Women defending & apologizing for men--how does this happen...?

[bliss_eternal]

Anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm sincerly curious. I've been in and out of too many threads on DU featuring women saying things like:

1. A woman can be responsible for, and at fault for being raped.

2. Women take advantage of men, use men, etc.

3. Women can (and do) falsely accuse men of rape, in order to get even, take advantage of men, etc.

4. Men that make disparaging and disrespectful comments about women, only do so because they haven't "met the right woman" yet, a woman that will "change him" and make him realize all women aren't bad, help him "see the light" if you will.

5. Ultimately if a man is a piece of shit, and a misogynist--ultimately it is the fault of women. If women hadn't somehow "wronged" said man--he wouldn't hold such a low opinion of women--so again, who's at fault? Yeah--that's right. We are. :eyes:

Feel free to add any to my list, that I may have left out. I've been compiling this for some time, probably since the Duke threads when these sorts of statements were apparent over and over.

I'm sincerely baffled, and kind of disturbed by the fact that so many women make these kinds of statements so frequently on DU.

[ismnotwasm]

1. Ignorance

I'm in the middle of reading, or re-reading several feminist books, the latest being "Transforming a Rape Culture" This one is a perfect example of your point. There are "feminists" out there on the internet at least, who deny rape culture.
I don't feel it's a radical notion, but your average women takes rape for granted. She's born a potential victim, must protect her self at all times from rape, and NOTHING, no looks, money, profession, country, culture, dress, age makes her exempt from being a potential victim. So since rape is so common, so pervasive that it's taken as a natural way of life women deal with it in bizarre ways--blaming the victim for instance. It's like Stockholm Syndrome.

Beauty culture also damages women. I was just discussing this with a young women I know who is in nursing school. She was mentioning certain types of behavior of women in her class who would be considered not as attractive as others that she found very disturbing. I told her "become a feminist" She blinked at me. I started explaining that from the time we are born, are value is inseparable from our "looks" a plain women is valued less that an attractive one. Those considered less attractive and you can read "sexually attractive to men" in that are bombarded with images and messages telling them they have less value. These women too, become very damaged and may respond in bizarre, or unhealthy ways. Conversely, a sexually attractive women is valued for how she looks FIRST. I've met culturally beautiful women who have overcome this, and gone on to to great things, but overcome it they have to do.


The bottom line and root cause aside from ignorance and I don't care if this is considered "radical" or not (I find it amusing, and gratifying except it's so sad, to be considered a radical feminist in this day and age)is Male demand for sexual access at all times. This can cross genders as well, but women take the brunt of it. Males have a sense of entitlement to sexual access, for example "I'm not getting any" "Women can get laid any time they want" bullshit thinking you find. Women who can't, don't, or refuse to believe this end up in a damage loop.

[bliss_eternal]

2. Thank you for this...

(I pm'd you a post that's an example of what I see that bothers me--hope that's ok.) :)

Sometimes I feel like I'm waking from a very deep sleep, if that makes any sense. It's everywhere, places where I don't expect to encounter something that makes me think about this--I do.

For example, dh and I were going to a movie last week. We saw young girls wearing those pants with a word or phrase printed across their bottoms (i.e. sweet, juicy, hottie, etc.) :eyes: It was all I could do to not follow those girls and find their mothers and ask them why? How could they let them wear pants that for lack of better words 'label their asses" ? It's beyond disturbing and so disheartening.

It's frustrating to come here--to DU only to find women doing the same thing in a weird way--labeling themselves through their posts as apologists to male culture. Don't know if I'm making any sense.

[kalibex]

3. ...

Stockholm syndrome.

[bliss_eternal]

4. Thank you, kalibex.

:hi: I appreciate the link and your response.

[Branjor]

5. Women defend and apologize for men

because they see them as winners. Make losers out of them and the rats will desert the sinking ship in droves.

[ThomCat]

6. That is very true. But how do we change all the rules

so that men (myself included) aren't the presumed winners in every situation?