One Day in The Life Of A Single Low-Paid Mom...

[mntleo2]

President Clinton says that Welfare Reform is working. I am am angry and below is why. I did not experience all of what I write, but most of it, it is a composite of what welfare moms all over this nation experience. I want you to know this is what "success" of what he speaks looks like.


...Here is what it is like to be a single mom with 2 kids, 2 McJobs, whose deadbeat father refuses to help her with finances. Sit back and close your eyes and imagine this is you. Here will be your typical day.

Arise every morning at 3 AM so you can make sure the dinner, lunches, household chores, are prepared and the laundry is finished (because you had to haul the laundry to a laundry mat in your baby's stroller the night before and you did not get out of there until it closed and were too tired to fold and put everything away).

After you get all the chores done, wake up the kids ~ your 2 year old is sick and running a fever, but DON'T you DARE consider staying at home with her! You could lose your job as well as a day's pay. They don't have sick leave and this would break your whole family because then you would not have enough to pay the rent. Besides stressing the kid out on the bus when they are already sick, and a trip to the doctor's is too expensive in order to bring a note to work to "prove" you are not a deadbeat yourself. Nope at least she will be at daycare ~ where she probably got the disease anyway since most of the other kids have the same situation with their moms. And that sore throat and cough you are beginning to feel yourself? Ignore it because it is just not considered right now ~ if you developed pneumonia because you are not getting enough sleep, you can worry about that later, so gulp down some non-drowsy decongestants so your co-workers won't be mad you are coughing all over them.

You all have to catch the bus at 5 AM because your 1rst job begins at 7 and you have to drop off the baby, which adds an hour to your commute. When you get to work10 minutes late because the bus was running behind, dread the thought the phone will ring again about your oldest stealing from the neighbors. You had to leave him at home, he is 13 and getting into trouble because you are not there, you have never been there because you work odd hours (over 70% of McJobs are odd hours late at night or early in the morning). Work does not like getting calls from the police or school officials about teenage delinquents and you have already lost one job because of it.

The boss calls you into her office. Seems like besides you coming in late for the third time, she did a credit check on your finances because this is one of the job requirements. Your know the rules, three times late and you are out and besides, your credit is shot, she says, so they are going to have to let you go. They just cannot tolerate this kind of behavior! She does not care it is because the crappy wages you make do not allow for the electric and phone bill to be paid (because your paycheck was short, they took out #100.00 for uniforms), so you chose to pay rent instead. A trip for utility assistance takes a whole day off work and gathering a bunch of papers that you don't have (your ex kept the birth certificates and it costs 30.00 each to get another one). She tells you that she is going to dock some hours from your last paycheck because they did not take out enough industrial insurance for the past few months, sorry about that ...

You collect your stuff from the break room and head out to the unemployment office to look for another job. You have just 2 hours since your other job kicks in and you better not be late for it either. By the time you get there on the bus, you have 1/2 hour to look for something, but there isn't anything much in your field of expertise, so you head out to the other job. When you get there, the boss asks if you would stay an extra 2 hours because his staffing is short ~ of course since you are only part time, this does not mean you get overtime pay, but hey it is some extra hours and you will need it until you can fins something else. You ask if you can use the phone to call the daycare, but he says phone usages is limited to work, so you tell him you need to go to the pay phone down the block to call your daycare. Generously, he allows you to punch out to go do that.

While on the phone to the daycare, the worker tells you your child is running a temp and this is not allowed at the daycare. Would you please be so kind as to come immediately and pick her up? When you explain why you called, you tell them you will try to get your friend to pick her up, but you are at a payphone and this will take awhile to track him down and see if he can do it or find someone else. Long pause on the other ends and then she says, “Don’t you love your daughter?” Through tears, you choke back your grief and say with the most normal voice you can muster, “Of course I love my daughter. I will do my best to either be there or get someone else to pick her up (and please allow them since they are not on your list).

When you get back, your boss is waiting, tapping his foot because you took so long. “Get out there and start ASAP, we need you to cut those fries, we are almost out!” So you get on your apron and begin to work. While working the cutting machine, you slice your hand BAD, but wrap it up and keep moving or you will be docked even more. It hurts and the blood is still oozing, but you keep working.

When you get home that night, your son hands you a paper to sign from school. Seems like he was caught smoking cigarettes and they suspended him. He has a whole bunch of friends over and they are all hanging out, laughing, talking. The place you tidied is a mess, full of dirty glasses and plates, one kid is sleeping on your living room floor, they drank up all the juice you were counting on for dinner, and the dinner you prepared is gone (your son passed it all out to his friends), someone left the refrigerator door open all day and the milk is spoiled for your 2 year old. You dig in your purse and find just enough to walk down to the corner store to buy some more. Maybe you can raid your “stash” for the bus fare tomorrow, but someone, your son or one of his friends, found it and took that too, probably for video games. Your hand is throbbing from the injury you got earlier at work, but you dip it wincing into the dishwater anyway because you cannot fix anything for dinner unless you clear off the counter. The baby starts crying because she is hungry.

While on your way to the store with the baby stroller, you run into a neighbor who tells you that another neighbor has called into the management to complain because your son had loud music playing. The look on her face says, “Where the hell were you ~ doing crack with your boyfriend in some alley?” You begin to prepare an excuse in your head as you finish your errand. You will probably have to write a letter and find some way to smooth things over …

As you arrive back home from the store, you hear loud rap music coming from your house. Your toddler is watching in fascination as your son and his friends look up in surprise when you walk in. An odd smell is in the air. Marijuana. You ask them all to leave, but your son tells you, “Go to hell you stupid whore!” and the whole room explodes in laughter. You realize that the only way to get them all out is to call the police so you go to the phone to call. It is dead. They cut it off today because you were (again) late with the payment. There is a knock on the door and when you answer it, it is the police responding to another complaint from your neighbor. You begin to wail in frustration so they take out the cuffs. The other policeman is picking up the pipe and residue from the smoking your son and his friends have been doing. “Is this yours?” he asks and is skeptical when you tell him no.

The son and his friends are nowhere in sight. He is so angry at you. The night before you and he had an argument because he wanted you to go with him to a baseball game at the Boys and Girl’s club he was playing in. But you were too tired and had laundry to do. He screamed at you, “you know what? Those stooopid jobs you work? I could make more in a DAY on the street than you make in an entire month! And that dumb church you attend? They don’t give a rat’s ass about you or the baby and me! And that protest you went to where you spoke to the legislators? They don’t care, they are not listening and they won’t do anything but make it worse!” You realize that the “example" you thought you set, how hard working people are supposed to make it, is not where you or he are going. You are merely going to lose everything you worked so hard to maintain ~ again.

The police cuff you and put you into the squad car while you are sobbing uncontrollably, and you see a Child Protective worker taking your baby who is screaming and reaching out to you, out to her car.

It is going to be a long night ~ but you will probably make it to work on that 2nd job …

[Occulus]

1. I want to kill myself a little bit after reading that....

Crap.... and I know people who live like that; there really isn't anything they themselves can do. They're already doing more to keep it all together than any of us ever have to.

Republicans love situations like these. I honestly think they love to see people have to deal with crap like this. It strokes their supposed superiority or something.

Poor people are lazy. Riiiiiight.

[JitterbugPerfume]

2. oh man!! do I remember those days

and things were EASIER when I was raising kids alone in the 70s-80s, well except for the golden Reagan years when while working for the State of Indiana I couldn't BUY a raise <sigh>

I was so lazy that I worked two jobs


damn

[Saphire]

44. didnt' our great leader tell us it was "lucky" that you were working

two jobs? Someone here must remember that quote, if so, please post it here. I, too, remember those days, and I'm not far from them now.

[Sugar Smack]

3. My God. Nominated.

That was the most powerful, awful and well-written story I've seen in a long time. Your illustration was horrifying. I think everyone should see this.

[Subdivisions]

9. You are right...

My God.

[Sinti]

4. Yep, been there

Except for the rebellious teenager part - my son was very well behaved. By the time he was old enough to get in that kind of trouble I had managed to get a telecommuting job. Thank god (or Al Gore if you prefer ;))for the Internet.

If only people understood this is what it's like. It's not just that people are irresponsible, bad with money, or drunk. And it could happen to just about anybody, especially with the way the economy is going.

[w8liftinglady]

6. this is exactly the way it was and now is for me...

except that I have great kids.I have to work 2 jobs now,and I'm a freaking nurse!I can imagine how it is for people who haven't had the priveledge of education that I have had.Recommended.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

5. Painful and true

And the really bad part is no matter how hard you work you know things aren't going to just get better.

[The Backlash Cometh]

7. It will take many, many of you coming out and telling your stories.

I think the newspapers are writing articles that just focus on the successes.

A few weeks back I read a rather large article tauting the success of the rehauled welfare system. It started out that people's worst fears did not materialize. It gave about 98% space to successes, and only 2% were one liners about, yeah, there are exceptions or, yeah, it was tough at first. We need to hear more from you and in the mainstream press.

[jwirr]

13. The researchers are also defining success as "getting a job, getting

off welfare". They are not looking to see what kind of life the family has or the economics of the family. Out of sight - out of mind.

[mntleo2]

20. Tomorrow I Have An Editorial In The Seattle PI ...

I will post a link to it when it comes out, they said they will print it. But it is not this personal, it is telling people that the only "success" they tout is that the welfare rolls are reduced. They do not know (or care) where these people went and what happened to them or their children. We do know that poverty is increasing and spreading, that more and more are without healthcare, that more and more whole families are becoming homeless, that one of the major reasons children are removed from the home is because of poverty, and this is directly related to Welfare DEformed, because they have no safety net any longer.

IMO the reason why they do not know is that they do not want to know. They would just prefer to concentrate on the meaningless number of reduced welfare rolls, pretend the impacts have nothing to do with it, and to hell with what happened to them.

My 2 cents

Cat

[The Backlash Cometh]

22. Excellent! PM me if you start a thread so I won't miss the link.

[conflictgirl]

24. There was even a similar program on NPR last week

It was mostly people talking about the successes of welfare reform. I tried to call in but couldn't get through. If I remember correctly, they had some assmunch on there who was saying that now that welfare isn't available, people found that they don't need it anyway. The whole program pissed me off - and it was on NPR! It wasn't even like it was on Rush or something.

[The Backlash Cometh]

29. I think it's backlash time because we have an issue that is very much

being media-slanted to the right and we've all seen this before. We need a Spike Lee or Michael Moore to come in and make a movie, not just about telling the story of the side we're reading in this thread, but of all these shows and newspapers that are pushing a right-wing agenda. This is extremely harmful because it perpetuates the Republican's division of the classes. They continue to believe that they don't have to think about the poor people they are exploiting because they can fend for themselves during these hard times. Republicans don't deserve that kind of peace of mind.

[Subdivisions]

8. K&R

What an emotionally stirring account of a story that takes place by the millions in this country every single day.

[jwirr]

10. Very good. I remember having it bad on welfare in the 60s but it

is worse now. A living wage would help in this situation but not completely. You would still not be home for your son and daughter. They should raise the level between where you qualify for continued welfare assistance and still work so that it reflects a living wage. Also a universal single payer health care program would help. Increase earned income credits and flex time for sick/emergency leaves. Bill and Hillary Clinton have no idea!

[grace0418]

11. Why does it say President Clinton? Is this an old account?

Just curious. Great story though.

[mntleo2]

21. This Could Have Happened Yesterday

...and is happening as we speak all over the country. Of course Clinton knows it. Why he keeps on denying the truth is anybody's guess, but he does have a lot of help with the wonks he hangs with who are into a lot of denial about alot of things and only speak with one another, they do not listen to the likes of me. He is no longer dependent on votes ~ but his wife is, so I suspect that is part of it, however I do not know why. I find it angering because it has caused so much more grief and anguish for everyone. Do not believe for a moment this is something that is a special case. It is common for the poor to go through crisis es like this every day.

Cat

[Breeze54]

23. This DID happen yesterday and is still happening!

This is why Clinton's name is in the OP!
The politician's were looking for a scapegoat! Who better than poor women/parents? :sarcasm:
They can't 'really' fight back, can they? :sarcasm:
After all, Clinton swept the problem right under the rug with this bill!
THIER PROBLEM!!!!! They were tired of dealing with it!! (read his comments below!)

The 70's and the 80's were HORRIBLE as a single mother, contrary to what someone else stated above!
I can only imagine what they're like now, with small children!
And now that fucking asshole 'terrorist' in the WH and the Senate cut child support enforcement funding
and child care, head start, food stamps and rent assistance and the list goes on and on and on!!!!

THE REASON CLINTON'S NAME IS IN THE OP!!

http://cgi.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1996/news/9608/22/welfare.sign/
Clinton Signs Welfare Reform Bill, Angers Liberals :grr:

WASHINGTON (AllPolitics, Aug. 22) --

President Bill Clinton today signed a sweeping welfare reform bill that ends the open-ended
guarantee of federal aid and shifts much of the responsibility for public assistance to the states.

snip-->

Clinton said "it's far from perfect legislation, but will go a long way toward
overcoming "the flaws of the welfare system for the people who are trapped in it."
"When I sign it, we all have to start again," Clinton said.

:wtf: "And this becomes everybody's responsibility.

:redbox: After I sign my name to this bill, welfare will no longer be a political issue. :redbox:

:redbox: "The two parties cannot attack each other over it. :redbox:

:bluebox: This was the REASON for it!! To save THIER ASSES!!!!!! :nuke:

"Politicians cannot attack poor people over it. There are no encrusted habits,
systems and failures that can be laid at the foot of someone else.
"This is not the end of welfare reform, this is the beginning,
and we have to all assume responsibility," Clinton added.

In a talk that seemed aimed at liberals who have accused him of betraying poor children,
the president said he and Congress can correct what's wrong with this bill, but they could
not afford to miss the chance to fix a system that does not reinforce the values of work
and family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh really, you fuckhead Clinton!! You actually wanted us to believe they would FIX IT??? What a crock of shit!!!!
I lived through the nightmare described above, minus the pot smoking 13 yr. old!
I testified in front of the state senate, about increasing the monthly welfare grant,
to a bunch of fucking asshole senators who had just given themselves a raise but wanted
to CUT welfare assistance even more!
At the time, with ONE child, the grant was $276 --- A MONTH!!!! A month!!!!
And I was fighting for child support in the courts, which has a long waiting list for court dates!
It took me two years to get an order!!!
I was working full-time, going to school full time and had a two yr old!
I did do laundry in the bathtub because I didn't have the coin for the laundrymat or any way to get there!
My car engine had literally blown up and I had to use a bicycle to cart my kid back and forth to daycare and get myself to work!
Life was fucking hard and I'm barely recovered now from all of that!'
My heart goes out to the OP and everyone else who has been and is in this situation!
Sorry for the rant but this tripped my trigger! :grr:

Hat tip to the OP! ;)

[mntleo2]

36. You Speak The Truth, Sister!

I Know Hon, I know so well! I also go and testify to those assholes while they look me up and down assuming I am a crack whore just wanting a free handout so I won’t have to work for a wage. I know why you are recovering and some never will because there is little help for the kind of benign abuse happening beyond pale and people do not have a clue unless wespeak up.

One thing is true that these legislators think: No, I do not want to work for nothing, while having psycho bosses who think nothing of making life as difficult as they can because some lazy-assed CEO wants to bring up the numbers. They have that vacation home and boat payment to make doncha know.

In the 80’s I worked for a cabinet shop hoping to apprentice as a carpenter. The only woman journeyman who was there got punished for obeying the rules.

One day a CEO from the front office came into the shop with some guests, drunk on his butt and swaying. He leaned over, his face almost touching a table saw that would have cut it in half, leering and showing off for the guests. He was also known for going around behind women that were working on those saws and giving them a “friendly” little pat on the butt. If he would have gotten hurt or killed, you would have betcha that that woman journeyman would have never worked as a carpenter again and would have not had any union support. She asked the CEO to leave the shop area because that was her job to ensure safety (and a rule HE probably made). Within the week she was demoted for some made-up reason. And the good ol’ boys network was hard at work there. Did the expensive union do anything for her? No!

The union happily docked our first paychecks at minimum wage for $150.00 for initiation fees and took 50.00 out thereafter for the time I worked there. They gave away the store every time because the president of the union was a fishing buddy with management. One time, knowing we had a good case, we women got together and went to the union to complain that this CEO was coming behind us and feeling us up while in a noisy shop where we could not hear him. Because of quotas, we worked furiously at giant table saws, cutting lumbers to size for the cabinets. Imagine getting goosed right out of the blue with ear plugs and goggles on where about all you can see and hear is your work ~ and you are about 6” away from a powerful saw. We tried to explain to the union that besides being disrespectful and that it was illegal, we were in a dangerous situation and someone could lose a limb or fingers if he kept doing that. But the union just laughed and patted us on the shoulder and told us we were being too radical. After all, he was just being friendly, doncha know.

No other woman made the apprentice position in that shop or got her journeyman’s license. After irresponsible management (they hired people like the son of an investor whose main talent was as a professional frat boy), the shop closed about 2 years later in the red ~ and took with them all the pensions that some had been earning for over 20 years. The frat boy has since inherited his father’s vineyards and wine business and is doing swell. The rest of the shop? They are slowly dying off one by one from inhaling toxic fumes, asbestos and the like. And who can they sue to get help with the medical bills? Why nobody because, well it doesn’t exist anymore.

My point is here that working for a wage is not “doing something” for your country, while raising children is “doing nothing”. Even “good” union jobs have some issues and working for psycho bosses is the norm in even union McJobs. If anyone thinks working for someone like that is “better” than being a parent, they are ignorant asses! As a person who came from WOBBLIES, affiliation with this union was the beginning of my now radical stance against unions unless they actually act like one ~ which sadly many don’t. We do need worker’s rights, but many unions pretend to be on your side while they go into the back room with management and lick his leg. John Sweeney is a golfing buddy of Bu$h and Clinton and you can bet your sweet bippy that they are making deals for the company (to hell with the workers) at every stroke.

And at the bottom of the barrel are working mothers who have little representation and are the canaries in the mine. If they can set precedence with us, they can set it with the rest of America and undermine what little labor protection we have with the laws in place.

My 2 cents

Cat

[Breeze54]

45. I was in a 'union' also....

What a joke that was!!! I got passed over time and time again, for the men,
for the "good" jobs. It was a a 'non-traditional', male dominated job.
I have since moved on to a 'cubicle' computer-type work, also male dominated
and the same shit happens!! They had four women in that dept. and over 100 men!
That should tell you something! I was an aberration!
They gave the men the great hours and I suspect; higher pay!
They bumped me off my four day/ten hour shift to a five days a week shift,
working from 12 pm to 9:30 pm; weekends included! Why?
To get rid of me! I was a 'complainer'!
I didn't want my almost 13 yr old home alone at night! Argh!!!
You try getting a babysitter for a twelve year old! It isn't happening!
I also was one of their best! I know that because they told me so but that
didn't matter to them! I was a pain in the ass because I had a child!!! :sarcasm:
I could go on and on, with what life is like for a single working mother.
It isn't a fun story or a pleasant one. Every Mom I knew was scraping by...
Every Mom I knew was trying to get off welfare or stay off welfare!
Nobody wanted to be on it! But they had kids to care for and had to swallow
their pride and ask for help. It's not requested easily, at all...
After welfare "reform" took place, life got even harder for a lot of families.

They aren't "just" single Mom's, they're FAMILIES!!

"It takes a village"; eh, Clinton? Give me a break!!!

[conflictgirl]

55. The union when my husband worked for SBC (now ATT) was also ineffective

I am a lifelong union supporter, having seen my dad get fired for trying to organize a union at the shop where he had worked for more than 20 years (then got his job back). Now he works for GM, which sometimes has a strong union and sometimes doesn't. The union at SBC was absolutely ineffective and was clearly far more on management's side than on the side of the employees they were supposed to represent. It was enough to make me look at unions with a little more skeptical of an eye too. I would still call myself a union supporter, but clearly some unions aren't much better than no union at all. In some ways they can even be worse because they give employees a false sense that the union is there to protect them, while meanwhile the union is taking out $50 per pay period for dues. The union got their money but didn't do any of the work they were supposed to in exchange for that money, which is pretty hard to justify even when you're a strong supporter of unions.

I totally agree with your point too about working for a McWage being considered doing something for your country, while raising your own kids is considered doing nothing. I stayed home with my kids for 6 years, at great financial sacrifice, because I believed it was worth it. I am not anti-daycare either, but cheap daycare is often detrimental to children. Now that I *am* working, I would much rather have the taxes I pay support women who want to be raising their own kids, rather than paying for low-quality daycare while mom works a McJob. This country has really screwed up priorities sometimes. But I guess "family values" only apply if you're wealthy enough!

[CollegeDUer]

12. When the Right took over America finally, it went from a war against pover

A war against poverty to a war against the impovershed. All the mainstream political options now rarely mention poverty, not much more than lip service. John Edwards has spoken up, to his credit, although his solutions are more tentative and political than the kind of New Deal idealism we need (I'm looking at you, Kucinich).

[Cobalt Violet]

32. Yep, and now it has expanded to the war on the middle class.

They won't be happy until we are all living this way.

[jeanarrett]

14. The only thing I don't understand is why

is she considered a "welfare mom" in this story? She is working. Do you mean that Welfare Reform put these women back out on the street to work and therefore, they are no longer welfare moms and this is the struggle they ended up with?

I have 5 children and have been raising them pretty much alone for the past eight years and I've also always worked full time, albeit the 9-5 thing. My kids always behaved too because they knew if they didn't there would be hell to pay. But there were healthcare programs, etc., that were available to me until I could insure my kids through my employment (or afford to). This was not Medicaid, although they did qualify for that too during certain years. I also received WIC and free immunizations while eligible, through the state and my children were eligible for headstart and went. I thought I had it pretty good and managed, but it wasn't always easy. I never received food stamps, but my kids got reduced lunches for a few years at school.

It just seems to me that some people seem to be falling through the cracks with medical help, etc. Am I wrong?

[mntleo2]

15. Yes She Is Working But ...

My point was this is that Clinton has no idea where these moms went.

You are asking a good question and a good paying job would be a HUGE answer, but not all of it since most welfare moms have *no* back-up or support.

*the major reason for applying for welfare is that there are no other resources ~ no extended family able to help her, nobody there for her children but her
* and if she applied for welfare it is because the father is not supporting her usually, only 40% of welfare moms even have a court order for support, much less getting it paid
*over 80% of these moms were married before they landed at the welfare office, which puts her immediately to work ~ ANY job even below poverty wages is "better" than caring for her children
*over 70% of these mothers came from domestic abuse. some because their husbands are in jail and a growing number of them are women who had military husbands who are sick themselves.
* the idea that a welfare mom is lazy is beyond pale. This is unpaid work that women have done from time immemorial and is therefore not respected or thought of as "work" worthy of support. Venezuela has enacted money for stay-at-home moms because they value her work. We do not.
* Corporate welfare is WAY beyond the welfare budget, which is less than 3% of the national budget while corporate welfare is literally thousands of times more ~ and you notice Clinton is not talking about that or comparing it to what parenting adds to this country while corporations add little except jobs, lots of low paying jobs ~ nor is anyone talking about it.


This could be a mom who would be taking care of her children rather than running around working some McJob that will drop her in a second with nothing but a low-income wage to compensate her for. A McJob who will not hire her in 15 years when she is over 40, sick from the stress and not as young and pretty. Transitional housing is full of these older moms, many with advasnced degrees, btw. The children she is trying to rear are not being reared by anyone ~ and they are the next generation to run this country, fight in our wars, and be parents themselves.

Welfare does not allow for mom to go to school even for a GED. It is not counted as "work". Where do you think she will be in 15 years, but in the same place? And as for her kids, they are often angry (from feeling abandoned, left to fend for themselves, particularly after the age of 13 when there is no place for them to go), they are in trouble, and without anyone to guide them while she is struggling just to keep her job.

The idea a mother (or father) is "doing nothing" unless he/she is working a job, any job, is not a good idea IMO because it is saying that parenting the next generation is not worth anything while flipping burgers is "doing something better". And as I said, while I was at work almost ALL of the above happened to us and I am not making it up. I have never been an alcoholic, a drug user, a criminal and I am typical (and without trying to sound judgemental because I believe it is needed, at least the drug abuser gets some consideration as having a disability).

Hope this helps you see what I am trying to say.

My 2 cents

Cat In Seattle

[jeanarrett]

18. Thanks--I see what you are trying to say, and I understand

the dilemma. I didn't understand the original OP because she obviously wasn't on welfare in the "hypothetical" -- she was working, so I didn't know why she was referred to that way. I see now you were spelling out what it meant the hypothetical mom went through as a victim of Welfare Reform.

I don't understand what society expects these women (and a few men, I'm sure) to do. Even some mothers who are married (or not) and have good paying jobs and benefits, would like to stay home and raise their children, but cannot afford it economically. I don't make a ton of money, but I make more than two McJobs and it is still hard to make ends meet and I get child support too. We always run short at the end of the month.

Granted, I have run into the "few" in the grocery store trying to buy booze and cigarrettes with their food stamps and trying to bully the cashiers into letting them. You wonder who is home with their kids(?) I have also stood up to them and have been threatened to "have my ass kicked" outside in the parking lot. It is these few that people see that give all the rest a bad name. I've had friends and relatives on welfare and it's certainly no picnic. Hardly a decent existence at all, so if there are those out there thinking these women are living high and mighty off the great government hog, they ought to come and try it themselves a while.

But what can we do to change this?

[mntleo2]

19. We Can Support Livable Wages, Healthcare,And...

Respect the work that women do by supporting them. After all when you are rasing children, you are contributing to the future of this country. When you work a McJob, you are contributing to, what? Their bottom line? Your paycheck that wopn't begin to make ends meet? More pollution and corporate welfare for them?

Sometimes a person who does not have children says, "Well why should I support someone else's children when I chose not to have them myself?" I will smile at them as sweetly as I can and ask, "Then who is going to change your Depends when you are too old to do it yourself? Are you going to get up out of that wheelchair and go fight the wars we may have when you are old? How about fixing that mainline outside your door? Are you going to do that? Don't depend on the upper class to do it because they won't do it now. Would you like some underpaid, ignorant,resentful next-generation person "forgetting" to clean you up because they aren't paid enough to be that concerned, or for your water to be shut off because nobody fixed the main, or to be expected to leave your home and go out and kill that enemy that is invading your town?"

They usually mumble something and walk away, lol.

The truth is (to me) that, the future of this country is at stake if we do not support and nurture families so they succeed in every way we can. So for one, write to your legislators both locally as well as nationally and let them know you support families by making sure we have a decent safety net, that the one we have is not enough. If you see an article such as the one Clinton wrote for the NY Times today, don't let it pass by unchallenged! Write them (and him) and respectfully disagree as well as question them as to why they think poverty is so great, while reducing the welfare roles only makes people even less able to be parents. and btw, why is 3% of the budget so pressing to remedy when literally billions more are being wasted, like Halliburton losing 8 billion dollars?

Post here, tell your story so others can see what DOES work. A good job, healthcare, an education, and child support would almost guarantee success for women ~ and "success" means being able to support a family, be a mom and give to your family what it needs so it can create a better community and future for all as well as enable these (mostly) women to grow old with grace.

What is the most threatening to the neocons in all this is that, a single woman is threatening who is empowered to do for herself and not depend on a man for her success. This is why they are making it so impossible for her to succeed. They want us to marry someone ~ anybody and almost 1 billion dollars in Welfare Reform is set aside to do just that, force her into another marriage. Another abuser, or a drunk, a drug dealer, hey as long as we sign that marriage license, well things should be peachy keen. Forget how that money could educate thousands of women and/or provide affordable housing, help with childcare, and/or raise the grant which, in my state, has not been raised in over 12 years.

Thanks so much for you concern. It means a great deal to me that you asked and entered into a meaningful dialogue about this. There is much to do and it is a big task, but the more people questioning the policies of this nation, the sooner we can improve them, not make them worse.

Hugs! :hug:

Cat In Seattle

[Sabien]

33. Fun with Math

"Corporate welfare is WAY beyond the welfare budget, which is less than 3% of the national budget while corporate welfare is literally thousands of times more"

This cannot be true.

2000 x 3% = 6000%

My math teacher back in Junior High said that when dealing with percentages, the most you can have is 100%

We get nowhere with our points of view if we fudge our numbers.

[mntleo2]

43. Yeah Agreed Though The Point Is

...that 3% is nothing compared to corporate welfare. When Welfare DEformed was enacted, military was at 47% of the budget and they have a great deal more waste than welfare's measly 3% of the budget. They used welfare mothers then as a diversion to draw attention away from the massive waste and fraud already going on with senators and representatives giving it to them. I do not know what the numbers for the military are now, but suffice it to say it is more.

The point is as we take more and more to pay for the war (and further enrich Halliburton CEOs and Cheney, who have more than the whole welfare budget combined), we take away from the needs of this country and finance the "other" war: the war against the poor. This has been and is a thinly veiled attempt to draw attention away from the REAL thefts and blame low income mothers. If this is acomplished, they can take their "victory" to another level, beginning the dismantle of the middle class using these mothers as precedence.

I agree 100% is the maximum, and agree with you for pointing it out that exaggeration can be used against us ~ as if the other side does not exaggerate and outright lie every day. Still the point is well taken that "literally 1000 times more" is not completely accurate, while the right is allowed to do whatever they want. Since we lefties cannot ignore anything that is not perfectly done, such exaggeration makes it possible to overlook the glaring truth that 3% is nothing compared the hundreds of billions of our tax dollars that does little or nothing for this country except make more war, poverty, especially increasing poverty with the middle class, while creating a huge the gap between the rich and the poor.



:spank: <---Cat is properly spanked

Cat In Seattle

[proud2BlibKansan]

54. 3% is actually a decimal

so your problem should read 2000 x .03

[leftofthedial]

16. is this a great country or what?

capitalism is a great system.

as long as corporate executives are making 4000 times what a minimum wage worker makes, all will be well. They are worth whatever they make and who can fault them for taking the money?

[KansDem]

56. I often wonder about this...

CEOs like Dick Cheney are so far removed from their product or service that their worth is only measure by a number on a voucher. Unlike small business owners, who more often than not, are on the premises of their businesses and actually see the customer or prepare the product, CEOs strut around in plush offices all day in their three-piece suits attending meetings and lunches while making decisions based on a page of numbers and percentages. The same goes for wage-earners: after a day's work, a wage-earner goes home thinking about the over-demanding or unsatisfied customer or the quality of the product made or produced. Self criticism is the norm as to ignore it is to invite poor job performance and consequent termination. Yeah, we all have our stories about pissy customers or shoddy craftsmanship, but we also know that those conditions, if unchecked, could come back to bite us in the derriere. When I get my paycheck, I think about all that I've done, the good times and bad, and the numbers after the "Pay to the order of..." become more significant. I doubt if the Dick Cheneys of the world have ever had to worry about this...much.

[leftofthedial]

17. I don't know why it double posted . . .

delete

[tyedyeto]

25. Thank you!

Even though I have never been a single mom, I can relate to what 'she' is going through.

At 54, my children are grown and after going thru a divorce and re-locating, I can understand what this single mom in the OP is going through. If I didn't have a S/O the past couple of years, I would have gone through all my savings for the past 30 years, just to be able to afford normal living expenses.

How young single mothers get by is beyond my comprehension. My heart goes out to them.

[ninkasi]

26. Meanwhile

The moral majority spends who knows how much in making sure that a scared, pregnant teen-ager, who came from the same kind of home the OP is speaking of, is sentenced to give birth, even if she feels unready. Maybe her boyfriend made her feel loved for a little while, and she just yearned to be held, to think she mattered. She knew, probably, that her mom loved her, but was too worn down by the burden of keeping her family going that there wasn't enough of her to give to her job, the home, and her kids. She couldn't create more than 24 hours in a day.

So, daughter is pregnant, boyfriend vanishes, she is left expecting a baby at the age of 15, and her mom is crying, because how the hell will she stretch the pitiful amount she makes into raising another child? Yes, the Republicans want to make sure that the family suffers some more. If the girl truly wants to keep her baby, or give her baby up for adoption, that's one thing, but so many don't, and are still made to carry an unwanted child to term, because she has to jump through too many legal hoops put up by the Bible-thumpers. So yes, hallelujah, good people that they are, they make sure the child is born. After that? Hey, honey, you shouldn't have spread your legs. Tough shit. Get a JOB, you lazy whore. The values party.

[hedgehog]

27. Paul Krugman referred to President Clinton as to the right of Nixon and

Eisenhower in a column this week about the growing disparity in wages. I'm wondering why people here can't seem to realize that.

By the way - you left out of your story the constant worry about the son hanging out with the wrong bunch and getting shot some night.

[depakid]

50. I saw it-

Clinton and his "triangulating" i.e. coopting and legitimizing the far right did more damage to the country and the Democratic party than almost anyone realizes.

Welfare deform and income siparities are only one of man dysfunctional policies brought to us by Clinton & Co.


Media and financial derugulation are two notable others- but there many, many more.

[misanthrope]

28. The saddest part of that story...

...The hateful things that oldest child yelled in the next to last paragraph? Essentially, they're right on the money.

[B Calm]

30. WOW! You should send this to your newspaper!

[The Backlash Cometh]

31. It should be a rebuttal to Bill Clinton's op-ed.

[Name removed]

34. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Sugar Smack]

35. "Welcome" to DU!

:rofl: :hi:

[rman]

37. The government is responsible for legislation that undermines

workers' rights, allows for substandard minimum wages and un-affordable healthcare - to name a few.
This goes way beyond the poor choices any individual might have made.

[Phillycat]

38. Heh. Enjoy your stay!

:hi:

[Sugar Smack]

39. *snort*

:spray:

[ProfessorGAC]

40. Life Does Not Exist In Two Dimensions

Your thought processes, unfortunately, appear to do just that.
The Professor

[Phillycat]

41. I love you, Professor.

:loveya:

[stop the bleeding]

42. Live like Jesus

don't be crude and enjoy your stay

ANNOY A CONSERVATIVE LIVE LIKE JESUS


conservative:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:they don't even know what the word means.

[MISSDem]

46. Why would someone have two children with someone

who doesn't support the first one?

[Le Taz Hot]

47. Bingo!!!!

I realize this is SOOO Un-PC but, life is full of choices. Goddess knows we all make bad ones from time to time but with some (like certain members of my own family) it's a way of life. That way we can whine to everyone about how hard life is. And yes, I've been there (while growing up when I had no CHOICE) and I made CHOICES not to stay there! Flame away.

[Love Bug]

48. My best friend's oldest daughter is a condom baby

Sometimes it happens in spite of our best efforts.

[conflictgirl]

49. My third child was conceived after my husband's vasectomy

And I had a history of sub-fertility on top of that.

I didn't used to be so sympathetic to unplanned pregnancies, because it was so hard for me to get pregnant that I figured it was always possible to prevent them. And then I got pregnant with child #3 despite *two* major obstacles of subfertility and a vasectomy. And I was still nursing child #2, which is supposed to act as a natural form of birth control as well.

As they say, shit happens.

[MISSDem]

52. We are not talking about people who are married and want

to have more children, are we? I thought we were talking about women who are living hand to mouth and should be paying attention. Right?

[conflictgirl]

53. We didn't want more children, hence the vasectomy.

My husband was also unemployed and I had been staying home with the kids, so economically it was not a good time to be pregnant either. Some people have told me I was irresponsible to have gotten pregnant then under those economic circumstances. To this day, supporting 3 kids is a real struggle. I considered abortion to the point that I made two appointments and canceled them the day they were supposed to take place.

It's just not always black and white.

[mntleo2]

62. Not All Birth Control Works

It is not a thing of "not watching" and when you are married and hoping the relationship will work out and pushed by society to MAKE it work out, it is not so simple to just assume if you are married to an ass, drunk, druggie, or whatever that someone will refuse to have children. About 90% of ourselves would not be in existence if this were so easy of a decision.

And about the women who are abused by their husbands ~ many of them raped weekly. They do not have the choice often ~ I know women whose husbands replaced their birth control pills with pills like sucrose! Abusive men know what keeps us down and children are their biggest weapon. Even when we do not want another child, shit happens ok?

And the next thing most common with welfare mothers is they came from a family who could afford children but who fall on bad times. Often the wife is "replaced" by someone younger and prettier and a second family is created by the father. What is SHE supposed to do when the father refuses to help with the expenses and/or pleads poverty (while working under the table and/or telling the judge he has two more kids by the new wife)? What if they stay married but both lose their good jobs and are forced to live in poverty with no medical care, which causes strain on the marriage and eventual divorce? More and more places are making it damn near impossible to obtain birth control for low income people, even when you ARE married.

You cannot judge these people. Most had children because at the time they were affordable if planned and when it isn't a planned pregnancy it is because birth control is not perfect and does not work for everyone. Most women do not take their decision lightly ~ a child is a huge responsibility and any woman knows how much harder their lives will be with that child.

Society (especially men) expect women to do all the work of making sure a baby is not conceived, But I say if men were taken to the cleaners EVERY TIME they conceived a child, perhaps they would be more careful about where they stick themselves and perhaps they would also work harder to make a male contraceptive that works. Men have been angry at a woman for deciding to keep their baby pretending they have no control. I call BS on that. The moment a man ejaculated without protecting themselves (whether or not the woman was protected) was the moment THEIR choice was made. And when EVERY SINGLE CONDOM IN THE WORLD IS 100% safe and when it breaks and people like you will say he is the one at fault, then perhaps we can find some way to support women with children.

Men are not held responsible enough for their children and should be. If they "decide" to be a father, then oh, aren't they SO noble and SO wonderful? But if they abandon their children to the street, well then nobody looks down on hims and then it is HER fault for being so poor and decideing to have them. About 80% of the women on welfare would not be there if the other parent would support them. And children who are abandoned by their father is a form of abuse. So men do not seem to get it that THEY should be held just as responsible ~ and sometimes they are even supported by clueless women who think this is just fine ~ until it happens to them.

Grrrr!

Cat In Seattle

[MISSDem]

63. "People like you" (being me, I assume) couldn't agree with you more.

At least on your premise that men should take responsibility. So I reiterate: Be very careful whom you choose to bed because there is always the possibility that there will be a baby to consider. Back to economics 101 - finish high school, don't have children until you are married (remembering the caution above) and please save a little for a rainy day, ie, live beneath your means.

[MISSDem]

51. Why would one still have sex with someone who would

not support the first child? No man is that irresistable.

[nick303]

57. self del

[IsIt1984Yet]

58. ok, nick. YOU know everything, huh?

There are FAR more truths in there than exaggeration.

I speak from experience. You don't.

[IsIt1984Yet]

59. Nice move with the delete. Your ignorance was showing.

That was deplorable.

[nick303]

60. I haven't changed my opinion

I'm more of a hard data person than a dramatized fiction person.

[IsIt1984Yet]

61. Like I said, your ignorance was showing.