... like a bad piece of meat!
TO: Dan Abrams
FROM: johnfunk at DU
RE: Kicking ratings ass
DATE: June 26, 2006
When I read the article in this morning's NY Timesparticularly the bit about using "pre-taped" content for prime timemy heart sunk at first.
Then it hit me: since you're keeping Tweety and Olbermann, you and the other powers-that-be may be on to something.
So how indeed do you put CNN in the CAN and outfox FOX, with its loud newsmodels, Billo and the rest?
Simpledump the gawdawful stuff you've been running on Friday night and replace it with...
(drum roll......)
REALITY TV!
I guaran-frackin-tee you that if you develop these four series for starters, you'll have the 18-to-99 demographic locked up in the cable news category. Here goes...
"K Street Survivor"Host Joe Scarborough, who knows a few things about how an "average Joe" can go from zero to a few million in a couple years, leads sixteen ambitious young lobbyists through the Beltway's most brutal competition: they must outlie, outcheat and outsteal each other to see who can generate the most graft, or be voted off the firm! (... if they are not indicted first, that is.) The winner picks up all of Grover Norquist's clients once the rotund, corrupt little crook is frog-marched away.
"The Amazing Racists"Michael Savage returns to MSNBC in this wacky border-to-border race as Minutemen vs. Skinheads fight it out to see who's the Whitest of them all!
"Big Brother 2006"Host Richard Perle locks 16 people in a suite of the Old Executive Office Building, where they compete to create the government program that can most effectively strip Americans of the most constitutional rights!
"The Joe Shmoe Show 3"on the campaign trail with Joe Lieberman!
Okay, Dan, you know what to do...