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Satire, WEL youve read some of this already but heres the real deal

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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 06:52 PM
Original message
Satire, WEL youve read some of this already but heres the real deal
DISCLAIMER: this is satire, and not the writer's real opinion.
“A Fundamentalist Evangelical Christian’s Look at the World”


The only way one can go to heaven is through acknowledgment of our only lord and savior Jesus Christ. God created the heavens and the earth in six days and on the seventh day God rested. The earth is really only 4,000 years old, the dinosaurs were not real and evolution is a big lie made up by the science community to oppress our belief in our creator. Creationism not godless evolution should be taught in our public schools. I believe the Bible word for word is fact. Those Catholics are just crazy. The whole idea of worshiping Mary is just insane, the saints, and oh boy, the fact that they have a pope as well. You would think that these people have more loyalty to Rome and the Vatican than America. Devout Christian men who believed in Christian values founded our country.

I am outraged by these activist judges who seek to ruin the sanctity of marriage by allowing gays and lesbians to marry, last I saw marriage was between a man and a woman not a man and a man or a woman and a woman, these civil unions they talk of are just ploys to allow gradually gay marriage some day. My wife and I both agree strongly about this, this is my third marriage and this is her second, and I am happy with my Christian way of life. You know what is scary, is the possibility that those homosexuals may be able to adopt children in many states, if a parent has gay parents they’re bound to end up gay themselves since homosexuality is a learned behavior.


I am continually outraged by the continued murdering of babies in abortion clinics throughout America. What is going on is a holocaust and is just wrong. You know what, I strongly support the death penalty as well, like I have no sympathy for killers, the courts in America are the best in the world, it’s hard to convict an innocent person and if it happens, it happens. I grew tired of the lousy, loony liberals protesting the President’s support for a war in Iraq. The people in Iraq want to kill us anyway, I honestly wish President Bush had nuked Iraq; hey it would have made it a lot easier. Some people wanted us to go to the United Nations, the UN is a total joke and I wish the US would just leave it. Those stupid French idiots had some nerve telling us we were wrong to go to war; they’ve never liked us anyhow so if we lose relations with France, I could care less. We have to stand with Israel as well, even if the media is dominated by Jewish Liberals and Jews can never go to heaven because they don’t accept the lord. We have to stand by the Israelis because they god’s chosen people and Jerusalem is their holy city, and if they don’t repent and accept the lord, they will burn in hell for eternity, to get to heaven one must accept Christ, there are no exceptions.

You know what pisses me off as a hard-working American, the fact that our tax dollars on welfare queens who are lazy poor women who don’t know the value of hard work. These communist labor unions have some nerve too, they make enough money, so why are they complaining, union workers are so lazy, and they should be lucky there’s a minimum wage at all. They also complain about their jobs going overseas, who cares, they’re not working hard enough obviously so the executives have every right to move their jobs overseas because if they want cheaper labor then they should be able to get cheap labor. The government taxes us way too much also, screw social security and Medicare, it is just a bunch of socialist trash, and we should be spending that money on new weapons systems and prisons. Public Schools are awful as well, you know that there’s no prayer allowed in public schools. You know what also annoys me is how some people can just get into college because of their race, it’s just not fair, I got into an Ivy League School after working hard, my father and grandfather recommended I go there since there were both alumni of it, so why should a person just get into a college because of their race, it is really hard to be a White Christian Male in this country now more than ever.

I am really glad the President Bush won reelection in November against that elitist liberal John Kerry. John O'Neill's book about him was really enlightening because I saw what a scumbag John Kerry really is. He lied about everything in Vietnam, and he didn't really save Jim Rassman. Swift Boat Vets for Truth should be rewarded for telling the truth about Hanoi John. The president had my support all along; he’s a good Christian man unlike that Kerry whom I hear would have banned bibles if elected. He’s also one of them Massachusetts liberals like the Kennedy’s, Michael Dukakis, etc too. Just because they lost the election those Democrats in the Senate are acting like babies, and holding up the President’s judges that he wants. And those Democrats claim we did the same to Clinton, So what? He was appointing liberal activist judges but President Bush is appointing judges who will stand up for faith and morals something that Clinton and the whole Democratic party have none of.. All I can say is can’t wait to go to the mega church on Sunday, there’s going to be a campaign rally for Jerry Kilgore and we will be throwing out those in the congregation those who are Democrats and do not support the president out finally, I’ve been wanting that for years and finally it will actually happen this Sunday.
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WildEyedLiberal Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:02 PM
Response to Original message
1. Damn, that really is so brilliant Kleeb
I love it. :P
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:05 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Thank you
I worked real hard on it.
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:06 PM
Response to Original message
3. that's too funny
the part about gay marriage and the guy being on his third marriage was probably the best part.

but the entire thing really captures the ignorant right wing thinking.

was this the thing you were talking about that you had to do for school ? did you read read it in front of the class or will you ? i would love to see what the reaction would be on the republican kids faces.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. Yes, I planned on that
Ive researched marriage and divorce rates, and Massachuets has the lowest and 9 of the 10 ones with the lowest rate are blue states and the 10 lowest are often bright red states excluding Nevada which has the highest. What thing for school, exactly off hand? I dont know if I'll have to read it in front of the class or not really.
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:13 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. you mentioned something
about an assignment and whether you will have to read it in front of the class because it is critical of the right wingers. i'm guessing this was that assignment.
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:18 PM
Response to Reply #5
7. hmmm
My poem you mean, that was a condemnation of right wing policies yes, and I had one condemning Reagan last spring for English, an essay.
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:23 PM
Response to Reply #7
9. those must be pretty easy to write
at least easy in terms of coming up with the reasons to condemn them.
although you could have a problem with having tooo much to write about.

where do these teachers lean politically ?
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. to the left
the teachers lean, thank god, hey a right wing teacher can appreciate a good slam though, one of my teachers from the Reagan essay of last fall was a republican.
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politicasista Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:17 PM
Response to Original message
6. Nice post Kleeb
:hi:
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 07:19 PM
Response to Reply #6
8. Thanks, its for English
I think I overkilled a little but eh, I saw, I found, and I conquered.
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:15 PM
Response to Original message
11. hhaha! Thank you, Kleeb!
:rofl:
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:21 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. It was actually pretty easy to write, you can thank WEL
for suggesting that I bring up AA.
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:26 PM
Response to Reply #12
13. AA?
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:28 PM
Response to Reply #13
14. uhh affirmative action dude
The original essay didn't include the economics either.
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:34 PM
Response to Reply #14
15. OK just AA can be a lot of things....
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:36 PM
Response to Reply #15
16. I didnt talk about African Americans or Alcoholics Anoyomous
Don't you know, a born again never drinks well unless his name is Bush.
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:38 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. hhahahahha!
:rofl:
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:39 PM
Response to Reply #17
18. You know what pisses me off is that he never admits he is an alcoholic
God there is no shame in admitting it what so ever.
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elshiva Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-09-05 09:43 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. "I am George W. Bush and I am an alcholic" and the next words
will be "I made a mistake..."
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JI7 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. he never admits to anything
while he goes off condemning other people for doing things that may not be so great. when it comes to himself he doesn't deny or confirm it. he just gives some stupid explanation about how he doesn't want kids doing it because he did. what a fucking coward. i hate that asshole.

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sandnsea Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 12:44 AM
Response to Original message
21. Cute Kleeb
They have been waiting for this for years, they're not going to give up easily!!
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JohnKleeb Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-10-05 12:48 AM
Response to Reply #21
22. Ha thanks
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