being blonde

[iverglas]

Now, I have to admit up front that I've taken to dying my hair. I've had white temples since I was 21 -- at least, that's when they were first kindly pointed out to me by a friend, who pointed at my head one day while we were standing at a bus stop and said "what's that?!?!" And given that my hair was long long at the time, I'd probably been sprouting white for a while already.

I dabbled with henna for a couple of years not long after that -- and didn't actually realize how red-headed I'd become until a housemate referred to me as "the little red-headed kid" (not that I was little; figure of speech). But that had to stop when the white at the temples widened; henna makes white hair orange. A few years later, my secretary/friend and I were holidaying in Maine, and she talked me into doing my hair with her, with one of those good for several washes varieties. Again, it took a couple of times of doing that before I realized I'd become kind of blonde. My hair is naturally a very golden medium brown (some might actually call it dark blonde); very hard to match with fake colour. I did it a couple more times to tone it back to brownish, and then abandoned the effort as just too much damned work.

But a couple of years ago I committed: with the white hairs interspersed through the rest getting more noticeable, and me looking just older and tireder than I am at all, I went for permanent colouring, and root touch-ups when I get around to it. Still can't really match my real colour, so it's kind of medium brown with a slightly reddish tinge.

Anyhow. As a youth, I felt great disdain for women who dyed their hair, especially bleached blondes. (I'm not talking fogies like me doing it to maintain the illusion of youth -- or really, in my case, because white hair really does not become me at all, and just makes me look blotchy and draggedy down.)

I still do, and the reasons are in part the same, although more articulated. Basically, to be artificially blonde is to sexualize one's persona in an overt and unmistakable way. "Blonde" wraps up all the sexualized stereotypes of women: it references Marilyn Monroe and her predecessors in blonde, and all the bleached stars and starlets since. It signals sexual availability. Like starving to achieve the increasingly emaciated body demanded by the public arbiters of women's worth and desirability, it is a rejection of one's body, one's self, and adoption and internalization of those judgments of women. Women don't, for the most part, dye their hair red or black -- let alone brown -- to raise their score on the scale by which we are judged.

We recently had a bizarre series of sexual assaults and murders committed by a senior military officer. This is peripheral to that story, but one report had a photograph of a victim's 14-yr-old sister. Her hair was bleached blonde. It saddened me. I can understand a 14-yr-old dying her hair pink or orange for fun, or in rebellion, or for some other normal 14-yr-old reason. A 14-yr-old with bleached blonde hair is a sexualized child. And it is so inappropriate, just like 5-yr-old beauty contestants in lipstick and heels, that I wonder what parents are thinking.

Recently I was thinking about this and the other obvious point struck me.

Blonde, as a female ideal, is also a racial ideal. Okay: duh.

Artificial blonde is symbolic of the inappropriate sexualization and imposed standards of attractiveness to which women are subjected.

It is also symbolic of the standard of attractiveness to which people of colour are subjected: a standard that says the peak of perfection is white, and specifically northern European / Anglo-Saxon white.

And I will say that women who are artificially blonde are participating not only in the perpetuation of this female stereotype, and thus in the oppression of other women, but also in the perpetuation of this racial stereotype, and thus in the oppression of people of colour. Blonde (the whitest of white) is attractive and valuable. It stands alone as the height, as measured against both stereotypes, to be aspired to, and can be achieved in 20 minutes by most white women.

People of colour can't even mimic the look without making themselves look ridiculous. Unlike white women who, for the most part, can enhance both their "femininity" and their whiteness by going blonde even if they aren't born that way, women of colour aren't and can never be blonde; if they try, they don't raise their score on either scale, because they just can't pass for blonde even if they are.

Feminists are forever being castigated for being insensitive to the concerns of other oppressed groups. Well, here's our chance to show some solidarity.

Just say no to fake blonde. Give up a little of the status and privilege that we white feminists can so easily achieve at the expense of our sisters of colour. The more we buy into the stereotype and enjoy the benefits we get from adhering to it, the more we participate in devaluing those who can't mold themselves to it.

Oh, and let's see about getting our gay brothers on board too.


... the usual typos fixed ...

[ismnotwasm]

1. I was blond for several years

Red, brown, green, purple, henna orange--I always changed my hair color. I stuck beads in it, did quasi-dread locks, God, all kinds of shit. The 'blond' experience was interesting. It was when I was much younger, it was for attention, I thought it looked good. It did perhaps, but I never forgot what my hair felt like at the end of that time--rough and brittle. I stopped being blond with a bang, going platinum, which lasted all of a week or so. The high drama of near white(eye-blinding)hair was more than I could handle, it called a lot of sexualized attention that felt more degraded than usual. I was a walking stereotype. Anyway, I colored it brown myself, fucking it up royally in the process, and then cut it all off. I had had long or longish hair most of my life up to that point.

Something about having both short hair and nut-brown hair was freeing. I had shed something internally ugly. A year or so later, I stopped wearing most make up. (I now shudder when I think of the crap I used to put on my face). I ended up growing my hair out long again because I liked it, I'd color it brown or red or leave it alone, but I never totally returned to the type of oppressed sexual vanity that women spend so much money on. I became comfortable in my own skin. I let my strength show, both the internal and external.

Last year I was going to grow out all my gray. I have friends a few years older than I, who did it and I thought they looked beautiful. Well, I didn't like it. So I 'frosted' it. Fuck. It was just blond again. I hated it, my oldest daughter hated it. What was kind of fascinating however, is that I got so many compliments from women I work with. I didn't see what they were seeing--mostly because it didn't really exist, if that makes sense-- and I was darkly amused. Anyway, I cut it again (I cut my own hair; It's curly, and I can't get hair dressers to understand that I'm never going to 'blow dry' it, I'm never going to use 'products' I finger comb it and go. Easy)Colored it brownish again and at this point I like it.

Interesting, and accurate point about blond being a racist racial ideal. So many women opt for blond and it is completely sexualized. Blond seems to be the color of choice for many aging women or even young women. Women of color who have darker skin rarely go completely blond, but when they do, I wonder if they feel as I did with my platinum blond?

I was watching "Sin City" again recently. Jessica Alba, who has olive skin, plays a beautiful young woman--desire itself practically; In the movie she's blond, not just blond, but thick, shining, waist length hair. A blond who is murdered is also the catalyst for a number of events. Since the movie is a 'comic book' type movie, the stereotypes are on purpose, but as one of the strongest female characters is a Black woman, and another an Asian woman(who of course is into martial arts weaponry) it is also interesting that the beauty ideal among a organized group of prostitutes is presented as blond.

I know a few men who, as they are getting older color their hair. It's sad that it's so incongruous on males, and the expectation for females. I hope that someday we'll be able freely use the art of self decoration minus the gendered crap.

[bliss_eternal]

2. kinda o/t ---but ...

olive skinned women of color, frequently are able to get away with the "blonde" shades that a woman with more of a brown skin tone may not. think vanessa williams (who tends to highlight w/blonde a lot).

jessica alba had highlights for a while. unlike the film you saw (which i think was either a wig or a weave), it was done to her hair--which is very dark, so the highlights seemed more orange-y...bleh. didn't take long and she was back to browns w/redder hi-lights.

[ismnotwasm]

3. I was thinking something along those lines

Some of the highlights that women of color use are quite beautiful, but certain colors seem to be beautiful within a skin tone. I never forgot my platinum experience, even though I'm white, it looked terrible because I'm not so pale as for it to look 'natural' (as if), and I didn't want to do all the accessory bullshit everyday to accompany that particular 'look' In Sin City, the way the film is shot is in a dark neo-noir style. It's basically black and white, the only colors showing being red, a little bit of blue and green. Then the ultimate bad guy in the movie who is a disgusting jaundiced yellow.

Some groups of young people male and female tend to dress much alike, (Neo goths, hippies, punks) get similar tattoo's and piercings and sometimes make up styles. Although these are the 'different' drummer types, I appreciate the effort of self decoration that isn't completely genderized whether intentional or not

[spooky3]

4. could I offer one more observation?

Some of us who grayed prematurely may choose blonde hair colors of various shades not to sexualize ourselves, etc., but for a very practical reason: because when the gray grows back in, it is far less noticeable than if we choose the darker colors of our youth. Those of us who can't afford to go to the salon frequently for touchups and don't have helpers at home (unlike the stars) have to think in these practical terms.

A stylist once also told me that most women's skin colors fade as they age and the dark browns or richer hair colors of youth don't look right with their older skin. It was her opinion that a softer, lighter shade looked more natural.

These are among the reasons you see so many people using fake blonde colors as opposed to darker or redder shades.

None of this is intended to negate anything you said, but just to point out that status and privilege, sexual desirability, may not be involved in some decisions.

[musette_sf]

5. And some of us who have greyed (NOT prematurely)

need to appear as young as possible in the workplace.

As Spooky said, when the gray grows back in, it is far less noticeable, if one chooses a blonde color.

"Skunk stripe" is far less noticeable with blonde hair than with the darker shades.

My blondeness has eff-all to do with status, privilege, or sexual desirability. It has to do with survival.

[bliss_eternal]

7. i hear ya'....

...this woman of color, will be joining you soon :hi: (in blending in a bit of blonde) :shrug: :(
my complexion is fading, my naturally dark hair is making me look paler, and i've seen my first few greys (sigh).

we do what we gotta' do, ya' know...? --sighs--

[spooky3]

8. very good points, musette and bliss_eternal

being invisible (or worse) at the workplace can be even more consequential than being invisible elsewhere.

[bliss_eternal]

10. ..........!

:hi:

[bliss_eternal]

6. so true, spooky3...

i've noticed this, too.

that as a lot of women age, they frequently start to utilize subtle highlights (and blending in blonde). it seems to be less about wanting to 'sex it up' and more about what's cost effective, easy to do at home, and what's gonna' blend w/the grey (while brightening up their countenance).

:hi:

[spooky3]

9. yep - I started "turning" in my 20s thanks to my parents' genes :-)

so I'm unfortunately an old pro at this hair coloring business. And there are lots of us around. I'm sorry the grays are creeping in but hope you are older than 30! :hi:

[bliss_eternal]

11. I am...

...(over 30). Though, that didn't prepare me for it. :( (sigh) Nor did it prepare me for the eventual creeping in of hair from the unlikeliest of places...(argh)it's all such a pain in the ass. No one cares when dudes go gray, or when hair grows from their nose, ears, chin, etc...but let it happen to a woman. :eyes: :mad:

:hi: