Pissed Off Wife

[ls317]

http://www.sunherald.com/mld/thesunherald/news/special_packages/renewal/long_beach/15177373.htm

HANCOCK COUNTY - Police are searching for a woman who allegedly dumped a pot of searing-hot cooking oil on her sleeping husband.

"I've been in law enforcement 14 years and that was the worse thing I've ever seen," said Ricky Fayard, lead investigator on the case. "His skin was dripping off of him."

Police believe Edna May Sanders turned on the stove Friday in her Diamondhead home and heated about two quarts of household cooking oil, waited until the grease reached a simmer and her husband was in a sound sleep and then poured it on him, covering his head, face, chest and arms.

[girl gone mad]

1. That's horrible.

She's wanted:

Sanders, whose maiden name is Miller, allegedly fled with the couple's two children.

Hancock investigators have issued a nationwide plea for help in finding Sanders, who faces felony charges of aggravated assault and domestic violence.

Police are asking anyone with information on Sanders' whereabouts to contact the Hancock Sheriff's Department at 467-5101.

[survivor999]

He must have done something terrible to her...

or she was just insane. Or both.

[pitohui]

17. this is a v. badly katrina affected area, she may have gone mad

i don't know how to excuse something like this, i can't excuse it

all i can do is assume she's quite quite insane

[sgxnk]

48. amazing double standard

how many posts in here claim she must be insane, or she must be a victim, etc.

iow, blame the victim when the DV offender is a woman

amazing double standard

fwiw, men commit the vast majority of serious DV crimes

irrefutable

men and women are about even when it comes to minor push/shove type stuff (one study out of canada claims woman are actually more likely to commit minor assaults but that the crime reporting stats are skewed since most men won't call police to report being pushed or slapped whereas a greater %age of women will)

regardless, it is true that the vast majority of domestic abusers are men

however, when a woman commits a heinous domestic violence crime like this, all of a sudden poster after poster jumps on with "she must be insane" "she must have been abused" etc.

incredible. nobody would jump to those conclusions if the offender was a man

but obviously, a woman CAN'T be an abuser, so these things MUST be the case (sarcasm)

i've investigated scores of domestic violence crimes. men are obviously the predominant abusers

but there are most definitely female abusers too

that's the reality

and automatically assuming innocence because of somebody's gender is just as wrong as doing the same based on race and such

it's absurd

[Matariki]

66. i was going to post the same sentiments

lot's of holding the victim responsible here, without knowing the facts. a lot of assumptions that he 'did something to deserve it'. it's disturbing.

[sgxnk]

79. we definitely agree nt

[alcibiades_mystery]

68. And we agree again! Shocking!

The immediate statement "he must have done something terrible" is ridiculous. She's a vicious criminal, is what it is. WTF?

[alarimer]

84. Because that is USUALLY what happens

The woman gets the shit beat out of her for years or has to put up with verbal/psychological abuse and finally can't take it anymore and finally gives the fucker what he deserves. It has happened far too many times and that is why people assume he had it coming, because a lot of the time he probably did.

I don't know that that is the case here but it may well be.

[survivor999]

102. And I'm ready to bet on it too.

[KFC]

104. That is an incredibly stupid take

There is no indication of abuse on his part based on what we know. We sure as hell know that she abused him.

The general presupposition that a victim USUALLY had it coming is bullshit. Although Pol Pot, and Stalin would probably agree with you.

[survivor999]

105. Also known as "priors".

[Matariki]

113. or maybe he "cheated" on her

or gave her some "lip". or whatever. fact is, you don't know what. and it's still a HORRIBLE thing to do to a person.

[shanti]

128. probably wrong

according to the story, they were only married a short time before this incident. but i understand what you're saying.

[Pushed To The Left]

116. I agree with you

If a man had done something like this to a woman, there would be no excuses made for him. We don't know the whole story, but this was a truly horrific act of violence.

[Name removed]

67. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[DistressedAmerican]

74. Would you say the same if it was a guy that did this to his wife?

Seems a rather funky reaction based on zero evidence.

I would be deservedly crucified if I said that a female victim of such an attack "must have done something terrible to him". That is what we call blaming the victim. Not sure why is is any more acceptable here.

[malaise]

77. True story

The husband of a close friend beat her up a few months after they were married. When he left for work she destroyed his entire record collection to let him know she was dead serious about being hit. When he returned home she told him what she had done and handed him a letter stating that if he ever attempted to hit her she would wait until he fell asleep, heat a gallon of cooking oil, stick a funnel in his ear and fry his brains.

He never hit her again - she stayed around for two weeks, filed for divorce and moved in with us until she found a new place. You'd be surprised how many spouses are burnt with hot oil and not by partners with mental disease.
Word is that he beat his second wife until she jumped on an aircraft with her kids and migrated.

[survivor999]

82. Great story.

Hope more women fight back.

[RPM]

126. guh - blaming the victim....

for shame...

[Fountain79]

2. That's it...I'm never getting married...n/t

[jobycom]

29. Well, if you do, convert to macriobiotics and sell the stove! nt

[MrSlayer]

3. Such a cowardly act.

To attack a person while they are sleeping.

[hfojvt]

21. sometimes the smaller, weaker person has no viable alternative

Read something like Rose Madder for a fuller explanation, albeit quite fantastical. Or get Dragon Tears by Dean Koontz and start at page 47.
But who knows if that was the case here.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

86. Not often.

The number of situations in which leaving is not possible but pouring boiling oil on someone while they sleep is is negligable. There *are* men who make it physically impossible for their wife to leave the house without their consent, but even as a fraction of abusive partners they are negligable.

The only time one is ever justified in attacking somebody else is if there is no way whatsoever to get away from them. Fear of them coming after you at a later date is *not* sufficient justification.

Unless every door in the house was locked, this woman should spend a good many years in prison.

[greguganus]

91. where does it say she was smaller and weaker?

Maybe she was huge and strong as a bull and mean as one too!

[silverojo]

26. The question is

Did he abuse her over the years, and if so, how badly? Usually in cases like this, a woman is pushed beyond the brink after years of being abused. And when the system won't help her...well...sometimes she has to take care of the problem herself.

Just another reason to love our laws....

[Clark2008]

40. Our laws are fine - it's the idiots who aren't enforcing them who

are the problem (says the former reporter who covered enough domestic violence for a lifetime).

[pitohui]

42. it says they weren't married that long

doesn't seem to be a question of any abuse "over the years" they weren't together over the years

i'm guessing the woman is batshit crazy

[karlrschneider]

70. They musta been married a couple years, it said they have 2 kids

...?

[pitohui]

92. the facts of life or things your mom should have told you

you don't have to be married to have kids and a woman can have kids that were not fathered by her current husband

the article says they were only married a short time, now if we are rewriting a work of fiction by stephen king or dean koontz we can make up any story we like about the couple -- but this is a real town, real people, real tragedy -- and right now the only facts we have are the published ones, the whole wife-beating scenario is completely invented, the husband was sleeping when he was mutilated

who is to say these kids, whoever fathered them, are safe w. this woman?

she needs to be located soonest

[HopeFor2006]

127. I believe the article stated that she fled with "their 2 children"

Perhaps we should wait until we hear all of the facts before passing judgement on either.

[Bake]

75. But they were only recently married

Still more blaming the victim here?

Bake

[Nicole]

4. I hope they throw the book at her n/t

[MoseyWalker]

5. I don't cuss often

periodically, yes, but not often.

Holy fucking shit! What a goddamned shitheaded thing to do to another human being.

I hope I don't read any responses saying "well, he deserved it because............."

bullshit. There are ways to deal with things, and this is not one.

[napi21]

6. I want to hear why. I'm not excusing what she did, but

sonehow, I don't we're dealing with Mr. wonderful here either.

[dorktv]

8. I doubt we are here as well. Generally to throw boiling oil on someone,

they had to have done a bit more then not take out the trash for the seventh billionth time.

[Nicole]

11. I don't think they were married long enough for

him to not take out the trash billion time.

"Authorities said the two have been married only a short time and what led to last week's burning is unclear."

[dorktv]

16. hmmm...then maybe we will have to wait and see.

[jobycom]

23. One of my best friends, who coincidentally grew up a few miles from

Diamondhead, was married about three months when her husband, who was continually accusing her of having affairs, threatening to beat her, locking her in the apartment, and just about everything else you can imagine, finally made good on his threats and beat her face repeatedly until it was ground meat. Miraculously, he decided to call 911 and she lived, but it was close. After many surgeries and many years she has most of her brain function back. She and he had come to Dallas to live near my wife and I before this, and I got to meet him. Constant schmoozer/liar type.

The DA in Dallas refused to press charges, basically because it was just to expensive to find him and make sure he showed up, so he was never tried or convicted of anything. I'm not sure he was even arrested. Further research showed he had an ex-wife he had not mentioned, and had ended that marriage in much the same way.

About a year after this incident, I got a call from a woman in Dallas (where I still lived) asking me if I knew the man, and if I was holding a puppy for him. She was his fiance, and one of his lies to her was that he had bought her a puppy but couldn't give it to her until after they were married, and I was holding it for them. Apparently he just remembered my name, and used it. I was too startled, and frankly too afraid he would come after my wife if I told her the full story, so I just told her there was no puppy, that this man wasn't very trustworthy, and dropped a few hints that she should leave him. I have always wished I had told her everything, and I still hope, 18 years later, that she left him.

So if someone had dumped hot grease on that filthy animal I would have given her a medal, and it would have been nice if the first wife had done it before he married my friend.

I don't know the full details of this story, but my past experience prevents me from making a full judgement until I know them. The story says they were married a short time, but there were two kids involved, as well. Raises the stakes, either way. IF there is no backstory that dramatic, and no mental illness, she should be put away forever and her kids should be placed somewhere safer. But my mind is still open, for now.

[Nicole]

31. I didn't mean to imply that wasn't enough time

for him to have injured her in some way. I just said it wasn't long enough for him to have done or not done something a billion times.

I obviously don't know the back story here either. From what I've read though, she was not in any danger at the time, as he was sleeping. I think she would have been better off leaving or calling for help than attacking a sleeping man that way.

I'm sorry for your friend and glad she got away him before he harmed her even more. I think you were wise not to get more involved in that story.

[jobycom]

35. You can't always get away

Again, I'm not saying this is what happened, she could just be evil. But some women in these situations can't get out. They have no ability to handle it rationally. The news is full of abusive husbands stalking a wife halfway across the country and brutally murdering them. The law doesn't always do anything about it (as in my friend's case). Even when they do, they don't do enough. How many times have you read a story of a murdered wife, and the family all say they knew it was going to happen? Often they say the wife knew it would happen, too, but no one would help. Sometimes it's even worse in the early stages of the marriage, because no one can really believe things have gone that bad that quickly. Parents and friends will often advise a woman to stick with it, to try to work it out. People shy away from accepting that a truly dangerous situation has arisen. Parents think "all couples have problems, they'll work it out." So the wife is trapped, with no one taking her seriously until bones start breaking or bruises start appearing. A smart husband knows how to not leave marks, even.

Add two kids to the mix, and the wife is fighting for something beyond her life. In that situation, maybe she has no plans to get away with it, she is only saving her kids.

Again, no idea if anything like that happened. But things like that do happen.

[lastliberalintexas]

58. Or when the woman finally finds the courage and/or

means to escape, the man goes off the deep end and actually kills her (and possibly the kiddos). This happened to 2 families recently in the Beaumont, TX area, each within days of the woman filing for divorce and/or the man being served with the divorce petition. In one the man even killed 2 of their 3 children, and shot at the 3rd but he was able to escape physically unscathed. Many people are critical of women in abusive relationships, but most fail to realize just how dangerous it is for a woman to actually escpae such a monster.


It's also interesting that you've noted this was in an area hit by Katrina, as the 2 cases I mentioned were in Rita hit areas. PTSD has been a larger problem than most people realize on the Gulf Coast. I don't know that PTSD played a role in any of these situations (the men could have just been controlling assholes who snapped regardless, she could just be a real jerk), but it wouldn't suprise me in the least.

[survivor999]

85. Another great post.

And this is only the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.

[jobycom]

12. Add to that that this is one of the hardest hit areas by Katrina

It doesn't get reported often, but murders, suicides, breakdowns, and all forms of mental illness are much higher there now. I don't know if that played a role in it, but it's there.

Without excusing or defending her, I'd like to know the full details before passing full judgement, too. It would be hard to explain or justify this, but on the other hand, it's impossible for me to think someone did this under normal circumstances, either.

[pitohui]

19. jobycom has it right

the devastation in hancock county is beyond imagining

most are putting up a brave front but some people crack

in new orleans we just had a lady shoot her husband dead in their fema trailer in gentilly, it's just...people crack, i doubt she would have done this if the storm had never happened

this lady needs to be put where she can't do this again but still we might need to reserve some judgment of the situation until we know more

[Quantess]

22. Sorry, but there's no excuse.

Nothing justifies dumping hot oil on a sleeping person.
If he was a jerk she should have got away from him.

[pitohui]

25. no one's saying he was a jerk

right now we have no evidence of any wrong doing by the sleeping victim of the crime

i'm not going to excuse this crime, i can't, but i'm thinking there could be contributing reasons that made her snap

she should of course be found and removed from civilized society, no question there

[Quantess]

34. True, but...

If it were a man dumping hot oil on a woman, I would say something similar. I would say, he should have dumped her, or otherwise got away from her, instead.

If it were a man dumping hot oil on a woman, would you be so eager to find out the contributing factors that made him snap?

[pitohui]

41. i am always curious as to what would cause something like this

doesn't mean the person, man or woman, who commits such an awful crime should not be found and removed from society

but we surely benefit from studying and learning the causes, don't you think?

[lastliberalintexas]

62. You mean like Leslie Jennings and Jane O'Hanlon?

The longer a woman stays in an abusive relationship, the greater the chance she'll be killed when she decides to leave, according to experts who work with domestic violence victims.

This week's shooting death of Jane O'Hanlon and the suicide of her estranged husband, Keith O'Hanlon, mark Jefferson County's second murder-suicide this month. Leslie Jennings, 43, and two of her children were killed by her husband, 52-year-old Richard Jennings, in their China home.

In both shootings, the women recently had filed for divorce - O'Hanlon in April, Jennings in June.

http://www.southeasttexaslive.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=16925706&BRD=2287&PAG=461&dept_id=512588&rfi=6



Getting out isn't as easy as you seem to think.

[The Straight Story]

37. Don't matter who we are dealing with, not sure this is the best way

to go about solving one's problems.

Maybe we need to outlaw cooking oil :)

[AngryAmish]

63. if we outlaw cooking oil, only outlaws will have fried chicken.

God forbid if they put cornflakes in the batter...

[DistressedAmerican]

76. See post 7. The same applies to these comments.

Nice double standard and blaming of the victim sans evidence.

[dorktv]

7. not to detract from the crime here but why on earth does every cop

say "I have been in the force for X years and this is the worse I have ever seen Y?"

[napi21]

13. Because some areas are pretty calm most of the time.

My closest friend was a police officer in an unscale community north of Pgh, Pa. for 35 years, and other than the terible teens in car wrecks that tore kim apart, the worst things that ever happened were a few bar fights, some mild domestics, and a very wealthy politicians wife who was driving home drunk one night and rove right up over the lawn at the police station and into the building!

Things like were described in this post really don't happen very often anywhere, thank God.

[dorktv]

14. Yes but I heard one of the cops in here in Phoenix say that about one of

the two serial killer's victims recently so it seemed kind of weird.

[pitohui]

20. dork because hancock county, esp., diamondhead, used to be a nice place

this crap didn't happen, you know?

and then the bitch named katrina came to town...

[dorktv]

30. Small towns can have just as much nastiness as major cities you know.

[pitohui]

60. no they can't

dork, don't make me laugh

look me in the eye and tell me diamondhead has "just as much nastiness" as new orleans

that's just silly, you know

[dorktv]

111. is there no crime? No incest? No spousal abuse? No one ever

gets into a fight? Everyone gets along and is happy at all times?

No one gets depressed or is lonely or ostracized or otherwise not part of the community?

I would say that that little town was no worse or better then say Tempe, AZ or maybe not since we rarely have boiling oil spilled on anyone on purpose. Crime can and does happen everywhere.

[jobycom]

121. Here's a simple test

Compare all the crime stories you can remember from Diamondhead in the last year to all those you can remember from New Orleans. No one's saying it's perfect. The point was that a cop there is much less likely to encounter, say, a quintuple homocide in Hancock County, MS, than in New Orleans, LA. The worst crime I remember from Hancock County growing up was a family of four murdered with a sledgehammer by a mentally ill foster brother. But that was 25 years ago, so the 14 year veteran cop wouldn't have seen that one.

Diamondhead isn't really a town, btw, it's a planned community. A big subdivision. Years ago it was the rich part of the Coast, but it's not as exclusive as it used to be.

[alcibiades_mystery]

69. LOL: I wanna know TOO!!! Every cop on the crime shows says it too

It can't always be fucking true, now, can it? Unless things are just getting worse and worse?

[dorktv]

112. People just have short memories I think. Either that or people were

not around during the time it was bad.

[lonestarnot]

9. damn.

[RB TexLa]

10. the relation between a criminal and the victim shouldn't matter

the victim should also not be so easily allowed to "drop the charges."

[pitohui]

15. jesus god i can't believe this happened in diamondhead

maybe she went mad from PTSD but christ you don't do that to people

[jobycom]

24. No kidding.

Diamondhead is the last place things like that happen. I've known some brutal things to happen out in the sticks or in the towns, but Diamondhead?

Remember when no one had ever even heard of that part of Mississippi? I use to have to explain to people, even just over in Texas, that yes, Mississippi does have a coastline. Now it's in the news every day, and not often for good reasons.

[hopeisaplace]

18. horrible thing to do no matter what..my gawd.

If he had done anything that triggered her anger, she still had no right
to do this whatsoever.

[prolesunited]

27. And your point is?

:shrug:

People do fucked up things to each other all of the time. Should I post a counter story about a man brutally attacking his wife?

[pitohui]

28. i'm guessing there is no point other than natural human pity

it's just a horrible thing to have happened, does it matter if it's "pissed off wife" or "pissed off husband"

[elocs]

32. Too many unanswerd questions for an informed opinion. n/m

[Fleshdancer]

33. The American version of acid splashing

:scared:

sick! I hope the police find her soon.

[Grey]

36. Been there, threatened that,

After the second time he bloodied my teeth, My EX-husband said he could do what ever, when ever he wanted, as a husbands rights, because it would just be 'he said- she said and i wouldn't be able to 'prove' anything. I gave him graphic descriptions of what I could do, including boiling water/oil, cast-iron skillets, knives, 2x4's while he slept, even finely chopped hair (to impact his kidneys) as pepper in his food. ( He never used pepper on his food after that, I have black hair.) I quoted from a Readers Digest article " 17 Ways to Kill Your Husband" from the 1960's. Yes, I need more information and back round on this before making judgments.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

38. people just don't understand unless they've been there...

what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right?

:hug:

[Miss Chybil]

45. I've been there and I never considered boiling his face

in oil. When I couldn't take it anymore, I left. (Yes, I know some people can't leave. This woman did leave, though, too late.) No excuse. Imagine what you would be saying had he done this to her.

[Viva_La_Revolution]

55. I am biased, I admit

I have been threatened with horrible things, and had some of them done to me, yet have never resorted to doing the horrible things I imagined doing to get away.

I'll wait for more info before I choose sides.

[AngryAmish]

64. Why would hair hurt your kidneys?

[alcibiades_mystery]

71. It wouldn't

Complete nonsense.

[kurth]

72. Chopped hair was a remedy for jaundice

in the Middle Ages. So maybe it's the liver, not kidneys?

[Grey]

109. You may be right........

It was a long time ago and I may have the details wrong. All I know is he stopped thumping on me,
and after the baby was born I got out. I didn't threaten to use boiling water on his face, I threatened to use it on a region 'further south'. I didn't, however stop at the thought of just flinging it at him, full body, and let him deal with it.

[pitohui]

93. it's a story

people talk real big on the internets about how they did this and they showed down that -- you got to take it w. a grain

[tabasco]

97. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Nice work getting away from the bum.

[Lindacooks]

39. Oh, there's far, FAR more to this story than is being reported.

Odds are around 99% that he was beating her.

Just like 'terrorists', those who are weak and have no power choose what we consider to be horrific methods to defend themselves.

[Miss Chybil]

43. If that's the case, leaving would have been a nice option as opposed

to french frying his face.

[Lindacooks]

44. Yes, that's the easy version.

It is so hard, in many cases, too hard, for many women to leave. Read this:

http://incestabuse.about.com/cs/domesticabuse/a/womenreturn.htm

I'm not excusing what she did. I'm saying there's most likely a logical explanation for it.

[Miss Chybil]

46. See my post above. I don't need to read it. I'm a domestic violence

survivor myself. I know the drill.

[Lindacooks]

50. Then you know how hard it is to leave. And how dismissing it is to

say 'why doesn't she just leave?'

In that article, the correct question is: "Why doesn't he stop beating her?"

[KFC]

65. As Miss Chybil pointed out, she did leave.

She just chose to commit a cowardly, violent act first and then leave. I hope she gets hard time for life.

[leftofthedial]

47. doesn't she have a right to defend herself?

[Bluebear]

49. He was in a sound sleep.

And the article does NOT say she was being beaten, etc, although that is a pretty good guess.

[leftofthedial]

52. that was an attempt to compare the magnitude of her response

to that of Israel in their abhorrent destruction of Lebanon and murder of civilians

[Bluebear]

53. LOTD...

That SO flew over my head.

Not a bad analogy at all, under the circumstances!

[leftofthedial]

54. it was way obscure

I need to go to bed . . .

[gulliver]

51. I guess if she beats the rap she'll be back on the market.

Yowza!

You want tempestuous? This chick has the skin falling off your hand like a glove! Like a glove!

[Tsiyu]

56. Most people don't know the statistics

as much as we don't know the details in this case.

Here's a link to enlighten:

http://home.cybergrrl.com/dv/stat/statbwkill.html

Currently, I believe 33% of female homicide victims are killed by an intimate (boyfriend, lover, husband, ex) while 4% of male murder victims are victims of intimates.

I've been studying the statistics. There's a gut-wrenching list of the 100+ females killed in Texas in 2004. Multiply that by 50 states and we have a great many females being murdered by men they have or had relationships with.

Not excusing this woman's behavior, but when 1/3rd of women murder victims are murdered by men they have known and loved, a woman might tend to get paranoid.

I am currently searching out statistics on yearly totals of US women killed in domestic/intimate violence situations. I think the total will blow folk's minds. It's going to be much higher than those killed in the WTC.

(Edit: okay last data is for 2000 and I am wrong here. There were 3 women murdered every day by partners or ex partners for a total of 1247 women to 440 men.)

Link: http://www.pcusa.org/womensadvocacy/issues/violenceagainstwomen/stats.htm


And what are we doing about it?

Nothing.

But it sure is fun to highlight every last story about a woman murdering her man, isn't it? Even if statistically this is far, far less likely than the reverse. Makes a woman wonder sometimes about the sanctity of life and how valuable she really ISN'T in this society.

Edit and correct to add this snippet from the above link:

"The average prison sentence of men who kill their women partners is 2 to 6 years. Women who kill their partners are sentenced on average to 15 years, despite the fact that most women who kill do so in self-defense (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1989)."

This is some older data, but it sure does not lead one to believe in equal sentencing, does it?

[Lindacooks]

57. Thank you for this.

And you're right. I don't know why there is such a visceral reaction against women who kill (as you say, usually in self-defense) but I'm sick of it.

Take a look at this:

http://incestabuse.about.com/cs/domesticabuse/a/pregnantmurder.htm

about how many pregnant women are murdered by their spouses/partners.

[Tsiyu]

80. i read those a while back and it amazes me, Lindacooks

Pregnancy is a danger to women's health already. Add to that the fact that they are more likey to be murdered while pregnant and we've got a mucho fucked=up society.

In 2004, 114 women were killed by intimates in Texas. I never heard a word about any of them, but we sure heard about Andrea Yates, and we'll be sure to hear about any other woman who kills her man.

Dead women aren't as interesting as dead men, eh?

:hi:

[pitohui]

59. this woman didn't kill her husband, she burned him alive

and in a horrific hard-to-understand way unless she is crazy, this in a katrina-affected zone, this the same week as it's acknowledged that there is widespread NONtreatment of mental illness after the storm

most shrinks who can get a decent job somewhere else are gone, at least in new orleans -- i wonder if there is even one full time psychiatrist in hancock county, i honestly do!


there is not one bit of evidence offered that the VICTIM of the crime did anything wrong, until such time as such evidence IS offered, i will not participate in blaming the victim, that is just wrong wrong wrong wrong


it's scary to me that so many people on a progressive board immediately jump in and accuse the victim, who was asleep, of being the criminal here -- what the hey?

[Tsiyu]

81. I don't believe I, personally, blamed the victim

As I said at the beginning of my post, we simply do not know enough to make that call.

My point was that we get these stories all the time on DU, yet three women are killed in the US every day by spouses, boyfriends and exes. THREE times as many women as men are killed by SO's or ex SO's, yet to read DU, only men are murdered in heinous ways.

I feel terrible for the victim here. If he was abusive or she was mentally unstable, it certainly would have been better to get them into treatment, but as you said, there are no funds. Halliburton has sucked all the concern and compassion out of our budget.

This is a sad story, but it by no means shows the reality of domestic violence in this nation. Women are overwhelmingly more likely to be victims of murder by SO's. These fantastic stories cloud this reality.

Edit to fix link

http://www.tcfv.org/pdf/womenkilled/2004.pdf

[pitohui]

94. the whole digression into a wife beating discussion...

...is predicated on the completely invented idea that a sleeping victim who was burned alive is the abuser in the relationship

to me it's pretty clear who was the abuser in THIS relationship

generalities are meaningless, this is a specific case

[KFC]

103. That basically sums it up

Based on the information at hand, the victim is clear. Assuming that he probably "deserved it" with no supporting evidence is asinine.

Good post.

[Tsiyu]

117. I'm sorry

I thought the discussion was about domestic violence as well.

You certainly had your opinions about Katrina being responsible. Did anyone say that this wasn't a thread about hurricanes?

After all, you can't blame a hurricane for this man's horrific suffering at this woman's hands.

My point was that we always see the bizzare "wife did this nutso thing" threads but how often do we take note when it's a woman killed by a man?

Just another facet of the discussion.

I've found here on DU that often threads digress into other related discussions and among adults on a discussion board this should be a non-issue.

If I've offended you by bringing another angle into the discussion, it was surely not intentional.

Have a nice evening.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

87. Are you sure about that?

33% sounds low for a fraction of female murder victims killed by an intimate, and 4% sounds very low indeed for men.

[Tsiyu]

118. Those are the latest figures as of 2000

nm

[bloom]

88. It does end up being like

men are Israel with nuclear weapons and laser weapons and billions of dollars to spend on their military and on the propaganda to make them look wonderful.

And women are the Arabs. And the media goes hogwild any time any woman (any Arab) commits violence - usually in retaliation.

[Tsiyu]

119. Precisely my point

It seems we highlight the more bizarre stories but if we really cared on a day-to-day level about domestic violence we would pay attention to the larger number of women murdered by intimates. Not exclude male victims - mind you - women can be violent, but they only commit a fraction of the violent crimes men commit.

Your Israeli/Arab analogy is apt.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

61. Preparing to be a prison guard in Guantanamo?

[Ariana Celeste]

73. That's fucking wrong

And I think it's disgusting that so many people on this thread automatically think she must have been seriously abused or she must be crazy, when if the genders were reversed everybody would be calling for the man's head.

I hope she serves a lot of time for this. And I hope they catch her soon.

That poor man. Those poor kids. :(.

[Bake]

78. Bad stuff happening in MS ...

First it was the guy in Flowood, MS who cut off his own penis about a month ago. Now this.

Shit.

Bake

[MissB]

83. What a horrible thing to do.

Nothing makes this okay.

[pitohui]

95. agreed...NOTHING makes this okay

good post

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

89. What An Evil Bitch That One Is. My God That Pain Must've Been Unfathomable

It blows my mind how evil and cold some people can be.

[spacelady]

99. Luckily, complete shock and adrenaline rush would have occurred

almost immediately, so that terribly abusive, sleeping man would not have suffered as much as some would have preferred. Maybe later he got what he deserved with all the chemical scrubbing and ablating. *Sarcasm*

[SmokingJacket]

90. That's more than pissed off -- that's sadistic. nt

[guinivere]

96. Wow.

[spacelady]

98. Very premeditated - put two quarts of cooking oil in the stove, carefully

heated it to just a simmer, and dumped it on a sleeping person. No, not much sympathy here for the perpetrator. She was very methodical and deliberate - not heat of the moment.

[Roon]

100. This kinda reminds me of what my Mother told me

She ordered me to do the dishes.I was 16 and BIG!! I said to her, "What if I don't want to do the dishes, what if I refuse?" She replied, "I will wait until your asleep and beat you with a broom!"
:rofl:

[spacelady]

101. Gotta sleep sometime. n/t

[Demobrat]

106. If she needs a place to stay

I've got a spare room.

[High Plains]

110. Better hide the cooking oil!

[helderheid]

107. I can think of only one thing that could incite that rage - him sexually

abusing her children.

If that isn't the case she must be pure evil.

[w4rma]

108. Whatever happened before in their short marriage the wife is the abuser

now. <period>

[Seabiscuit]

114. Only one question: Was it Wesson?

[NuttyFluffers]

115. i was curious whether it was high in mono-unsaturated fat

:7

[oasis]

120. Inexcusable, inhuman behavior. Period.

[lisainmilo]

122. That is HORRIBLE

:scared: ....cheated, drank, lied.....no excuse. Thats a horrible crime!

[lkshc02]

123. I know the victim...

And I can tell you that he was not an abusive person. We just received word yesterday that he passed away from his injuries, so now this woman is a MURDERER. And as long as I am clearing up misconceptions, the two children were hers, not his, and one of them is autistic. So for all of you ignorant jerks out there, please think twice before you blame the victim. This man had asked his crazy wife for a divorce and rather than give in, she decided that the better option would be to douse him in boiling oil. Now there is a wanted murderer on the loose with two innocent children at her mercy. Maybe you should concentrate your energy on that very disturbing fact rather than try to look for reasons that he "had it coming to him."

[B Calm]

124. so you really know the victim ehhh...........

Not everyone here agreed with what the women did, but you lumped us anyway....

[lkshc02]

125. No, I was not lumping anyone together

That message was posted to make a point to those people who were implying that he had done something to deserve being burned over 50% of his body. I appreciate all of you who have enough sense to realize that sometimes, a victim is just purely a victim. By the way, the authorities still have not caught her.

[salin]

130. I appreciate your post

I was about to ask why folks were jumping to the assumption that such a horrendous act had to be precipitated by something else. Sometimes it just is a horrendous act.

However in fairness to the folks here - I think that when we here such a horrendous act that is so unexplainable... by nature some try to think of circumstances might give an 'explanation' - Not an Excuse... just some 'reason' for a human to act to foully (I think this is a bit of psychological /sociological self-preservation, in that psychologically if I can come up with an explanation than I don't have to fear that someone close to me could flip and do something so horrendous as long as I don't do something terrible to precipitate such an act...) That psychobabble said...

I am very sorry for your loss. What a tragic loss. I hope they catch the woman very quickly and that the children in her care are safe.

[Kali]

129. Sorry your Friend had to suffer this horrible death, and thanks for

clarifying some background. Still, I think it not an unnatural reaction to this sort of story. It IS unusual for women to act so violently and often when they do it IS in reaction to themselves suffering abuse. Not excusing the "blame the victim" reaction, because if what you say is true, it is an excellent lesson in not jumping to conclusions, but people are not necessarily jerks just because they drift to an explanation that usually makes some kind of sense.

And in ta way that reaction of people is a good indication that the awareness of spousal abuse has been increased greatly from just a decade or so ago.

[pitohui]

131. i am so sorry for the loss of your friend

i hope the children are safe and that this woman is caught soon

:hug: