World of Warcraft True Christian Guild Charter

[Ian David]

World of Warcraft True Christian Guild Charter
Conquering the Virtual World for Christ, One Pixel At a Time



Convert or Die is a World of Warcraft Alliance Guild on the Gaping Orifice server. The guild was formed in the year of our Lord 06-06-06 by concerned Christian students at the Landover Baptist Junior High School Academy for the Saved. The Guild leader is Billy Houston (age 16), President of Landover's Senior High youth group, and an experienced virtual evangelist. We currently have over 300 level 60 members ranging in age from 9 to 43. We also understand there are Christian guilds on other servers who are taking up the cross of Jesus Christ in game, and spreading the good news of His saving grace to ignorant, unsaved gamers.

Guild Rules

1. We do not accept Warlocks as members. The Warlock class delights in dark magic and utilizes demons, and satanic runes for assistance. In addition, if you zoom in really close, you can see fireballs coming from between their legs. Playing a Warlock is a bad testimony and could open your heart to Satanic influences.

2. We are currently not accepting Gnomes as members. Gnomes are a very small "human-like" race. Although some find them to be cute, there is a perversion that lurks beneath their seemingly innocent eyes. We found after hours of playing them, there is a glitch where if you stand next to a female, and accidentally hit your mouse wheel, you can see right up her skirt. Until the smarty-pants game coders at Blizzard fix this glitch, we will not be allowing Gnomes in our guild.

3. We do not participate in any raid that takes over 30 minutes. Long raids are a waste of
precious time that is better spent PM'ing and broadcasting the message of Jesus Christ - crucified, buried and resurrected to unsaved Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and other players who are going to hell. Jesus says He will come like a thief in the night, at an hour we least expect - the current situation in the Middle East leads us to believe that His return is VERY close at hand, so sharing the Gospel message is our primary and immediate goal in playing World of Warcraft.

<snip>

7. We meet in Booty Bay under the docks for Bible Study and Prayer services every Sunday afternoon at 2PM CST and Wednesday evenings at 8PM CST. These meetings are mandatory. Get on VENT! We will have a keynote speaker from our church on Vent preaching during each meeting. The meetings last from 1-2 hours depending on how many prayer requests we have at the end of the service.

More:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1006/christianguildcharter.html



(Yes, it's satire).


More Information:

There is more information on how to Win Souls to Christ in the World of Warcraft in an earlier article that our Pastor also allowed us to place on our church's main web site. You can visit that article by clicking here.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0105/wow.html

[Occulus]

1. Ooooh, holy war

If I played WoW, I'd found a guild to stamp out these cretins. Playerkillers, one and all. (The guild I would join, I mean. If they're playing the game to "spread the word", they don't deserve to be playing.)

They don't even stop in multiplayer video games! Geez. Well, at least in that environment, they can be slaughtered indiscriminately, as part of the game.

I need to find these groups on Guild Wars so I can join guilds opposed to them....

edited to add: It sounds like these assholes are intending to pollute the game with their fucking drivel. Notice to Christians using multiplayer games to evangelize:

You're a target.

And I won't trade with you, either.

[Ian David]

2. It's satire. n/t

[YOY]

5. It's Landover Baptist kgfnally

The same people who ripped on the fundy mentality by offering a PS2 if you accept Christ.

[Occulus]

6. Cripes and then some, I blithely skipped reading the links

My sincere bad.

Really.

[YOY]

10. Happens to us all!

Jebus Crepes knows I've done it!

:toast:

[Mojambo]

3. I was so disappointed to read that it was satire

That whole bit about the Gnomes was hilarious!

[Ian David]

4. I'd be interested to see if Landover Baptist has fake bible meetings. n/t

[Occulus]

7. The thing is, I apologized upthread for skipping the links, but

now that I think about, none of that would surprise me in the least.

In fact, even though it's a fake site, it would surprise me not one bit to discover that some Xtian group or other did exactly this.

[ComerPerro]

8. This is not as "satire" as you might think. I know Landover is a satire

site, and the server they mentioned is not real...

But I have seen on many occasions people recruiting for "Christian Guilds" on Blackhand...

Always struck me how wrong it all seemed.

"Christians" playing WoW.

[ComerPerro]

9. LMFAO... God's Plan for Azeroth

[malmapus]

11. DAM! All my Alliance chars are gnomes =(

HAHAHA GNOMERCY!!!

[ComerPerro]

12. You would think Jesus would want to reach out to the people of Gnomer

since they are lepers and all...

[malmapus]

13. Yeah, sounds like it's right up his ally with all the disease and souls

to save.

Nobody cares for the eternal salvation of the gnomes though *sniff* :cry:

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

14. The one I find ironic...

Is "The Men of God Online Fellowship".

In Battlefield 2.

It really exists. "Blam! Jeebus loves your dead ass, n00b!"