Church Bulletins

[madinmaryland]

CHURCH BULLETINS

They're Back! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences
actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.

--------------------------------------------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

-------------------------------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--------------------------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

[Digit]

1. LOL!

:rofl: