A Personal Story, Or

[cali]

why I'm sensitive to antisemitism.

I live in an area where there are very few Jews- less than 1% of the population in my state is Jewish, and most of them don't live in this part of the state.

A few years ago, when my son was 12, he and a bunch of his friends began, unbeknownst to me or his dad, tormenting one of the two jewish kids in his school. My son grew up in a household where he never heard anything derrogatory about any minority group, and he knew a fair number of folks who are jewish because I have several close Jewish friends. I'd been involved in the dance world for a number of years, and he'd met people of varying backgrounds. He's a good kid, and I feel badly even now, writing about this. I still don't know how it happened, best I can come up with is a sort of Lord Of The Flies mentality. It culminated in two of the kids my son was collaborating with, painting a swastika on the locker of the child they were tormenting. My son, thank god, drew the line at that act, but the whole sordid tale of his involvement came out. I've never been more stricken. I felt sick. Sick for the poor kid who'd been subjected to this. Sick for his parents. Sick for my son. Just sick. It was traumatic. We made my son apologize. The other child's parents couldn't have been nicer. We went to a seder dinner at their home.

My son did understand that what he'd done was just awful and wrong. We don't talk about it often, but to this day, I don't think he understands how he got caught up in such ugliness.

That's my experience with antisemitism, and it definitely changed me. One of the odd elements to this sorry story is that there was one African American kid in the school, but he was never subjected, as far as I know, to anything like this.

So I am sensitive to it, and when I've seen it here I've been both saddened and alarmed.


Mods: If this doesn't fit with the rules, I'll fully understand the locking of this thread. Thanks.

[Fridays Child]

1. I think some here fail to differentiate between Judaism and...

...Zionism. I think there's a big difference.

Anyway, your story about your son is actually very cool because it sounds like he may have learned some important lessons from the episode. Depending on his age, I wouldn't necessarily expect him to understand the psychology and dynamics of his attraction to the group. That's pretty complex, on some levels. But the "gut" lessons he learned will certainly help to shield him from making similar mistakes, in the future. It sounds like you handled the whole thing very well.

[cali]

2. Thanks,

I hope we handled it well. In any case, what I almost worry about most, is how deeply ashamed he still is. He's 6'3, but still an over sensitive kid.

[chimpymustgo]

3. Does your experience affect your view of Israel's massacre and destruction

I've had my own personal experiences with discrimination. It makes me especially sensitive to the side that has a lot of innocent people getting murdered...everything they own destroyed.

That's just my POV.

[cali]

4. No

but it does make me sensitive to the very real and oft denied antisemitism I've seen on DU. And I am NOT talking about criticism of Israel, no matter how harsh.

What is your personal experience with discrimination; how has it affected your pov?

[AlienGirl]

10. This is not a thread about the war

How is it that any thread about anti-semitism becomes a forum for criticism of Israel, unless some people cannot distinguish between Jews and Israelis?

Tucker

[cali]

11. Thanks, AlienGirl,

and thanks for not locking this.

[chimpymustgo]

14. Is this a club? Why isn't this locked? It doesn't meet the "new rules".

And I responded about the war because such a large number of posts criticizing israel's barbarism in this "war" are deem "anti-semitic and/or are summarily dismissed to the basement.

Who do I get to thank for not locking or moving a thread?

[Fridays Child]

8. If he can process the experience as a moment in his life that...

...has changed him, his guilt will form the basis of a higher understanding regarding the world and his place in it.

To some extent, prejudice is a natural feature of the human condition but, as the owners of highly evolved brains and the guardians of this world, we humans have an obligation to rise above those tendencies. Those who, like your son, have had transformational, defining experiences are the lucky ones.

[Rowdyboy]

12. Don't worry overmuch about his shame.....

Shame can be a good thing, when its appropriate. It brands the mind permanently and the lesson is learned.

In 1974 while I was in college I was sitting around with half a dozen close friends and I told a sickening "joke" about the Holocaust. Then I remembered that one of my friends was a devout Jew. She forgave me but, 30+ years later, I still haven't forgiven me.

You learn from shame. It makes you a more compassionate, considerate person and thats a good thing.

Thank you for being a good parent.

[cali]

13. Thank you.

Those are reasurring words from someone who understands what my son has gone through.

[eissa]

5. I think every parent

worries about their child falling into that "mob mentality." I always worry about how my kids would handle such a situation. You can talk to them until you're blue in the face, but when they're actually in this situation, how will they handle it? I bet the seder dinner made a very positive impact on him. That was so nice of them to open their home like that.

[cali]

7. It was incredible of them to open up to us

like that, and yes we keep up with them, getting together a few times a year.

[MissB]

6. You are such a good parent.

No, I'm not validating you, really. It is just so wonderful that you not only made your son apologize, but went to a dinner at their house. Probably really good healing for all concerned.

[cali]

9. Frankly, I think what we did

was the very minimum of what one should do in such a situation.

[cali]

15. kick

just cause I felt like it.

[Behind the Aegis]

16. Thank you for sharing.

I am sensitive for other reasons..namely being that kid that was picked on for being a "kike." (For the longest time I thought it was "kite" and never understood why that was an insult. :))

[cali]

17. sorry that happened to

you. It's painful for children to be picked on for any reason, but I think its particularly painful for them to be picked on for something like ethnicity or religion.