The Holiday Blues

[skygazer]

Crap. I just blew up in a thread in the Lounge. Someone wrote about being sick of people who complain about the holidays and I just went off.

I try so hard to remain positive but I have a really, really hard time with the holidays and this year seems like it's going to be worse than usual. I'm stressed about money and other things. I haven't seen my son (except for once) for six years and have no hope of seeing him for another year or so - not until he is 18 and away from his dad. It's hard - I write to him every week or two but I feel like I'm writing to someone I don't even know.

This is all added to the usual holiday depression which dates back so many years, I can't remember my last good holiday season. Maybe 1974 when my mom was still alive.

And I hate to complain because people who have never had to deal with capital "D" depression have no idea. They think you're just sad for no reason and get frustrated when their attempts to cheer you up don't work.

I just want to curl up somewhere and sleep until January 2nd.

[Droopy]

1. I hear you, skygazer

I'm fortunate in that I still have family to celebrate the holidays with even though I'm single and have no children. I go over to my folks place for the holdays. I still have both my parents, two step-parents, three sisters, a brother-in-law, and a neice for my immediate family.

But I know how hard the holidays can be on some people, especially when the ones you love are so far away or gone and you have nobody to celebrate with. I'm not sure about this, but I think I heard somewhere that the holiday season is the busiest time of the year for hospital psych wards.

And I have plenty of experience with depression with a capital 'D.' I know how you are feeling. I'm currently going through depression with a little 'd', but I used to be clinically depressed. Suicidally depressed. There wasn't anything my folks could do, nothing they could say, to help bring me out of it. It took a stay in the hospital and some heavy duty drugs to get through to me.

I wish I could help you out with some good suggestions. I'm going to try. I hope these don't sound lame.

First of all I think you should take a look at how you've been feeling for the past year. If you find that you've been generally down for a lot of that time, it is probably a good idea to at least go see a psychologist for some talk therapy. The therapist may recommend that you see a psychiatrist to see if you need an anti-depressant. With you being separated from your boy for so long I can see how depression could be a big part of your life. There may not be anything except being reunited that will make you happy, but therapy can help you deal with your depression in a more positive way.

As far as celebrating the holidays go: Do you have any friends that you could celebrate with? You may be able to get some people together from work or church to have a Christmas party complete with gifts. If you have friends who have children see if it would be okay if you could buy the kids a gift. Going out shopping for someone and getting them a gift that will bring happiness into their life could be a good way for you to feel better about the holidays.

I hope that helps some. Don't be a stranger to this group. It was started with the idea that we need to give each other support when we are going through tough times mentally.

P.S. If you want to be on my Christmas list, P.M. me your address. Santa may come and visit you.

[skygazer]

2. Thanks for the support

I am blessed with a wonderful man and a lovely cat with whom I'll spend the holidays. I'm not alone, not by a long shot, and I'm very thankful for that.

I have been dealing with my Depression (actually bipolar) for over 30 years now. I've been med free for the past six years but it may be time to go back on them to get over the hump. Really, right up until the last couple of weeks, I've been very healthy mentally. I'm hoping this will prove to be a temporary setback but believe me, I will seek help if I feel I need it.

Mostly I posted because it's such a relief to be able to express those feelings when you have them. To know that you can put them out there to others who have dealt with similar things and who understand. It makes you feel that you're not alone with those feelings.

Thanks for posting. I appreciate the kind words. :hug:

[Droopy]

4. I don't know why I assumed you were alone

Sorry about that. My bad.

Be extra good to yourself this holiday season.

[Metatron]

3. As someone else who will have a less than cheery holiday season

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was quite upset by the idea that just being alive is reason enough to be happy. DU has actually been quite therapeutic for me. It has been helpful to know that I am not the only one struggling with issues.

And to be honest, I know there are people even worse off than me on this board who never mention their problems at all. I'm sure we weren't the only people who felt hurt by those kinds of statements.

skygazer, I'm sorry for your troubles :hug:

[no name no slogan]

5. Don't worry about it

I hate the holidays, with a passion. The time between late November and new year always sucks for me, and has for as long as I remember. It's probably do to my SAD, but it seems that most of the traumatic events of my life have their origin around this time of year.

All you can do is keep on keeping on. Get out of bed each day-- even THAT's an accomplishment! Go to school/work/get out of the house. Do something social, even if its just going to the library and reading a book.

When I was really really down, a good day for me was getting out of bed, taking a shower, eating, and leaving the house-- if only for an hour or two. Some days you have to celebrate the small victories, until you feel you're ready to accomplish more.

We're all with you. As a fellow holiday-despiser, you're certainly not alone.

[vetwife]

6. I join this club this year and its really bad but maybe some will find

encouraging in their own life. I loved the holidays. For 54 years I loved the sparkle and the Plays and the family togetherness, and the generation of love passed down. Never perfect but always memorable. Things almost like a curse started in 2000. My niece was killed in an automobile accident. My sister's only child. She had two boys, both mentally challenged. A drunk driver. Then just prior to that I had noticed things happening in the fall like my son was kidnapped at age 2 and in Oct.back in 74. but everything turned out fine. He is 34. But in 2000 The heat was turned up on my favorite time of the year. Why I don't know. My sister last year called Dec. 23 and told me she did not expect my Mom to live. To this day we don't know why she died. She lost a lot of weight and she was 79 but we did not enjoy the holidays because my nephew checked into a motel and never cheked out. OD. November. My Mom passed in April but from Oct to April it was Hellish. After the funeral my son's girlfriend of 5 years had a tift at the funeral with my son over money I think, but they always argued and made up. Not this time. She went off one night and he asked her to leave. He was hurt she had started leaving and he didn't know where she was. He just knew they would get back together by Thanksgiving. It was May or June when she left. I got a phone call three weeks ago that she had been murdered in a double homicide. I had to tell my son. The same son who loved his grandmother so, the same son who had told her to leave, and the same son who had been kidnapped, fought his own depression and had been deseserted by his natural father 30 years earlier in October. The same son who had his wife back in 1998 leave and desert he and the kids until he signed adoption papers over to us until he could get his head on straight. He met this girl and we thought of her as a daughter. What happened we don't know. Drugs? Probably...Althought the investigators say she had met a boy who was a stalker and threatned all of her family. Even police reports were made on him regarding killing her and anyone. Do we feel safe.. ? No hardly ! No arrest on this nut case who some believe is a skinhead. We are still in mourning and I hung the lights on the tree and look at the presents she got me last year on the mantle. I have felt like someone punched me in the gut. I went through and got through Thanksgiving..My son is unemployed and very close to the edge. We have two empty chairs this Christmas. I am so sad I have not even been posting here but for the children I fake a tear filled smile and try and this is the first year I just can't get it together. None of us can but we have to for the children.
I pray and take care of my disabled husband who lately has been taking care of me and my son who just sit and stare in a fire. He has no insurance or healthcare and I try to keep his spirits up. There is no pill or anything to take to get you through this. I feel so horrible and yet want to be able to enjoy Christmas. I don't give a rattts butt about presents but I want to see smiles that are gone, I want to see our family not so torn and tattered as if we have gone through a war of mind and hearts which I guess we have. We are going through the motions and we are terrified of who is next. But the encouragement is that I have faith that we will survive and will again enjoy the lights and the sparkle, we will just have to bear up and buckle up and cry when necessary. Multiple gunshot wounds to the head. My God, she was so full of life and so perky and called me Mom. I have faced a lot of things in life but when you see your child even at 34 cry day and night, its almost more than a Mother can stand. she called me once in the summer and said she had met a man. She always wanted to marry and have kids and my son was so burnt from his other marriage..No committment but now he is full of guilt, But I do stand and I do pray for peace
and happiness to return here. I know now I will forever dread when Oct or November rolls around. This trauma has really done a number on every member of this family. We just love too deep.

[DemExpat]

7. There are no words of comfort for this pain, vetwife....

:cry:

So I will only give you an image of how I hope that you can have a peaceful, bittersweetly joyful Christmas with your hurting family and the children....

I hope for you that you can feel the spirit of Christmas - the hope and expectation of peace and happiness - while mourning those who have left your side...to think of them with gratefulness of the love you all shared, and gratefulness of having a family at ALL where, as you stated at the end of your post, you all just love too deep

I hope above all that you find the strength to continue nurturing the family as a place for this love and joy to flourish (and as a place to survive the inevitable pain:-()

:hug: :hug: :hug:

DemEx

[vetwife]

8. Thank you Demexpat

I cherish your words. God Bless and Happy Holidays.

[no name no slogan]

9. Our thoughts and prayers are with you

I hope things improve for you soon. Take care of yourself. :grouphug: