Newsflash--Atheist given Islamic honorific!

[onager]

Don't be alarmed, just my usual disjointed weekend ramblings from Egypt...

People often yell at me as I'm driving thru the little Egyptian farm villages on my way to work. Yell nice things, that is. Many times they invite me to stop and eat with them, or have some tea/coffee. Great folks.

This week, somebody yelled: Marhaba (welcome), hajji!

That cracked me right up. "Hajji" is an honorific term for someone who has made the pilgrimage to Mecca. It's usually given to a...cough, hack, er...OLDER person, since it can take years to accumulate the money for the pilgrimage. In this case I guess it was just being used as an All-Purpose Honorific. (The same word is used by US troops in Iraq as a derogatory term, just like "gook" during the Vietnam War.)

I certainly don't fit in that "pilgrim" category, since I am not only an infidel but an atheist. When I worked in Saudi Arabia I was only about 50 km from Mecca (in Jeddah), so on weekends we would sometimes drive down to the Mecca city entrance. There was a big used-camel lot near Mecca that was always fun to see. (No, I'm not making that up.) We always turned around at the first guard post outside Mecca. If we had not, the police/military would have turned us around. Ahem.

Other terms yelled at me by Egyptians:

Pasha--that always cracks me up, too. With its overtones of red-fez-wearing bureaucrats during the King Farouk era.

You can hear "pasha" used in this Arabic music video by Dana. She says "Take what you want, Pasha," while reclining on a bed in a black leather cat-suit. I've heard this is a favorite video of Islamic Fundamentalists, who use it strictly as an uplifting censorship training aid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sLtbF7JsP0

(Her song has the unfortunate English title of "Dou-dou." In Arabic, that's just a diminutive version of her name--Dana.)

Om Kawaga--little kids mostly use that one. It literally translates as "Uncle Foreigner." "Om" can mean uncle or aunt, and is a term of both respect and affection. So I have no problem at all with it. Egypt's most famous pop singer was Om Khalthoum. She is still extremely popular among all ages here, though she died in 1975.

For older Egyptians, Om Khalthoum is a reminder of the Nasser era, when they looked forward to a strong, united, modern, SECULAR Arab world. That vision sure went off the rails.

[immoderate]

1. Cool.

:hi:

--IMM

[charlie]

2. Hey onager!

While you're tooling around over there, maybe you'll run into Sayyed Muhammed, Egypt's funniest bullshitter:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIVCpzSQTPc

He has the strength of 30,000 men or 260 horsepower. Medically certified! (You'll see in the video math isn't one of his strengths)

He has a medical exemption from employment because he's TOO STRONG to work. He also deserted the Egyptian Army for the same reason. Very dangerous!

He doesn't do demonstrations of his abilities (like lifting trucks) because when he does, it puts him into HULK SMASH mode. Again, very dangerous!

He's pretty good at bending and ripping coins he brings with him, though.

He won't shake hands because your fingers will crumble like matchsticks.

He's never slept in his life.

He has 4 wives, whom he boinks 15 TIMES a day. Medically confirmed!

He subsists on raw mutton and melted butter, a diet that would KILL an ordinary human.

I love this guy, he's awesome.

[onager]

3. I think he sold me one of King Tut's place settings...

:hi:

Thanks a lot! He is hilarious. He reminds me a lot of some Egyptian men I know. They're not quite on that level of BS, but they sure can sling it.

In fact, the Subject here comes from a funny story my driver told me. Once he was driving for an American woman working in Egypt for a couple of months.

She was bound and determined to buy something "Pharonic." Since the way of the world is a con man (or three) for every sucker, she paid US $7,000 for a plate guaranteed to date from the Age of the Pharoahs. The seller even claimed he stole it from the storage room of the Egyptian Museum. It looked old, with lots of grime and a "patina."

My driver said it actually dated from about the Age of Jimmy Carter. It was mostly copper, so it acquired a patina pretty quickly. Especially after being buried for a while, so that it had a coating of Authentic Egyptian Dirt.

[charlie]

4. She's happy

He's happy, everybody wins! I love happy endings.

That's a hoot! If moneybags came to Egypt for "Pharonic" plunder, what your driver did was a service to his country. Good for him. I hope she debuts her prize at some ritzy public to-do and gets embarassed out of her undies.