Just for fun, let's SWIFTBOAT Jesus Christ.

[Philosoraptor]

What do we really know about this Jesus Christ that everybody seems to worship so much?

What do we really know about his service to The Almighty? And what of His claim to be the son of God? What are his credentials in this regard?

Did he ever marry? Why not? Did he rail against the government? Why exactly?

Did he foment unrest among the populace? He's supposed to be so holy and pious and all but let's really look at his record and dissect it and swiftboat it and look at him through swiftboater's eyes.

Its a fun little game, any number can play, just pick a hero and let the swiftboating begin!

[KittyWampus]

1. He didn't marry cause he spent time in France.

wink wink

[mzteris]

47. and he hung around all those guys

and sent them out two by two, doncha know.....

nudge nudge....

[Botany]

2. E.Z.

He was a liberal Jew who believed in socialized health care.

[Retired AF Dem]

9. If you ever want to see how great Socialized health care works

visit a Veterans hospital.

[Vinca]

11. But you do get health care . . . correct?

I'm uninsured - I don't.

[kskiska]

27. Me too.

Waiting in line for healthcare would be a vast improvement over never having any.

[sarge43]

44. So why are you going to a VA hospital? Use your Tricare. n/t

[badgerpup]

3. It's DOCUMENTED that his mother and Father weren't married...

...in fact, that's his whole schtick. His mother got knocked up by 'an angel' and then HAD to get married to a much older man who gained a subsequent reputation for 'liking children'.

[kskiska]

25. They went on to have other children, too.

Did they ever get married?

[mzteris]

48. Did the "Father" have consent

when he knocked her up?

I don't think soooooooooo......

[tocqueville]

4. peddling wine, destroying private property, seeing prostitutes...

this guy has a nasty record

[SoCalDem]

49. and he had a ghouish interest in dead people..even touched them

:)

[Lisa]

52. bootlegging and vandalism!

And he seemed to be okay with his male disciples coming up and kissing him. Obviously a same-sex marriage proponent out to destroy families.

[still_one]

5. You don't need to swiftboat Jesus, you can state the facts

Very few in this country follow the teachings of Jesus, and that is a fact. At worst, Jesus was a socialist. He was also a pacifist, and under NO circumstances would have attacked Iraq

I would really like to know how so-called "Christians" reconcille the fact that what they believe is contrary to what they practice

[Uncle Joe]

51. They are more followers of Moses than Jesus, but

even there they miss the boat, trying to turn the flag in to a golden calf.

[Ezlivin]

6. He grew long hair, hung around with prostitutes and snubbed religious

leaders of the day.

Why did he not leave home until he was 30? Perhaps he was a mama's boy. And we know what that implies.

Was his mother truly a virgin when she had him? Sure, she claims that something "special" happened, but are there any witnesses? Her claim sounds like countless others.

Where was he born? Bethlehem? Then why is he called Jesus of Nazareth? Why does he claim that he's from Galilee? Sounds just like a flip-flopper.

[Philosoraptor]

7. I heard he spent time in the east studying other religions.

The traitor.

[cry baby]

8. Are you trying to start trouble and make DUers fight among

each other?

[Philosoraptor]

10. No.

I'm trying to point out the ridiculousness of swiftboating Murtha, Kerry and others against the war.

[cry baby]

14. gotcha

[mikeyj84]

32. swift Boating

no! the insecure idiots swift boat people like Murtha and Kerry, because they never had the BALLS to go to war themselves. It's always the one who never served are quick to send others to war!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ComerPerro]

12. Superman wasn't even born in the US. Is he even a citizen?

[Philosoraptor]

15. He's from another planet! And he has too much power.

[Ezra the Prankster]

24. If you want to talk about SUPERMAN...

...HE sounds like he was an illegal immigrant! Imagine, taking a job at the Daily Planet like he did, that an honest hardworking American citizen could've filled!

[dbonds]

37. Superman - hmmmm

An illegal immigrant who came to the US, posed as one of us, got a job in a high profile paper and exposed corporate criminals. He also was a vigilanty that went in to bring those criminals to the authorities. His biggest enemy was the president of the US (Lex Luthor)

[Brigid]

13. Jesus was a radical destroyer of property.

Plus, he was a blasphemer and didn't hang around with the right crowd. ;)

[Salviati]

16. this is a beautiful political cartoon:

[me b zola]

17. This should be posted at the smearboat site that is attacking Murtha

I believe that it illustrates exactly the point that the OP is making :hi:

[Brigid]

40. Hey, wait a minute!

There is an entire site devoted to smearing Murtha? Why doesn't that surprise me? :eyes:

[me b zola]

61. Yep. Brought to you by many of the same cast of charactors

who smearboated John Kerry. There have been a couple of links discussing the issue and research on the monkeys responsible for it. I highly recomend this link--filled with lots of info:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1501443

Post #43 at the above link gives links to two other threads on the matter.


Yeah, we knew they were going to smearboat Murtha after the horrible way that he was treated on the floor of the House, when Schmidt called Murtha a traitor.:grr: The rethugs don't honor any Vet's service, they only "honor" (see 'pimp') those who mindlessly accept and propagate their talking points. :grr:


on edit: I forgot to mention that the Murtha smearboating is the point of this thread. You can take anyone, Mother Theresa for instance, and twist facts, throw in some lies, and end up with a negative public perception of the target of the smear. It's republican values at their finest.

[Loge23]

21. Classic! I approve of this cartoon! (eom)

[Child_Of_Isis]

30. That is a gem! eom.

[Brigid]

39. Powerful indeed.

Would you consider starting a separate thread on this, or would it be OK if I did, so that it can be commented on by everyone (some might miss it here) and maybe recommended for the greatest page?

[O.M.B.inOhio]

46. That's just brilliant!

[mzteris]

50. excellent! n/t

[Gabi Hayes]

59. haaaaa....I printed that up on photopaper and have it hanging in

my bathroom!

http://www2.warnerbros.com/madmagazine/files/onthestands/ots_446/jesus.html

notice the provenance?

[dbonds]

18. Okay

Jesus was of the Linage of David from both his mother and father. He spent time in India learning Yoga and Hinduism and mixed that with his Orthodox Jewish teachings when he came home and began preaching. He developed a following and decided he would reclaim the kingdom of Israel as his birth right. He made a few overtures to doing this, gathered up some protest. But Herod sent him to Pilot who crucified him.

[ComerPerro]

19. True example: The right wing swiftboated Captain America

this was a few years back.

Can't remember the details, but Captain America was reflecting on the sad state of things and on the war, and the US's tarnished reputation around the world.

So FReepers went nuts, calling Captain America unpatriotic.

You can't make this stuff up.


They also attacked the justice league (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, etc) for an anti-Bush comic...

[Ezra the Prankster]

26. I don't believe this...

They're trying to undermine the credibility of imaginary superheroes? What'll they think of next????

Wait a second, WE'RE undermining the credibility of an imaginary superhero! Oh, wait, but at least we aren't depending on imaginary superheroes to come save the world so we won't have to bother to try...

[Lerkfish]

41. Its a republican tradition: tinky winky, Murphy Brown, Spongebob....

they've risen "strawman" to an art form.

[Drum]

35. True, but I think they made up...

you know, the worm turns and all that. Rumsfeld was photographed in the past shaking hands with Saddam, but that went sour.
In the last coupla years, though, didn't the the DOD make up with the superheroes, trying to use them to shill that big Pentagon Party that nobody went to?
I found this, from a newspaper photo of the time:

(NOT that I want to divert from this intriguing Original Post...carry on ;))

[Leopolds Ghost]

58. Freepers Attacked The Justice League?!?

I'm waiting for the Karl Rove/GI Joe Hearings. Have you no decency, sir???

[ComerPerro]

20. Jesus wasn't really a "true Christian" anyway

[mikeyj84]

33. Jesus

Jesus was the ultimate Hippie, hanging around with the dregs of society, preaching peace and love.

[Anarcho-Socialist]

38. LOL

Good one.

[salvorhardin]

45. ROFL!

That roar you just heard was the sound of tens of thousands Not True Scotsmen shouting in approval.

[Ezra the Prankster]

22. Ooooh, you have no idea what you've just started...

The Theocrofascists grossly underestimate what they've gotten into in the evolution vs. intelligent design debate. Little do they realize that the field of evolutionary psychology is so complete now that it is literally possible to reverse engineer the Bible. Based on what the Homo sapiens Jesus was talking to understood about the world already and what they needed to learn under their living conditions to be able to function as a society, evolutionary psychologists can determine exactly what Jesus must've been talking about (at least, within a very reasonable margin of error). The reason they're able to do this is very simple: EVERY great leader in the history of the world has figured out how to teach Homo sapiens how to function as a community under their living conditions, based on what they already understood about the world.

Anyway, to answer your questions:

We know that he lived 2000 years ago on the other side of the world. For the sake of argument, let's suppose that he knew Everything.

The "Almighty" best translates into modern terms as "All the stuff we don't understand about the world". He can be said to have served it because he understood that trying to figure this stuff out was important to making a society function, as opposed to everyone acting on what seemed to be true about the world at first glance and then wondering why everything mysteriously went wrong. In a way, that made him one of the world's first scientists, long before science was invented.

Jesus was created by the force that powers the universe, just like you and I and everyone else was. The difference is that he realized that in a way no one else did. Today, the term for "The force that powers the universe" is called "physics".

He didn't marry in the physical sense, but considering that about 30% of the people in the world raise their children according to his teachings, in the phiolosophical sense he's had 3 out of every 10 women for the past 2000 years. Ron Jeremy has nothing on him.

Jesus taught his followers to find ways to make society function better independantly of their government, and that the universe was ruled by a higher set of laws than those of mortal men, so they better make sure they followed those laws no matter what. Today those laws are called "the laws of physics". This qualifies Jesus as an Anarchist.

Of course he formented unrest among the populace. Once again, proof that he was an Anarchist.

Of course, if your intent was to undermine the credibility of authority figures by asking questions about them that don't have good answers, don't let me stop you. Indeed, may Jesus the Anarchist be on your side!

[Ezra the Prankster]

23. Oh, one other thing:

Jesus wasn't even a Christian, he was a JEW!

[MADem]

28. His prejudice against moneychangers is beyond the pale!!! NT

[giant_robot]

31. He's anti-commerce!

Here's a clue for you, godboy! Capitalism works! :sarcasm:

[deutsey]

29. Jesus was swiftboated

He was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard. I don't have a Bible handy, but it was in one of the Gospels (I think it was Mark).

[bklyncowgirl]

43. I think there were charges about tax collectors and loose women too nt

[Liberal Veteran]

34. Jesus tried to break up family units!!!! Look at this stuff he said!

For I have come to turn "a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man's enemies will be the members of his own household."

[LittleClarkie]

36. Jesus, icon of the Religious Right, was a LIBERAL!

Oh. my. God. Does his father know?

And I think he might have been a Communist too, what with all that redistribution of wealth and all.

[Lerkfish]

42. well, actually, that was the early church, fwiw.

Jesus wasn't part of the collectivization of resources carried out by the church after his death.
but regardless....

Jesus exhorted the rich man to give up his wealth to follow him, but he did not specify that it should go to the church.

but, in my view, Jesus was the ultimate liberal.

[sweetheart]

53. The SOB brainwashed my daughter, and then had sex with her

My daughter started hanging out with this jesus about 15 years ago, and she
was blissfully happy and obviously taking drugs. Well, when looked in to it, i'm
sure that she was sleeping with Jesus, and they were meeting secretly to rendevoux.
Well, i paid these deprogrammers 50,000 clams to get my daughter back, and she's
run off with the jesus cult. The people, they give him all their money, and they
trust him and claim to have seen miracles, obviously entranced by his hypnotic power.

Well, as it turns out, my daughter is his on and off consort, and she says hes an
outstanding lover, pure and erotic to screw, that she was on fire to have sex with
the man, and while she was in the cult, she was having sex all the time. What kind of
jesus would screw my daughter, and then be wise? And can you believe he took all her
money to feed poor people, what's she gonna retire on. We need more police to monitor
subversive cults like this jesus character.

My daughter says that the cult makes its living by begging from the marketplace, and for
taxing the passers at the temple, and what for, but the vanity of this jesus. How dare
he stand up to the romans that HE is greater than the king, how dare he question the burning
bush, and i hope they crucify the bastard. What are we to keep hearing about beggars and felons.

signed,
concerned parent

(daughter is 44 years old)

[Jara sang]

54. Jesus is a Palestinian ergo he is a terrorist.

[stepnw1f]

55. Jesus Was a Pot Smoking Liberal

who hung out with the common man. That's right.... the rabble on the street, not the cushy rich currently pulling all the strings.

The Right Wingers do NOT FOLLOW CHRIST. They follow a version of the Old Testament. A corporate version of christianity, suitable to those that be the powerful pulling the strings.

[radwriter0555]

56. Jesus was the product of a broken home, and the son of an unwed teenage

mother, no less.

Clearly he's not fit to be a Messiah since he wasn't born into a perfect household.

[applegrove]

57. Leave him alone. He has been used enough by the freepers and big

oil. Leave him alone.

[Gabi Hayes]

60. the one TRUE Jesus

start here for the whole thing

http://www.buzzflash.com/contributors/03/09/17_franken.html