why, can you imagine how horrible it would be if the GOP-McJesus coalition were to lose abortion – its most effective fund-raising tool ever?!

(Boos.)

<snip>
So the next time some girlie hobbles into your pharmacy, still bowlegged from a long night of tag-team triple penetration by an entire basketball team of stupendously endowed Negroes, you tell that little whore she's shit out of luck! Tell her that as a God-fearing evangelical pharmacist, it is your DUTY to ensure that her filthy-disgusting hoo-hoo is to be used exclusively for the propagation of the Christian race.

(Applause.)

<snip>
In closing my friends, take heart, and keep telling yourself that while we may have lost another battle, we SHALL win the war. It doesn't matter that abortion is legal. It doesn't matter that RU-486 is legal, and now, that Plan B is easier to buy than a sixer of Coors. No, it doesn't matter either that your pastors, priests, or whatever other flavor McJesus guru you slavishly obey, has now lost this fight so many times, they're now arguing it on the single-cell level.No, friends, despite all overwhelming evidence to the contrary, keep telling yourselves that we shall prevail over female self-determination. Just keep saying it over and over and over again. Because if there's one thing we religious folk know, it's that reality, no matter how obviously true, can and must always be ignored.

(Applause.)

Thank you, and may God Bless America, Yet Still Find Time To Cast Horny Little Sluts Into The Pit Of Fire For Vicious Eternal Torture By Demons!

[HysteryDiagnosis]

1. Everyone step way back and take a

breather...

[NC_Nurse]

2. LOL!

I love it! Thanks...

[Breeze54]

3. Thanks!

But I already read it in my e-mail!! :rofl:

;)

[GrpCaptMandrake]

4. "Full-feldged womb booger"

Jesus, I just shot perfectly good beer out my nose! :rofl:

Thanks for that! After a shitload of heavy-handed SteveIrwinizing, I needed it!

Between this and the Nazi Pope excommunicating Harry Potter, I gotta say, it's been a helluva day!

[Coexist]

5. the "Plan B Slut Vitamins" is what made me LOL.

but the womb booger is a close second.