Just need a fresh thread to vent

[hyphenate]

I'm going to go lie down, so I probably won't be back to read the thread until morning, but I just want to tell someone how miserable I feel.

I noticed one of my other threads is also close by: this is partly an extension of that. I'm sitting here being completely and totally exhausted and lost. There is a major pain running through my left leg, so bad on the occasions where it stabs that I would willingly let someone hack off my leg if I thought it would end that pain.

Even worse, I feel miserable about it because one of the cats keeps coming up onto the leg and I have to scream at her to stop because of it. And she's been bothering me a lot lately--I think she's become diabetic or something because she is constantly eating as though I were starving her, and I'm not. And she never gets a clue--she puts her ears back if I yell at her like I'm the bad guy--maybe I am; I just can't act rationally when I'm in agony.

Last night, the electricity went out in the back of the house--it wasn't the case of a burnt out fuse, and no, there are no breakers. My landlord and friend (on the first floor) didn't want to call the electrician last night, even though I was very cold, because it would cost him too much money--he tried once this morning to get a rec from someone and so no one got called today, either. He had an obligation in the afternoon, so I got shunted to the back of the line, so that really helped my mood as well. Thankfully, the front room is where the computer and TV are, so I have some help, but it's goddamned wrong not to have a light in the bathroom or in the kitchen. I compensated by running extension cords from the front room to at least have a light in the other rooms, but I am not feeling well as it is, without having some of the "comforts" taken away.

So right now I feel pretty miserable. I spent a lot of time on my feet today--it's very rare for me to have much energy, so I try to do what little bit I can when I do have a chance--and my ankles are at least double in their circumference as a result. And the throbbing in them doesn't help at all.

I'm sure I'm being short-tempered about everything in general, but I just can't help it. I know it will all wash away when I've gotten rid of the pain, but part of me is just totally giving up in many ways tonight. I hate most of my doctors, I have no one I can really talk with anymore (lost one best friend to a terminal illness 4 1/2 years ago, another to religion about a year ago, and my sister in law only talks with me when she wants to talk about herself) and I got rid of my therapist two months ago because he was making me go crazy (and yes, he was, really. I am glad to be rid of him). As my mother would say, sometimes it doesn't pay to get out of bed. I haven't felt this down in a very long time.

Anyhow, just wanted to tell someone--I'm probably gonna have a good cry when I get into the bed--at the very least, I can put my feet up and try to get rid of the pain and the swelling. I just wish I could drag the computer into the bedroom with me, but I can't. And I can't afford to buy a laptop--that sucks, too. My old one died a year ago, and I miss it terribly.

I guess I'm just feeling incredibly sorry for myself right now, and I know that's adding to the pain and the misery. I'm hoping by morning I'll feel a little better. Good night.

[murielm99]

1. I am sorry.

I hope that at least some of your discomforts ease soon, such as the electricity. Sometimes it is hard to put up with the major problems when the minor ones crop up, too.

I am glad you can come to DU to vent. It is not as good as the lost friends, but it is something.

I know what you mean about the doctors. Many of us here hate our doctors.

I hope you feel a bit better by the time you read this.

:hug:

[mopinko]

2. hope you got a good nights sleep, and

had a good cry. i am pretty sure i know just how you feel.
especially the part about the cat. i am, i hope, coming out of 6 weeks of horrible fibro pain focused in my right arm. i have a show coming up, and have not been able to do the usual deadline induces flurry of work. i am behind, and cranky. 2 of my crazy little dogs are itching, and really ought to see the vet. but i just do not have an afternoon to take them. i am giving them some benadryl, and hoping they feel better. but i sure feel like a shit about it.
and i know EXACTLY what you mean about cutting off your leg. i mean, i am an artist. without a right arm, for now. and i just cannot stop fantasizing about gnawing my arm off with my own teeth.
take care. gently but firmly explain to your landlord that if you don't get your electric back, you cannot be responsible for your actions.
feel better.

[ThomCat]

3. I hope you get some of those "comforts" back soon.

And I hope you get some rest and feel better soon too. :hug:

I can understand the short-tempered bad mood. I think we've all been there many times.

[kimmerspixelated]

4. Just a suggestion:

I have found that when I regularly supplement with Omega-3 purified fish oil, I am pain-free and am much,much,much less depressed. It works for me.