Off-topic: So I've discovered that I'm dating a Republican...

[rox63]

At least he's a centrist, and he despises Bush. He's not overly religious (he's pagan, anyway), and he's pro-choice and supportive of gay rights. We've recently had our second date, and I like him quite a bit. He's very sweet, and he doesn't talk politics much. He knows I'm a politically active liberal Dem, and he's ok with that. So I guess I shouldn't be too freaked out, should I?

[ray of light]

1. sounds like you need to tell him his values are more democratic

and ask him WHAT a republican values are.

Because from what he's listed, he ain't no republican.

Edited to add: maybe he's an old time repub but those old time repubs are now just moderate dems.

Afterall, name ONE thing that the Republican party stands for that they still do?

Small gov't?

Privacy?

Fiscal Responsiblity?

National Security?

Military?

helping the 'average' business and not just big corps with big bucks?

Education? (nclb except yours!)



The ONLY thing the Republican party currently stands for is BIG INVASIVE GOV"T living IN everyone's bedrooms, dictating birth control and corruption.

[ProSense]

2. Given his position on the issues and

as long as he doesn't look like a Republican or a pagan, I say go for it.

Damn that champagne!

[babylonsister]

4. Look like a repug? They come in ALL shapes and sizes! LOL!

But you know that!:)

[babylonsister]

3. Why is he a repug? Despises Bush-check.

Pro-choice, supportive of gay rights-check. What are his issues?
He sounds like he thinks, and that's a bonus! :thumbsup:

[karynnj]

5. This is the Kerry group, "So, what would John Kerry do?"

Teresa was a liberal Republican when he met her (and even after they married). You saw them in Boston - it looks from a distance that it worked out really really well. (and there's one more Democrat!)

[WildEyedLiberal]

6. Go for it!

He sounds definitely like one who can be won over, and he sounds cool. He sounds like he would be receptive to John's message of unity. Happy new year to you!

[JI7]

7. he despises Bush

so he isn't really like the Republicans that are a problem. the ones that i can't stand are the Bush worshipping asshole bigots.

this guy seems reasonable so , no you should not be freaked out. just have fun.

[BlueIris]

8. With respect, and I do respect everyone here:

Break it off now before it does any significant damage to your life or self-respect. He's not "pro-choice" or pro-anything else sane, honest or decent if he is a member of and has been supporting members of the Republican Party of the United States.

I hope you'll forgive me for putting that so harshly. Of course, I support everyone's right to decide what is and is not acceptable for him or her in a romantic relationship. Some people can negotiate a relationship with individuals whose values are radically different from their own. Some people would find it possible to develop feelings for someone who finds the legitimization and legalization of overt, life-destroying misogyny, bigotry and the mass murder of an illegitimate war acceptable. Personally, it doesn't matter to me how someone spins the fact that he supports politicians proud to have done all of these totally immoral, dangerous, hateful things. He supports it by being a member of the G.O.P. Doesn't matter what he claims he personally "values," if he isn't willing to back that up with a Democratic or NON-Republican vote, he's not supportive of choice or in opposition to fascism in any meaningful, valid way. At best, you've been sharing your time with a hypocrite (or worse).

In my opinion, his stance, such as it is, isn't valid, normal or right, and if you ask me, he's probably misrepresenting it to you because he himself knows how terrible it is. In short, and I hope that you will strongly consider everything I have just posted because it's intended to help keep you away from a person who can obviously rationalize oppressing your personal, private rights, the rights of your non-heterosexual friends, family and neighbors and the continuation of a war based on outright fraud:

HE SUCKS. RUN AWAY.

[Island Blue]

9. Wow, if that's what the REPUBLICANS are like in Massachusetts,

please send a few of them down this way! I say go for it. Like Karynnj said, THK was once a Republican too. This guy sounds like he could possibly come over from the Dark Side with a little logic and gentle persuasion. I would love to find a guy like you described (even if he is a Republican). Unfortunetly, the dating pool is rather shallow around here. :-(

[TayTay]

10. If he works for you

then brave the storm and haul anchor kiddo. Sounds like it could be a very memorable voyage. Go for it.

[globalvillage]

11. I agree with WEL

Sounds like he can be redeemed. I say date him and convert him.
Hey, that's a not-so-crazy strategy. I've been limiting my prospects till now, but maybe if we singles all date and switch enough 'normal' republicans between now and '08...
But no neocons, though. No bush* supporters and no fundies, either. And no bigots of any kind. No one who agrees with the war or who doesn't like John Kerry. And he can't watch Faux or listen to limbaugh or oreilly or hannity.
I wonder if you got the last one.
Good luck.

[rox63]

12. He's not a neocon

I think he's more of an old-style Republican. I'll have to see how things go. It's still pretty early on. It worked out well for JK and THK, so that's encouraging. He knows that politics are very important to me. He's registered Republican, but says he has supported candidates of both parties. He lives in southern NH (which is a purple state went for Kerry in '04), and I live near the MA/NH border.

[TayTay]

God God woman! He lives in NH?

We must keep NH blue! By all means continue with the deprogramming effort. He sounds like a good guy with good taste (well, he likes you and that's proof enough for me.) There is yet hope for his ultimate redemption. I say stick with him. For the good of the nation. (NH must stay blue! It just ticks off my brother so completely that his state is now blue. Oh, do it for me.)

[globalvillage]

19. Good point.

If he likes Rox, that proves he has good taste. He can be saved.
A repub friend of mine voted all Dem in '05 local elections. She's repub because she was raised repub, but she says her values are Dem. Only a matter of time till she switches.

[ray of light]

13. many marraiges (and dating situations) are often

split like that. The thing is that often times a women's democratic vote (since more women tend to vote democratic) is often offset by her partner's republican vote.

However, I wonder if this would become a bone of contention as the election draws nearer. Presumably all of us will be working our buns off trying to get progressives elected across the county, and I'm sure you will be the same. Will he support your efforts then?

And I think Blue has a good point. There are some issues about Republican and Democratic parties that are so diametrically opposed that if you support one party's dogma you are influencing the end results on all of those other issues.

When I was canvassing in our state to raise the minimum wage, I knocked on a woman's door. (Explained the situation...) and she totally agreed with me that the minimum wage had to be increased and she supported it. She wanted to make a donation to the cause, but becuase her husband is a "one issue Republican" she had to sneak me the money to donation and rush around doing it before he came home. Of course she didn't say what his issue was, but since she was pregnant with her 5th kid, I suspected...

At anyrate, Rox, nobody can tell you exactly what to do. But, if he's an old style Republican then see if you can't get him to join the moderate portion of the dems.

Seriously...old style Republicans MUST split from their party--maybe even create their own party--or these neoCONS will rule the rule.

AND may I add...I voted for a moderate Republican who claimed to be pro-choice (in the primaries), and he's there in Washington now voting with the neocons. I thought my vote would get a moderate elected rather than the two neocons who were running against him, but then he won the general election over the democrat. Regardless, he votes with the neoCONS almost 99% of the time. And that validates Blues point.

A Republican MUST break ranks from the Republican party or he's hurting 'our side'.

[rox63]

14. I would never date someone who wanted to repress me politically

I have a dear friend who is a fairly liberal Dem, and is married to a republican. They've had some rough patches, especially around the 2004 campaign and election. But they are doing ok. If this relationship has legs, I will get serious about the deprogramming. I think the current rethug extremism will only make NH more blue. Most NH rethugs I know want the govt to leave them the hell alone.

[ray of light]

16. my hubby is nonpolitical

but he's also raised by fundies. So to some extent he has Republican ideas, but to the other extent he has me and his daughter pushing him more to the left.

He was 'so-so' on the gay thing and she is 'pro' so he left that vote blank. And he voted for Kerry, for her, so I'll trust she'll get him to do it again.

Until last year, he had never voted. He voted "with her" last year because she was only a few months shy of being legally allowed to vote herself. I'm hoping she'll get him to vote in 08. (Maybe 06, but not very likely.) He's very out of politics whereas I find myself more involved as I see how the Democratic party SHOULD be the party to help the average person and businesses and be fiscally responsible.

To me, the Republican party is the party for the rich, and the party all for HATE--hate gays, hate choice, hate other countries...

[rox63]

17. He was raised as a military brat

His dad was career Air Force, and they lived all around the world while he was growing up. When his Dad retired from the military, his parents had a deal that Mom could pick where they settled down to live, since she had spent their whole marriage moving every couple of years. She had roots and family in New England, so they settled in NH seacoast area.

I suspect his identification as a rethug is mostly because his family has always identified as rethugs. But he appears to be one of the reasonable, thinking rethugs.

[ray of light]

18. really?

Well find information about the cuts to Veterans and give him information on how kerry support them.

In fact, give him that list of Dems who served v Rethugs who served. I think it's an eye opener.

Also, find the veterans sites that talk about Republican cutbacks hurting them!

I think you may get his attention that way.

[sandnsea]

20. I know a guy like that

Ought to be a Democrat because everything he says is supportive of working people. Even thinks we should have Canadian medicine because he lived in Canada for a while and knows how good it is. But had always voted Republican because that's how he was raised. He says he voted for Kerry last time, but we're not sure if he's just trying to appease us. :) I know a couple of guys who think the far left is all there is to the Democratic Party, and consequently think they're Republican. Of course, when Hillary comes up with video game stuff with all this country is facing, it only reenforces those attitudes. But I think there is alot more diversity in people's every day political views than the extremism we hear on Fox. My bil is one of the truly good guys, he's wonderful to my sister and his daughters. But he's a diehard Bush lover, he just equates Democrats to restricting rights and raising taxes and giving away too much money. So anyway, if he treats you good, that's all that matters in the end. Enjoy!!

[ginnyinWI]

21. I say anyone moderate is going to work out fine.

I think most people in the middle, Repub and Dems, have pretty much the same values--and that is the main thing to look at--shared values on the important things.

It's the far right that splits with all the rest of us! I think it must be something like 75 to 25-- the far right is the 25%, and they only think they are in the majority!
The only reason * got to be president in the first place was through misrepresenting himself. And we know how phoney that last RNC convention was--only moderates got up and spoke (oh yeah and "Democrat" Zell Miller!)

My husband is, I think, a bit more conservative than I am, but is also less into politics, so we don't have a problem. He votes Democratic--that's the important thing! His only problem is that I like to talk about politics too much--that's why I come here for an outlet!

It might be true that simply focusing and following politics for any length of time makes a person go further to the right or left than otherwise--just because they tend to think and read more about the issues. I'd like to think that if he were to dedicate as much time as I do to it, he'd admit to being more liberal, too. I trace my increased interest back to feeling more unsafe after 9/11. He didn't react that way. He is more focused on financial security and also being aware of local crime news as a way of feeling safe, while I look to changes in government (especially getting certain scary and inept people out!).

[beachmom]

23. This is SO TRUE, GinnyinWI:

His only problem is that I like to talk about politics too much--that's why I come here for an outlet!

My husband is always saying to me: "Bush, Bush, Bush -- that's all you talk about". My response? "Well, I talk about Kerry, too!!". But you know there is plenty we both like; politics just doesn't interest him that much, although he reads Spiegel every week. He told me to go find the Democratic Party here, which is one of my New Year's Resolutions!! Thank God for this forum, where you guys are willing to read my blabbing on and on about all things in the world of politics!

[MH1]

15. My sympathies.

Sounds like a bigger problem might be his shallow approach to, and general disinterest, in politics.

Okay that may be a little harsh. But why the f*** is he still calling himself a republican if those are his stances?

Not that I'm any relationship expert but this looks like a go slow situation. Maybe it will turn out well, or at least maybe you can feed him some facts that make him think a little.

For example - you say he's a pagan - does he know that the base of the republican party - the religious right - will outlaw paganism if they get half the chance? Or at least, not allow it to be treated as a valid religion? There was something last year where a woman was ruled against (I forget the precise issue) because she said her religon was Wicca. I know people who are pagans (Wiccan, actually, which I believe is a subset) and they are terrified of what the religious right will do if they have the power to do it. So it sounds like this fellow is rather clueless about who he is supporting even by being a republican!

OTOH, if he really doesn't care much about politics, just being around you may ultimately have him moving left in his voting, and that would be a good thing. I would just worry that at some point your activism will become an issue if it's an interest he just doesn't share.

Regardless what you do, good luck, and it will probably all work out well if you just keep a good spirit about things!

[beachmom]

22. All of this reminds me of the last season of "Six Feet Under"

Claire had dated so many losers who thought just like her. She ends up dating a lawyer who is really nice, and then to her horror, she discovers he's a Republican, and no moderate either. They had this funny scene where she called him a total fascist, going on and on, and then suddenly she gets the news that her brother fell seriously ill. He was totally there for her, even when she was hateful to him in her grief. She eventually marries him. Why? Because kindness and consideration trump politics every time. I guess the only deal breaker in that realm goes to values, not politics. You can have similar values, but wish to achieve them through different approaches. This guy sounds more libertarian than neo/fundie con, which I think has the potential of being perfectly compatible. At least libertarians don't want to control women's bodies or their sex lives. Basically, they just want their guns and limited government. It is true that the Republicans have largely abandoned this wing of the party (the Democratic party no longer fights for gun control, so that seems like a non-issue these days), except for tax cuts, but really without a corresponding spending cut, that is not libertarianism to me.

I've been married twice. My first husband was a libertarian (he passed away) and my second is from Germany and largely would vote for the Christian Democrats, the conservative party of Germany. He thinks Bush is the dumbest president ever, and pretty much thinks the voters in this country are a bunch of idiots to have voted not once but twice for him. He's no bleeding heart like I am (part of that is welfare state fatigue -- IMO Germany is a little too lenient to the career unemployed, and they need to change that). But my point is is that you're never going to find the "perfect" person, and even if you did, you might find them not as compatible in real life as it looks on paper. This guys sounds a LOT better than a lefty freeper, right? Anyway, it's early yet, and if you really like this guy, then keep dating him. If he starts to annoy you, then you know it won't work, but if he makes you happy, then don't overanalyze it. Then if it gets serious, you talk about the Big Things, like wanting a budget for political and charitable donations, your opinions on raising kids, and all of that. I tell you, I know Democrats who raise their kids in a way I don't approve, and Republicans for which I admire their discipline techniques. Politics simply don't factor in.

And finally, I feel compelled to defend Republicans here. They are people, you know. They simply think differently, and are afraid which has perhaps warped their thinking. Some truly and sincerely believe that the free market works better than government programs. I disagree, but I would say that this is a compelling economic debate that will continue for years to come, with data to support both sides. I have a friend here who listens to Rush Limbaugh and reads newsmax.com. And guess what? She is one of the most considerate people I know, and I really enjoy her company. But her political philosphy is the polar opposite of mine. But here's the funny thing: at least she is interested in current events, and knows a thing or two. The people who annoy me the most are ignorant swing voters who just don't care (except about themselves), but unfortunately, they vote, completely in the dark about the issues. They're the reason why JK will have to do "stupid politician tricks" if he wants to become prez, instead of focussing on the issues. Anyway, soap box speech over.