Need help with my bipolar Dad

[Bryan]

I have a sticky (and, as you'll see, complex) problem that I don't know how to resolve cleanly, and I would greatly appreciate an outside perspective.

My dad's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder relatively recently, but his pathology has been evident in his behavior for many years. I'm not sure if he even fits in the diagnostic cubbyhole for bipolarity, because he doesn't seem to have traditional episodes, but long, relatively even stretches of monopolar activity stretching for months at a time; buoyant, energetic periods alternating with crushing depressions that sometimes keep him from holding employment.

This is the crux of my problem, because several months ago, he agreed to sublet an apartment from me to finish the lease while I took over another property. I wouldn't have considered this as an option if not for the fact that my dad had apparently been stable for close to a year, and we'd had nothing but positive interaction during that time.

He finished out the lease with no problems, but he talked me and the landlady into an unofficial extension on the lease so he could have time to move out. This became a problem, because he subsequently entered into one of his depressive sloughs, and took off to stay with his parents 60 mi. away. He's on medication, but he's been very evasive, and is apparently too enervated to be able to move out on the landlady's timetable.

While he has a sister who would probably be willing to cover the rent for another month (which I myself can't do at this time), she'd also be amenable to helping me move all of his sundry effects into storage, so he can sort through them later.

Given the situation, I think it would be least injurious to all parties if I just moved everything out, but my dilemma is how to handle it in such a way as to minimize any feelings on my dad's part that I'm taking advantage of his condition.

I myself have relatively high-functioning Asperger's syndrome, and neither social assertiveness nor figuring out the emotional dynamic of a situation are long suits of mine. DU is the largest collection of intelligent and empathetic people I've found, and I would greatly appreciate any suggestions if you can relate to this situation. Thanks.

[bling bling]

1. I think it's a very factual and unemotional solution.

Definitely move his things into storage. The lease is over, there's no telling how long he'll need to stay with his parents and it would be a waste of money to continue paying rent with nobody living there.

[Droopy]

2. Good call

as far as what the original poster should say to his dad, I would think that his father would be sympathetic to his financial situation. I think that's all that needs to be said.

[EFerrari]

3. Hi there, Bryan

I can see how this situation would be a puzzle.

I think Droopy and bling bling are right. And I want to add this piece.

It might be helpful to you and your dad if you found a way to tell him that you moved the stuff to make the situation better.

How do you talk to him? On the phone? Email? Do you send him notes in the mail?

When people are having this kind of episode, the world shrinks up and imho, we take things too personally or negatively sometimes.

I guess I'd move his things and write him a note, too. It's a small thing but may end up being important to both of you later.

Take good care,
Beth