Write Your Own Script: Bush Family "Vacation Verbal Jousting"

[Sparkly]

In a GD-Pol thread by Human Torch showing photos of Bush's Kennebunkport vacation, DesertRat provided a description of the Residential vacation, including this, which cracked me up:

"Aside from the wedding, there was nothing on the public schedule other than time with his family - which often features speed-golf, fishing and plenty of verbal jousting."

http://www.forbes.com/business/feeds/ap/2006/08/24/ap2972138.html

DUers, what might this "verbal jousting" be?

My script:

********

Poppy: Junior, don't chew with your mouth full. We forgot to tell you that when you were growing up, and we were upset to see the note Tony Blair pinned to your shirt when you came home.

Chimpy: Pull my finger.

Jenna: Gross!! Hey, that's MY beer!

Chimpy: Finders keepers losers weepers.

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: I'm SO tired of worrying my beautiful mind over what a jerk you are, George.

Chimpy: I know you are, but what am I?

********

Your turn!! What "verbal jousting" do YOU imagine going on at the House of Bush?

[Frustratedlady]

1. Where's Laura?

I didn't see her get on the plane (unless she was already onboard) and they didn't mention her in this article. Curious minds want to know.

[Sparkly]

2. Okay, Scene Two....

Chimpy: Anybody seen Laura?

(Silence and blank stares...)

Jenna: Did you say something, Dad?

Chimpy: I think so, but I forgot.

[lonestarnot]

5. How could you miss fatass on a plane? She probably wasn't there.

[Sparkly]

3. Aw, C'mon DU, humor me... It's easy! Scene three....

Poppy: Son, we need to talk about this Iraq situation.

Chimpy: We're makin' progress. The Racky people voted.

Poppy: Skip the scripts, Junior -- even I knew an occupation would lead to chaos, and I can't even complete... finish a... we stayed the course and... sentence easily.

Chimpy: Like father like... person who's a ... can't be fooled again, Dad. When the Rackies stand up, we'll stand down; we're turning the corner; freedom's on the march.

Poppy: Junior?

Chimpy: Can't cut and run; enemy that lurks; the world is safer!

Poppy: Stop it...

Chimpy: Saddam Hussein gassed his own people!! We're spreading freedom and democracy throughout the middle east!! Democratic nations don't attack each other!!

Poppy: Well, actually...

Chimpy: You did it first.

Poppy: Why did we ever pick you instead of Jeb? Jesus you're an idiot... Oh yeah, that's why...

Chimpy: I am rubber, you are glue....

[Sparkly]

4. Scene Four (I DO realize I'm just writing for my own amusement now!!)

"Georgie Reads a Book"

Chimpy: "Then the boy. Said to Skip the dog let's. Run and play."

Andy Card: "Mr. President? The nation is under attack."

Chimpy (looking vaguely surprised): "Look Jane, said. Father Dick is running with. Skip."

Tony Snow: "Mr. President? A nuclear bomb was just launched off a ship in a California Port."

Chimpy (looking annoyed): "Let's run too Father, said. Jane. Let's run with Dick. And Skip."

Karl Rove: "George, this is a matter of immediate and grave concern."

Chimpy (looking immediately grave and concerned): "Run run run --"

Poppy: JUNIOR!!! The reading lesson is over -- stand up and DO something!!

Chimpy: You're not the boss of me.

[Sparkly]

6. Scene Five: "Georgie Takes a Bike Ride"

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: Now Georgie, remember your helmet, knee guards, ankle guards, bullet-proof vest, and special pills.

Georgie: Can I take my "100 Club" press pals, Mommy? When they run and I bike, I almost win!

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: Well, you took them last time, and two of them passed out from heat exhaustion. Just take your physician, psychologist, media rep, the Secret Service pals, the three ambulances and Karl Rove.

Karl: And remember, George: No "whistling show tunes!"

Georgie: Can't I take Helen Thomas on a run? Betcha I could win!!

Karl: If she suffered a heart attack and died, it'd be terrible press.

Georgie: Awwww, I NEVER get to do what I want!!

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: On the other hand, Karl, I think she's been depressed lately... You know -- *cough* Cliff *cough* Baxter *cough*...

Tony Snow: Let the boy have his fun with Helen Thomas. Please. Really.

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: Welllll....

Georgie: Fine then, I'm not going! I'll just stay home and play with my soldiers again. I never got to play the Iran game and --

Karl: Tony, Get Helen Thomas on the phone.

[Sparkly]

7. Scene Six: Georgie Jousts with the Generals (jump in anytime, folks!)

Georgie: Daddy, what's "incompetent?"

Poppy: Nevermind, son. You don't need to know.

Georgie: Mommy, what's "failure of leadership?"

Babs the Quaker Oats Man: Nevermind, son. You don't need to know.

Georgie: Barbara, what's "ster... strah... stra..."

Barbara: Strategy. Nevermind, Dad. You don't need to know.

Georgie: Jenna, what's diplomatomatery?

Jenna: I think it's a drink.

Georgie: Condi, what's foreign polity?

Condi: Being polite to foreign countries, or something.

Georgie: Huh?

Condi: Nevermind, George. You don't need to know.

Georgie: Dick, what's "nego-shia-shuns?"

Cheney: Hell if I know.

Georgie: Karl, what's a "General?"

Karl: Nevermind, George. You don't need to know.

Georgie: Yes I do! I have suspishuns some of 'em generals are sayin' bad things about me, Karl.

Karl: Ever heard of General Mills?

Georgie: Oh yeah. Got some boxtops in that there office, the one with Laura's rug in it.

Karl: General Mills makes cereal. Nobody pays attention to him.

Georgie: Promise?

Karl: Sure, George. Now go take your nap. We have work to do.

Georgie: Can Uncle Jeffy kiss me goodnight, and finish the story about Jane's Dick Skipping?

[Sparkly]

8. Scene Seven: Georgie Plays his IPod

Bolton: Mr. President, it's time for your briefing.

Idiot Son: "What's new pussycat? Whoa, whoa whooooah!"

Bolton: Republicans are facing serious setbacks for this year's elections.

Idiot Son: "Hello lamp post, whatcha knowin'? I come to watch your flowers growin'!"

Bolton: Things are falling fast, Mr. President.

Idiot Son: "The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball!"

Bolton: The War in Iraq is taking its toll on public opinion, sir.

Idiot Son: "Don't worry! Be happy!"

Bolton: Mr. President, are you listening? The nation is drowning in debt, the military's stretched thin, Iraq is in civil war, and all you're doing is listening to your IPod!!

Idiot Son (in Ethel Merman voice): "Everything's coming up roses!"

Bolton: This is your last chance, sir. You, your administration, and the nation itself has lost all credibility! The people are calling you a LIAR! A LIAR!!!

Idiot Son: "I like big butts and I can not lie..."

[driver8]

10. Scene 8...Georgie and Babs

Bolton: Oh, I give up. I'll be combing my moustache if anyone needs me.

Idiot son: "White lines...runnin' through my mind..." (from iPod). He is playing air bass.

Idiot son: (takes off headphones.) Hey, where is everybody? Little georgie don't like bein'alone!

(Babs enters)

Babs: What the H-E-friggin'double hockey sticks is wrong with you?

Idiot son: But Mommy...ah'm all alone. Ah don't like to be alone. It scares me.

Babs: Oh grow the f*ck up already, you little cry baby...and quit talking like you're from Texas!! We're at Kenebunkport...not that cesspool you call a ranch.

Idiot son: But Mommy, the people love me when 'ahm from Texas. They will hate the real me...

Babs: I'm starting to hate the real you, you waste of space!! Now put that IUD or whatever you call it away and go wash up for dinner.

Idiot son: Yes, Mommy...

Idiot son: Mommy?

Babs: What is it now?

Idiot son: Can I be in charge tomorrow?

Babs: We'll see...

[driver8]

9. Verbal Jousting at the Bush compound? That's kind of like

dueling with empty pistols, isn't it??

[Kurovski]

11. Here is one lunchtime encounter at the WH in Bush's own words...

as told to troubleinwinter, George's best DU pal at DU.;-)
(slightly edited for "clarity")

........ .......... ............ ............ ............

AYm back frum lunch...ribs an nine chokalitchip cookeys.

So big mamoo wuz heer for lunch an somthin reel crazee happent....she wuz sayeng how ann kolter wus the...lessee if eye ahmember...she sayed she wuz .."the mos yusefull sow she ever coralled, a skrawney skank...but full a eenuf pigshit ta blast away tha hole fucking state a eyeowa with won steenkin dump." ...sumthin liyk thayt...than she started ta giggel..an than kakle...an than she started ta turn blue an PoPPi had ta heinlick her. an than a big wet oystar floo out a her mouth an landed rite on the eyebal of a picher of some ol guy hangin on tha wall.

than she turned ta barney...ya kno bArney...he iz a tarreyer,an than she turnd to baRney an sayed.../"what'er yu lookkin' at you liddel shit-stump??"... an LAura sayed back to her..."mother bush...the dog haz a naym."

"yeah...shit-stump".iz the theeng Big Mamoo sayed back at lauRa.

an LAura sayed bak tu her..."dont start that again!!!1!" an than Mamoo shuved that big ol playt of deelishyus cookeys on tu the flor an stomped them inta a hunnert-brazillion liddel crums..
( i wuz gonna hav 10 cookeys butt cuwdn't no more sins she ruint them}.

see...wut tha theeng iz iz thayet Mamoo wan'et tu naym the dog BLONDIE whan we furst got him. an so she iz alwayz mad abowt it that we nevur naymed him what she wan'et us to!! an so she iz alwayz mad abowt it an cawling bArney differnt nayms like "anal gland" an... "bone muncher"....an "DampLeg"..an other stuf. she cawls him a hunnert theengs then wut is his reel naym.

at The time when she want'ud to naym him BLONDIE i sayed..."but he aynt even yelow!!" if he waz a yelow dog i wud cawl him "OL YELER" an thayt wud be a gud naym for him if he wuz yelow.

but he s not yelow!!!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=1357168

[RedStateShame]

12. Father and son, edited for spelling errors

Bush II: So, heh-heh, what did you do in your second term? (High fives Laura.)

Bush I: I never was as good a poltician, son, I was busy getting our soldiers out of Iraq.

Bush II runs away, crying, reminding himself to have Homeland Security pat Bush I down on his next flight.