I'm in a deep depression

[LiberalEsto]

I can't figure out what is causing this. Even though I'm being treated for depression, the past month or so has been plain awful. I just can't DO anything, not even the small freelance writing job I'm supposed to be working on. There's just no energy or optimism left.

Yesterday I managed to pull together a nice summer solstice service at our UU church (I'm a lay leader and I do about 4 services a year) and people said loved it, but I feel hollow inside. There are issues with being unemployed, family financial struggles, concerns about my adult daughters and my husband, and disappointment over the new administration's efforts on the economy, health coverage, employment, war, torture, gay rights, etc. But all these issues existed months ago.

It seems like a dark cloud has settled over me and I can't see beyond it.

[crikkett]

1. Peace and love to you

:hug:

(Id suggest keeping the TV Off today, maybe stream music instead?)

[LiberalEsto]

9. Thank you, crikkett

It's funny but I'm not a tv watcher -- never have been. I might watch 1 hour a week of Forensic Files. Got into the habit of watching it because it felt good to see some kind of justice done. During the B*sh misadministration it seemed as though there was no justice anywhere.

[OneGrassRoot]

2. LiberalEsto....

I hear you. I have been there of late myself, only recently coming out of it, for no apparent reason.

The same stressors have been present for years for me, just as you say they have been for you. Nothing different.

So heavy and dark that smiling is truly an effort. Does that resonate?

I wonder if it's an empath thing? There is this need to be informed and know and learn and read/see/hear different perspectives as to what is occurring in the world, yet as an empath I absorb it all. It's overwhelming and heavy, heavy, heavy.

I have felt totally lost. No interest in anything in truth.

Do you feel the same?

Who knows...maybe there is an energetic SOMETHING that has caused this heaviness for some of us of late, especially if we are empaths.

I honestly don't think anything happened or that I did anything to start to lift out of it. It just gradually happened; perhaps as gradually as it descended.

I find these to be extraordinarily challenging times to maintain an emotional equilibrium. It's not even high or low....it's low and lower. LOL.

I stand with you and I send you abundant hugs.....I know you feel alone, but you're not.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[LiberalEsto]

11. Thanks, OneGrassRoot

You are so right about it being a difficult time to maintain emotional equilibrium. I am worried about the people of Iran and Burma, and other troubled places in the world. And upset about the increasing numbers of unemployed and homeless people in our own country. And pessimistic about the prospect of getting a decent health-care system overhaul that benefits consumers and not insurance companies. I think it's partly a feeling of not having anything to look forward to.

Thank you for the support!

[stellanoir]

3. Consider concentrating on potential positive transformations of apparent current

stasis during the New Moon opposed Pluto at 3:35 pm EDT today. It is the dark of the Moon until then. That inherent heaviness juxtaposed the hopefulness of the Venus/Mars conjunction of yesterday is very strange.

Here is a suggestion I've posted a slew of times over the past 4 years from something I crafted and sent out wildly that was entitled "19 tricks or Weapons of Massive Creation for Global Amelioration."

This is the 12th trick.

"12. I stole this one from now rumored to be reincarnated, though used to
be, old "sleeping prophet" Edgar Cayce.

Take baths. If you have no bathtub available, then bathe around. Aaaand
don't tell me that you have no extra time for baths, as baths take about
15 minutes, showers take 5-10. No one is really that busy or all too
important to not be able to do so.

Cayce recommended adding 1 part baking soda to 2 parts Epsom Salts
for baths. That stuff is really cheap. and readily available. I add
my fave oil (lavender). You can add yours. Ritual full immersion is
an age old, time & tried tradition for more than just physical
purification. It is especially so for more sensitive sorts. It is great
to do during lunations. That would mean, once every two weeks or so.
It is alleged to release all sorts of accumulated psychic effluvia
from bodies and auric fields . I just know that when I take one, I
invariably feel reborn, and am reminded that I too have a life, instead
of contemplating the troubles of others all the time as is my
ridiculously inherent proclivity.

Addendum: dunk under at least three times."

Hope you feel better very soon.

The energies have indeed been especially intense lately.

[LiberalEsto]

12. The bath idea sounds wonderful

Unfortunately I would need to find the energy to clean out the shower/tub used by my husband and daughter... and I'm not quite there yet. Lavender is great, isn't it. I have several lavender plants, and they're all in full bloom now. Maybe I'll pick a few springs. Thank you.

[stellanoir]

23. If you have an empty squirt bottle you can put the ingredients in it and

squirt your body and all around your head when you're in the shower. It's not as deep a purification as full immersion but it *does* help.

You might want to smudge yourself and salt your thresholds as well.

Thanks for reminding me to check out my lavender plant. It's located in an herb garden that requires very little tending.

[Sanity Claws]

4. Are you having the unusually wet, cloudy weather that the east coast is having?

I'm in NYC and I'm also depressed. I think it's due to the lack of sunshine in the last 4-5 weeks. I checked your profile and see you are not that far from me. Could the terrible weather be contributing to your depression?
Possible suggestions: try L-Tyrosine in the AM. It's an amino acid and very safe. Google it.
Another idea: see your doctor for an increased dosage of meds or a different med.
Good luck!

[LiberalEsto]

8. The rain is definitely a factor

I think it's even washing nutrients out of the vegetable garden's soil. And the mosquitoes are having a field day.

Thanks for the suggestion about the amino acid - I'll look into it.

[NJCher]

5. pillows

I'm going to go on the assumption that depression is anger turned inward, the classic definition, and you haven't expressed it. Just expressing anger can get rid of depression.

So here's what you do. Go into a (preferably empty) room where you've put about a half-dozen pillows. They should be pillows with some substance to them (like couch pillows) because you are going to beat them up. Just kick the daylights out of them and pound on them, all the while yelling about whatever comes to mind that you don't like in life right now.

Pretty soon a lot of stuff will come out and that's OK, you just keep at those pillows until you don't feel like yelling or kicking them anymore.

You will feel great after this, I absolutely guarantee it.

Even if things are crappy, and some would argue this is just a necessary phase to get where we need to go, we don't have to feel bad about it all the time.


Cher

[LiberalEsto]

13. Sounds worth trying.

I'll let you know what happens. Thank you, NJCher!

[get the red out]

6. I get this in the winter

Last winter was pretty bad. There are a few practices in my life that help me when I keep up with them, exercise, healthy diet, and meditation. I also love downloading positive spiritually oriented podcasts and listening to those while I exercise or do things around the house.

Those are small things and don't produce instant results, but I would have had a harder time getting through last winter without them.

:hug:

[LiberalEsto]

14. I have seasonal depression in winter

and I've been using a small sun box for years. It seems to do the trick for me. Maybe I should dig it out, because the wet weather here in Maryland has been dismal.

[get the red out]

19. Dismal weather is not fun

Anything is worth a try, especially something as benign as your light.

[Celebration]

7. have you done any auric cleansing?

One reason people get into huge downspins in their life is that negative energy attracts more negative energy. All this is very REAL--not exactly metaphorical at all.

You can try going through every layer of your auric field separately, and saying affirmations, perhaps using EFT. Get yourself in a calm state of mind first.

www.emofree.com

If you use a pendulum that can help with things like testing for negative energy AND banishing it AND determining the correct affirmations to use.

[LiberalEsto]

16. I haven't, but it sounds worth trying

I've heard of EFT but never tried it. I'll check out the web site. Thank you!

What I've been using is a couple of the breathing meditations by Thich Nhat Hanh to calm myself down.

[Celebration]

17. intention is VERY powerful

Rituals to do something like "remove negative conditioning and misinformation with respect to........(fill in the blank, such as guilt,etc., or make it general) in the etheric field body. I completely love and accept myself." Tap, tap, tap. It does help to identify things to have a pendulum--or you can go with your gut instinct. Your auric fields that you would want to work on are etheric, emotional, mental, astral body, and etheric template. You can do a search and read up on them.

You could use the same method for known past events and problems, various ages, etc. There are probably some EFT YouTube things to get the idea.

[mntleo2]

10. Hang in there Lib!

...I also fight depression. It saps you of energy and hope I know. But one thing I have come to realize is that all things pass, you won't stay there in a sort of "suspended animation" place forever.

What I have found to do is not fight it and it works for me. It seems to me the guilt and fighting all those things that depressions causes only makes it worse. So I decided to say to myself, "Self, lets go with it!" My greatest fear was that if I leaned into it, I would go further but I am finding it has done the opposite, as amazing as that sounds! I am now 6 years "clean" without anti-depressants, though I also go religiously to therapy in order to maintain it. My therapist is now adopting this method for her other clients and she says it is working for a lot of them.

When I see my triggers which in my case is wandering around, looking into the fridge for nothing and then closing the door, sitting, and most of all, forgetting things and losing things, this tells me depression is coming on. This is when I go into action:

I make myself what I call, a "Fuzzy Slipper Day" or if you need it, a "Fuzzy Slipper Week," etc. This means you allow yourself to mope around and not do anything, stay in your nightgown and fuzzy slippers, don't go anywhere, eat some ice cream and sulk, or whatever it is you do when you are depressed. I lean into it and embrace it, the hopelessness, the lack of energy, the desire to just sit and I do not allow myself to feel bad I have those things. I have found that when I do that, instead of weeks of fighting it, it takes about a day or two for me to kind of wake up and say, "This is boring. I can't do this anymore!" And then I can get up and do what I need to do because then I want to do it.

I got a lot of resistance from family members at first as they saw me as being lazy and indulgent, which I did too, but realized I was being that way anyway sooooo ... Then they realized that, instead of weeks and months of it, they only saw a day or two. I do not know if this would help you or not but it sure helps me. Now we all have Fuzzy Slipper Days.

Take care I hope this will help ...

Cat In Seattle

[LiberalEsto]

15. That sounds really interesting

I tend to work too hard -- weeding, cleaning, etc. -- when I'm depressed or angry. Forcing myself to do nothing sounds like it might help. I'm going to try it.

[mntleo2]

30. Yeah I think I know what you mean ...

...with me and depression, it seemed like I was feeling what my mom used to say was, "pushing on a string."

I worked hard, often almost frantically, but it felt like I was always just pushing, pushing, pushing against this lack of energy and all the other things that depression brings. When I stopped pushing and just let it BE, that is when I found that I was using most of my energy fighting it. Because I felt so guilty about even having those feelings ~ and oh lord I kept losing things and just walking in circles and not "getting anywhere." Plus I am also ADD so I am a very unintentionally frustrating person for family to love. It was VERY confusing and a guilty thing to have that depression on top of the ADD. I was terrified I would get "stuck" there in that downward spiral and it would never leave me.

I don't know if it was my age or what, but one day I just realized, "Well this may not be what I like, it certainly isn't what I wish it were, but dammit,it is ME!" That is when I decided to let me BE me. The first time I tried my Fuzzy Slipper day(s), I cried for 2 days, sitting in my bed and letting my hair get stringy, the mess accumulate, etc. The 3rd day I am not making this up, I just sat up and said what I described: "This is BORING, Cat!" I could then get up, take a shower, rolled up my sleeves and I was MUCH more focused, happier, and I was able to get things done SO much better.

Often those things were happening anyway in the throes of depression for me, the disorganization, the unfinished jobs, the crying for no particular reason, the losing things, as I rushed around pushing on that string trying to thwart it all. Now I know, when I begin to lose things and forget things and wanting to cry, it is time for that "Fuzzy Slipper Day" (and plan for several, especially at first, though most of the time you will find that one day is all you will need). Heck we often joke with neighbors and friends now. It was funny because recently my 4 year old grandniece who I am raising was asked by her cousin to come over and with some (dare I say it) excitement she said, "Nah we're not going anywhere or doing anything today. We are going to watch movies and just hang around. We're having a Fuzzy Slipper Day..." LOL!

Love
Cat

[Why Syzygy]

18. Great ideas

from everyone here.

I don't know if this relates. My living situation is a trial. It is apparent in my birth chart. Just this week I realized I may never have the luxury of having my own space without constant fear and worry. It's something I may have to deal (unsatisfactorily) with for the rest of my life. Also, I've started having some unusual physical symptoms. My mind leaps to the worst case option. That could really consume me, but I'm not so interested in dwelling on it. I've had a headache more or less since Friday. Probably a severe case of sinus inflammation. Poor pitiful me...

I have great difficulty in putting my attention on "things that need to be done" also. Last night (early this morning)as I lay down and instinctively started the deep sighing release that helps me relax, I realized that my psychic energy was all over the place. It's like depression with so much energy invested in making sure I don't "fly into pieces". I just consciously drew my energy/aura back to myself. I made it very close to my body without even thinking about all those things "out there" where I have invested it. It gave me a sense of security. This is something I need to do frequently in these times. I/we need that energy to heal ourselves. It can't do that if I've got it scattered all over the place. I can't report a major result yet. I could tell, though, this is something I need to practice consistently. I need to feel that safety and I'm the only one who can provide it.

:hug:

[northernlights]

21. join the club, ws

We must have something similar in our charts.

When I first bought this place I thought *finally* I would have a sense of security. Instead, I had neighbors and contractors trespassing, damaging, trying to steal my animals, etc.

I finally drove all those sad beings out...

Just in time to run out of money and wonder how I'm going to keep it going...or sell it and start over...

[Why Syzygy]

22. I think we must.

There are so many similarities in our histories.
I'm not up to looking it up right now, but IIR, it's SATURN.

[LiberalEsto]

34. Thank you, Why Syzygy

I've been trying to use Thich Nhat Hanh's breathing meditations to calm myself, and it helps a bit.

I hope things work out for you.

Is there any chance you can get a neti pot to rinse out your sinuses? They are about $12 at CVS and they are wonderful for sinus problems.

:hug: back atcha

[Why Syzygy]

40. OOps.

I reread my post and it went AWOL. I was trying not to 'give advice', but TRYING to suggest that gathering your psychic energy to yourself might help :blush: Hope you feel better :hug:

Thank you for your kind words. I have a netti. I have THOUGHT about using it. I'm not very good at getting the right angle for a flow.

[northernlights]

20. you are not alone in this, Liberoesto

I think the weather is a big factor. We had 2 sunny days last week and I felt an immediate improvement. And then right back into the cloudy, rainy, heavy feeling. check

Unemployed? check

Feeling you have nothing to look forward to? check

I feel like all I have to do is housework, and can't get myself to do that. Even reading has become a drudge.

I have short bursts of getting things done (I posted ads for my house in 3 forums yesterday) and then hit a wall and...nothing.

Even my dogs are walking around, moping and sighing. Taking them for a walk is 30 minutes relief. And then...nothing.

[LiberalEsto]

35. The past couple of days have been sunny

and it definitely helps.

I hope things start looking up for you too, northernlights!

:hi:

[northernlights]

36. thanks, LiberoEsto

Unfortunately, I just checked the 5-day and, other than a peek of sun possibly on Thursday...it's another 5 gray, rainy days. So my June outdoor plans are shot.

And I learned this morning that I "didn't pass the test" for the wonderful (not) job at the gas station convenience store.

I'm really feeling at a loss today...

[LiberalEsto]

41. Let's hope for the best

Maybe you didn't get this not-so-wonderful job because there's a better one right around the corner. Sending you good vibes for a better job and better weather. :hug:

Where are you experiencing this dismal weather? It's the pits.

Our weather in Maryland finally cleared up a couple of days ago, but now it's getting hot. And the Mosquito Army is in full attack mode.

[elleng]

24. You say you're being treated for depression; so am I.

I'm taking meds and they work pretty well; not every hour of every day, but nicely. It may be that your treatment should be changed somewhat.

Does your minister help?

I'm in Silver Spring. If you'd like, we can get together; I'll get to you. PM me.

:hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

25. In all seriousness, is being at DU -- reading at GD and GDP contributing?

I find I lose faith in humanity and then EVERYTHING takes on a cloud of hopelessness if I read here.

There must be a better way to get diverse news without all the hatred and negativity.

The news is bad enough; it's the members that are killing me.

If many of us are empaths and/or sensitive and we're depressed a lot, DU can't be helpful. Not the main forums.

I'm going to check late breaking news and that's it. And ASAH, of course. That's my promise to myself. :)

[Why Syzygy]

26. That's an excellent point.

I quit watching all the cable new shows late last year. Don't miss them. It's the same thing over and over, rather like the soap operas. I got to a point where I had to seriously ask myself if participating at DU was "making me happy"; whether or not the angst was worthwhile. Personally, I found putting a slew of poisonous individuals on Ignore has enhanced the DU experience immeasurably. I also do not get involved in threads where there is hate spewing. I've been known to make snarky comments about certain situations. I usually feel embarrassed for myself when I do that.

Even without the mainstream news, I do much better when I find areas that are more uplifting and not so focused on the 'hopelessness' of the human condition.

[winyanstaz]

27. Thoughts are things and things are thoughts.

It sounds to me like you need to first smudge yourself and then smudge your home, holding the thought of throwing out all negative thought-forms.
Each thought is a very fine "mist" of energy that is tinted a color and later when you learn "Seeing" you will be able to see them sometimes.
Thought forms tend to hand around each other that are vibrating at the same rates and they form little "clouds" of energy.
If you have been giving out negative thoughts for a while, your home and your energy field is full of them.
It is like a wheel that turns...you think along negative lines..you are actually CALLING more negative thoughts to you which in turn..call more.
You must break the cycle and it takes some work as you must do it consciously and not allow negativity a foothold for a while.
Thoughts in the area come into your subconscious mind and then into your conscious mind but they may not even be YOUR thoughts in the first place..just a thought-form that is vibrating at the same rate or lower, that was in the area.
This also works along positive thoughts the same way and is where inventors, musicians, artists etc get a lot of their "ideas". They opened their mind along a certain level and attracted other thought-forms.

[LaurenG]

28. I'm so sorry LiberalEsto - I've been there myself a time or two.

Please take good care of yourself and maybe call the person treating you. There may be some simple changes that could be made that can help right away. :hug:

[northernlights]

29. I don't know about you, but I also feel let down a bit

over the solstice. I was hoping for some more clear sense of where I'm going. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

It just feels like a long hard slog. I keep thinking something has to break my way, but nothing has yet.

[I Have A Dream]

31. I'm so sorry that you're hurting, LE.

:(

:hug:

[LiberalEsto]

42. Thank you, I Have a Dream

Between the wonderful support from you and everyone else on this forum, and the improved weather, I'm feeling better.

:hug:

[rosesaylavee]

32. ...

:hug:

Sending you warm gentle light and a cyber hug. So sorry you are suffering now. Know that this won't last.

[amitten]

33. Hugs, light, warmth and hope your way.

Please know that there is a light at the end of every tunnel. You have friends here to talk to, and we can help cheer you up! :)

[MorningGlow]

37. Something's going on IMO

I'm feeling the same way, but I don't suffer from depression. Been crying my eyes out for a week straight (and the weather's been beautiful here). I also have four freelance assignments coming due and I only managed to get one in for review so far.

I hope you find a solution for your depression, LE. Sending light. Be well. :hug:

[Flying Dream Blues]

38. I also struggle with depression at times.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad. I do know what you mean about no energy and no optimism, and it's just so achingly awful to feel empty inside. I don't know if you saw the post from Shallah Kali
about opening a MAP coning:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=245x79882
I did this and it really, really helped me. Instead of something truly medical, I asked for help with motivation, clarity and a lifting of my mood. It was really amazing how much better I felt.
I'm sending good, loving vibes to lift your spirits and a big hug for you, too.
:hug:

[Sanity Claws]

39. Are you feeling any better?

The weather has improved and I was hoping this was helping you.

[LiberalEsto]

43. Yes, definitely

There are still a lot of issues in my life, but I feel better able to cope, thanks not only to the sunny weather, but the love and support from folks like you on this forum. Thank you!

[Matariki]

44. Have you seen your doctor recently?

You say you're being treated for depression, do you mean you are taking anti-depressants?

I have a gut feeling the prescription isn't right, or is affecting you badly. Maybe you need to change what you're taking? Maybe you should call your doctor asap and tell her what's going on.

[WhiteTara]

45. the nature of the universe

is change. Hold on. It may not be better today or tomorrow, but life will get better.