Is it a sign of low self esteem to want people to like you?

[terrya]

I find myself desperately, sometimes, for people to like me. Here on DU and real life.

I should ask my therapist about this but I thought I'd bring it up here.

I find myself really craving the need for people to like me.

I suppose that's a sign that i don't like myself very much.

Thanks.

[mopinko]

1. i think it is a sign that you are human.

i think it is called lonely.
welcome to the club.

[emilyg]

2. Most of us want people to like us.

Perfectly normal unless you crumble if some people don't like you.

[DemExpat]

3. I used to crave acceptance and approval until I realized that there was NO way that "everybody"

or even "most" people would like me.

DO I like everybody? Nope.

For me I learned it was a self-esteem issue to be obsessed with this, so I did learn to drop it. A counsellor I had long ago advised me to see my life more as something the size of a postage stamp, not the wider "infinite possibilities" world, and to seek to find happiness and peace within those much smaller boundaries of the stamp, to not "worry" about the rest - wanting much more, wanting more people or "everybody" to like me, etc.....
This advice struck a good chord with me and has helped me more than a lot of the years I spent on the couch! It certainly helped me focus more on my personal life sphere and to see more of what I HAD than what I did not.

As long as I have a few family members and close friends who love and like me just as I am, that is Heaven enough for me.

And yes, I also think it is important to love, like and respect ourselves, but this is a long road sometimes and takes time.

Hope you feel much better about yourself soon, terrya.

DemEx

[terrya]

4. Thank you for those wise words.

I like what your counsellor said...about seeing my life as something the size of a postage stamp. I do tend to see "the big picture" in life and worry about whether a lot of people like me...like, for instance, around here. It does seem sort of foolish to worry about people, for the most part, that I'll never meet in real life. That is impossible to expect.

My family loves me, I have a partner who loves me, and I guess my close friends love and like me as well. My goodness, that's more than some people have. I shouldn't be so selfish.

I suspect that my road to liking, loving and respecting myself will take some time. But I won't give up on it.

Thank you, DemEx, for your kind words of encouragement.

terrya

[Tab]

5. it can or can't be

< i apologize for the lowercase - my shift key is screwed up>

is it reasonable to want to be universally liked? no. understandable, but unlikely to happen for anyone.

it it reasonable to want some people to like you? sure.

can you accept that you have friends and family that like you? great.

are you bent out of shape that there's a possibility that someone you just talked to may not like you? if you obsess about it, that might be a problem. i would like everyone to like me, but i understand that won't happen. likewise, i interact with lots of people every day - some i like, some i'm neutral about, and a few i don't care for. that's just me and where i am and them and where they am, and i guess we don't intersect.

i'd say it's only a problem or a sign of loss of self esteem if you obsess about it.

real self esteem means that you understand that someone doesn't like you, you may not understand why, but you're not going to let it color your life. it may make you sad, depending on how important that person potentially was to you, but you are okay with it - whatever the reason, it's not working out - but you're still a good person and can keep going on.

if you're really just craving the need for people to like you AND you're going further than you might normally (e.g.: sleeping with someone just to hope that they will like you) then that would be low self-esteem, but even if it is, it's not irreversible. and perhaps it is a sign that you don't like yourself very much, but recognizing that is a good thing - it means you're tapped into your feelings, you're attuned to what you feel is wrong and WHY, and you want to change it. what would suck is if you had no clue, but then you wouldn't be posting here. you know something's wrong, you have some insight into it, and you're asking for help.

there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. don't focus on the people you want to win over, pay attention to the people who accept you and love you already.

on edit: i screwed up the formatting.

[blondie58]

6. why, no terrya- it just means that you are human

but what is the most important- is that YOU like yourself.

I used to be a lot like that. It took me many years to realize that not everyone is going to like you- for whatever reason. But as long as you're okay with yourself- its all okay.

I like you. Dawn:hi:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. I am kind of the opposite.

Lately I have had this weird thought that people don't like me and I don't try to make them like me or not. I have become so attached to just spending time working on my goals to take my mind off of it.

[EFerrari]

8. We are mirrored in the eyes of others. Of course we want to see someone nice

in that mirror!

:hi:

[terrya]

9. Thank you, everyone, for your kind responses.

Admittedly, I don't love myself. Hell, there are times I don't like myself very much. I tend to think that I'm worthless and that no one will miss me if I'm gone. So, my sometimes desperate need to have others like me just feeds into all of that. I want people to like me so that I don't feel quite so worthless.

I need to take stock of myself, first. I need to like myself first. And perhaps the rest will come after.

Thank you, again, everyone. :-)

[Forkboy]

10. "I need to like myself first. And perhaps the rest will come after."

That would seem to be the key. I have troubles with that myself, though whether others like me or not is irrelevant to me. In the end it isn't whether others like me..it's whether I like me. Not always an easy equation as only I know the darkness that lies within.

From what I've seen you have plenty of reasons to like yourself. I hope you find an answer that works for you. :hug:

[EFerrari]

11. I make lists when I feel negative or when this brain criticizes me

mercilessly.

With my coffee. A list of five things about me that are positive, then, a list of five things I admire in others.

It's like pointing your thinking in a better direction. :hug:

[terrya]

12. That's an excellent idea

I'm feeling really bad today. I feel completely, utterly worthless. I need to do as you said.

Thank you. :hug: