Bless me Father for I hve sinned: I find Howie Carr funny. Yes, I know Howie Carr is a low, venal sort of sinner and I shouldn't laugh when I read him, but he is so over-the-top mean and dumb and vindictive that I can't help myself. Honest Father, I tried, but I just couldn't stop the little chuckle from coming out. Carr is just so blatantly full of hate and envy that it's just, well, it's funny.
This is a priceless Howie column, except that it forgets that John Kerry must never be made sympathetic under any conditions whatsoever. (Damn Howie, did you lose your own memo or something?) Sigh! Ahm, you know, despite everything Howie does or says, the good voters of Massachusetts like John better than him. And Howie is so lonely and jealous.
Kerry's memory is so bad he forgot he was homeless
Boston Herald, First, Sec. News, p 6 10-20-1996
By Howie Carr
Now we know what the "F" in John F. Kerry stands for.
Forgetful.
It's amazing, this selective amnesia. Debate after debate, the junior senator can remember how he voted on every major issue - although, to be fair, it's a lot easier for Liveshot than most solons, because on the big bills he likes to vote both ways, just in case the political winds shift.
A couple of days ago, things were looking up for John F. Kerry-Heinz. Finally he looked to be putting a little distance between himself and Gov. Weld. His "gypsy days" were behind him. He no longer identified with Nick Nolte in "Down and Out in Beverly Hills."
But then he started forgetting.
Now we learn that when ketchup queen Teresa Heinz's hubby was asked where he lived in Boston between December 1986 and September 1988, his amazing memory failed him. He drew a complete blank on his home address.
"I don't know," he fibbed. "I'll have to find out."
What he actually had to find out was who was talking, and how much the reporters knew. Too much, unfortunately.
The scribes had already discovered that various fat cats, greedheads, coatholders and alligator-shoes-wearing lobbyists spent much of the Decade of Greed providing Kerry with cut-rate accommodations, but only when they weren't letting him totally freeload at their mansions.
John Freeloader Kerry.
"I must have forgot," he prevaricated. "It was for such a short time. I just must have forgot about it."
It's sad, in a way. Here's John Kerry, a scion of one of the oldest and wealthiest families in the commonwealth, and in his mid-40's he found himself . . . homeless.
A message was left Friday for the senator, asking him if he would like to comment on the plight of the homeless, namely himself. But you know how it is with people living on the streets. Sometimes they don't get by the Pine Street Inn to pick up their messages for weeks at a time.
"You're waiting for him to call you back?" Gov. Weld inquired Friday evening. "I hope you packed a lunch."
Naturally, the mean-spirited and un-compassionate governor is already trying to make an issue of this, since Kerry seems to have been up to the same tricks as Good Time Charlie Flaherty.
Taking housing handouts from lobbyists.
Perhaps, though, Good Time Johnny ought to take this lemon and make lemonade. Almost every debate, he mentions his plan for saving fishermen from bankruptcy - by having the feds buy back their boats. That's very thoughtful, but how many commercial fishermen are there?
On the other hand, everyone pays rent or a mortgage. And who wouldn't appreciate the same kind of deal Liveshot had - if he didn't actually spend the night in the greedhead developer's apartment, he didn't pay any rent.
For instance, I was in Florida for five days last month. No one was in my house. But did the bank give me a 16 percent break on my monthly mortgage? It did not. And that's just not fair, dammit.
Please, Sen. Kerry, introduce some legislation to correct this injustice. Have pity on the working man. Just give us the same deal you had.
Despite his six-figure salary and all the other perks and writeoffs, not to mention his per-diem rent, Kerry was still strapped for cash. So in 1989 he worked out an even better deal. A no-rent arrangement in Georgetown with Bob Farmer, then a lobbyist, now the counsel general to Bermuda.
Personally, if I were looking for a crash pad, Bob Farmer would not be the first name I'd pull out of the Rolodex. But any port in a storm, right, Liveshot?
No doubt Weld will have a 30-second spot on the air by midweek with some tasteless title like "Bermuda Bob's Pajama Parties."
But even if Kerry hangs on and rides the War Hero's coattails to victory in two weeks, Kerry still has to be concerned about his failing memory. Wrinkly old guys who can't remember where they live - we all know where they end up. In front of the $2 window at Wonderland or Raynham, with an empty wallet, sans all IDs.
And wouldn't that be a sad ending for a solon who once dreamed of being president. Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Dogtrack).
BTW, about that Liveshot thing. Cheesus, at least the TV screen doesn't crack with Kerry comes on it. Jeebus, everyone in Boston knows we'd rather see Kerry's face on the tube than the fugly Carr. He's a two-bagger, for sure. (Two-bagger: Has to wear two bags on his head, in case one breaks. )