Laugh Damn It! -> Bush Goes to Hell.

[IndyOp]

BUSH GOES TO HELL

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

I don't know what to do, said the devil. "You are on my list but I dont have a vacant room for you. There are no vacancies, but you definitely have to stay. This is what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'm going to let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who you want to replace." George thought that sounded pretty darn good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the door to the first room. There was Richard Nixon and a large swimming pool. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed, over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said, I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

So the devil led him to the next room and opened the door. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. Tony was just swinging that sledgehammer, smashing rocks, again and again and again. "No! said George. I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks all day!" he explained.

So the devil opened the door to the third room And there was Bill Clinton, lying naked on the floor on his back, his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked wide apart, spread-eagle. And there was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she did best, over and over and over.George gazed in disbelief, and finally said with a smirk, "Yeah, I can handle this!"

The devil smiled and called out, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

[Straight Shooter]

1. LOL!

:thumbsup:

[pooja]

2. That was funny.

[lonestarnot]

3. I did! I did!

:rofl:

[Child_Of_Isis]

4. Oh my god!

:rofl: :rofl:

[Drum]

5. Niiiiiiiice! Kick!

:kick:

[MamaBear]

6. Okay.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[mikelewis]

7. LOL

[OnceUponTimeOnTheNet]

8. Perfect!

:rofl: :evilgrin: :rofl:

[HysteryDiagnosis]

9. Which reminds me..... great joke btw!!!

[npincus]

10. LOL

[lonestarnot]

14. Now that is a fucking joke!

:rofl:

[HysteryDiagnosis]

16. You over here too?? Man you get around.... whew. I'm tired just

watching you... huff, puff, huff.

[lonestarnot]

25. I'm everywhere here. I read everything.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

26. You are..... "ubiquitous" then and I will be careful what I say..... I saw

this nasty bumper today.....

[lonestarnot]

27. omnipresent. ewwwwwwwwwwwww

weeeeeeeee.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

28. Didja see me behind you in traffic today???

[lonestarnot]

29. What the fuck is your problem tonight?

[HysteryDiagnosis]

30. Where do you want to start??... Ok.... I'll leave now.

[lonestarnot]

31. Whateva.

[NNadir]

11. No offense, but that joke is as old as my Grandmother's great aunt's

mother.

Well, not that old, but old.

[IndyOp]

12. It is new to me. And the players are so well-cast! ;-) (n/t)

[lonestarnot]

15. party pooper.

[halobeam]

19. so's the saying, if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it.

[NNadir]

23. I stand corrected.

[IndyOp]

32. ..

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:applause:

[Fox Mulder]

13. ...

:spray: :rofl:

[IDemo]

17. St. Peter Deciding What to do With George

While walking down the street one day, George "Dubya" Bush is shot by a disgruntled NRA member.

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Dubya.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it his dad and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years. Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell the whole of the "Right" was there everyone laughing happy casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Dubya!"

"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Junior, dejectedly.

This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"

Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, whom he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great; it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special! Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste kind of like Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us."

[Catherine Vincent]

24. Now that was made me smile!

:cheers:

[JohnnyLib2]

33. Love it, love it.

Seems like about 20% of 2004 voters realize the old bait and switch by now.

[IndyOp]

34. That IS good!! Thanks! (n/t)

[NNadir]

35. Now that's a good one!!!

[Sydnie]

36. That's a good one!

Had to share that with some friends too. Thanks for the giggle!

[LiberalCompassionate]

37. Wow

Great story telling!

If only it was fiction.....

[Pooka Fey]

38. That was awesome.

[guinivere]

43. Oooh, that's goood. nt

[madokie]

18. ROFLMAO

:rofl:

[AX10]

20. kick

[rateyes]

21. OMG...

ROFLMAO......

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Catherine Vincent]

22. ROFL!!!

:rofl:

I'll have to remember that one! :thumbsup:

[lectrobyte]

39. That's funny!

[chat_noir]

40. LOL!

A big laugh, and an early morning kick.

Thanks!

[banana republican]

41. Dubya was in a airport when he happened to see Moses

walking by.

Being a devout christian he wanted to speak to Moses. As he approached him and called his name, Moses just kept on walking. This happened several times until finally Dubya stood directly in front of Moses and asked him why he did not stop and talk to him.

Moses replied "The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the wilderness".

[guinivere]

42. roflmao

Wicked good. Thanks.