An odd question , personal but odd and strange and desperate

[blues90]

I don't know where to start with this one or what section to post this in .

First I must ask , how many here are in the mindset where they have lost their job , have no luck finding anything that they feel they can do for work or that fits what they feel capable of . You are now past 55 , some pets , a wife who is completely depressed and has not been able to work in 25 years , no children and you did work but now all prospects seem goen and futile at best .

Add to this the entire political situation and the ruin america is in from the bush administration , all of this weighs heavy on your mind and combined all these issues including your mental drain bring you to the point of really feeling serious about just ending it all in a joint effort . My wife and I just can't seem to find one day that we feel like even getting up and each day this becomes more and more difficult and there is no one who can help who are family or friends .

I have always been able to go out and work but now with the limits of jobs and nothing I used to do is available and has not been for over a year . I find I have lost the will I once had and it is not getting better .

So there you have it , this is how I feel and I don't know going day by day how long we can handle this .

[file83]

1. Do you two exercise on a regular (daily) basis?

[Yollam]

15. Good question, actually.

I wonder if this is a problem of clinical depression.

I'm not quite as up in years, but I'm no spring chicken, and I don't see myself ever making a whole lot of money, but I certainly have a lot to live for and have never in my life, EVER considered ending it all. If I was homeless next month (not all that farfetched a scenario, given my income), I would still find joy in life.

I don't know if counseling is an option for you, but exercise is definitely good for mental well-being, as is just enjoying the little things. Gardening does it for me. You gotta find your muse. Maybe you've just forgotten it.

But really, there have been even worse times in our history - like when the republicans caused the great depression - the Okies didn't lie around and mope, they loaded up their measly possessions into the wagon and headed west, young and old.


Don't give up. Just don't.

[file83]

20. People would be amazed at how going for a 3 or 4 mile walk a day

can raise your spirits. It doesn't kick in right away, but after a week or two you'll notice your baseline level of energy/mental state will lift. From there life gets just that much better. Can't hurt.

[Bonobo]

2. My whole life I have wanted to be able to play blues guitar...

I have tried and quit about 6 times...

I can hear it in my head, but can't get my hands to cooperate.

I think you should rededicate yourself to that art (guitar) or pick up another art to dedicate yourself to.

[ladjf]

10. Or, give the electronic keyboard a shot. Great of blues and much

easier than guitar. Plus there are excellent software packages on line for self instruction. Decent keyboards can be bought from $125 on up. Midi them in and out of your computer for added possibilities.

[shadowknows69]

24. As someone who has dabbled in music for 25+ years

but never really became proficient at it beyond a few 4 chord rocks songs. I can vouch for its healing power. Even if you never become great at it if you can bang out a few songs to yourself or make your SO smile its worth the money for an instrument. Besides beong spiritual excersize both guitar and keyboard will strengthen your fingers so you can post on DU more! See a win-win situation all the way around.

[immoderate]

3. I'm in your ballpark. Old and out of (steady) work.

And this does depress me. And it brings on some guilt for not having made life choices that seemed OK at the time but have not worked to my advantage. It's hard to talk about this.

--IMM

[mike_c]

4. you need to get to a doctor my friend....

Does your county have mental health services for poor/unemployed folks? Or can you afford a regular family physician? In either event, get yourself and your wife some medical care, pronto. Don't put it off, don't wait. Seriously-- you're asking for help from strangers on an anonymous message board. That's a red flag, my friend. SEE YOUR DOCTOR ASAP.

[Heidi]

7. Right on!

Many of us have been in this DUers situation, and if I had it to do over, I would have gone straight to the doctor and worried about the bill later.

[RagAss]

8. Amen...now even on Sunday....get to an ER...no waiting....

This can be turned around for the better real quick....get there....Please....then come back here and share good news with us in the days to come.....

[MaraJade]

21. Mike_C is right. . .

You MUST see a physician immediately.

I am a chronically depressed person. Over the past 20 years Ive had a number of crisis
points in my life, one of which occurred when I was laid off from a job with no prospects
of getting another. Friends insisted that I see a doctor, and counseling and medication
brought life into perspective.

You need to get some medical attention. Once you've done that, you'll be able to work things
out more clearly.

Another thing to consider is possibly going into business for yourself. That might be an
answer for you. But first, see a doctor.

[Heidi]

5. Break the cycle of inertia, even if it feels strange and hurts.

You've taken a good step forward by joining a community. I hope you'll treat yourself to some sunshine, fresh air and sweat, even if you have to force yourself to do it. When was the last time you laughed? If it's been a while, reply to this PM and I'll post something almost 100 percent guaranteed to make you laugh. It won't pay your bills, but it might make getting to tomorrow a bit less painful. :hug:

Edited to add: Please don't kill yourself. Go see a doctor and worry about the bill later. _PLEASE_.

[shugh514]

6. Rationalization

I'm no professional, but as someone who has faced depression in the past, I'd suggest a different approach. If you continue to add and combine your issues, the solution becomes more complex and out of reach. Take on each issue separately and you will find that there are less limits and more options available.

[MooPie]

9. I am not where you are

But, I try to keep things in perpective by seeing those you are worse off than I am. This morning while walking in a park downtown (I live in Orlando) I saw a woman with all the signs of being bi-polar. I could tell by her gait (I have a friend who suffers from it) and demeanor. I kept my distance behind her so as not to set her off and after about 5 minutes she began exhuberantly slapping at her head, perhaps because an insect had buzzed her, or whatever, but she slapped herself viciously for two or three minutes, then continued on. I knew I couldn't do anything for her but it infuriated me that in this rich nation people like her have to go without care and treatment. I wish I could help you, but I am not in any professionally qualified. I can only say that there are people who do care and who can help. Hopefully someone on DU who lives in your area can offer contacts where you can go for help.

[badgerpup]

25. What is there in the gait that tipped you off?

Am bi-polar meself...didn't know we had a specific walk...
Meds keep me fairly stable...but if a lot of us bi-polars could get together and design a roller coaster ride that mimicked what some of the rapid cyclers experience...a ride that was utterly safe, mind you, and wouldn't be throwing people off or dumping them due to centrifugal, centripetal or gravitational forces...
We'd either be obscenely wealthy or have had to re-configure the laws of physics.

[TomInTib]

11. Man, that's a hard road.

While you may feel painfully alone and adrift, you have many fellow travelers.

Sounds as if you have drifted way past the 'bootstraps' and 'don't worry, when one door closes...' point(s).

I have been there.

Keep your lamp trimmed and burning.

[WinkyDink]

12. You are alive. With life, there is hope. Please look forward to

the POSSIBILITIES of new employment, new chances, new opportunities---and better health.

I agree with the above poster: To see a doctor for depression. But that isn't the panacea entirely. It's to never give up, never.

And speak to us here any time.

[ladjf]

13. I don't guess it is going to help to say that you are either

clinically depressed or headed that way. That's a serious mental disability. If possible get some
good mental health guidance.

[MissWaverly]

14. You can use your skills to get a government job

meanwhile sign on with a temporary service, yeah, I know it's rough, but it is what I did when
I was laid off, you will make money because they give no benefits, which is a bummer, but
you need to get your mind busy, if you have worked for over approximately 30 years, you
do have worth and are not lazy. The government will have to hire you on your merit, they
cannot discriminate against age.

[Ezra the Prankster]

16. Wow, that's an awful lot of bad luck all at once...

For your economic problems, I'd think you must be able to get food stamps, welfare, or something like that. If not, and you live in a major city, there's some Anarchists near you somewhere who measure economic success and failure according to the effects they have on actual people, so they've got plenty of ideas of how people can survive outside of the financial economic system, or at least they can offer plenty of emotional support if nothing else. Or even if you don't live near any Anarchists, you can find Anarchist sites all over the net, starting with www.infoshop.org. Despite what the mainstream media would like you to believe, they're really nice people and not terrorists at all.

As for finding something meaningful to do with your life and ways to counteract the deterioration of America, I know of a good audiobook you can download for free from www.newbookforanewworld.com, so at least you'll have something to listen to while you're lying in bed trying to think of a reason to get up. You can do a lot to empower yourself and turn America around just by listening to it and telling other people about it.

Hope this helps...

[applegrove]

17. Get some medical help. And for god's sake..volunteer or plant

a garden. Read the paper to find out about local events.. and go to all of them. Together. Focus not on being happy.. cause that doesn't work. Focus on having things in your life that interconnect you and help others.

I am so sorry.

But if the job situation is isolating you and making you feel alone and powerless..than interconnect in ways that are free. And find a church or a meeting place you can attend once a week. Even a church group that deals with depression and the like and not solely on religion (if you are not religeous).Those church groups are free.

Get out there and work in a soup kitchen once a week.

Your are usefull and vibrant and you need to do the things.. even if it feels like a house is sitting on top of you..that will lead you back into the world.

You could volunteeer to monitor kids playing floor hockey. There is a whole world out there that doesn't depend on what kind of job you have or such things. Find it. Suss it out every week. Go for a walk to your local library every day and read the paper & such..every day if you have to.

You may pass a cloud or a bird or a flower one day... that suddenly wakes you up. And you'll know then..that you really are small..but mighty and valuable in all your tinyness. And a part of huge when you join into community and give and give and give.

If politics is your thing.. join up, both of you, you can keep an eye on your wife, to man the phones or the desk of your local Democratic offices.

You are no different than anyone here on this DU. Are anyone you pass by on the street.

You may feel flat as a pancake and all the alarm bells are saying..you gotta find a way. So think of 5 different ways you can join into community every week. And do them. OR find one thing you can do that exhausts you both at the end of the day. Cause you've worked so hard.. at cleaning up a vacant lot... at spreading wild flower seeds in your travels, at saving up for a month.. and buying a donkey for a family in Africa.

And please make sure you have the support of a doctor who can give you medication that can lift depression off.. and give you a robust baseline for facing life.

All these things you do.. when you particiate in a community outside of work. All of them are the most important things in the world. And they will make you happy. But you cannot just plan. You have to do. And loose yourself in such a busy and activist schedule. And soon you will be happy again.

And guy.. whereever you are..if you have access to the internet..there is a group of people EXACTLY LIKE YOU. So take some time and invest in finding the right site.. for people with depression or people who are spouces of the depressed or people who like birds. You may even find a wild animal shelter that needs some steady feeders. Or perhaps.. foster a moma cat who is about to give birth.

Imagine if you had a list of all the birds in your neighbourhood and spend hours on end.. searching for a bird you have never seen.. or for the first bird of a certain type... for the year. Imagine the childlike pleasure in discovering something new every time you and your wife get on a bus, head out to a big park, with binoculars in had..and pen and paper and book.

Flat like a pancake.. you likely cannot imagine much. But you must fake it till you try it. And once invested and getting the returns of being connected.. you will feel so much better. And you can get a job.. maybe not the one you dreamed of.. but you know what? Your dreams have moved into the arena of the other side of your life. And those.. nobody can take away from you.

Peace be with you. Connect, connect, connect.. and you will find happiness again. And more of that the more you loose yourself in things.

[Kajsa]

18. I know the feeling- but this sounds like clinical depression.

I just turned 55 on Friday and have been substitute teaching for six years.

I'm still trying to get a contract teaching position, but they are far and few between.
Most of them go to the young'uns just getting out of school with less experience than I have.

Yes, it's very depressing and it's very easy to feel overwhelmed by the odds favoring the younger set.

If you just can't get out of the funk, no matter what, please take the good advice from
many of the DU ers who suggested you see a doctor. Please take your wife with you.

You could both be suffering from clinical depression. That has to be taken care of first.
Please don't delay, it won't get better without help.:hug:

[NYC]

19. You must take action, please. 800-826-3632

I know that sounds difficult or impossible.

"My wife and I just can't seem to find one day that we feel like even getting up and each day this becomes more and more difficult and there is no one who can help who are family or friends."

It truly sounds like depression, not that I'm an expert, or that it makes a difference what it is, but you know there is a problem.

Go to a doctor, an emergency room, or call a depression hotline to get leads. You used the word: desperate. Force yourself to take that first step, even though you don't feel like it.

This message to us was actually the first step. Now, please, take the second. Make the phone call or go to the doctor/hospital.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22depression+hotline%22&btnG=Google+Search

This is the Google page for depression hotlines. I don't know where you live, so can't find an exact number for you. Call a depression hotline. Ask them how you should get started.

800-826-3632

An 800# should work from anywhere in the country. If that number doesn't work, go to the Google page, please. If that phone number doesn't work for you, and you don't want to look up another one, post a reply. I'll find another phone number for you to try.

Please, take action.



You need advice on how to handle this.

[Vinca]

22. Wow - I hear you blues90.

Sometimes it seems it can't get any worse. A couple of days ago I was on the verge of tears the whole day and when my husband asked what was wrong, all I could do was mutter something about nothing good ever happening. He understood. I think that's half the battle, having someone who understands. You're lucky you have your wife and she's lucky she has you. I'm worried, as I'm sure everyone who reads your post will be, about your "ending it all" statement. If this seriously crosses your mind, and for some reason you aren't inclined or are unable to get help, just wait 24 hours. 99.9% of the time something will happen in that 24 hours that will make you decide to stay around. Focus on the small things - a funny joke, a great song, the cat curling up in your lap. By the way - I'm past 55, some pets and my husband and I have been self-employed in one way or another for decades. Most of the time we're just getting by. I'm only talking about myself so you know you're not in the boat alone. Actually, it's an ocean liner and the thing's just about full - we have to fight to keep it from taking on water. Hang in there - people here care.

[badgerpup]

23. You are experiencing a serious low here...as if you didn't know.

You've got every reason to be doing so.
There's a lot of good advice here...get yourself to an ER.
Immediately.
First thing you want to do is get some breathing room. Then you can get some assistance in separating the issues. When they all gang up on you at once, it's overwhelming...I know, I was at that point (overwhelmed) myself not too long ago.

DON'T do anything that you can't undo. I think a lot of us here understand the feeling you must be having of having HAD ENOUGH and just wanting OUT.
Here's some quick down and dirty practical advice for right this minute.
Take a shower, shave, and wash your hair.
Do something physical...walk around the block, or even around the house if you have pain issues and around the block isn't possible.
Get to the ER, and GET SOME ASSISTANCE...you might be able to wangle some for your wife, too...you mentioned she too is suffering from depression.
This might be a turning point for you...I sincerely hope it is.

:grouphug:

[K8-EEE]

26. Get Some Treatment, Then GET INVOLVED...

If no work comes your way, volunteer! I've been a stay at home mom for 10 years now but I volunteer during the kids school hours at three different places...and if you get involved in the upcoming elections you can actually help stop this downward cycle the country is in, you could actually help stop this stupid war, you can really be a force for good in this world, no matter what the employment situation is. Besides volunteering helps you meet new people and get a whole new set of references for a future job. I've been offered so many jobs from people I've volunteered with!

I believe you are suffering from clinical depression, but isolation just makes that worse. Get help and then help somebody else in the same situation.

[Another Bill C.]

27. Been there.

Over the course of my working life I had advanced to a level far above that of my formal education. When our work went overseas, I was out in the cold. I wasn't seriously considered for any work beyond what my education indicated and, for those jobs, I was "overqualified."

In desperation, I signed up with a temp agency and was sent out to do some really grubby work. Over a period of time, I found I was getting better and better temp jobs and eventually a permanent job offer. The job wasn't up to what my best years had been but it was decent work, livable pay, health insurance, and nice people.

So, my suggestion is to swallow the pride, do the grubby work, pay some bills, and look for opportunity everywhere you can. It won't make you deliriously happy but it'll help a lot.

[cosmic _mind]

28. Feeling hopeless

is easy with the way things are these days. And losing your job is never easy. If you have no family or friends who can help, you must feel isolated as well. I can relate to many of the things you express here. Many people feel this way, you are definitely not alone. I am 43, and often feel it is "too late" for me start toward a new career, go back to school, try something new, etc etc. This is my crappy attitude - before I even try, I have given up. Many years ago I did try to "end it all" - but i've had some truly wonderful experiences since that awful time that have convinced me, no matter how bad it gets, that is not an option. I know things can change for you. I know you can get help, and that America will awaken from its bad dream too. I would say I'll "pray for you", but I'm an atheist! :) Hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of preachy shit to you. But isn't it better just to express how you feel? Anyway, peace and good luck to you.

[Moderator]

29. Locking.....

We are sorry to hear about your situation and we are concerned about you but this website is not equipped to deal with this situation and you may not get the advice and help that you need.

Please call the following number: 1-800-784-2433.
They will be able to talk to you and give you the
help you need.

Please take care of yourself and your wife. We
hope that everything will work out for you.


DU Moderator