An old friend of mine is crazy

[Droopy]

I recently came into contact with a couple who I used to hang out with quite a bit. A couple of years they moved 500 miles away and I lost touch with them. Around last November I got an e-mail from the female half of the couple stating that she had read an essay of mine that was on her husband's computer and she needed to talk to me. The essay included my e-mail address. It was about my struggles with a severe mental illness.

I knew that she had problems in the past with mental illness and she revealed to me that she had bipolar disorder. She was very impressed with my essay and said that she could relate to a lot of what I had to say in it. I have schizo-affective disorder which includes the symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as some symptoms of schizophrenia. I have been well for nearly 5 years now. Apparently, my old friend missed the part of the essay that said I was being successfully treated and that medication had relieved me of all of my symptoms, because when she called me to talk about it she started relating all of the horrible stuff that was happening to her instead of asking me about treatment.

I listened to her for several phone conversations with her doing most of the talking. When she calls I can count on being on the phone for an hour unless I cut her short. She doesn't like living so far away from her home town and is having difficulty making new friends. Nothing too crazy about that. But then she starts telling me about how the guy next door in their apartment complex is stalking her. She told me how she just knows the guy is after her. I ask her what he's said to her. She says she's never talked to him and has only seen him by chance when they were both leaving or coming home, but she didn't like the way he looked at her. A little red flag went up in my head, but I didn't say anything to her.

In later conversations she told me how she had a hard time holding down a job. According to her, all of the men that she works with are either verbally abusing her or stalking her. Then she told me about her male psychiatrist and how he creeped her out. She thinks he is trying to get her on date rape drugs. I told her my observation about how she is always having trouble with men and advised her that maybe she should see a female psychiatrist. That's as close as I had gotten to suggesting that maybe her troubles were with her own mind and not with other people.

She called me last week telling me about how she had quit another job stating the usual reasons about men treating her badly. She says that everywhere she goes people are treating her badly and men are stalking her. She's so paranoid that she has become afraid to leave the house. I had finally had enough. I had listened and listened and offered support and advise. I had to say something that probably wasn't going to go over too well:

"I'm not saying that there aren't rude or hateful people in the world, but I really think that much of what you are experiencing is due to your illness. And once you get that sorted out I think things will go much more smoothly for you."

I don't know if that was the right thing to do and I hadn't really planned on saying something like that to her. She hasn't talked to me since then. We'll see how it goes.

[AngryOldDem]

1. You're really doing her no favors, though, if you don't point out that she needs treatment.

Whether she hears that or acts on it, that's on her. Keep in contact with her if you feel that's what you have to do, but I wouldn't let it monopolize your time or your life.

Is there any way you can contact the husband and tell him what's going on with her? Maybe he will have more persuasion with her as to looking into treatment.

Just my very humble $0.02.

[Droopy]

2. She says she is still taking her meds

But is looking for another doctor. I think her husband is clueless about mental illness. She told me that she tells him the same things that she tells me, but gets no response from him.

BTW, that quote near the end is me telling her that she needs treatment.

[AngryOldDem]

3. Yeah, I know you told her that...

...but it sounds (to me) like you think you should be doing more. I think as a friend, though, you've done all you can do right now. Maybe putting it this way: "If you're still on your meds and are feeling this way, maybe you should find a doctor and have him or her readjust them."

And it's sad that apparently she's getting no support from her spouse. I understand your frustration completely.

[EFerrari]

5. We don't know if she's getting support from the spouse or not.

All we have is her report which may reflect her take on the situation and may not reflect what the spouse is doing.

[mopinko]

4. can you talk to her husband?

sounds really sad.