Why do I argue with idiots?

[melnjones]

I had a person in another thread today tell me that women like me are destroying lives...apparently by our trying to bring awareness to the issue of sexual abuse. That we have a vendetta. lol. Compared me to the Salem witch hunt. How funny, considering how hard I have worked to find forgiveness and reconciliation with my own abusers, and how hard I try to make sure that through my healing process I am still responding to them out of love and not hatred. You just can't win, no matter how hard you try.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

1. Cuz the patriarchy never rests so neither should we!

To be female is to be confronted with it at all times. There is never a moment of any day that you get to 'opt out' of the patriarchy. You are right, we can't win with the idiots. But argue loudly with them anyway. Not for their sake, as most of them are hopeless, but for the bystanders who need to hear a feminist rebuttal to macho b.s. Especially when it comes to sexual abuse. When some idiot starts bloviating about how "it's okay to sleep with drunk chicks" or how "some 13 year olds look OLDER!" I let him have it right there. I'm not letting that crap go unchallenged in public anymore. And neither should you. Thanks for your efforts in that thread today. :hi:

[melnjones]

4. The worst part is that the one poster is a female!!!!!

I mean, what the crap. A little research on the posting history of a person speaks volumes to the possibility of an agendum.

Something funny...
ven·det·ta ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vn-dt)
n.
A feud between two families or clans that arises out of a slaying and is perpetuated by retaliatory acts of revenge; a blood feud.
A bitter, destructive feud.

I am in the process of preparing to confront my main abuser, and I think that's why the discussion with this certain poster has me so upset. I know my abuser's reaction will not be pretty and this person will slip into "i'm the victim, poor me, look what I'm being made to go through." Being told I have a vendetta just cuts to the core, as I have deliberated for so long on whether or not to do this and HOW to do this and making sure that my motives are good in the process because acting out of spite or out of hatred is not ok in my book. This is someone I love who has created untold amounts of destruction in my life.

I also dealt with sexual harassment from a professor in undergrad, a professor that I would have considered a "friend." I turned the dude in a year later when I began to understand that no, I wasn't being ridiculous for feeling horribly uncomfortable with what the man said and did. I was not the first one (by FAR) to whom he had done crap, and really my harassment was MILD compared to other girls, but I realized last week how much I am still silenced even after having turned him in to the administration b/c I feel I can't openly talk about what happened. The dude is a very popular professor. I have to be very selective in who I talk to because talking to the wrong person would be social suicide for me (I'm a grad student in the same university now). Hopefully his behavior has stopped since his dealings with the administration...I hope at least something good came from all of this.

The ignorance of some people on the effects of sexual abuse or harassment is just astounding...and quite frightening.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

5. Oh wow! My best to you with what you're going through

When I was about 16, I confronted someone who molested me some years earlier. I just blurted it out, having no preparation beforehand. Needless to say, it didn't go over very well. He reacted just as you said, as though HE were the victim. And other family members were upset with me. Even the ones who believed me! I'm still glad I did it, though. It'd be nice if perpetrators became instantly contrite but that goes against their entire makeup. Abusers have no concept of the rights of others. But me openly acknowledging my experience at that time helped to set me on the path to healing.

[BlueIris]

2. I myself find it difficult to distinguish between "savable" and

"beyond hope." In general, I try to not explain feminism to those whom I believe are totally beyond the reach of civilization and humanity, because, well, I don't have it in me to try to "get through" to brick walls. But I will sometimes post rebuttles to their more idiotic and just plain wrong statements on these boards. Until my brain shuts down as the result of boggling at their ignorance, that is.

[atommom]

3. Well, I think many of the other posters thought that person was an idiot,

too. Most likely we cannot get through to HIM, but I think it is still worthwhile to refute bozos anyway, for the benefit of the larger audience. (Until our blood pressure gets too high, I mean.) ;)

[Warpy]

6. Winning against idiots isn't the point. Educating

people who are reachable and who are lurking and reading these thread is the point.

Remember that and your blood pressure will thank you. So will the lurkers.

[melnjones]

9. I know you're right...

It's just so hard to do when the issue is such a personal one right now, and with some potentially very high costs coming my way in the near future when I confront some people. :hide:

[ThomCat]

7. I don't think you're tilting at windmills.

People who speak up about sexual abuse take a lot of grief, but I think there's a lot of good happening too. You let people know that they aren't alone. Even if they can't talk about it, you're talking about it for them.

I have a huge amount of respect for you and for everyone else who speaks up about abuse. I think most people here at DU do. The idiots are becoming less numerous with time.

[melnjones]

8. thanks...

:hi: