Messin' with NSA's Panopticon Program and with Bush's Backwash Apologists

[Ian David]

So, what's the most important thing we know about the NSA's Panopticon Datamining Program?

The program tracks every call made from person-to-person and looks for patterns.

The don't just want to know if you are calling Al Queda. They want to know if anyone you call is calling Al Quaeda.

On one of the news programs (I think it was Countdown) there was an expert who explained that they were looking for "intermediaries."

For example, if I call Al Quada and ask, "Is it safe?" and then hang-up and call Dr. Mohammed Hess, DDS, and say, "It's safe."

The NSA can then go and track every call Dr. Hess makes, and investigate them for terrorist ties.

It's like The NSA wanted to uncover the telephone prayer-chains and call-trees of your church.

So, here's one way to Fuck With The NSA:

Step #1) Think of a Bush Backwash Apologist who thinks this program is okay because "they have nothing to hide." If you can't think of anyone off hand, then go to http://www.fundrace.org/neighbors.php and find a big Republican donor in your neighborhood.

Step #2) Think of a "questionable" Islamic organization. If you can't think of one, then do a Google search on "Muslim Charity Indicted." You'll find, for example, "The Holy Land Foundation."

Step #3) Every day, at approximately the same time, place a phone call to the "questionable" Islamic charity. Ask an innocuous question to someone there like, "How are you today?" And then, when you hang-up, immediately call the person you designated in Step #1 and relay the message, "Mohammed says he is fine." And then hang-up.

Step #4) Repeat this every day until you and your Republican patsy share adjoining cells in Gitmo.


You can also try this variation of a prank I used to pull when I was in Elementary school. We were one of the first households in the area to get 3-way calling. What I used to do was connect together two people who didn't like one another (or two strangers) and then quietly listen-in while hilarity ensued.

Step #1) Call a "questionable" Islamic charity, (For example, "The Holy Land Foundation.")
(See: Muslim Charity Indicted on Terrorism Charges http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,127164,00.html )

Step #2) While the phone is ringing, click-over and dial your Bush-Apologist friend.

Step #3) Immediately connect the two together onto the call.

Line 1: Holy Land Foundation... praise be to Allah! How may I direct your call?
Line 2: Hello? Who is this?
Line 1: This is The Holy Land Foundation. How may I help you?
Line 2: Why did you call me?
Line 1: I didn't call you. You called me.
Line 2: No I didn't.
Line 1: Well, I didn't call you.
Line 2: Is this some kind of joke?
Line 1: The Eagle drowns at midnight.
Line 2: Excuse me?
Line 1: The Eagle drowns at midnight. That's the counter-sign. You said, "Is this some kind of joke."
Line 2: The what?
Line 1: Oh, what in Allah's name have I done! (Click)

The benefits of this method over the first are that:

a) You get to observe and enjoy the chaos you spread
b) The satisfaction of knowing the Bush Apologist is squirming because he's suddenly afraid he might have "something to hide" after all.

Now, keep in mind that in this age of Caller ID and call tracing, it's very likely that you will get caught if you do this, and that you might actually be breaking the law by doing some of this. Which is why I'm saying these scenarios are for entertainment purposes only and you should never ever do this, m'kay?

Now, in some states (check local laws) it's perfectly legal to "steal" someone's garbage once it is left out on the curb.

Often, people will carelessly throw their telephone and cellular phone bills away in the trash without shredding them.

Tsk tsk. Careless.

Step #1) On trash day, drive around looking for cars with bumper stickers that say, "So Glad I Voted for Bush!" and collect their trash from the ends of their driveways (check local laws first).

Step #2) Bring their trash home into your garage. Root through their trash and find their phone-bills.

Step #3) Place their phone-bills and various other receipts in a manila envelope addressed to:

National Security Agency
9800 Savage Road
Ft. Meade, MD 20755-6272

Step #4) There are two things you can do here. You can either:
a) Put the proper postage on the envelope and actually send it to The NSA with no return address.
b) Intentionally put no postage on the envelope, but put the local Repuke's return address on the envelope so it will (probably) be returned to him and immediately cause... concern.

Again, this may or may not be legal, which is why I am again saying this is for entertainment purposes only. Please don't try this at home. M'kay?