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Some know most of their lives why they're here. Some never know. But all of us wonder if there is, indeed, a reason for being.
We all play the game. The questions are, inevitably, all the same. Why are we here? Do we mean anything? What will I accomplish with my life? Is there more to life than mere survival?
Some turn to religion when they can not understand. Some turn to liquor, drugs, sex or some other distraction, hoping that in the end they will somehow discover more than an altered state of consciousness. Some reflect philosophically, trying to piece together the universe and their place in it, trying to know if a carbon based lifeform on a meaningless little planet in a meaningless little solar system in the armpit of the Milky Way in an infinite universe has any place in the history of existence.
I see why some turn to religion--I do. It's difficult enough to comprehend our place on Earth than to try to see the whole picture of infinity. Religion puts things on a more personal level, though it certainly limits the scope of our curiosity. Many religions prefer that the masses look to that which is already written instead of looking outward and finding new answers, new questions. Much earthbound religion stifles the creative spirit, but gratifies the soul searching that haunts so many. It makes life bearable for those who are confused or too stressed by life in general to contemplate eternity. It makes those content who refuse to want more. But it doesn't answer the basic questions: why are we here? What purpose is there for life? Does every person have a destiny? And if not, why not?
A dear friend of mine passed away in 2003 from a terminal illness. Her purpose became clear to her when she was diagnosed with the illness, which arose from another condition which many people have--sleep apnea. Her condition was a death sentence, but she lived three years longer than the doctors gave her. She fervently believed that she was to warn others that sleep apnea was dangerous, and that if people didn't heed her warning, they might be given the same diagnosis as she had. She lived with an oxygen tank for almost ten years, with the condition known as pulmonary hypertension. Eventually, congestive heart failure is what killed her, and her last years were horrific, but she was a devout Catholic and her faith sustained her to the end. I admired her for that, and for trying so hard to live with the horror she suffered so much. I lived in California for most of that time, but we talked daily, sometimes two, sometimes three times a day. I felt closer to her than I felt to most people I saw every day. I truly believe, too, that she had found purpose and was only going to be stopped by death in her determination to fulfill that purpose.
Others I know can't see their purpose, even if it's staring them in their faces. They block their own destinies by refusing to listen, they make up alternatives to their true purposes, and eventually waste their lives by living incomplete lives. They show no remorse for their wasting away of what they have been given, and in the end, one does wonder: who will take up the mantle of their failed mission? And even in that moment, one has to question whether the mission isn't worth it after all.
I think of George Bailey and his own attempt at discovering his life's purpose when I question my own time here on earth. I wonder if the world would have been better off if I had never been born. It might have happened.....my biological mother gave me up for adoption when I was 9 days old--to her own brother and his wife. They'd wanted kids, but after 5 years hadn't had any. Until I came along. If it had been 20 years later, it would have been possible to have had an abortion and not given me up for adoption, and so I would never have been here. Do I believe in abortion? Yes, I do. Would the world have been better off with such a decision? Who knows? I'm here, aren't I? But it does raise many questions, and little in the way of answers. We're not all George Baileys. Not all of us are going to have that great of an effect on the world as we know it. Not all of us are going to invent penicillin, discover the atom, save lives or even affect more than a handful of people in our lives. Not all of us are going to be extraordinary, or even above normal. And our purpose might not even manifest itself until we are dead and gone.
Some might remember an early episode of the original Star Trek called "Tomorrow is Yesterday" which was one of the time travel episodes. It concerned a jet fighter who happened unexpectedly upon the Enterprise when it went back in time to about 1969. They beamed him aboard, and he ended up learning about the 23rd century, knowledge which could have jeopardized Earth history if they sent him back. They checked out his life, though, and found he hadn't made a significant impact on history in general personally, and so they were going to take him back to the future, until.......until they found out it was his great grandson who was on the first manned flight to Saturn--and his own son hadn't even been born yet. So they ended up putting him back to the moment when he first encounters the Enterprise on their way back to their own time, and erased all of his memories of the future. His purpose, therefore, was not imminent, but a purpose, nevertheless. While he was not going to be a great explorer, he would certainly instill in his children and then in his grandchildren the need, the desire to discover, to learn and to always look for answers. His time on earth was not misspent, and while not a purpose he might have expected for immortality, it was a purpose which would lead to far greater things for mankind down the line.
Are we all going to make our destinies? Are we all going to find our purpose in life? Are any of us even sure where our place IS in the world? We might never know, or we might know already. If we know, we're lucky. If we don't know, we might be luckier still, seeking out and finding the answers to that very question. But regardless of where we are in our search, our lives are up to us to live, either in the dark or in the light. The action of decision will help guide us in either attaining answers or repudiating them. And our completed destiny, noble or otherwise, will be the ultimate hallmark of joy or pain in our lives.
"Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.” ~ Carl Schurz
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