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backtoblue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-16-09 09:06 AM
Original message
the tide
come with me friend
take hold of my hand
today I shall show you
where I write in the sand

I etch out each word
too painful to be spoken
the sands keep my secrets
a bond never to be broken

for each time I write
the tide anxiously awaits
to erase the memories
left at the waters' gates




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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-16-09 10:06 AM
Response to Original message
1. My dear backtoblue...
Ah, I love the sentiments, and the visual imagery...

Allow me one small criticism:

I'd have said your second stanza this way:

I etch out each word
too painful to speak
the sands keep my secrets
a bond never to break


For me, it has a better flow...appropriate for a poem about the tide, lol!

Thank you so much for sharing this today, sweetie...

:hug:

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backtoblue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-16-09 01:42 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. I like it!
Thanks !!


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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-16-09 03:02 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. Oh, I'm glad you do!
You never know with criticism...

Glad I could help!

:hug:
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