the shift has hit the fan here

[northernlights]

Another door closed -- very unexpectedly -- in my face yesterday when I learned that only one bank offers "uncertified" student loans...they are loans over and above the stafford loans and are generally used for dormitory or living expenses. That bank requires a minimum income that, if I had it, I wouldn't need the loan to begin with.

That leaves my little family $6,000 to live on for the next year unless I find work or take out a personal loan. I can't take out a home equity loan because my house is on the market.

I ran around applying for jobs again yesterday. At one place I had missed before -- he said he *may* be able to give me a couple nights a week.

This morning I headed to the nearby city, and stopped at my bird food store on my way. The owner is a really nice guy, so I thought he might know someone looking. He has 2 college-educated kids unemployed that have moved back home with him. One was in his last year of computer/IT degree when that market crashed.

We got to chatting about the real estate market. I told him how my realtor sat on my listing for 3 weeks before putting in online. A woman in her 40s at the register started telling me it's because they're getting so many listings, in a nasty tone. I said no, 6 years ago when the market was very, very busy my condo went up in a day. I turned back to the store owner to continue our conversation, saying that now I can't get a home equity loan because my house is on the market. The woman butt into our conversation again, as she was leaving with her husband, and again in a nasty tone said, "Don't do that or *you'll* end up in *more* trouble than you are now." I walked out behind her, and watched in shock as the royal queen Beeeyotch left...in a new jaguar. :cry: :cry: :cry: It IS a class war, folks. No 2 ways about it.

After a brief conversation with another realtor this afternoon, who told me it takes a half hour to list on realtor.com and was shocked at the 3 weeks, I'm convinced that the realtor I signed on with is *deliberately* trying to sabotage any chance of selling my house this summer. He suggested I negotiate getting them to drop the contract.

Then I sold some jewelry to the former local Midas muffler manager. They closed his shop without warning. He had been planning to open an antique and jewelry shop when he retired. Right when they closed his midas place, a friend told him he could have some retail space that was unexpectedly being vacated.

He also told me where to find the district manager for Dunkin Donuts. They are *always* hiring, so I will head up there this afternoon.

I ran into the owner of a convenience store I used to frequent. She didn't know of anyone who is hiring. She recently hired a guy I know who ran a boarding and training stable -- he's cooking and selling chester chicken. She's about my age. We agreed, we've *never* seen it like this before, ever. We are both scared.

The thing is, like with the Midas guy, for everybody else it seems when the bottom falls out the next place is waiting for them. My bottom just keeps falling out...

[get the red out]

1. I am so sorry you are going through this!

That woman talked to you like a serf! What kind of world has been created? Oh my, just as I typed that Thom Hartman said the words "the dangers of landed gentry" on the radio.

Prayers for you. Know that this is about our screwed up world, and real humans caught in the middle, not your fault. I just hope at least a window opens for you since a door has closed.

[MorningGlow]

2. Oh no!

Oh NL I am SO SORRY to hear this. I get the sense that you are being pushed TOWARD something, though I couldn't speculate what exactly that might be.

Hang in there, NL. You will survive this. (Be sure to punch something soft, like a pillow, to get out your aggressions about Jaguar lady! Damn, that would make me go :grr: for sure!) :hug: :hug: :hug:

[MagickMuffin]

3. Time to start thinking out of the box

Can you rent out a room at your house or perhaps a place for boarding horses?!?!?

Perhaps you could find someone willing to help out in that capacity. I know how much you have been wanting to move, but maybe the Universe is trying to tell you something here and you don't know it or even understand it yet.

If you were to take your home off the market and was able to secure a loan for school then at least you would have a way of continuing your education. At least that would hopefully get you where you need to be going after you finish school. Finishing school and graduating is the first and foremost important thing right now, which will open more opportunities in the future. That seems to be what I make of all this.

Sorry you are having to deal with such a messed up world and some of the people in it. Hang in there and know there are those who want you to succeed.

:grouphug:

[BanzaiBonnie]

4. I'm sorry things are so screwed up.

And it isn't always something we did to bring it on. Unlike what Miss High and Mighty buttinski implied.

While you're in this place, glean what you in the way of lessons. Give thanks for whatever is happening and know that no matter how difficult this climb is, in a short time more the view should be glorious.

[Sanity Claws]

5. How awful!

:hug: :hug:

[marions ghost]

6. I agree it's a class war...

the rich always forget how everything would fall apart if it weren't for the rest of us making the world work in so many ways. Speak out and reach out. This is what is needed. Many are in the very same boat. We are going to need to come together as never before.

Your mention of the Midas man made me google the story of King Midas
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midas

-------------------

May the heartless rich lady in the jaguar and her ilk end up like this:

"Dionysus offered Midas his choice of whatever reward he wished for. Midas asked that whatever he might touch should be changed into gold.

Midas rejoiced in his new power, which he hastened to put to the test. He touched an oak twig and a stone; both turned to gold. Overjoyed, as soon as he got home, he ordered the servants to set a feast on the table. "So Midas, king of Lydia, swelled at first with pride when he found he could transform everything he touched to gold; but when he beheld his food grow rigid and his drink harden into golden ice then he understood that this gift was a bane and in his loathing for gold, cursed his prayer" (Claudian, In Rufinem). In a version told by Nathaniel Hawthorne,<12> Midas found that when he touched his daughter, she turned into a statue as well."

[Fire Walk With Me]

7. I'm sorry for your suffering!

Have you read Pema Chodron's book "When Things Fall Apart"? She talks about being squeezed by situations, and noticing how we deal with it, and moving into a better place as a result of the awareness...please don't take it the wrong way, it's good stuff. I'm in straights myself and the book helps (reading it again).

May God send ease and grace, and perspective on "why" this is happening to you... :hug:

[northernlights]

8. I got an interview at Dunkin' Donuts!

It's the wrong Dunkin' Donuts, in that it's the one that's 15 miles instead of 4...but I don't care. The District Manager wasn't there, but the store manager was. We talked very quickly and she said to come back tomorrow at 1. But I'm really hoping for the local convenience store. That one is closer, less hectic, the people were *really* nice, I don't mind wearing a kelly green t-shirt :D. And possibly a bennie of discount heating oil and gas. But I'm not being fussy...just pragmatic.

The good news about the Nouveau Riche Jaguar Beeeyotch is that once I stopped :cry: I turned to :grr: but I *didn't* get any indigestion. My stomach seems mostly in good shape, which is another way of saying my 3rd chakra, my solar plexus, and my *will*, are strong. I'm totally in fight mode now.

Good idea, MM, on the possible renter. I was thinking earlier today maybe I could find a student to rent my attic. It's 2 finished rooms with a half bath, and with another student maybe we can share rides to school.

Boarding a horse is not an option for 2 reasons. One is that I really don't have the pasture space for 3. If I had the 5 acres this place was *supposed* to have been, I could board 2. But with just 2 acres of pasture, it's all I can do to protect what I have. The second reason is that people started abandoning horses at their boarding stables last year. A fellow chemistry student has a big farm a couple towns over -- 18 months ago she found herself feeding horses without any $$ coming in. The owners just disappeared. And the guy I know doing Chester Chicken has a big horse farm -- and no $$ coming in. That's why he's cooking chicken in a convenience store now.

In a way, things *are* working out sort of according to plan. I just expected to have the job last year and finish school this coming year, instead of the job this year and finishing in two years.

I think part of the reason I had the time off with rain and sleep was, once I was rested, I remembered what mattered and had the energy to deal.

If I can get full-time work, even at minimum, than in a month I'm going to apply for the uncertified loan. That way, I'll keep working *but* have the money in the bank just in case the work dries up this year, an emergency comes up, or I find myself in a bind next year. The last 5 months of school are "clinicals." It's basically the same thing as a residency -- you work full time without pay, so I will have to have something to live on during that time.

I'm also going to talk the the realtor about changing when the sales contract ends, to get them to move it up a month. That way, if I don't find work, or don't get the school loan, then I'll maybe able to take out a home equity loan to pay real estate tax and get through the winter.

[rumpel]

9. all I can offer is positive energies directed your way

and I truly appreciate what you are going through.

Let's assume for a moment, you had no financial concerns, no limitations of any kind. You are free to move, there is no schedule you are free to just be.
Envision yourself in a different dimension looking at yourself in your every day life, and notice what you are doing that you see yourself to be enjoying freely and full-heartedly. Perhaps it is something you liked all your life or it is something you recently discovered. Simple things, such as listening to the increasing chatter of birds in anticipation of greeting a new day. What do you feel? Then watch as you are dealing with the paperwork of those loans and the people or organizations associated with it, and how you feel.

This is an exercise I do under the high stress of the lower vibrations. I can clearly see what I love to do and intend to create, and I know, that, that, is where my true self is vibrating. This then, gives me insight into my path, priorities and actions towards balancing my existence in the "reality" in relation to who I am.

Just recently, as my judgment enforcement issue on my ex is continuing, I had to sift through many of the legal documents, rulings, notes and opinions in my case. I grew increasingly irritable, downright unpleasant and nervous that day. While everything went in my favor, in the periphery, I see something of, what I understand now, to be of low density vibrations. I feel that I no longer vibrate in that particular dimension.

As another example of this low density vibration, like you, I have been struggling with the concept of lenders mainly lending to those who do not need it, for many years. These inequities and the many injustices occurring every day in our society must change. But people have to create the change, each of us, in our own way. I notice that many of my friends and colleagues are still dwelling in that vibration, rigidly following the path of staying within the box. Disappointing, but the same goes for my family. There is not much love or peace in that box. It is ok, I respect their space.

I guess, what I want to say is, you don't have to be there. Reading your post, I felt that you only have to see, what it is, the essence of you, and all your current low density problems will resolve as you use your gifts. I think we have to learn to responsibly deal with the low density problems without inviting the role of victim for ourselves, but rather keep our focus on our gifts.

Rick, told us about the eclipse, the feminine and the masculine energies. I think we are starting to balance the left and right brain on our personal level and as a whole.

Hang in there...


:grouphug:

[northernlights]

10. I've spent much of the last 6 years

imagining where I want to be and "being" in that spot. And much of the last 6 weeks, while it was raining, re-imagining it.

But in 6 years I have not yet found an "out of the box" way to earn a living, and in the meantime I've blown through my life savings. And we are still in a society where money is a necessity.

The "essense" of me would happily being at home caring for my animals, training my "dream" filly, maybe taking yoga and karate and Tai Chi. And occasionally get away white-water rafting the Grand Canyon or vising Chichen Itza, Teotihuacan, Sedona, and other energy sites. I have absolutely no interest in doing much of anything else.

I tried working with herbs, but have no interest in turning it into a business. I tried multiple times writing a book from my funny experiences in the high tech world, but found I lost my focus and interest. I still have one idea to try, but am afraid it will wither in the face of doing as well, and will turn into wasted resources that I no longer have.

The "low density" reality is that I'm down to a few weeks to suddenly come into a way to earn a living "out of the box" or climb back into the box for a while...or face the still "lower density problems" of literally starving and freezing fur and featherkids this winter.

I am happy to be able to return temporarily to the box in order to care for my family until the "essence of me" creates a reality where I can again stay at home with my kids.

[eilen]

11. That is kind of where I am

Sometimes I feel foolish that I did not use my time at home wisely but then I remember that whenever I decisively headed somewhere my impact was blunted, focus was lost and I became so incredibly fatigued and tired. My opinion now is that I was supposed to "rest".

Now I am again in a full time gig that is very "in the box" and pragmatic but I am faced with an expectation that if I don't get everything done within the time allotted I am to finish it on my own time-- ie, unpaid. I have been vocal about it. I am willing to work very hard to make the most of my time and not waste a minute but I know I am no slouch and I won't work for free. If that is what they are basing their business model on, it is not sustainable and it won't be made on my back.

People have such an odd reaction -- one lady said "I don't mind, I really like working here." granted she is an IT person, not a nurse but I can't understand why there is no mechanism to keep track of extra hours worked so at least comp time can be arranged fairly.

I realize that this is part of me standing up for myself.

[northernlights]

16. when I read the stories of health care professionals

dthe nurses and other staff, getting squeezed like that, it just burns my butt. The people doing the squeezing -- they're that Queen Jaguar Beeyotch from this afternoon.

The IT people I knew when I had my career always were willing to work many extra hours unpaid. They believed in the company, and then when everything crashed and the CEO walked off with $40M and the rest of us were dumped...what a wake up call.

There is absolutely *no* legitimate reason why actual hours worked cannot be tracked and comp hours given.

"whenever I decisively headed somewhere my impact was blunted"

Exactly. That was why I even question last fall, when Jakey was injured, then I broke my rib, then my pc died. I didn't know whether I should up and quit then, or push on through.

And it happened again when I put the farm on the market...everything was swinging forward and then it was like I slammed into a brick wall and the realtor just quit doing...

[I Have A Dream]

12. I'm sorry that you've hit what appears to be another roadblock, northernlights.

I see below that you've had some success in reference to your job search efforts, though. Congratulations on that! I hope that you get the job that interests you most.

It would be so wonderful to be able to see what the Universe's plan is; wouldn't it? This trust stuff gets old when you feel that all you're doing is being beaten down, even if in actuality the Universe has everything worked out for you in the end.

You have my respect for continuing to push forward. However, I hope that things get easier for you and that you get a break soon.

I'm sending lots of love & light your way.

:hug:

[northernlights]

15. if I could just get a glimpse...

"It would be so wonderful to be able to see what the Universe's plan is; wouldn't it?"

Boy does that nail it. The thing is, I've *always* been able to manifest what I needed. Even when the contractor trashed my property and I had "friends" sneering at my ad hoc solution...it took 2 years and a lot of hard word, but it worked out for the best. I was able to take his mess and use it to make my land better pasture than it ever would have been if the mess hadn't happened to begin with.

It just sometimes seems to come too close to the wire for comfort. It's the recurring nightmare from my childhood -- where I fall or am pushed off a cliff and I'm falling and falling and just as I'm about to hit the ground...I float and land gently.

But this mess I just don't seem able to work through. At least not so far. My manifestation skills seem to be more like the sorcerer's apprentice than anything else, lol.

On the other hand, I could just run around like crazy trying to find something, anything...and out of the blue something perfect just drop into my lap. And I'll be so grateful, but also thinking if I'd just known I wouldn't have been so panicked.

It's getting really old. It's hard to believe that just 10 years ago I was 3 years into making a 6-figure income...

And then sometimes I wonder if maybe the panic is needed to generate that last bit of manifestation energy. Or sometimes I think maybe I need to have my conscious brain engaged in something, anything, to keep it out of my way, lol.

[Delphinus]

17. Amazing!

This paragraph:
It would be so wonderful to be able to see what the Universe's plan is; wouldn't it? This trust stuff gets old when you feel that all you're doing is being beaten down, even if in actuality the Universe has everything worked out for you in the end.

is pretty much what I said to a friend of mine yesterday afternoon. I serve many others in various ways, yet ask for so little for myself in return. My needs are few - so when I do ask for myself, and those desires are denied, it tends to wear me down.

May blessings rain down upon all of us. :grouphug:

[I Have A Dream]

18. Yes, you give so much to others without asking for anything in return, Delphinus.

If I could make a few tweaks in the way that the Universe works, that would certainly be one of the tweaks that I'd make: those who give to others out of love rather than in the hopes of getting something in return should not suffer from a lack of prosperity. (Should have blessings rained down upon them, as you stated.)

I hope that things get better for you very soon, Delphinus. :hug:

[Delphinus]

21. Thank you, friend.

:hug: It's so good to see you. :hug:

[SheilaT]

13. First of all, do your very best

to pay no mind whatsoever to naysayers like the Queen Bee with the negative comments.

You have my sympathy for trying to find work in the current economic situation. I've been in a similar situation: relocated about 700 miles after a divorce, got fired from my first two jobs (I'd NEVER been fired from a job before in my life and I'm 60!), wound up doing temp work and taking part time jobs just to make ends meet. My ex is trying to weasel out of making support payments to me.

On the advice of a cousin who is a nurse I applied at my local hospital, now work in Patient Registration (if your doctor sends you to my hospital for any kind of tests, you see me or one of my colleagues first) and I really love the job. The pay is adequate, the benefits are good, and I have great fellow employees. Is there a hospital near you? There's lots of jobs there that don't require medical training or background.

That's just a suggestion. I'm glad to hear you're willing to take a job, any job, to get through this current crisis, even at the "wrong" Dunkin Donuts. It can be very hard to take work below what you should be doing, but in the end survival matters.

I hope the DU community is helpful to you, and that things improve for you.

[northernlights]

14. thank you for the suggestion

Unfortunately, even the hospitals here are downsizing. The nearest one is is serious financial trouble. Last spring they turned all the med lab techs into contractors -- they lost all their benefits.

The large hospital, that one runs the MLT program I'm in, used to hire a couple freshman MLT students as lab assistants. I'm on the list for that -- but this year the money is gone and they aren't hiring any. I'm going to check back with my program director, of course. But they were cutting back on regular staff too, so I'm not overly hopeful.

The only jobs I see a lot of are CNAs. I found only 1 summer CNA training program, and I was 2 weeks too late to start (even if I'd had the money -- they were charging a small fortune). There is a nearby program in the fall at a local hospital for $50 -- but it conflicts completely with the MLT program. I'm also going to check with my program director -- the MLT orientation class this fall is an "ITV" course shown on tv at remote sites with call-in. The university is starting to experiment with video classes that you can view from home on your own schedule. *If* (and it's a big if) they allow that, then I could do the CNA program in the fall and get that kind of work by winter.

[northernlights]

19. another job interview this morning...on "the dark side"

I got a call this morning to interview with a financial services company. Not a great job, but definitely better short term and maybe better long term. I would have to either drop out of school or change my major back to bio, because it turns out the "flexible hours" in their ad meant flexible for *them* not you, lol. I'm trying to think of it as infiltrating the enemy, learning their vulnerable points and helping to take down the evil industry :evilgrin:

Phone interview tomorrow am...after I get some rest, I guess I'd better revisit their website and try to familiarize myself with their ops.

[lildreamer316]

20. Good luck!

You never know where your light can be useful. You'd be suprised.

[northernlights]

23. well I made it past the 1st interview

2nd interview will be July 28. I will get past security on my top secret infiltration mission. :evilgrin:

Seriously, the job sucks, but any port in a storm and he made it clear they have "hundreds" of applicants. I guess I stood out enough to get past a large herd, anyway.

Thanks lil'dreamer and amitten! :grouphug:

[amitten]

22. Good vibes and good luck your way. n/t