What if modern football was run like modern business?

[jmowreader]

//Before the game...//

"We're at Bank of America Stadium in historic Charlotte, North Carolina, on a beautiful fall Sunday for a historic matchup between the Carolina Panthers, who at 3-1 are second in the NFC South, and the New York Giants, who are trying something just a little bit different today."

'Yes, Brent, it seems that on Tuesday, the Giants were sold to a group of CEOs, who have decided to manage the Giants just like they manage big businesses. It should be a rather interesting matchup as American Business takes on American Sport.'

"John, we have here with us CEO John Jones of the Really Big Corporation of America, who will discuss his team's strategy for today. John, what can you tell us?"

'We at the Giants Managing Group have decided that there's not enough teamwork on the Giants. We put eleven men on the field every weekend and they all do different things. We have decided that the secret to our success this weekend will be stopping Drew Carter when we're on defense, and catching passes when we're on offense. This new focus on single-minded teamwork will allow our football operations to run every bit as smoothly as our business operations.'

//After the game...//

"We're here with Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme as he talks about his role in this stunning 200-0 blowout. Jake, what can you tell us?"

'I can tell you that probably the one thing that really hurt the Giants this weekend was leaving nine other guys open on the field. Shooting fish in a barrel was harder than this. On offense, the center would snap the ball, the other nine guys would run to one place on the field, and one of our guys would just walk over and sack the quarterback. It was too easy.'

"And what can you tell us about the "Suit Up For A Snap" contest the Panthers ran in the fourth quarter?"

'By that time we figured we didn't have anything to worry about, so we found a fan who was wearing a replica Panthers jersey, gave him a helmet and sent him out on the field. While the Giants were all over there guarding Drew, I just tossed the guy the ball real gentle and he ran it up the field for six. Not much of a play but he'll have stories to tell his grandkids.'

"Do you think they'll try this strategy next week when the Giants play Denver?"

'The Broncos hope so.'

[ERF]

1. Thought this would be a thread about how the NFL and MLB

and NBA are monopolies. In Europe, soccer is much more free market.

This is actually really stupid, not funny and not at all based on reality. This is not how corporations run or decisions are made. It doesn't appear to be based on any logical premise.

[baldguy]

2. You've never worked at a large corporation, have you?

The Plan

In the beginning was The Plan. And then came The Assumptions.

And The Assumptions were without form. And The Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the workers.

And they spoke amongst themselves, saying, "The Plan is a crock of shit, and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "The Plan is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "The Plan is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "The Plan is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may withstand its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another, "The Plan contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors then went unto the Vice-Presidents, saying unto them, "The Plan promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice-Presidents went unto the President, saying unto Him, "This new Plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

And the President looked upon The Plan, and saw that it was good.

And The Plan became Company Policy.

and that is how Shit Happens.

[ERF]

5. To the contrary, I spent the first 5 years of my career

working for the major German Bank. Also wrote speeches for the CEO.

Which is why I object so obstrepreously to the story - because it is not based in reality. Its just dumb.

[baldguy]

9. jmowreader's story describes US corporations precisely.

Unless the company is very industry-oriented, the management has no clue of how it works & makes money. The CEOs have no real experience working for a living but they have plenty of MBAs, so the try to force whatever "hot" new management technique they've read last week in the trade mags that their vendors pay for. Its the "got a brand new hammer, so everything is a nail" philosophy.

In the US, the upper management, CEOs and board members often hop from one company to another to another to another...from one industry to the next. The idea is that if he was able to increase the value of the stock at his previous company, that means he's successful - and therefore valuable - and he'll be able to do the same again. But more often then not, they do worse for the company. They don't care that the value of the company's product & services are by far more important to the marketplace than the value of its stock. And the workers have a more direct effect on the value of those products & services than anyone in management.

One of the reasons that the US economy is stagnant is CEOs are valued more then their actual worth, as compared to their workers. Thats why the average CEO makes 300 time more than the average worker.

[ERF]

10. I don't know if your opinion is backed up by fact, because

It appears that US companies do quite well for themselves. There are political reasons people are payed so poorly. No one can expect a company to act "morally" only to act in compliance with the law.


You wrote: "One of the reasons that the US economy is stagnant is CEOs are valued more then their actual worth, as compared to their workers. Thats why the average CEO makes 300 time more than the average worker."

Sorry, but that is fully incorrect. There are structural reasons why the US economy is slowing and it mostly has to do with the dotcom bubble followed by a housing bubble. It is also the cyclical nature of capitalism /the market which has been the case now since the beginning of human civilization.

CEO pay is a moral issue and one that affects only the richest of shareholders. Paying the CEO less would give rich shareholders more money, not employees.

Higher employee wages would have to be mandated and/or brought about by labor shortages - either as a result of growth or reduction in immigration.

[unpossibles]

11. that is freaking hilarious n/t

[zbdent]

3. True ... all the high-priced athletes would be removed

and replaced with low-wage Mexicans who have shown low times on the border crossings ...

(that's humor, people ...)

[lectrobyte]

4. and not to mention the government subsidies paying for things like

stadiums and parking garages, and tax breaks to get the teams to stay. Oh wait, they do that already. Now if I could just figure out what the OP was trying to get at when they started this thread...

[jmowreader]

12. I was actually referring to the "teamwork" craze

Our finest CEOs and MBAs have decided that the American worker is incapable of functioning independently.

Together Everybody Achieves More!

If you don't believe that people have to work in teams to be effective, you're just an old fart that we'll get rid of at your next review.

Check this shit out: Food Lion, the supermarket I go to, requires "shelf stocking teams" at least in Fayetteville. You're not allowed to stock shelves by yourself. I asked--if there's another shelf-stocker in the building, stocking by yourself is grounds for termination. (Which means you have to run all over the store like a deranged mental patient looking for someone to work with before you can start working on your own.) And it's not because two people are needed to push the cart of merchandise that's to be stocked--each person gets his or her own cart. The two of you have to stand in the same aisle within 10 feet of each other and put product on the shelf. Supermarkets have light product, so whoever came up with this one wasn't looking at "team lift" situations like we have at Home Depot. He also wasn't looking at the idea that if you spread your stockers out, they can direct twice as many customers to product because they're in twice as many places. I also think they'd get done quicker if they were separated--they wouldn't spend half their time gossiping or talking about rims.

Hence the tale. The totally-inflexible, CEO-driven Giants were stomped by the more-traditional Panthers because the CEOs decided to force a "team" concept on the Giants without seeing if it would work in real life--which is also how big business runs today. A business is like a football team--everyone needs to be focused on a common goal, like moving the ball into the end zone or making and selling more washing machines this quarter--but just as on a football team, a business team shouldn't be a bunch of people stepping all over each other.

No sports team works like a business team. No military team does. In football, the backs have a different set of duties than do the offensive line. In hockey, the forwards don't do what the goalie does. Field artillery is FULL of people who've never touched a gun. Yet all these people are critical to the success of the game, or of the mission.

In business? "Everyone work on the same thing."

Ugh.

[ERF]

6. I was amused. n/t

[USA_1]

7. modern NFL: modern business

Both are run by corporate fatcats, subsidized by government handouts, stadiums are built at taxpayer expense, wealthy owners become richer, and poor taxpayers are further drained financially while being told that it's all for their good.


Same difference.

[Xenotime]

8. I think modern business needs to run like a game of football.