The twelve steps for Codependents

[idgiehkt]

where my focus has been directed of late...I'm on # one... :)


The 12 Steps of Codependents Anonymous

STEP ONE
We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.

STEP TWO
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

STEP THREE
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

STEP FOUR
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

STEP FIVE
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

STEP SIX
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

STEP SEVEN
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

STEP EIGHT
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

STEP NINE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

STEP TEN
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

STEP ELEVEN
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

STEP TWELVE
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other co-dependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[idgiehkt]

1. patterns and characteristics of codependence

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.
They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.


I really like this list, using the 'I' statements really helps me see myself in so much of this. Bob E. once said that if you remove the alcohol and drugs from an active user what you are left with is a codependent...it's proven to be true in my case.

[Kajsa]

2. Thanks for posting this, Idgiehkt.

Good for you!

The 12 steps work for a lot of people,
who are dealing with a wide array of dependencies.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

3. ahhh CoDA.

someone once told me that when you sober up an alcoholic, you have an Alanon (ie Co-Dependent)

this list is interesting but certainly (in my mind) a worst case

THE TEN TRAITS OF A CODEPENDENT:

1. The codependent is driven by one or more compulsions.
2. The codependent is bound and often tormented by the way things were in the dysfunctional family of origin.
3. The codependent's self-esteem (and, frequently, maturity) is very low.
4. A codependent is certain his or her happiness hinges on others.
5. Conversely, a codependent feels inordinately responsible for others.
6. The codependent's relationship with a spouse or Significant Other Person (SOP) is marred by damaging, unstable lack of balance between dependence and independence.
7. The codependent is a master of denial and repression.
8. The codependent worries about things he or she can't change and may well try to change them.
9. A codependent's life is punctuated by extremes.
10. A codependent is constantly looking for the something that is missing or lacking in life.

We call it "Second Stage Recovery" and my favorite meeting here is a 8AM weekday meeting that uses "The Language of Letting Go" as topic reference.

Another thing I've found to be very helpful in relationships is to practice the Traditions in my relationships. They can be adapted for a personal relationship too :bounce:

[idgiehkt]

4. that's a great list, AZdem

if it came off of a website do you have a link for it? (you can pm it to me if you don't want to post it). I have found the most help about codependency in ACOA and Coda meetings and literature rather than from recovering alcoholics for whom this is considered a secondary issue. I went to al-anon for a while but I had a hard time 'latching on' to that program; ACOA, or rather ACA now, is the one where I immediately felt at home. I have never heard it referred to as 'second stage recovery' which is interesting since all of my sponsors and many of the people that I was around in meetings worked in the recovery field in some way, maybe that is a regional thing.

[NMDemDist2]

5. link

http://www.ottawacounselling.com/epamphlets/mediation/codepend.asp

[idgiehkt]

6. thanks!

:hug: :loveya: :hug:

[SPKrazy]

7. I Like The CoDependent's Serenity Prayer

God, Grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cannot change
the courage to change the people I can
and thew wisdom to know it's ME!

It's helped me many a time to realize that I can only change myself and no one else, and visa versa.

:hi:

[Justpat]

8. I think I like that version better than the original. n/t

[idgiehkt]

9. me too.

:hi:

[Justpat]

10. .

:hi:

Hi idgiehkt.