What "Lack-of-Rapture" excuses will we be hearing tomorrow?

[Cyrano]

Well, it's August 22, Rapture day. Is it a sure thing, or does King George have to sign some kind of presidential "finding?"

What excuses do you expect to hear tomorrow after the rapture fails to occur? "The dog ate my rapture." "Jesus had the wrong address."

Any guesses?

[TechBear_Seattle]

1. The prophesy actually said "rupture"

Jesus had to cancel, as He was being fitted for a hernia truss. He'll let us know when He reschedules, though, don't you worry.

[mike_c]

2. Aug. 22 didn't really mean THIS Aug. 22....

:rofl:

[acmavm]

3. Maybe the can recycle the old ones left over from Dec. 31

1999. (And event then they were a year late. They forgot to count the first year.)

[mcscajun]

4. None. Today isn't supposed to be "Rapture Day"; that was two weeks ago

Today is supposed to be "Iran nukes Israel and starts WWIII" day.

It's up to the neocon nutcases who've been saber-rattling about Iran to apologize when we're all still here tomorrow. Don't hold your breath, though.

[hippiechick]

5. They couldn't get the time zone thing worked out ...

... and before they got the Rapture rolling, it was already Wednesday in the other half the world, so they decided to reschedule.


:rofl:

[badgerpup]

6. Like I told ya...it was HACKED!

...by Lamont and his Godless Liberals, Pagans, Muslims, Sunnis, Shias (who are secretly allies...just ask Little Ricky!) and Islamofascists, GLBT, and for all I know, the snakes getting off the plane that transported what's-his-face who may or may not be involved in the death of JBR.

It's a friggin' insurgency, I tell ya...:crazy:

[warrens]

7. Darn, we gotta get someone who passed algebra to get this right

[peekaloo]

8. God balked at the massive shipping costs!

[MountainLaurel]

9. Christians can't "cut and run"

While the place is in such bad shape.

[underpants]

10. “I don’t think anybody anticipated the rapture of the levees.”

[underpants]

11. If we had known was flight and seat number the rapture was on...

we would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it

[underpants]

12. Are we safer with or without the rapture?

[underpants]

13. Why do you hate the rapture?

[underpants]

14. As Cheney warned luckily they were re-elected if Kerry had won..

we surely would have had the rapture.

[Hubert Flottz]

19. The Corps of engineers should have...

anticipated the "rapture" of the levees. The sheet piling foundations beneath the concrete caps on those levy walls, were driven in the ground only about half as far as they should have been, to have been capable of resisting the added inward pressure, that the rising water exerted on the top of the sheets and the concrete cap.

The increased weight of the high water just pushed the tops of the walls backward. The specs called for the sheeting to be driven down about 18 feet below the waterline. The sheet piling was driven only about ten feet below the waterline. The Corps saved millions in material and man-hours when they built the walls on the cheap.

The government had to have known that the walls would fail, before the water topped them. I've worked on enough sheet piling jobs to know, that the Corps of Engineer inspectors know their business!

[Warpy]

15. Same one as August 3

"God decides when it's time." "Many are called but few are chosen," meaning hey, it happened, but you know how strict they are in heaven. You just don't KNOW anyone who got raptured!

Funny, though, these nutcases all think if King George can start a big enough war, he'll kick Jebus off that heavenly throne and force him to come back here.

It's really hard for me to wrap my mind around that kind of arrogance.

[Vickers]

16. "The dog ate my rapture."

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Hubert Flottz]

18. My little sister tore up my rapture.

[bluerum]

17. i raptured 3 time last night - it was lovely. nt

[ProfessorGAC]

20. Clinton and Carter Will Be At Fault

If they hadn't meddled in the order of things, and had those stupid peace initiatives in the Middle East, the Rapture would have happened today.

Damned liberals.
The Professor

[deutsey]

21. Out of curiosity: who's making the claim that "It" will happen today?

:shrug: