Today's the day, right? Rapture Day?

[WilliamPitt]

Wasn't there some shit about 40 days after something else comes to August 3rd?

I'm ready.

;)

[SpiralHawk]

1. Man, that was last year

You are like, so totally LEFT BEHIND

P.S. - that's me in the actual unphotoshopped documentary scene below -- good olde Spiral Hawk at the top of the Upflow -- making my way to Heavenly Paradise while all you Liberal Sinners choke on the polluted planet the republicon christofascists have bequeathed to you. Excuse me while I smirk the smirk of the elite.

[Sal Minella]

People who didn't have their toes pointed didn't get Raptured???

[MallRat]

24. There's a reason they call it "Rapture."

If they were barefoot, you'd see their toes are curled.

[TahitiNut]

8. The Cult of Scottie.

The liturgy of "Beam Me Up" :eyes: I guess Icarus is their role model. :shrug:

[Bake]

51. Yeah, but Icarus lost his wings, as I recall

Something about flying too close to the sun. Hubris, and all that.

Bake

[TahitiNut]

55. He used wax. These people use duct tape.

:shrug:

[meegbear]

9. I thought the sky would have been chuck full o' these people ...

I guess the big guy's getting picky.

[fasttense]

13. Why are they raptured with their clothes on?

Would God need to have them clothed? They should all be naked in this picture. Now that I want to see.

[TahitiNut]

14. "Now that I want to see."???

My eyes! My eyes!! No thank you!

[AntiFascist]

68. This reminds me of an episode of "Six Feet Under"....

a truck full of helium filled blowup dolls loses its load and they all flow up into the air. A crazy woman sees this and steps out of car, thinking that she's witnessing the rapture. Then she's struck and killed by another car. Very profound.

[guinivere]

70. I read someplace where they somehow obtain a

white Rapture dress/robe. And you have to wait around with your arms in the touch down position. :crazy:


I hope they don't poop on all of the Left Behinders as they whoosh upwards.

[MallRat]

21. If the Rapture really happened last year...

...then Jesus must have pretty damn high standards. The couple of fundies I know apparently didn't make the cut.

That said, the past year sure as hell feels like the Tribulation down here, doesn't it?

-MR

[theHandpuppet]

23. I wonder what happened to that guy who quit his job...

... because he was sure the rapture was coming. Someone posted about this a few days ago.

[Renew Deal]

34. I thought we would all be raptured in the buff.

What's with all those clothes. Then again, don't tell the rapturists that they might see boobies. :nuke:

[sutz12]

46. Wow, just like Carousel.....

;)

[ReadTomPaine]

66. Yup.

[smirkymonkey]

48. Wait, I thought only white people got raptured?

[Algorem]

64. ain't they sposed ta be nekkid?

[IselaB]

65. Those fools! That's not Jesus! That's the SUN, not the SON!

They're all going to be burnt to a crisp! Quick! Derapture! Derapture!

[havocmom]

2. Really? Hold the high fiber cereal...

I want cookies for breakfast!

[spinbaby]

3. No, the rapture was on 6/6/06

You missed it.

[Sammy Pepys]

4. I thought today was the day we invaded Iran...

...because of $4 a gallon gas.

[Snivi Yllom]

31. I thought it was the day Karl Rove's indictment was to be announced

:)

[JuniperLea]

5. I'm ready!

I need a new car and I've always wanted to loot a liquor store!

I've been far too good for far too long... it will be time...

[notadmblnd]

6. I heard it was on a Tuesday this year

It was either this Tuesday passed, or it is next Tuesday, I can't remember which?

[mtnsnake]

7. According to the raving idiot evangelicals, the Mideast Crisis is latest

rapture and they're saying that Israel is following the bible or something by "defending" their own country and this is the latest rapture for sure.

Tune in same channel, same time tomorrow for the latest rapture when the last one doesn't work out.

[TahitiNut]

10. Well, it's been 42 days since my birthday. (They're two days late.)

:evilgrin:

[Algorem]

11. Please God leave me behind so I can schmoke up everybody's stash.

[Options Remain]

12. It was Tuesday.,

no-one qualified.

oops.

[VelmaD]

15. On the off chance that you make the cut...

and get raptured...I'll look after your cat. :)

[WilliamPitt]

17. The cat'll go before I do

:)

[VelmaD]

26. Then I'm thinking...

you're both probably rapture-proof. :P

Just think how much fun we'll have playing with all the left behind stuff. W00t!

[WolverineDG]

50. Not to mention

the fact that now all the nuts are gone, they won't be able to vote in November! :evilgrin:

dg

[gauguin57]

16. Duct tape? Tuna? What do I need to stock for the rapture?

Geez. Homeland security tells me what I need to stockpile every time there's a threat of ANYTHING. I have NO idea how to prepare for the Tribulation that's supposed to happen when all the Fundies are Raptured. Hey! Michael Chertof! What in the hell am I supposed to be doing to get ready for this?

[libnnc]

18. Hey, maybe I'll get somebody's car....

I should go trolling the fundie mega churches for a sweet new Mustang.

[MallRat]

19. All right... I'll say it...

I think they meant 40 "business" days, Will.

:spank:

I am a bad, bad person.

-MR

[VelmaD]

27. Heeeeee....

that was just wrong. :spank:

Funny...but wrong. *snort*

[MallRat]

30. I kid because I love.

It's just... when a juicy setup kicks off a thread like that, I can't resist offering up the punch line.

Sorry, Will. You threw a meatball right over the plate. No hard feelings. :-)

-MR

[WilliamPitt]

41. Set, spike

Ah, verbal volleyball. ;)

[deaniac21]

28. I still don't understand how that is calculated....

[arwalden]

62. Heeee!

[bigtree]

20. great

back to bed

[endarkenment]

22. I am so ready!

The world will be a much better place after they are gone. Hopefully the rapturization will take the true believers of all faiths and not just our own christian fundies.

Imagine no religion.

[Renew Deal]

36. Actually

Wouldn't we all be Christians?

[endarkenment]

44. Not in my version.

In my version of the rapturization all the true believers of the Jerusalem God get whisked away. It turns out that it was the devil who broke their faith into three warring factions.

[Philosoraptor]

25. You'll have to speak up, I can barely hear you up here in heaven

Suckerrrrrr.

[Ganja Ninja]

29. Sorry Will, it was yesterday and you missed it.

:shrug:

[k_jerome]

32. I think that was 40 BUSINESS days. nt.

[WilliamPitt]

37. MallRat already dropped that one

Post 19. Be quicker next time.

[k_jerome]

40. sleeping off a massive hangover. my bad dude. nt.

[WoodrowFan]

33. I'd hang around to discuss it

but there are free cars everywhere around here now, just sitting in the road with their engines running. Most of them seem to be Volvos and Prius' though, not a damn Mercedes, BMW or Jag in the lot.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

35. got a memo...

"Won't be in the office today. Having a pedicure and a facial. Basically a girl's day out."

-God

P.S. Can you stop this bombing shit please? Thanks a bunch!

[Swamp Rat]

38. Hey all you 'rapture people!!!'

[EFerrari]

45. Yeah -- the Army could use those Hummers!

:rofl:

[LeftHander]

39. Look out for diverless cars today.....

As those Christians ascend into the glory of Jesus they will leave those speeding SUV's behind to crash into God knows what...(I guess he would know...I mean HE is the one..white beard, hair, robes and all)

[SaveElmer]

42. It happened...everyone failed...nt

[JuniperLea]

43. Keep your eyes open for the "Hole in the Sky"

I'm looking through a hole in the sky
I'm seeing nowhere through the eyes of a lie
I'm getting closer to the end of the line
I'm living easy where the sun doesn't shine

I'm living in a room without any view
I'm living free because the rent's never due
The synonym of all the things that I've said
Are just the riddles that are built in my head

Hole in the sky
Gateway to heaven
Window in time
Through it I fly

I've seen the stars that disappear in the sun
But shooting's easy if you've got the right gun
And even though I'm sitting waiting for Mars
I don't believe there's any future in cars

Hole in the sky
Gateway to heaven
Window in time
Through it I fly

I've watched the dogs of war enjoying their feast
I've seen the western world go down in the east
The food of love became the greed of our time
But now I'm living on the profits of crime

[matcom]

47. if you see my dog flying by

errr ummm i'm really not sure WHAT you should do about it

maybe send me a PM if that happens

[Yavin4]

49. Can You Just Imagine The Party We'll Have Once The Fundies Float Away

My word!

[Bake]

52. "A day is as a thousand years"

I think that's somewhere in the Old Testament. So let's see, 40 days COULD be 40,000 years. So let's all check in again on August 3, 45,006.

Bake

[malaise]

53. So where's the celebration party

I'd love to have a drink, or two, or three to wave off the Fundies.
We can draw lots for their bank accounts.

[Rex]

54. I dunno, lemme ask Jesus.

He wants another hit, first. Then he will think about it. Jesus is bogarting the bong! Ha! He just made a funny! Wants more doritos.

[lectrobyte]

56. July 5th was the Church of the Subgenius's X-Day, when they believe

the flying saucers will return and take Bob's true believers away.

[Hubert Flottz]

57. I had been wondering where my dog went!

I'd looked everywhere.

Edit...My neighbor goes to church and his wife don't, so do you think it would be alright if I take up the slack for him snould he be called away?

[Critters2]

67. You really ought to be asking her eom

[LSK]

58. i thought it was last tuesday

Maybe that was only for the Central Kansas Tuesday Christ Fundie Sect.

[Cleita]

59. So what happens?

Do they all defy gravity and float up to heaven? Seems that would kill them off when they leave Earth's atmosphere.

So instead would UFO's that have life support pick them up and transport them there? Is this whole scenario something cooked up by ET's whose favorite book is "To Serve Man"?

:evilgrin:

[tinfoilinfor2005]

60. When I was a little girl my grandmother used to tell me the story about

when she was three or four, and all the grownups decided that it was going to be the end of the world because there was a comet coming that night. Every one in the entire town dressed in white and they all climbed to the top of a prominent hill in town to await the end of the world. Grandma remembered them singing songs and saying prayers. She said once it got dark, she fell asleep. Next thing she remembered, she was back home in her own bed, and life went on as per usual. She lived to be ninety three and loved to tell that story.

[leeroysphitz]

61. If it happens we may ALL get to go. Let my tell you why.

I have a theory. I am a skeptic and an atheist but all this talk about the rapture lately has got me to thinkin' (Ho ho!).

Here's the premise: True believers will ascend to Heaven at the time of the rapture.

Here's the theory: I don't believe in God and I see Christianity as a myth structure that can't be verified. I've never seen proof of the existence of any deity. HOWEVER, I consider myself to be open minded and objective (I believe in quarks and other things I can't see only because, through education, I've been exposed to convincing evidence.)

So, being an open minded atheist if I walked outside this evening, looked around and noticed thousands of people floating up into the sky while trumpets blared, and winged people with fiery swords were running around shouting, etc... etc... then at that moment I would have to believe. There wouldn't be so much as a doubt in my mind. I wouldn't choose to believe I would simply believe my own eyes because now, all-of-a sudden I would have PROOF, some fairly solid evidence-right?

So at that instant I would, BOOM!, become a True Believer and as long as that happens before the whole thing is over then BINGO! I was a True Believer AT THE TIME OF THE RAPTURE and so: I'm IN! Sweet!

It doesn't really seem fair to all the fundies who have been denying themselves any kind of real fun for all these years but hey the rules are the rules.

[SpiralHawk]

63. You forgot about Catch-22, Leroy

And BELIEVE ME, it's a doozy of a catch.

[guinivere]

71. So, no new car. No house. No big party.

That's no damn good.

[Horse with no Name]

69. I wonder if I have time to go out and buy new shoes...

For some reason I didn't know this.:evilgrin: