Adam's Riff: 'Mysterious' Bush Weight Gain Explained

[DeepModem Mom]

Wednesday, August 02, 2006
'Mysterious' Bush Weight Gain Explained

After receiving his annual physical at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., it was reported that President Bush had gained a little over four pounds in the last year. Though hardly a matter of national security, the mysterious weight gain of our jogging, bike-riding, brush-clearing 196-pound commander-in-chief has been the source of much speculation.
Speculate no more! The Riff has been granted exclusive access to the president's confidential health records which list the component parts of the president's excess baggage:

Weight of "Jeb in '08" button in left pocket - .5 ounces.
Weight of word-a-day pocket calendar in right breast pocket - 3 ounces
Weight of yellow "Live Strong" bracelet on right wrist - .5 ounce
Weight of massage oil (1 tube) with attached handwritten note to "A. Merkel" - 1 ounce
Weight of guilt over getting country into war under false pretenses - 3 pounds 11 ounces*

* Doctor's handwritten note advises president that this weight may either increase with time or cause a layer of callous to accumulate around his heart.

http://adamsriff.blogspot.com/

[mtnester]

1. Couple of six packs a week can do the same thing

just sayin

[petgoat]

2. Naw, he's wearing a midriff-pack ventriloquism package, nt

[shain from kane]

3. How do you get an accurate weight with Blair's nose up your ass? n/t

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

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[AnnInLa]

5. On KO, they reported that he shrank a half- inch too.

Wanna riff on that????

[DanCa]

6. Hmm maybe it was all the over seas partying or a hidden mic? (nt)

[Cha]

7. All those stone crabs, chewin'

with his mouth wide open talkin' shite to tony blair, and pooty poot dinners, while Iraq and the Middle East burn, will do it.