Meds update

[Deja Q]

Been on the lamictal 2 weeks now.

There was an instant response to it; even at the uber-low initial dose.

Hyperactivity is down.

Appetite is marginally down.

Fatigue is up.

Still freaked out when people stare at me, and even I know the differences between 'lust', 'who the fuck are you?', 'what kind of freak are you?', and 'I would kill you given the chance'. And, trust me, 'lust' is only 1 out of every 200 incidents and even then I'm still terrified thanks to PTSD. I am trapped in my own prison... which is myself.

Now have a near-constant headache.

Mood is stabilizing as I am known to go back and forth quickly... but I am stabilizing at a rather depressed level.

Still anxious in public.

Still take things way too personally; I somewhat misinterpreted a coworker by thinking she didn't want me to talk to her at all when it was about something less permanent...

I might have to go off of it, if the depression continues or worsens.

I know I am not to take alcohol when on it, but I might drink a little this weekend anyway. Only one life to live, and knowing my job is slowly being rendered obsolete is not helping. (once I am unemployed, I will be much more vocal about things... but it's disgusting, the inequity between workers...)

But, I don't care. I know things they don't, and they'll wish they know what I know in due course.

[Maraya1969]

1. Lamictal does not cause depression. It is supposed to have an anti-

depressive effect if taken for a long time. If you get depressed add an anti-depressant. I take Lamictal - 400mg/day Prozac 25-60 mg/day depending on how I am feeling and Klonopin 5mg/day. I know the Klonopin is high but it also has an anti-manic property and I've asked 2 docs if I can lower the dose and try and get off and they both think it is a bad idea.

I have found that rapid eye movement and emotional kinesiology helped me tremendously for getting rid of trauma. I even had this kind of chronic, (on and off) pain in my shoulder for YEARS that I thought was a tennis injury but somehow this treatment made it go away.

Check GOOGLE. There is a bunch of info about EK and rapid eye movement. The psychology field has grown in leaps and bounds. You can get help for the PTSD.

http://www.emotionalkinesiology.com/

I had a laundry list of dx's and now I think I'm happier that the average person. I spend one year not going out of the house at dark and only going a short circumference during the day. The panic was crippling and the mania was dangerous.

Keep at it. You will get well. If you type in Ivan Goldberg on GOOGLE you will get to his HUGE site with all sorts of great info. He is the man who saved my life years ago. He put me on Lamictal about 12 years ago - way before it was OK'd for bipolar. He's cutting edge.

[Deja Q]

2. My responses to meds have always been ATYPICAL.

And I am sensitive to them. I had to temporary go off 50mg because of the excessive dizziness. I'll try it again in a couple days.

My history is replete with such incidents of atypical reactions. How many details would you like for me to type out?

Then do the cocktail treatment and watch me really suffer. (zoloft on its own worked, though I was way too tired all the time - I discovered that a year ago. Along with a condition misdiagnosis too. x( When mixed with strattera, the zoloft nearly killed me. Literally. NOBODY expected that to occur and I had to fight the fuckers to say ("I have a resting heartbeat of 138 is too much. I barely move and I'll sweat a river. This is wrong, let me go off the stuff!!!"). For some side-effects everybody decided I had developed an STD! 4 hours of life wasted in waiting and humiliation, and ALL THE DAMN TESTS WERE NEGATIVE. The only correlating factor was that I had just added zoloft, as prescribed, into my routine along with the strattera that I had been taking.

Books and research go very well. But when you add in people, it gets difficult to maintain your static belief on a group of random entities. We're not robots.

Google has its place (that's where I found that people who take strattera can develop side-effects that would make somebody otherwise think 'STD'... but that didn't happen to me until I took the zoloft with it...)

And, why should I care to live? My legs get weaker every day; I'm a social feeb laughed at by the masses (my ex being the latest example...), and the world is showing no signs of a positive future. I can't even get a one night stand. But I still have hope. No matter what sort of mutant I am. Otherwise I'd have gone and done it. And maybe I don't need to. The wrong drug alone could kill me.)