10 "News" Stories That Send Me Channel Surfing In A Nanosecond

[stopbush]

are (in order):

1. American Idol

2. Natalee Holloway

3. Da Vinci Code

4. Bird flu

5. Bush stump speech disguised as news

6. Rich-n-famous bio/lifestyle BS

7. John McCain

8. Other RW shills speaking on TV

9. Religious/faith-n-values/smokey camera & mysterious chant music BS

10. Billary BS

What are yours?

[The Deacon]

1. For me

You pretty much covered it.

[TheFarseer]

2. Add Scott Peterson and you've got it

would you believe the Today Show wasted valuable time on him just this morning?

[Lasher]

3. Talk show "debate"...

with a panel of nothing but stooges of corporations & wealthy elite, nodding in solemn agreement with one another's right wing propaganda.

[Initech]

36. I can spell out every RW talk show like this:

This is every debate (I'm using Hannity and Colmes as an example):

Hannity: spouts pre-fabricated RW talking points that were faxed to Fox News by Karl Rove the previous day.

Corporate shill #1: I agree with Hannity.

Colmes: ....

Hannity: Says something irrelevant (*insert name of news story irrelevant to war*) as if it's actually "news". Let's go to corporate shill #2 for an interview.

Corporate shill #2 agrees with Hannity.

Colmes: Gets shut up by Hannity the second he opens his mouth.

Hannity: Goes to Ann Coulter as an outside mediator

Coulter: Reiterates everything said by Hannity as if it's a fact.

Colmes: Once again gets shut up the second he opens his mouth.

Corporate shill #3: Agrees with corporate shill #1 and #2, as well as Hannity and Coulter.

Corporate shill #4: Brought in via satellite television to debunk everything said by Colmes, even though he has yet to speak.

Hannity: Takes some calls from pre-screened, insanely RW guests, agrees with them.

Liberal caller gets through Hannity.

Hannity: Yells at them for nothing more than being liberal.

Colmes: ....

Hannity: And that's all we have time for. Stay tuned for *insert name of next Fox Shill who goes on to have EXACTLY the same show as the one before it*.

And that's why I dont watch network news.

[Lasher]

41. Yep, Colmes is kind of like a referee at a professional wrestling match.

That was pretty funny, EOO. But it was also true.

[Initech]

42. I'd like to see Hannity bash Colmes over the head with a chair.

Or vice-versa.

:popcorn:

[Lasher]

45. Reminds me of Kudlow & Cramer

One would squeal with glee about the prospects of tax cuts for rich people (the supply side economics scam, don't ya know) and the other would chime in even more enthusiastically in agreement. Both knew for a fact that this would spur economic growth so much that government revenues would actually increase, despite liberal nay-sayers' paranoid concerns about deficits.

[FuzzyDicePHL]

4. Sports

n/t

[lpbk2713]

5. Boosh babbling before a hand-picked crowd

would be #1 on my list. Especially if they're military. It's understood they have to be there and they have no choice in the matter.

[MercutioATC]

6. Delete bird flu and add sports and you have my list.

"It's HORRIBLE! Taylor Hicks won. I'm gonna hang myself..."

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

(just my .02)

[Hamlette]

10. yippie! Other asportuals. I thought I was the only one on DU

bugs me that Olberman spends so much time on sports...yeah, I know, he used to be...but he isn't anymore.

[FuzzyDicePHL]

14. Hey, cool!

Others who are not big athletic supporters! Yay!

[stopbush]

20. Hey, some of us have to wear big athletic supporters

even if we never watch a single sporting event!

I know: stop being such a big dick.

:)

[FuzzyDicePHL]

22. ROFL!

n/t

[MercutioATC]

16. I could never understand the attraction of sports, but that's just me.

Especially these people who get really emotional about games...I find it incomprehensible that people will actually come to blows over a game.

Different strokes, I guess...

[4_TN_TITANS]

25. Did someone say sports???

Everyone should have to have some type of team interaction experience, especially kids. It teaches that in real life you don't always get to chose the people on your team, but you all have to work together for a common goal.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

27. Actually participating in real life is one thing.

Sitting in front of the TV watching sports all weekend and every holiday instead of interacting with your kids and other family members is another thing. ( Can you guess which version I used to be married to ? )

[Johonny]

39. That's odd

I find watching sports one of the few interesting things to watch on TV. It's certainly the most interactive. Sitting in a bar or room with tons of people who are very interested in the out come. Heck I even enjoyed watching soccer on TV when I'm in a room with lots of Europeans. Last time I check it's ok to watch TV from time to time for entertainment.

[Lasher]

44. What? Did somebody say it was time for WVU football?

I finished building a 17' X 17' TV room (with a dedicated bathroom of course) right next to the kitchen so that my wife won't have to walk very far to bring me beer. I just got a 50 inch high definition plasma display that works with my home theater and its 6 speakers plus subwoofer. A technichan from my cable TV company came by yesterday to set up high definition reception.

When the WVU football games come on this fall, the cheerleaders will be almost life-sized and in high definition. Lemme see: Spend time in the TV room, or interact with my wife's annoying brother who neither of us like? I'll have to get back to you on that.

[stopbush]

32. You can get the same experience by joining a band, orchestra

or choir. Plus, fewer broken bones. Better yet, you remove the illusion of "winning/losing" that
attends to the school sports experience.

[deaniac21]

33. Good thing there is no "winning/losing" in life!

[MuseRider]

7. That pretty much covers it

and it pretty much covers most of the news these days and that is why I have not watched it in almost a year (except if someone gives a heads up about something good).

[madinmaryland]

8. Jimmy Hoffa..

War on (insert your christian holiday).

Persecution of Christians in the US.

Any right wing blowhard on Fox TV.

Rita Cosby.

Candy Crowley.

John Mohammed trial here in MD.

[jsamuel]

9. Tom Cruise / Brad Pitt

[Touchdown]

11. Those two are finally together?

It's about time Tom! You go girl!:rofl:

[deaniac21]

12. In Order:

1. Oprah
2. Oprah
3. Oprah
4. Oprah
5. Oprah
6. Oprah
7. Oprah
8. Oprah
9. Oprah
10. Oprah

[ThoughtCriminal]

13. Local psychic tells you what is annoying your pet

Local repair shop that does not advertise with us is ripping off customers!

The War of Christmas? See how local citizens are fighting back!

And why do they have to dispatch the Action-Eyewitness-Skycam-Chopper-Four Helicopter for every story? Can't they just save that for live high-speed chases - or at least news stories that take place outside?

But really - as far as local TV News is concerned, I'm usually gone as soon as the the opening theme music starts.

[Touchdown]

15. I got a few more.

1. Shark Attacks.
2. Missing Blond Girls
3. Million $ horse surguries.
4. "An unidentified Black Male...."
5. Bush stump speech as "news"...agreed.
6. Financial gurus telling us what to invest our millions in.
7. Wof Blitzer...anytime...any subject.


The biggest is the liberal media's obsession with having a nightly labor report....Wait! THERE IS NONE! Liberal Media my ass!:puke:

[mariema]

17. all of the lists so far plus

Dr. Phil

[onecent]

18. Aruba, Saddam Hussian trial (sp), Brad and Angelina to add to

the list.

[Tracer]

19. Barry Bonds.

C'mon Keith. Enough already.

[Marr]

21. Holy crap- we have the same brain.

Except- I think I'd swap #9 with #7 in order of importance.

[Snivi Yllom]

23. Duke lacrosse story

American Idol
anything Katie Couric

[justice1]

24. Most of those listed are my clicking points. nt

[kahleefornia]

26. coming up after the break:

"A common household item may be DEADLY. Find out if you're at risk!!"

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

28. Rita Cosby

Can't hit the clicker fast enough when she comes on the screen.

Sports - couldn't care less

"Breaking News" - a fire on Main Street in East Patouch. Since I don't live on Main Street in East Patouch, I don't think that is the top news story of the evening.

Changing anchors. Who is going to be reading MSM pap is not of interest to me

[stanwyck]

43. I can imitate her perfectly

(I'm not quick enough with the changer after Olberman). So I can imitate Rita really, really well. Which, I've been told, is extremely irritating.

[Ksec]

29. I agree with all 10 . I run to the remote

when these subjects pop up.

Thats why its getting tougher to find a news network I like. Theyre all going this route, but CNN seems to be going that way a bit less than the others.

[Loge23]

30. all this and more

...as mentioned already, anything involving Oprah (what does she do anyway?) and fake news/tv promotions like gossip involving the desperate housewives cast (is that still on?).

[Cosmocat]

31. Sweet jesus ...

If I see ONE more "BREAKING NEWS ON THE NATALIE HOLLOWAY" headline I might toss the TV out the window ...

[Initech]

34. I'm actually loving the stupidity surrounding Da Vinci Code

:popcorn:

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

35. immigration

touted at the single biggest threat facing america today, when in fact, it should be #357 on the list of things we should worry about as a people. this whole controversy is another manufactured 'crisis' started by rw radio

[mrreowwr_kittty]

37. High speed car chases

It's all fun and games until one ends badly.

[Rosco T.]

38. I have a Tivo.

- watch 'live' TV? how quaint..
- bound by 'their' schedules? don't think so..
- leap over commercials in one button push .. priceless

[Mathew952]

40. Here's an episodof news...

Newsguy 1: Welcome to Action-eye-nbc-fox-news, the number 1 one news source in ( insertname here)
News guy 2: And now let's look at the weather...
( play extensive 5 minute intro graphics)
Newslady 1: Point to smily face sun, indicating we will have sun tommorow, and then explain the creaton of the sun to show why.( look out side tommorow, see snow, called light flurries)Now to dan with sports...
( play 5 minute graphic for sports)
Well ( team A) beat (Team b) by a whopping ( insert point amount).
Talk about( insert baseball player) steroid allegation.
Now for a breif break...
Narrator: Cars with wheels?FOX 29 news investigates...
Whatch 10minutes of commercials.
And were back with health....
Random doctor: Don't eat cheese!
Go through false medical tests...
Now for bussiness
News guy 3:Well( stock A) lost ( insert points)
And company bought inc. in a (merger/hostile takeover)
Spout advertising..I mean consumer reports
And now for weather...
( repeat with changed wording)
Cover bullcrap story with happy end
Play Pinch at pump graphic and show pictue for 32nd time
Narrator: Cats with Hair? Fox 29 news investigates!
Join us at the midlle-western-blurple-south of the Hour for ( random news..oprah,gossip and rape allegation