Attempted suicide, the consequences. PSA..Don't do it

[cally]

I've debated about posting this for a year but I've finally decided to share my experience in the desparate hope that I can help others. Mods..this isn't about a medical emergency or asking for advice. Life is more stable now.

My daughter attempted suicide about a year ago. Just typing that sentence makes me cry. I thank God everyday that I came home, she called 911, and my daughter is better today. I'm not going to pretend that all is better but life has improved. I know that many here have considered suicide. I've seen the posts, usually locked, and I cringe. Just don't do it.


I won't get into all the psych evaluations over the years, but I've known my daughter was depressed since she was six. We've had various counseling, etc., over the years. At 17, we had hit rock bottom. Finally, we had a typical squabble about not getting up for school, not doing the homework, and just not meeting expectations. It wasn't a horrible fight but I left to go to work. Something made me know to come home and about an hour later I went home to check on my daughter. We were barely communicating at this time in our lives so I went in to talk to her with trepidation. I asked that she come out to talk to me and I noticed how sick she looked. I thought it was emotional. I asked about if she was sick, what I could do about it, I told her how much I loved her, I hugged her. I told her that I thought she seemed very disoriented.

A few minutes later, she handed me the phone. "Mom, they want to talk to you. " I spoke and it was the 911 operator telling me that my daughter had called 911 because she had taken an overdose and had just called. Well, I dealt with the emergency and found out what she had taken, Benadryl. That will kill you quickly if taken in an overdose. I'll just gloss over this but the police respond, counselors, school district personnel, firefighters. Taking a step back, it's amazing and reassuring what the response is.

She was put in intesive care and at the time she fought all medical help. I was lectured about how it was her life and she had the right to end it. No, she doesn't and neither do any of you.

I,ll just give a glimpse of where we are at now. I've got a daughter thrilled about heading off to college, proud of her year supporting herself, making wise choices about future majors. Best of all, she is willing to seek help. She's told my husband and I how much she loves us and then laughs and tells us we are insane. Fair enough.

So, I know my greatest gift ever is that my daughters are alive. I don't take anything for granted. I also see that there is a path beyond the depression and despair.

[MadMaddie]

1. You are very fortunate to have your daughter...

I don't pretend that I know a lot about suicide but I think that hearing stories like yours people will pause long enough to change their minds...

[cally]

3. I hope

That's my entire point. I thank God that she called 911.

[Phredicles]

7. 911/paramedics rule. I have a story like yours in some ways; thank you

for having the guts to share yours.

[merh]

2. thank you for sharing this with us, cally

:hug:

[cally]

19. thanks

I'm so impressed about what you have accomplished in the face of unbelievable peril. :hug: back

[merh]

23. I'd like to think it's because I had

a mother as loving and supportive and strong as you are.

Your accomplishments make mine dull and there is no envy in saying that, just sheer awe. :hug:

[cally]

24. I have an amazing Mom, too and many

others who have stood by us. Thank you.

[Tace]

4. Great Story -- Thanks

I've got two daughters -- six and nine. : )

[cally]

12. Love them,

and I knew she was different at a very early age. I just wish I had more resources to get others to acknowledge what I saw. It's taken many years, and evaluations to verify what I was concerned about. My advice to others is trust your gut.

[unschooler]

16. What did you see that concerned you at age 6?

Not trying to pry. Just wondering what you mean by "different."

[cally]

17. Her first grade teacher called us in to read a story that

talked about suicide. She had been a teacher for 40 years and she was concerned. It wasn't normal. More important, I knew at a much earlier age. She didn't look at others, she was too focused on objects instead of people, she got too upset compared to other children.

[unschooler]

22. Wow. How sad.

It's wonderful to hear she has made so much progress.

[tavalon]

31. Um, you just described mild autism to a "T"

Likely she was depressed because she was lost in her world and the autism was mild enough that she knew what she was missing. Now, this is second hand from many years later but I found it interesting that you described it so well.

As a labor and delivery nurse, I have taken care of a handful of newborns out of thousands who seemed to be tempermentally overwound and some wouldn't even interact. I used to wonder about those kids before my child came into my life and I still do, but now, I wonder if these children were autistic. Of course, when you have a hammer, as they say........

And on your original subject, one of my partners tried to commit suicide (second time in six months) two weeks ago. Luckily, both times, after her higher executive functions ceased, her subconscious found a way to sabotage it, thank goodness. Right after that, she ran away, back to Texas, hoping, I guess, to run away from her problems. She checked herself into a psychiatric facility there a couple of days ago. Today, she called and our son (the one I referenced above) said, "Mommy, hi" and most importantly, "I love you" before he got off the phone. I am so hopeful that she will find a way back to her sanity while in Texas and that she can rejoin us at some future time. I want her to be happy and more than anything, I want her to be alive. I hope she finds the strength to want that too.

This is so incredibly hard for her but it's also really, really hard for us, her potential survivors. Even an unsuccessful suicide attempt is devastating to a person's loved ones and I have to second your PSA - don't go there, please. Choose life.

[MissWaverly]

5. Your daughter is very fortunate to have you as a mother

thank god, you have found a way to break that ugly cycle. Many people who try suicide, keep
repeating their attempts. Thank God, you have been able to help her turn this around. What
a precious gift you both have been given. Only when you see someone go to the brink can you
appreciate the edge and the fall into the precipice.

[cally]

14. I hope

My point in all of this is I hope others are helped. Too many of us brag about our kids and we don't share the crisis. I think we need to.

[MissWaverly]

37. yes, the problem is Tv spreads the idea of disneyland

existence when people just do fun things, it's hard to understand what living really is all about in our society, it's all about looks, competing, there's too much emphasis on material
things and not enough on relating to others and our community.

[SheilaT]

6. There is a path. There is hope.

One of my friends has a daughter who is bi-polar, and their life is often unmitigated hell. The daughter is exceptionally brilliant, but very unstable. I cannot imagine what they go through daily.

Sometimes life just sucks. My oldest son has Asperger's, which in many ways isn't all that bad, but he's in his sixth year of college at this point (fortunately he attends a relatively inexpensive state university) and has two or three years at least before he has a degree. My younger son was picked up on possession of marijuana two years ago, went through diversion and didn't really learn a lot from it except how not to get caught. He's in college, did well his first year, has a girlfriend who is much too good for him only I'm hoping she never quite figures that out.

I keep on reminding myself that all of life is a journey.

I am so glad that your daughters are alive. They are so vulnerable at every age. When they're born, in those early months, we think it is so hard, and we haven't a clue how truly difficult it can become. I make a point of telling my sons I love them whenever I can. It won't change anything, but it makes me feel better.

[cally]

9. I hope in 10 to 20 years, we can just laugh

about all of this. I didn't mention all the various diagnoses she has had. She doesn't have aspergers, I think, but enough others to fill a notebook. Somehow, I hope I learn from all of this.

[tavalon]

32. LOL

Ours has an alphabet soup too! I haven't been around here much lately because I've been spending so much time at another board where I can talk more freely about the difficulties we are having. How did I survive without an internet support group before, I wonder?

[ALago1]

8. Thank you for sharing that

I hope you realize that your daughter wouldn't have made the remarkable progress she's made without you and your husband. You seem to be an excellent and caring mother and I wish the best for all of you!

[cally]

10. Give me 10 to 15 years, and then I'll

feel Ok. Yes, I do know we've tried our best. We've made a multitude of mistakes, but we've tried and never given up.

[kineneb]

11. looked suicide in the face

several times and didn't do it. I too have suffered with depression and dysthemia since I was about 4. I am glad your daughter had second thoughts. My greatgrandma didn't and died by poisoning herself. Keep tabs on her. Depressive episodes can occur if the person is under stress, even while on medication. Hang in there. PM me if you need advice.

Been there, didn't do it, didn't get a t-shirt...

[cally]

18. I need lots of advice

I'd appreciate any help you want to provide. I'll be honest. You shouldn't worry about what your great grandma did. Yes, it runs in families. But we can learn from their stupid actions. I hope you realize how important you are.

[liberalhistorian]

13. My 21-year-old nephew committed suicide

nearly seven years ago, and I cannot begin to describe the pain and devastation left behind, and it will never really go away. Whatever pain you're feeling when considering suicide, it's nothing compared to the pain of those who will be left behind, trust me on that one.

[cally]

15. I hope any considering suicide understand

The pain is overwhelming. I know I'm fortunate. That's the point.

I'm sorry about your nephew.

[Skittles]

27. no, sorry

my dad committed suicide, and I understand his pain was worse than mine will ever be

[bananas]

28. hugs

:hug: :hug: :hug:
pain sucks

[Skittles]

30. I don't think people can comprehend the pain

until they themselves consider self-destruction

[liberalhistorian]

39. I have, indeed, thought of

suicide in the past; it actually turned out to be a blessing because I was finally diagnosed as moderately bipolar with a strong tendency toward depression and got the treatment I so desperately needed and which will continue for a lifetime. I am well aware of the all-consuming, overwhelming, unbearable pain involved when considering suicide and I agree that no one can truly understand it until and unless they actually experience it themselves.

But that doesn't mean that the pain of those left behind is any less strong or important. I've been on both sides, thinking of it to the point of almost going through with it and experiencing a family member's suicide in my young nephew. Don't discount the pain of the family just because the pain of the suicidal person is so intense. I consider my nephew's suicide to be a total waste that could have easily been prevented had his schizophrenia not been so badly stigmatized and misunderstood by too many in his own family. T

here was help available for him, and to this day I blame my sister and her husband and his family for their treatment and stigmatization of him, and I blame myself for not doing more to get him the help he so badly needed. He was only 21 years old, for God's sake, an extremely intelligent, funny, friendly, talented boy.

[Karenina]

33. Mine too, Skittles

100% SOLIDARITY with you on that point. :hug:

[Ilsa]

20. Thank you so much for sharing that.

What an awesome story! Such an important message. I am so glad she is still among us!

[cally]

21. Most of the parents out there are thankful their child is still alive

I'm so lucky that I figured it out that it doesn't matter what they do just that they are. I'm so thankful she is still here. I'll never be able to express it in words but I truly rejoice everyday that she survives. Now, I'm rejoicing that she is thriving, but most of all she survives.

[niyad]

25. thank you so much for sharing such a deeply personal part of your life

with us. I am so glad you listened to your instincts that day--what an agonizing time you have all gone through. It is good to know that things are looking more positive now.

I have lost several friends to suicide over the years, two in spectacularly ugly ways, and the pain and anguish they leave behind is almost unimaginable to those who have not been there. Those who saw the two particular deaths I mentioned have mental images that will haunt them all their lives.

thank you for your courage, strength and love, cally, and know that we are always here for you.

and for any out there who are in such despair that you think suicide is the only way out, PLEASE, PLEASE call the suicide hotline, a counselor, somebody, and reach out to them. I can understand the level of pain that leads one to such a decision (been there myself), but please think about those you will leave behind.

Peace

[Skittles]

26. a very tough thing

so many misconceptions - kudos to you cally and your baby girl

[InaneAnanity]

29. Tell her to exercise and eat healthy

I've battled depression my entire life, and no psychiatric drug can do what eating well and exercising daily will do.

Tell her she'll be amazed. I was.

[The Backlash Cometh]

34. I'm happy that you're all enjoying life again.

But I can't believe that our emergency responders counseled you that she had a right to kill herself! You know, there something not adding up here. The government is giving kids the wrong kinds of rights. The one I just learned which makes absolutely no sense, is that parents who pay their kid's tuitions, are not even allowed to see their report cards. Yet the same school has the right to read each and every one of their e-mails. How odd.

[seemunkee]

35. We have had our concerns about our daughter

She was depressed and sleep deprived for years. Worked with psychiatrists and psychologists all along trying to find the right help for her. About a year ago things got really bad. Thankfully she never took any action but the desire was there. We all increased our efforts to give her support and went through numerous combinations of medications. She is now better and working on getting a portfolio ready to apply to colleges, we wouldn't have even contemplated letting her move out on her own last year.

[wicket]

36. I'm glad your daughter is getting the help she needs

Sounds like she and I have had some very similar life experiences. I wish you all the best. :hug:

[geniph]

38. I am a lifelong chronic suicidal depressive

and I'm still here - at nearly 47. If I can hang on, anyone can. I wanted to "not be" before I knew there was a word for what I wanted. My teachers noticed something wrong, too, and tried to get my mother's attention, but I had a very different mother from you; she never paid any attention, too wrapped up in her own pain to notice that of her youngest child. And really, when one is the youngest of 13, one does come to realize that one is hardly indispensable.

Anyway, there are certain things I tell other suicidal depressives to try to remember when things are the worst and you are living life with a thousand-pound millstone around your neck. Remember that getting outside and walking, even around the block, every day will not cure you, but it sure as hell won't hurt you and it will help, sometimes a lot. Remember that taking sleeping pills, tranquilizers and drinking alcohol may help temporarily, but they are all central nervous system depressants and will make you feel even worse the next day.

But mostly, remember that there are days when the darkness lifts. They WILL come again. If you die, you won't see those days. Suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that does sometimes go into remission. I've been (mostly) in remission for the last 7 years, after 40 years in purgatory and sometimes in hell. It IS possible. Live for the days when the millstone lightens, and hope for the day when you can set the damned thing down, maybe even forever.

Death seems seductive when you're in overwhelming pain. I know only too well how seductive. But it can just make things worse. I will never forget the guy I met who'd tried to eat a .45. It did not kill him; it just rearranged his face. He was depressed enough to commit suicide even BEFORE he'd done that horror to his face. I can only imagine how much worse life was afterward. I will never forget the daughter of a friend who jumped from a bridge, and lived, with most of her internal organs ruptured and nearly every bone in her body, including her neck, broken.

And I will never forget the friends who've had loved ones commit suicide, the friends who've had to spend days picking grey matter out of shattered bathroom tile, the ones who came home to find their son considerately wrapped in a tarp on the back porch so he wouldn't make a mess. None of those people will ever fully recover. It's not fair to inflict your own psychic pain on your loved ones. Sometimes you can't help it. But I try to remind other depressives that depression CAN go away. It is not, in and of itself, a terminal disease. Don't choose euthanasia as the cure.

[Generic Brad]

40. Best continuing wishes to all of you

I am so glad to hear she got the help she needed and that a tragedy was averted.

[Marie26]

41. kick

:kick: